Friday was the last day of school for most of the kids here in Arizona, and it was also the last day of the season for the New York Rangers who got schooled by the New Jersey Devils and lost their series 4-2.  School’s out for the Phoenix Coyotes also, who were absolutely manhandled by the Los Angeles Kings in their series 4-1.  Actually the Rangers and the Coyotes did pretty well this season by outlasting 26 other NHL teams who also failed in their attempts to gain admission to the 2012 edition of the Stanley Cup.  It is all set up now, the Los Angeles Kings will be facing the New Jersey Devils for the right to hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup.  I will be rooting for the Kings; if only for the reason that fellow blogger Ark_Razor has been a season ticket holder for 30 years.  It would be great if Ark could see his favorite team take home their first NHL title.

It seems that the New York Yankees are billion dollar babies.  It is rumored that they are for sale, and they are certainly the most iconic sports franchise in the world.  The Los Angeles Dodgers sold for over two billion dollars last month, so it is easy to visualize the Yankees selling for over the four billion dollar mark. It looks like Alice Cooper might just have to rewrite his hit song to add a few billion more.

Alice Cooper is an iconic figure out here in the desert, having resided in the Phoenix area for most of his  life.  Did you know that I once sold him a new car?  Not only that, I sang a duet with him!  Do I have your attention yet?   I sure hope so.  Here is the story, Paul Harvey style.  Alice came walking into the place where I worked one day, and on a whim I blurted out, “Hi Alice, Welcome to my nightmare!”  I was a Volkswagen salesman at the time.  As corny as I was, Alice laughed and asked my name.  He told me he wanted to buy a powder blue new Beetle for his daughter for her 16^th birthday.  When he brought her back to pick the car up, he started singing “Happy Birthday” to her.  I just could not resist, so I joined in with him.  Now you know the rest of the story.

Alice now owns a Chrysler/Jeep franchise here in North Scottsdale now, and he has always been a car enthusiast.  I used to see him every year (I am talking 20 years or so) at the Phoenix Car Show that takes place every year on Thanksgiving weekend.  Alice also owns a sports bar in downtown Phoenix called Alice Cooperstown.  It is near America West Arena (Phoenix Suns) and Chase Field (Arizona Diamondbacks).  Alice is a huge sports fan and a pretty good golfer to boot.  He is certainly a great ambassador for The Valley of The Sun.

Over the years I have had many brushes with greatness while selling cars.  I have met (along with Alice Cooper) Bill Bidwill, Trace Armstrong, Glen Campbell, Robin Yount, Bert Campanaris, Tom Lehman, and Steve Young.  Of this group the only one I failed to sell a car was Mister Bill Bidwill.  To this day I am still frustrated that I could not close the patriarch of the Arizona Cardinals, but that is a story for another post.

  Hello Gabbers, and welcome to another edition of Sexy Action Sports Saturday here at YouGabSports. Gotta say I’m fired up despite the fact that my Tigers are downright unwatchable the past two weeks, because we’ve got ourselves a three-day weekend! Coming up Monday, we’ll have Memorial Day, and while I would like to think I think of and appreciate those who serve our country on a daily basis, it’s an opportunity for the entire nation to get together and show their appreciation for the things these men and women sacrifice to make the freedoms we all enjoy and often take for granted possible. Before I move on, I’d be remiss if I didn’t take the time to thank everybody here at the Gab who has served their country or who has family or friends serving overseas today. Thank you for everything you have sacrificed, and God Bless America.

    Back to the Tigers for a minute here… and the only thing I can really say is what the fuck? I mean, going into the season, I knew they wouldn’t be a very good defensive team. Miggy at third has NOT been the problem, though… not by a longshot. Hell, if anything, his defense at third base has been a pleasant surprise. No, the biggest issue we’ve had of late has been Prince Fielder’s glove at first base… begging the question of how long are we going to continue to let the guy play the field if he’s going to keep making little league throws home with the game on the line, drop routine throws from other infielders, etc. Look, the guy has an albatross of a contract, 9 years, 214 million dollars… and we didn’t exactly bring him in for his defensive prowess. I know a lot of guys “don’t like playing DH”… but at damn near 24-million dollars a year, the guy better just get the fuck used to it if he doesn’t want to get booed out of town Brandon Inge-style.

