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Give Me Liberty...Or Give Me...Headlines!
Category: Humor
Tags: Silliness Humor NFL MLB NBA NHL PGA NCAA

Well...originality is overrated, anyway. So is doing something well. In lieu of doing something well or doing something original, we present, with little pride, yet another edition of...

Headlines We'd Like To See...But Never Will:

  1. OOPS! Doctors Remove QB Cassell’s Liver, Not Appendix
  2. World Anxious For Ohio-Troy Bowl Matchup In New Orleans
  3. Orioles, Blue Jays Secede From AL East
  4. Nuggets Again Lead NBA In Ugliness
  5. UConn Women Hoopsters Still Less Interesting Than Drying Paint
  6. Bad Singing, Smell Of Booze Emanate From Meredith’s Grave
  7. Coach K Preparing Another Class Of Blue Devils For NBA Failure
  8. Fans Agree: Best Thing About Soccer Is Hot Soccer Moms
  9. Tiger’s Choke Last Weekend Laughed At By Millions Of TV Viewers
  10. Cliff Lee Signs With Japan’s Yomiuri Giants
  11. Oh Shit. It’s Almost Mel Kiper Time Again.
  12. Heat’s James’ Continues Assault On English Language
  13. New Hockey Puck Made Of Used Rubbers
  14. Urban Meyer Resigns To Spend Time With New Son Oscar
  15. Blind Mute Guys Will Announce Sunday’s Cardinal-Bronco Matchup
  16. Calipari’s New UK Freshmen Really Enjoy Studying
  17. Few Things More Annoying Than Fans Who Refer To Teams As “Us” And “We”
  18. McDaniels Hired As Patriots Video Coordinator
  19. Sadly, NASCAR Will Be Back In 2011
  20. Sadly, Doubleplay Will Be Back In 2011
Friday Roundtable: The Nightmare Before Festivus
Category: FEATURED
Tags: winter meetings baseball red sox

 

 
Shouldn’t this be the grand nomination show for the Festivus awards?  YES!  Yes it should.  But this is what I’m going to do - I’m keeping the nominations open for a few more days.  Fact is, I went back and looked at the time lines I’d laid out and 1) I didn’t leave as much nominating time as I did last year and 2) it seems like an awfully long time to dwell on the finalists between now and Festivus (December 23).  I’d rather spend more time dwelling on all the grand and stupid things that have happened this year.  SO - GO TO THE FESTIVUS NOMINATIONS PAGE and place your nominations for the Sleestaks and the Gabby’s.  Next Wednesday - the week before Festivus, we will come together for the finalist nominations for the 2010 Festivus awards.   Check your email for mail from the gab.

Ahhh December.  The time of year when a young man’s heart and attention turns to...baseball.   The winter meetings were held at the Disney World Swan & Dolphin resort this year.  The last time I went to Disney, we stayed there.  I have to say it is a beautiful place, directly opposite Epcot.  See here’s the thing though: I freaking hate DisneyWorld and it will be a very, very long time before I even will consider returning there.  My nightmare scenario. I would rather hit my...thumb with a hammer than go there. I would rather have my fingernails ripped out, sauteed in motor oil and fed to me than go to Disney World. That said, if the Red Sox can have a winter meeting like that every year, then by all means, go to DisneyWorld. Just don't ask me to go.

Frankly, it’s been a damn good week for the Boston fan in me.  The Sox went out and fetched Adrian Gonzalez from the Padres and then signed Carl Crawford, to a 7-year deal.  I like having him on board, but 7 years?  That’s a mighty long time in the world of baseball.  I mean how many people can say they’ve even done the same job for 7-years?  No Mickey Mouse action there, to be sure.

And after a long week of waiting for the Patriots/Jets, for me it was a glorious way to spend Monday night.  Now, there’s really no secret that I hate the Jets, but damn was that embarrassing.  Now, that was a capper for my weekend, but having the Colts lose was beautiful.   They squeaked by last night against the Titans, but you just know Manning isn't going to lose them all....sadly enough.

Now I say that it’s been a great week for the Boston fan in me, but for the baseball fan in me it’s a little less good.  I mean, I want the Red Sox to win.  I live and die by the Red Sox all summer, but it just seems to me that when you’ve got a couple of teams with all the money and everyone else trying to get by, it really does the violence to the sport.  On the one hand, that the three teams I mention are in the same division so while it affects Toronto and Tampa...oh yeah, and Baltimore (I almost forgot them, because they suck) more than everyone else - it probably makes it more likely that a team like San Francisco can win the World Series, because the last two teams standing have a bunch of guys from whom no one knows what to expect and the competition becomes more volatile.  Most of the leagues heavy hitters spend 18 games knocking the snot out of each other and the rest of the season beating on everyone else, meanwhile everyone else goes about playing the game - the team with a roster full of the best back up plans wins.

