OK Boys and Girls, sit back, relax with a cold Fred Lite and let Uncle Fan be the Cliff Claven of the Tavern today because I’ve got some smack to run and I’m feelin’ it. But first, let me add my best wishes to the Beezer and Mrs. Beeze!
NFL. The Football Gods smiled over me in Week 14 and saw fit to slide my sorry ass into our Fantasy league playoffs. Of course, I get to face the big dawg Benson, but hey, on any given day...
Hey y’all, the streak is over. Good, can he now go away for good? Of course not, last night on the radio, I heard a talking head say dude is setting himself up to play again next year. Another off-season of this shit???
I’ll let the rest of the Gabbers run it about the Pats, but let me ask this – who the hell is gonna beat these certified bad asses come January/February? I know who it ain’t gonna be...
Hey "Soon to be Super Bowl Champs", how'd you like that Orange Crush you just received courtesy of the boys from South Beach? You know me, I’m having a great time at the Jets’ expense, but I’m having extra special fun watching these jerk-offs circling the drain with the original bad-asses from Pittsburgh looming.
Personally, while the tripping incident might have been somewhat amusing, that coach is VERY lucky that Dolphin wasn’t more seriously hurt. Glad to see that the moron was suspended for the rest of the season without pay and then fined $25,000. Poetic Justice that the Jets lost. Oh, and to those who call the Jets a “classy organization”, you held onto the bong too long – remember, its puff, puff, PASS – which brings me to Mark Sanchez – uh, never mind. This organization isn’t exactly a bunch of choir boys, so get off that soapbox.
That message is for you Santonio Holmes. Karma kicked you square in the nuts for acting like a jackass last week while your team was getting its collective ass kicked 45-3!
Tough break for the Pack with Aaron Rodgers going out with a concussion, but I watched that play and I’m wondering why he wasn’t sliding when the heat was coming. It sucks that a good team is gonna get screwed and miss the playoffs cause the NFC West sucks, but right now that team looks to be Green Bay. Damn!
Dallas is 4-9 and done, but Jon Kitna has done a GREAT job relieving Tony Romo. Is it any coincidence that the Cow-quitters played better when Romo got knocked the fuck out? So why is “JERRAH” Jones telling the press that he wants to see Tony Romo play again this season? Hey Jones, let Jason Garrett coach, and you stay away from the sidelines. Speaking of getting knocked the fuck out…
I’m providing (free of charge, no less) a Public Service Announcement for the good folks of San Diego. If you’re rolling through America’s Finest City on a Sunday Night after a Charger home game and you happen to notice a member of the Chargers in the immediate vicinity, get the hell out of there because you have to know some shit is about to break out. Hey Gabbers, what do you get when you mix players of the San Diego Chargers with Sunday Nights after a home game? If you said – APPEARANCE BY AT LEAST ONE PLAYER ON THE SAN DIEGO POLICE BLOTTER, then I say give that man a CEEEEEEGAR! Apparently this time, DUI’s and fucking with laid back Johnny Law down there wasn’t enough for Legedu Nannee (Wide Receiver). I guess this Einstein decided he’d kick it up a notch and be ACCUSED of being involved in a street brawl. How quaint, an NFL player not getting enough contact in their game just hours earlier.
Navy did Army for the NINTH straight time, and for me that never gets annoying. I guess I’m getting spoiled by this, but WTF Navy - You gave up 17 points to the Black Knights? Clean that shit up cause I’m gonna talk trash with DVT, and I don’t want San Diego State bitch-slappin ya! But let's be serious here for a minute - to all the graduating seniors, we all know where you'll be this time next year, May the good lord bless you and your family.
No doubt Cam Newton is the best College Player, and although I didn’t like his smugness during interviews about getting paid, I’ll take him at his word that he knew nothing about what Dear Old Dad was doing. If it’s true that he didn’t know, then Cecil Newton has to be one of the biggest scumbags of the year. You guys know how I feel about this – parents trying to make money off their kids exploits are the scum of the Earth.
Before I forget, the Heisman Trophy is worthless. If it was a true measure of a great football player, wouldn’t it include D-1AA, 2, and 3 players? Some of those guys work just as hard, if not harder.
I’m enjoying the fact that Urban Meyer’s final memory as coach of the Florida Gators was taking a beatdown from my beloved Seminoles in Tallahassee. That being said, he was a great coach, and I certainly have a feeling that he shows up somewhere in a year or two.
NBA. Carmelo Anthony, it’s official – YOU’RE AN ASS-CLOWN. Look, you want out of Denver so bad, shut your mouth. Denver can’t possibly get proper value for you when you limit their options like this. The only way a trade works now for this D-bag is a three or four team trade. Seriously dude, put the blunt down and back away slowly.
The Court Jester made his one trip to Kings Land on Saturday Night, and it seems that he’s enjoying his “heel turn” a little too much. Kobe’s acted like an ass before, but nowhere near what this joker does. Crying at the refs and showing them up, taunting the crowd and the Kings bench. Look Jester, you’re the third best player in the game (Kobe and Wade are better), act better.
MLB. I’m truly shocked. For all the annoying 24/7 with the Crankees and Sawx trying to outdo one another, why hasn’t Anaheim made any splashes? Arte Moreno has nearly as much money as God, most people (not I) like the LA area, and Mike Scioscia is a great coach. So what gives?
I’m doing a freaking jig here - Cliff Lee not only told the Yankees to SUCK IT, he gave up $50,000,000 to do it. Then to make matters worse, he jumped back into the fray with those freaks from Philly! Hey Crankee Fan, nice job heckling Mrs. Lee and pissing her off – but if heckling was part of the decision, why did Mr. Lee decide to go back to that freak show known as the City of Brotherly Love? Speaking of nice jobs, hey Hal Steinbrenner, keep doing what you’re doing. You already have to way overspend to get people to come play in that overtaxed cesspool known as the rotten apple, and now you’re dumb ass is jerking with the modern day Mr. Yankee, Derek Jeter? Yeah, vets are really gonna wanna play for your monkey asses who treat highly respected veterans like garbage! Hal, you are a douche!
A team that you all might want to keep an eye on is the Arizona Diamondbacks. Harvey might disagree with me, but I’m thinking that while this team won’t be world beaters, they’ll certainly be much more competitive. At first, I disagreed with a lot of the trades, but when I start to see how this team is built, I’m thinking that they’re clearly headed in the right direction.
Peace and Ranting forever!!!