Just two days shy of Christmas Day, welcome to Whip It Out Wednesday here at the Gab. Not only counting down to Christmas, though, because today is also known as Festivus day. And with Festivus finally being here, we all know what that means... today the Gab Cup and Sleestack awards are being presented. I've already got the ol tuxedo tee airing out for this special occasion, ready to make my big acceptance speech or loosers remarks. No matter what happens, though, it's sure to be a great night for all Gabbers.

   One question I have today is why the hell was the Maaco Bowl on last night? With #14 BYU taking on #18 Oregon State, couldn't they have given them a little more prime time of a spot, say New Years Eve or something... or at least a Saturday night? Still, have to love the result if you're as anti-BCS as I am, with BYU from the unhearalded Mountain West conference taking down Pac-10 runner up Oregon State 44-20. Kind of gets you pissed off that Boise State and TCU wound up facing each other in bowl games... would have been awesome to have two more BCS-busters take down a big conference winner or at least runner up. But now the only hope left really is Cincy taking down Florida. It is a possibility, but I don't think I'd be putting any money on it. At least not if it's an SEC officiating crew.

   Which brings me, somehow, to my next point of the day: I was watching ESPN's Outside the Lines yesterday, and it featured a story about big conferences making big money on TV rights... ESPN employees bitching about paying out big money to schools, conferences and organizations (the BCS, namely) for the rights to broadcast their games. Have to think to yourself, if ANYBODY doesn't have room to bitch about shelling out big money to these eletist organizations, it's ESPiN. Especially since they just paid out the ass for rights to 4 of the 5 BCS games... can't remember the exact number, but you KNOW it's in the hundreds of billions of dollars. Guess that old "pot calling the kettle black" thing applies here, but that's pretty much the case anywhere you look anymore.

  And that, in some random way, brings me to my next bitch of the week... her name happens to be Jennifer Granholm, the governor of Michigan. Recently she passed, despite the already crippled economy, legislation to ban smoking in bars and casinos across the state, effective in May of 2010. That's the way to help the small-business community, which most bar owners are, by driving away at least half of it's customer base, you mole faced bitch.  I mean, honestly, what kind of fuckstick walks into a bar and is offended by the smoke? Is it really going to make a fuckin bit of difference if your lungs are a little healthier as you slowly beat the shit out of your liver? I guess the only good news is we've only got one more year with this retarded cunt in office before the next gubenatorial election takes place in the fall of 2010. Then she's off to Washington to help Obama rape our constitution and pick up unwarranted awards for a couple of years until, hopefully, people wake the fuck up and actually pay attention to what he's doing and not how shiny and new it is to have a black president.

    Hopefully this state has learned a lesson from the eight year assfucking we just took from Granholm and her camp and we'll put somebody in there that has some fucking half-assed idea of what economics is... and hopefully the first thing that person does is repeal this smoking ban in bars. I mean, with all the other fucked up shit going on in this state, families losing their homes because nobody can find a fuckin job, nobody having helth care because anybody who does have a job around here doesn't get paid for shit, and the biggest school system in the state, Detroit Public Schools, just ass-fucked their entire teaching staff with a rediculous new contract, was this really that big of a priority right now? I guess state government is every bit as ass-backwards as they are in D.C.

      Back into sports again, how about your AP female athlete of the year, eh Gabbers? Serena Williams was able to hold of a FUCKIN horse to obtain this year's honor. How fucked up is the state of women's athletics in this country that a fucking horse is considered the second best woman athlete? Biggest question, how much of a horses' ass do you have to feel like if you finished third?

   NASCAR's Jimmie Johnson won the male AP AOY award, becoming the first professional driver to take the award. Gotta say, JJ deserves all the props in the world for winning 4 straight "whatever the fuck sponsors them this year" championships, but I just don't think a NASCAR driver deserves the moniker "athlete". Yeah, it's hard to to, and I'd probably wreck and die my first time out on the track... but it's five fuckin hours of taking left turns at 180 MPH... not exactly a workout. Sure, your right arm might get a little tired turning that wheel slightly as you round a curve for the 497th time of the race... or your foot might get slightly cramped from pounding the gas petal... but in my opinion, bowlers are more athetes than race car drivers are. Anything where you are sitting the entire time the competition is taking place is not an athletic event. I don't know what you'd classify it as exactly... but drivers are not athletes.

  Speaking of handing out some props... how about a big, steaming load of em for Martin Brodeur for his 104th career shutout, passing the great Terry Sawchuck for first all-time. Didn't exactly come against a slouch, either, as the Devils blanked the Penguins 4-0. Brodeur adds this spot atop the all-time NHL leaderboard to some already impressive career records. He also leads the NHL all-time in wins (580), games played (1,032) and is tied for the all0time lead in playoff shutouts (23). Congrats to Brodeur, he's an icon of the NHL and has to be considered one of the five best goalies in NHL history... perhaps even one of the top 3 nowadays.

   But even this brings up a controversy of sorts... with sportscenter asking "Who is the greatest stopper of all-time, Brodeur or Mariano Rivera?" Gotta say, this is a question that is an absolute no-contest. It's Brodeur hands-down. Rivera sits on his ass for 7-8 innings a night, and goes in to pitch one inning or so once his team already leads the ballgame. Brodeur is out there under fire for the entire 60 minutes. In baseball, you can win a game without a closer. Hockey, if your goalie is off, chances are you're leaving the ice a loser. If you ask me, closer is probably the most over-rated position in all of professional sports.

  And since we're still giving props- let's toss a load on Lexington, Kentucky as well. The Wildcats picked up thier 2,000th all-time win, beating North Carolina to that finish line by just 8 wins. Great accomplishment for one of the longest-standing basketball traditions in America, and probably the second greatest college basketball school in history, behind of course UCLA. And how about that John Wall kid... he just looks like he's on another level out there. Anytime you watch a Kentucky highlight, you really have to wonder why the fuck this kid even had to waste a year playing college ball... he could start for a couple of NBA teams right now. I know the Pistons could sure as hell use him!

  And that'll wrap up this edition of Whip It Out Wednesday here at the Gab. Before I go I want to wish a Merry Christmas to everyone out there in Gab land... or Happy Festivus to those observing tonight. And also, as we enjoy this great holiday with family and friends, let's be sure to remember those overseas for Christmas, fighting for freedom and serving their country in Iraq and Afganastan. Thanks for reading, and for any comments you leave on the way out.