  I’m not saying Fielder is the only problem this team has… there are numerous problems. Some, like the defense, the second base position, and possible fluke seasons last year from your starting short stop and catcher, I had inklings of before this season even started. But the bullpen has been an absolute dumpster fire. Scherzer and Porcello have each had a couple of nice outings this year… but they’ve been sandwiched between disasters. And it just never seems to click on the same day for this team… either the pitching shows (usually when Verlander is on the hill) and the offense doesn’t, or the offense finally shows up and the pitching just shits the bed. If it’s a stalemate… say the pitcher gives up 2-3 runs and the offense gives 2-3, we get a play like Fielder’s little league toss home against the Indians the other night.

   And the news just gets worse… right now, the Tigers are in Minnesota for a three-game set… then you get seven in a row against the Red Sox and Yankees. I just don’t know when this team is going to get its’ shit together… but they’d better thank whatever the hell deity they pray to that they play in the AL Central… a division where at the end of the year, .500 just might win the damn thing. Of course, in order to win, you actually have to play .500 baseball.

   A bit of good news today, as finally the Second Mile charity founded by Jerry Sandusky has announced it will be closing its’ doors because of the allegations against its’ founder. Despite attempts to distance themselves from Sandusky in wake of his being a piece of shit pedophile (aside from the obvious step of CHANGING THE FUCKING NAME), the charity is essentially financially crippled because the fucking pedo used the charity to gain access to children. I will give them a little bit of credit, though, as they will donate any remaining funds in the charity once closed to a Texas-based ministry that serves abused and neglected children. But closing the charity should have happened the minute this story became public… because you KNOW nobody in their right mind is going to send a penny to what amounts to Jerry Sandusky’s one-stop shop for young boys to molest. Good bye and good riddance to the Second Mile. Hopefully we’ll be saying that about its’ founder really, really soon as well.

   Gotta take a second here and ask B-Dub why the hell his guys down in Charlotte are getting so fucking pissy over Alex Smith’s observation that “sometimes stats don’t add up to wins” in relation to Cam Newton. Panther’s linebacker Jon Beason actually fired back at Smith, saying “Alex smith, don't hate on Cam (because) your stats would've gotten u cut if Peyton decided to come 2 San Fran. Truth b told. That's after a 13-3 yr.” via his twitter Friday. Why is Jon Beason getting pissy with a guy for stating a fact? Look, Cam had a great rookie year… I get that. But at the end of the day, your team went 6-10. He made a valid point, and did it in a way that shouldn’t have been offensive to anybody… I wouldn’t think at least! So, I ask you Gabbers, which one of these guys is being a little bitch right now… Beason or Alex Smith? Be sure to vote on your way out!

   Speaking of people acting like bitches (AGAIN), how about Lions’ second-year receiver Titus Young allegedly throwing a punch at a teammate during camp the other day? This, of course, comes off the heels of his throwing a ball at a referee during the regular-season game vs. New Orleans last season. This guy better get his shit together… otherwise he won’t even be a #3 receiver in this league… or at least not with this team!

   And how about those Bengals? They’ve found themselves another winner to “stand by”, this time an undrafted rookie free-agent by the name of Brandon Joiner. Seems Joiner was given a three-year prison sentence, yet the Bengals plan to keep him on their roster through that three-years and retain his NFL rights. Sorry to break that news to all you Bengal fans out there… all ten of you. At least the rest of your draft looks solid. There’s a bright side to everything.

   As for the NBA, here’s a quick hits segment for you covering it all:

  Dwight Howard is still a douche… but now he’s going to tell you he had nothing to do with Van Gundy’s firing. So now he’s a lying douche… congrats to him.

