What's up Gabbers?
This week's been one hell of a ride for me. I've felt like shit for the past five days, and honestly I don't have that much in the tank to go on, so I'm just going to go with the flow here and whatever comes out is what you get, but I'll try to cover what I watched this weekend as I wished for a quick and painless death while laying on my couch.
Thursday and Friday night I watched the Cardinals steal the World Series from the Rangers. Or, if you want to look at it from another angle, I watched the Rangers choke and blow the World Series. either way, congratulations to the Cardinals. And congratulations to David Freese for winning the MVP...the dude deserved it, because frankly without him, the Rangers would have been celebrating the victory on Thursday night.
I'm glad the World Series ended up being the Cardinals and Rangers because it turned out to be a seven game series that had 6 very exciting games and 1 blow out game, and much to the media's chagrin it was one of the most entertaining series in recent memory. Granted, my memory only goes back a few years (unless you've fucked me over, I never forget that shit).
Saturday was all about college football (as it should be). I started out watching Nebraska and Michigan State thinking it would be a good game, and it was if you're a Cornhusker fan. Michigan State looked nothing like the team that beat Wisconsin last week, as they let the Huskers run up and down the field at will on them all afternoon, eventually losing 24-3.
Apparently I lost interest in this game in the 2nd half, and I think I fell asleep or some shit, because one minute I'm watching Nebraska/Michigan State, and then the next minute I'm watching Oklahoma Kansas State. I was slightly excited when I realized which game I was watching, especially when I saw the score was 17-14 Wildcats. Well, that's about all the Wildcats could celebrate, because after they took that 3 point lead the Sooners brought out the 10 foot titanium dildo and rammed it straight up the Wildcats' ass, unleashing an unwavering barrage of points on the hapless pussies, and I don't even know what the final score ended up being because I switched channels when it was 176-17 or some shit like that, and put it on a game that was a little more "competitive".
That game was Penn State/Illinois, and the score was 0-0. It doesn't get much more competitive than that. I guess they were just waiting for me to show up because as soon as I started watching, both teams started scoring points. Eventually Penn State pulled out the 10-7 victory giving Joe Paterno the most wins in Division 1 history. This teaches us a valuable lesson that we can share with our kids: if you stay at your job until you're 125 years old, you will eventually be the best at what you did. Seriously though: congrats Joe Pa...you've earned it.
After the Penn State/Illinois game I watched the Gamecocks beat Tennessee in what can only be described as a "what the fuck just happened" game. Carolina won with their running game that was missing their star running back...I just don't get it sometimes, and I'm not even going to pretend to try. Carolina's defense looked stout for the entire game though, as Tennessee's shitty Freshman QB had nowhere to go for most of the night.
After the Gamecocks won I flipped over the Clemson/Georgia Tech and laughed my ass off until it induced a 10 minute phlegm-spewing episode that damn near killed me (not kidding) as I watched the Tigers choke away their chance at making it into the BCS (as if they ever had a real chance anyway).
During my time of glee I decided to hop online and check out some other scores, and I noticed that OSU had pulled off an upset against Wisconsin. Beezer said it best with two consecutive Facebook status updates: 1) How's what Wisconsin dick taste Ohio State? 2) Nevermind, Wisconsin doesn't know how to play defense on Hail Marys.
How can you not defend the hail mary? It's the easiest play in the game to defend...you knock the fucking ball down. That's it. That's all you have to do. Apparently, they don't teach this at Wisconsin. The best way to beat Wisconsin is to run the hail mary every play...they can't stop it, and you can just move the ball down field at will with a 100% success rate. Teams who still have to play Wisconsin, take note of this...the hail mary -- use it, and use it often.
Sunday I was primed and ready to watch the Panthers/Vikings game, because I thought thsi would be one of those games that the Panthers would be able to win since the Vikings have forgotten how to play football this year. Well, things weren't going too terribly for the Panthers, even though they were losing 24-21 late in the 4th quarter. They had the ball with about a minute to go and they were moving down field, and then BAM!, Cam Newton rushes for a first down to set up first and goal with 50 seconds to go. But no...there's a flag on the play for holding (that may or may not have occurred). The flag takes a 1st and 10 and turns it into a 3rd and 7.
Well, naturally they only get 5 yards on the next play, so it's 4th and 2. It's a 3 point game, and it's a 31 yard field goal try to tie the game and send it to over time, so bring in the kicker...he's got this. Olindo Mare makes 31 yarders in his sleep, so he should have no trouble with this one, right? Well, that's what I thought. I almost didn't even watch because it 's so automatic...and then, in what's still the WTF moment of my weekend, the mother fucker misses it. Shanks the fuck out of it. Ballgame, Panthers lose. Instead of 3-5 at the bye they're 2-6 with at least 3 losses that should be wins.
Of course, there are no almosts in the NFL, but it definitely pisses me off to see a team lose like the Panthers lost today...kickers are paid to make 31 yard field goals, they're not paid to miss them. So why did Mare miss it? I don't know, but I sure as hell don't trust the mother fucker in an important situation any more. Fuck, my blood pressure's going up just thinking about it now, so I think it's time for me to wrap this shit up before I stroke out and don't get to hit publish, which means the last 15 minutes of my life would have been wasted typing this shit that no one would ever read when I could have been stroking my dick instead.
Alright guys I'm out. As always, feel free to leave any thoughts you have in the comments section.
Oh, and by the way...Happy Fucking Halloween.
Until next Monday...