Ladies and gentlemen (and I use those terms loosely), welcome to the Hoser Hut.  First off, I would like to apologize for my absence around here lately but it couldn’t have been helped.

Oilers goalie Khabiboulin was recently arrested for a DUI (driving under the influence) last week in Arizona.  Khabi was pulled over for doing 70 mph in a 45 zone and the arresting officer noticed that he smelled alcohol.  Now, nothing has come out telling anyone what Khabi blew into the breathalyzer, but whatever it is, he needs to be treated like everyone else.  The fucking dipshit isn’t even going to play again this season, so throw him in the same cell as Mark Bell.  Granted, if it is his first offence, he will probably get off with a little slap on the wrist.  Professional athletes do not need to be treated any differently than the rest of the public.  Give him the same penalty I would get if I ever did something so stupid.

Last week, Paul Henderson announced that he was diagnosed with chronic lymphocytic leukemia.  At 67 years of age, Henderson is not famous for an NHL career that spanned 13 seasons, but rather only for one goal.  All the best for Paul and his family in what must be a difficult time.

Why does Pronger look different than everyone else on the ice at the Olympics?  Easy… it’s because he has pubes older than the rest of the team (minus Brodeur).  According to international rules, all players born after December 31, 1974 have to wear a visor.  Not that Pronger is Julio Franco old yet, but he is getting a little long in the tooth as a professional athlete.  I don’t even think he is good enough to be representing Canada anymore on the Olympic level.  If the Olympics were being held on a larger ice surface, then I think that Pronger would not have been selected for the team.

Speaking of the Olympics…

Today is going to be a great day for hockey fans around the world.  We are looking at two potentially great matchups.  What the fuck is going on with Russia?  I had them pegged to take the gold medal this year, but I don’t know what team showed up on Thursday night against Slovakia.  What Habs fans must be liking was the play of Halak against Russia.  Halak stopped 36 shots in regulation and overtime and skated off with the win.  As for Russia, what is going on?  They are by far the deepest offensive team in the Olympics.  With a Roster that includes players like Semin, Malkin, Ovechkin.Datsyuk, Kovalchuk, Afiniganov…they should be scoring more than 2 goals.  Russia really needs to bounce back and have a great game against the Czech Republic.  If Russia wins that one, they get a bye to the quarter finals.

The other big game on the schedule, and I know it is on everyone’s mind, is the USA vs. Canada game.  I have said this before and will say it again.  No matter the quality of the teams that they have going into any tournament at any level, the players seem to elevate their game.  Canada and the USA have always played their best game against each other, and tomorrow will be no exception.  Canada dodged a bullet on Thursday, needing a shoot out to take the win away from the Swiss.  Canada fired 45 shots at Jonas Hiller during the game, but their best players needed to be their best players when it mattered most.  Brodeur played as Brodeur always does in clutch situations, and Crosby (as much as I think he is a fucking whiner), scored a couple of big goals.  The US team sits on top of Pool A with 6 points, and Canada is in second with 5.  With a win on Sunday, either team could move into the medal round on a good roll.  Here’s to hoping that this game is the best of the round robin.

Since I touched on Pronger earlier, I have a quick question for you.  After the NHL made a rule stating that any player that enters the NHL after a certain date has to wear a helmet, who was the last person in the NHL to play without one?  Little hint for you, and this goes back to the Khabi thing as well…this player spent the better part of 5 seasons with the Bruins, and also spent a year in jail for driving under the influence and vehicular homicide. 

And now, I would like to leave you with a little bit of humor.  First, the original...

And then the Steve Nash parody.  I never expected a good sense of humor out of Nash...but then again, I have been fooled before...

Thanks for stopping by today.  Big thanks to Sully, Felber and Frag for being patient with me.  It is greatly appreciated.

