According to CBS Sports, and several other sports outlets I'm not going to look up because I'm lazy (The only reason I'm even mentioning CBS Sports is because they sent me the email alert -- so they get the props.), the Tigers have agreed to terms with free agent 1B Prince Fielder for a contract reportedly worth $214M over 9 years. (Detroit restaurant owners collectively are pleased with this development.)

I don't know how much truth is in the amount of money and/or years, or if Fielder even signed with Detroit at all -- after all, CBS did report that JoePa was dead when he wasn't dead -- but since other news sources are talking about it and it's all over the place on Twitter, it must be true. (And about Twitter: Does everyone really have to tweet every fucking thing at the same time? My God, there's no need for 15 updates at one time on one news event people. It's okay if all of you don't re-tweet everything that happens during the day.)

Congrats to the Tigers and to our resident Detroit membership here at The Gab -- The Brothers Patton and Stormin' Norman -- for landing the second biggest fish in the pond (Metaphorically speaking, anyway. If we're being literal, then you got the biggest fucker out there. Congrats.)

I'm glad that Fielder is going to a team not named the Yankees or Red Sox (not that they need him anyway) and the Braves fan in me is glad that he's not going to the Natinals. The NL East is going to be tough enough as it is, so we don't need the Natinals to have one more player that gets them closer to contention.

In all seriousness, this is a great move for Detroit so long as they can figure out a way to have both Fielder and Cabrera on the field at the same time. My theory is that they will probably just move Cabrera back to 3B, which will work out great in balancing out the weight transfer on the field from the added poundage that Fielder is going to bring to the right side of the infield. 

Really though, this move does make sense for Detroit, who were struggling to find a sufficient replacement in the offense for Victor Martinez who is slated to miss most of -- if not all of -- the 2012 season after suffering a torn ACL while working out in preparation for Spring Training. The Tigers not only replaced V-Mart, but they got someone who's much better than what they had. Good for them. My prediction is that this signing will help the Tigers continue their domination of the AL Central division, and will give them an upper hand in representing the AL in the World Series over the next 5 years, until Prince gains about 100 lbs. and can't do anything but swing the bat at fastballs anymore.

If it comes out that this signing was indeed a hoax, I'll retract this report after I say about fifteen Fuck CBS's and mutter something about why the hell I wasted my time with this story in the first place, but until then it appears that Detroit needs to double up their food supply before big boy makes it into town.