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History can be a great teacher if we are prepared to listen carefully
to what she is saying. Of course, we often find that it is too late to
apply the lesson to our lives because we tend to carry doubts about the
validity of history's claims. After all, history isn't exactly a
favorite subject in classrooms across America, so why should be bother
to listen to what she has to say even though she has the concrete facts
necessary to make her point crystal clear and prove that she is correct?
History's
current lesson revolves around Brett Favre, who broke the news today
that he has decided (again) to retire from the NFL. We know his past.
We know how he tends to lead owners, coaches, players, and fans into
thinking that he is going to do one thing -- only to completely change
his course at the last possible moment and piss every one off in the
process. I'm just like every other normal sports fan in that I was
completely disgusted with ESPN last summer when the never-ending story
that is the life of Brett Favre took over my television and lingered
like a stale fart in a spacesuit for three months when there was never
any change in the situation. And yet, Favre comes out today and thinks
that the average sports fan is going to believe that he really means it
this time when he says his playing days are over. Sure they are Brett,
until the NFL Draft takes place and no one is talking about you any
more. You can come out and say that you are going to retire all day
long -- hell, you can even cry more than a pregnant girl watching a
chick flick while you are telling us about your retirement (see last
year for an example) and we still won't believe you.
In case
you're wondering why we won't believe you Brett, maybe you should read
the fairy tale of the little boy who cried wolf. I'm sure you've heard
of it -- but in case you haven't, the gist of the story is that a
little shepherd boy cries wolf and causes the townspeople to rush to
his aid, only to find that they have been fooled and there is no real
danger, until finally a wolf does show up and the boy cries wolf, but
no one comes to his aid because they don't believe him. The wolf eats
the boy and the sheep, and the townspeople are saddened by their
inability to help the boy, but also realize that it is his own fault
for sending out false alarms to begin with.
What does this
have to do with you, Brett? Imagine that you're the little boy, we
(sports fans) are the townspeople, and retirement is the wolf. Now, I
know that retirement will not eat you, but you get the point (don't
you?). You have cried out to us, thanking us for all the years of
support over your career -- saying that "all good things must come to
an end" and making us believe that this time really is it -- this time
you really will call it quits. But then, when you know that you have us
right where you want us, you rope us right back in, un-retire, and
demand a trade or release so you can play on another team, and
completely destroy the morale of the entire state of Wisconsin just so
you can play one more season of football.
So what's the deal
going to be this year Brett? Are you going to un-retire after the draft
and work a deal to play for someone else? Perhaps you could play for a
team in Florida -- I hear that old people like Florida, you would fit
in nicely there. Maybe you could play for the Buccaneers, so Jeff
Garcia can be traded and revive his career like Chad Pennington was
able to do last year (I'm sure he has a thank you card in the mail, by
the way).
I know you're not really gone Brett. I know a few
things about history, and I know that history does repeat itself time
and time again, and I know we will see you next season as you try one
more time to get that last Lombardi Trophy, only you won't get it
because you will throw one too many 4th quarter interceptions and ruin
your chances once again and will go through this exact same
retire/un-retire process at the end of the 2009 season and try "one
last time" in 2010.
Since we all know what you're going to do,
please just do us all a favor this time Brett, and try to stay off of
ESPN 24/7 this summer. I really like my television, and I would hate to
be forced to throw it in the river because your ugly mug is the only
picture that it can get.
Or better yet, do your un-retirement press conference on ESPN Radio, since nobody listens to it anyway.
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