NBA.  Trade Week?  Much ado about nothing.  Cleveland and the Lakers were already gonna make the finals, and perhaps LA’s route will be a little bit tougher with Dallas' improvement, but really the trades meant nothing to improve THIS season, with one possible exception –

the Sacramento Kings.  Getting Carl Landry is a huge move towards the improvement of the team, and if Joey Dorsey can help on the inside at all, this trade is a steal for the Kings, who by the way also got well below the salary cap.  As great as Kevin Martin was on offense and getting to the line, he didn’t play defense, and for Sacramento to be competitive, they must play it.

MLB.  Can Johnny Damon wake up and smell the coffee now?  The market for older outfielders just isn’t there and Scott Boras needs to stop posturing and let Damon sign with the White Sox, who appear to be bidding against themselves.  The White Sox aren’t a bad option for a player on the down side of his career, don’t you think?  LATE EDIT:  Guess I was wrong!  Damon appears to be signing with the Detroit Tigers, which sucks because according to ESPN, the Tigers won't defer any of his $8,000,000 one year salary.  So I guess Bor-a$$ wins again. 

NFL.  Not a whole lot to talk about, but I’m having trouble understanding the attitude of Anquan Boldin.  How could you want to leave a team that has an offense as prolific as yours Anquan?  I get that Leinart is penciled in as QB (for the moment), but you can’t possibly get anywhere near as many touches elsewhere…

NHL.  38 year old Jaromir Jagr dropping hints about a possible NHL comeback?  I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.  Can I get a hockey fan's thoughts on this?

Tiger Woods.  Let the games begin.  I wonder if something like this is gonna happen when Tiger returns:

Which brings me to this guy:

That caddie of his, who says he won’t tolerate heckling of Tiger when he comes back.  Just what the PGA needs Stevie Boy, a caddie running off at the mouth and potentially opening up the PGA to lawsuits when he starts trying to "regulate".  Hey Stevie, whatcha gonna do, throw a beat down on everybody?  Yeah, I hear he’s a tough guy, but I’ve always learned that there’s always somebody bigger and badder, usually right around the corner.  So go ahead Stevie, oh, and remember, there are such things here as assault and battery, and lawsuits. 

NASCAR.  Look, I like Danica Patrick, but can we stop with the weekly updates of how the GoDaddy Girl drives until she’s in serious contention to win a race? 

Enjoy the weekend folks...

Julius Erving

People tend to forget that Dr. J was a long-range shooting specialist during his collegiate career at UMass. Shortly after he joined the ABA as an undrafted free agent in 1971, though, his dunking ability became so legendary that the audacious move carried over into the NBA after the leagues merged in 1976.

There have been few beautiful aerial artists like the Doctor.

David Thompson

David stood 6'4" and had a 48" vertical.

This leaping ability allowed him to perform outstanding dunks yet to be duplicated. There was a longstanding rumor he could grab a quarter on top of the backboard and leave 15 cents in change.

According to sportswriter Terry Pluto, Thompson performed a dunk called "cradle the baby." He would cradle the ball in his arm above the rim, then punch it through.

Clyde Drexler

They called him "Glide" because he was so smooth.

People noticed him first in college at the University of Houston as a member of Phi Slamma Jamma. After jumping to the NBA, Drexler had an excellent pro career, winning a championship and earning induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Connie Hawkins

Connie was a legend even before he joined the NBA at age 28. With his amazing leaping ability, "The Hawk" had already made a name for himself on the playgrounds of New York City.

After playing with the Harlem Globetrotters, he joined the Pittsburgh Pipers of the ABA. Hawkins was named both the regular season and postseason ABA MVP in 1968, and led the Pipers to a championship. His ABA success and scoring prowess later made him a four-time NBA All-Star.

Michael Jordan

His Airness was known for more than his spectacular dunks or the ever dangling tongue that accompanied them. He was a champion, a scoring machine, a lock-down defender, and possessed a drive to improve each moment on the court.

There are many who consider him the best to ever play in the NBA.