  The playoffs are still going on… and no, I don’t know why.

And finally, as promised last week, here is my jam-packed, in-depth, WNBA preview…

   Have a great weekend, Gabbers, be safe out there as you enjoy your Memorial Day weekend and thanks, as always, for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out.

This has been posted on the WWE website:

Chris Jericho has been suspended indefinitely due to an irresponsible act of denigrating the Brazilian flag at a WWE live event in São Paulo on May 24. WWE has apologized to the citizens and the government of Brazil for this incident.

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Hi...

My name is Biff...

I really don’t pay much attention to sports...

If I go to a game...

I like to cherry pick...

Just the big games, thank you...

Especially when a team’s running hot in the playoffs...

Wanna see some of my sports stuff???

Here’s my old Florida Marlins jersey...

I used to be a big Marlins fan...

Back when they were good...

Sorry...

Can’t think of any of the players’ names...

But they sure were good...

That’s back when I lived in Florida...

Went to the World Series...

Every game...

Both times...

You shoulda seen me...

All geared up in Marlins gear...

And that was about the time the Panthers won the Cup...

Went to every game of the Finals of course...

I didn’t even know the Panthers existed...

Until they got on their playoff roll...

I pulled out money from my foreign investments...

The rich guy that I am...

And was able to procure some excellent seats...

Thus driving up the price...

And keeping real fans from going to the games...

'Cus I got tons of money...

Bandwagon Biff they call me...

And I can’t really tell you much about those games...

I was on my cell phone most of the time...

While I was listening to my ipod...

At the snack bar...

Ordering my sushi...

And super nachos...

I did throw one of those plastic rats on the ice...

When the other team scored...

Everybody yelled at me...

No big deal...

My car is nicer than their's any ways...

And I haven’t attended a Panthers game since...

But I still like the Florida Marlins...

Because Jim Leyland is the manager...

Buffy and I live in Los Angeles now...

The City of Angels...

Lots of beautiful people...

And I am the biggest Kings fan ever, dude...

Just got my Kings hat the other day...

I don’t know the names of the players...

But they’re all real good...

Just bought my Stanley Cup Finals tickets...

Paid a pretty penny for them...

I loved their last game...

When they scored a goal in the 4th quarter to win...

--

Enough, Biff...

I’m ready to puke...

We have tons of laws in this country...

And there’s plenty of room for a few more...

Specifically directed at the Bandwagon Biffs of the world...

My son Ryan...

Who is irritated with all the LA King Bandwagoning...

Along with myself...

Compiled a few of these laws...

So...

For your dining and dancing pleasure...

Here are the Ten Commandments of Bandwagoning...

Commandment Number One...

Thou shalt not purchase a playoff ticket unless you’ve been to at least one regular season game that year...

Number Two...

To go to a championship, thou shalt have to have had team apparel that you bought the season prior to the playoff run... with proof of purchase...

Number Three...

Thou shalt must be able to name four players on the current roster and two former players...

Fourth Commandment...

If thou decideth to begin rooting for a team the year they win the championship, thou must commit to watching 70% their games each year for the next ten years...

Number Five...

Thou shalt take and pass a competency pass on the rules of the game...

Sixth Commandment...

Thou shalt actually watch the game, not the celebrities on the Jumbo-Tron...

Number Seven...

Thou shalt not fly one of those team pennant flags on your Audi...

Eighth Commandment...

Thou shalt only access thy StubHub account once per season unless thou has previously bought a mini-plan...

With proof of purchase...

Number Nine...

Thou must sitteth in the nosebleed seats unless thou art able to recall the name of the dance team...

The Tenth Commandment...

Thou shalt only pay face price for your tickets and only through Ticketmaster if thou hast violated any of the above commandments...

Hopefully that will deter the Bandwagoneers

from infiltrating our arenas...

Feel free to add a few more commandments...

The more, the merrier...

dvt

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