Darrell Griffith

The man dubbed "Dr. Dunkenstein" was also called "The Golden Griff" by Utah Jazz fans. After leading Louisville University to a NCAA Championship, he joined the Jazz and was named the 1981 Rookie of the Year.

He became a long-range shooting threat as he career went on, but was beloved for his dunks. Griffith had his jersey retired by the Jazz after 10 excellent seasons with the organization.

Dominique Wilkins

"The Human Highlight Reel" was one of a kind. He won the NBA's second ever slam dunk contest and was the 1986 NBA scoring champion.

Although his teams never won a title in the NBA, he would win the 1995-96 Euroleague Championship with Panathinaikos BC and was named the Finals MVP at the age 36.

Wilkins is one of only six players in NBA history to average at least 25 points per game for 10 consecutive seasons, and he holds the records of most free throws made in an NBA regular season game without a miss, 23, and most points scored in an NBA playoff Game Seven, which is 47.

Wilt Chamberlain

Wilt was called "The Stilt" and to describe his impact on the game of basketball would take days.

While most remember that he scored 100 points in one game, others may forget he used to dunk taking off from the free throw line after being fouled. He is the reason a player cannot cross the free throw line on an attempt.

He was also the first man ever to dunk on a 12-foot basket.

Jim Pollard

After Pollard helped Stanford University win the 1942 NCAA Championship, he went off to serve in the Coast Guard during World War II.

He was 26 years old when he joined the Minneapolis Lakers in 1948, and soon his impressive hopes earned him the nickname "The Kangaroo Kid."

Pollard became the first player ever to dunk while taking off from the free throw line. In his eight years with the Lakers, they won six titles. He is a member of several Hall of Fames, including the Basketball Hall of Fame.

LeBron James

Although he just recently turned 25-years-old, James is already playing his seventh year in the NBA.

"King James" has a career average of over 27 points per game, and a playoff average of over 29 points.

At 6'8" and weighing 250 pounds, James combines power, grace, speed, and excellent leaping ability.

Shawn Kemp

He blew into the NBA in 1989 at age 20, and had a rare combination of a 6'10" frame and incredible hops. Fans soon dubbed him "Rain Man" because of how he seemed to fall out of the sky.

Sadly, Kemp would battle personal problems that hampered his game, but many recall his exciting and amazing early seasons and wonder what could have been.

Kobe Bryant

It may be hard to believe, but the 31-year-old Bryant has been in the NBA since 1996. He may have the experience of a wily veteran, but he shows little sign of slowing down for a very long time to come.

Having already won four NBA championships and an MVP Award, he has transformed his game from being a selfish player to a good teammate.

Darryl Dawkins

"Chocolate Thunder" is remembered for breaking backboards and giving his dunks nicknames.

Although his teams never won a title, he did play on some extremely talented rosters. Dawkins holds the record for most fouls committed in a season.

Dan Majerle

He was given the name "Thunder" early in his career for his powerful dunks, and remains one of the most popular Phoenix Suns players ever.

In 1992, Majerle became the first player ever voted to start in an All-Star Game despite having come off the bench all year. He is a member of the Suns' "Ring of Honor."

Vince Carter

The dunks that "Vinsanity" has perpetrated are legendary. His "honey dip" dunk won him the 2000 Slam Dunk Contest, which would be the last he participated in.

He is the third player to lead the NBA All-Star Game fan voting three or more times, but many Toronto Raptor fans will always remember his quitting on the team and supposedly not giving it his all.

Larry Nance

"The High-Ayatolla of Slamola" won the NBA's first ever Slam Dunk Contest in 1984, which was an idea stolen from the ABA.

Nance was 6'10" and athletic. Not only could he score, but he was an excellent defender. He now is a professional drag racer in the International Hot Rod Association.

Spud Webb

Many say Spud was 5'7", but others claim he was even shorter. It didn't matter, though, because Webb had a 42" vertical leap that he used to wow people in the 1986 dunk contest.

He beat his teammate, and defending champion, Dominique Wilkins by bamboozling him. Wilkins had never seen Webb dunk before, and Spud told him that he was unprepared and had not practiced. After Webb's display, Dominique knew he had been conned.

Webb is the third shortest person to have ever played in the NBA.

JASON CAMPBELL


Strengths : Young, mobile, strong arm, intelligent.

Weaknesses : Played in 6 different systems in seven years and has taken a beating.

Possible destinations : Washington, Buffalo, Saint Louis, Arizona, San Francisco, Seattle

Campbell is not only the best available quarterback out there, but he probably still is better than the group coming out of college this year for the draft. Assuming Washington foolishly neglects to re-sign him, Campbell could provide help to teams starving for ready made quarterbacks.





KYLE ORTON


Strengths : Young, decent arm, intelligent, good leadership abilities.

Weaknesses : Not the big arm most teams like, not mobile, and has been dinged up recently.

Possible destinations : Denver, Buffalo, Saint Louis, Seattle, San Francisco


He was an afterthought in the big Jay Cutler trade to Chicago, but he certainly had the much better season. Denver will re-sign him, but others are interested in seeing what happens next.





MATT MOORE


Strengths : Young, mobile, strong arm

Weaknesses : Hasn't had the experience teams would like from a guy demanding a lot of money.

Possible destinations : Carolina, Saint Louis, Seattle

He is probably better than Jake Delhomme right now, but that isn't saying much. Carolina will probably re-sign him, but other teams will fight for his services if they don't.





TAVARIS JACKSON


Strengths : Young, mobile, strong enough arm

Weaknesses : Played probably before he was ready, so some wonder if his psyche is damaged. Can make poor decisions.

Possible destinations : Minnesota, San Francisco, Saint Louis


The Vikings will wait on the next Favre retirement/ unretirement fiasco, or try to pry Donovan McNabb from Philadelphia. Jackson will be in limbo for quite some before any decision is made. He is still young, so he probably won't wait long for an offer if the Vikings let him go.






CHAD PENNINGTON


Strengths : Leader, intelligent.

Weaknesses : Weak arm weakened more by injuries.

Possible destinations : Miami, Buffalo, Saint Louis, Oakland

His arm wasn't much before two devastating injuries to it. He might retire, but he could be a good reserve.





DEREK ANDERSON


Strengths : Tall with a big arm with a Pro Bowl honor under his belt.

Weaknesses : Slow on his feet, seems to have regressed drastically the past two seasons.

Possible destinations : Buffalo, Saint Louis, Arizona, San Francisco, Seattle

Anderson may be looked at little more than a high priced reserve right now, but it wasn't that long ago he went to the Pro Bowl for Cleveland. The Browns haven't been able to block or catch the last few years, so Anderson has suffered. A new change of scenery could revive his career, assuming Cleveland cuts or trades him. If it doesn't work out that way, then a team can get a proven veteran reserve for a year.





The Rest:

Charlie Batch


Retirement seems the next next logical step.






Kyle Boller


The upside is this former first round draft pick and bust married the girl who was thrown out of a beauty pageant after posing nude not long after disparaging others. 'Nuff Said!






Kellen Clemens


He has athleticism, but hasn't really been given a shot. A team like Buffalo might work, but many think he is strictly a second stringer.






David Carr


After getting hammered so much at the beginning of his career, the former first player picked overall in 2002 has hardly been touched in two years. He will get some looks.





Brodie Croyle


He should look at the CFL or UFL immediately for employment.





Charlie Frye


If Al Davis signs this journeyman to a new contract, it hopefully won't be for much. He is probably headed for the UFL.





Rex Grossman


Let him go to the UFL.





Chris Redman


He came out of the football graveyard to revive his career a few years ago, but is strictly a backup.




Troy Smith



A small but mobile guy. Not much arm, but a big heart. Strictly backup material