Wanna hear “Mickey Mouse?”  Urban Myer decides mid-season that he should “spend more time” with his family.  The fact that the Gators are 7-5 and apparently getting their butts kicked off the field in recruiting had nothing to do with it.  Nope.  He wants to spend time with the fam.  Which sounds great, except we all know that’s crap.  Once, just once, I’d like to see someone at the top of their game - who could easily keep doing what he’s doing for as long as he wants to do it - step away in the name of his family and mean it.  It’s always the politician who is likely to come under indictment or the football coach whose likely to get canned at the end of the year who plays the family card.  Someone, somewhere whispered in his big ass mouse-ear, “there’s two ways this can go down...”  Bet they’re wishing he’d not changed his mind last year...of course, then it was something else.  Two words: Flim Flam.

I wish I could claim credit for having found this, but alas it appeared in my inbox this week and it just screamed “SHARE AT THE GAB” and so...that’s what I’m doing.
 

Did You See the Video of the Bearcat?
Category: User Showcase
Tags: Humor Bearcats NCAA Dolts

 I intended to put this in Monday's post...I forgot...So then I was going to put it in Wednesday's post...Again, I forgot...So here it is...The Cincinnati Bearcat mascot, thought it would be funny to throw snowballs at some police officers this past Saturday...They warned him to stop, but this dummy must have thought, 'I'm the Bearcat, they won't mess with me.'

Well, he thought wrong!




I really got a kick out of the girl who kept telling people to not film it, and stop taking pictures, stating "It's not funny."

Yes it is dummy! Although it would have been funnier if they tazed him!

Thanks Bearcat!

Later, The Beeze.
 

 

Fry Day Blog: A National Disgrace
Category: Daily Blog 2.0
Tags: MLB Washington Nationals Jayson Werth

 

Welcome to The Fry Day Blog

Today dvt fries our capitol's gain...

 

 

Ironic, isn't it?

The home of deficit spending...

Does it again...

Just when we thought...

Baseball had it under control...

It went totally out of control...

And from our nation's capitol no less...

Yes...

I know it's just one player...

But come on, War-shington...

You've had all these years to sign a blockbuster free agent...

And this is the best you can do???

A free agent who is far from free...

So...

Now that you've gasmed in the Hot Stove League...

Now that you've overspent...

Are you spent???

Is there anything left???

Any fishies in the tank???

Will it be Werth it???

Yes...

I know you moved to Washington a few years ago...

But you've really...

(Pun alert...)

Expos(d) yourself...

You penetrated the market...

And you impregnated the system...

A bad deal...

Sticking out like a sore...

Well, you get the picture...

Just when we thought the owners were getting a handle on the stupid thing...

You messed it up for the whole league...

Washington...

As The Rock used to say...

"Know your role...

And shut your mouth---errr wallet..."

Washington...

You are NOT the Yankees...

Nationals...

When you spend that kind of money...

It's supposed to be on a superstar...

This is the kind of money that's supposed to go to a franchise player...

Not a french fries player...

Jayson Werth is good...

But not $126 million "werth" of good...

I guess that's what it takes to get a not so free agent...

To play for the Smithsonians...

Hey, Jayson...

It's appropriate that there is a "y" in your first name...

That's what all of us are asking...

Y???

Because they like you...

Hey, Jayson...

You better hope those Bush tax cuts get extended...

Hey, Jayson...

What do we really think of the Gnats signing you for that much loot???

It's an obama-nation...

 

 

dvt

 

 

 

 

PHOTO

 http://www.crunchgear.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/sin-city-death-row-marv-electric-chair-figure.jpg

The Nutball Gazette--"The Expert" week 14 Picks
Category: NFL

 

The Nutball Gazette-Week 14 Picks

Here we go, another week and it is getting down to crunch time.
How about those New York Paper Airplanes Monday night,
 
Last week 13-3
Season-114-78
After going into the 1st week of November 59-58 "The Expert" is on a 55-19 run,
 
Thursday Night.
 
Colts-23 @ Tinys-10 (Peyton Manning has suddenly become Brett Favre at his worst, The Colts are in absolute panic mode and they need this game, if they lose they face possible elimination on Dec 16th, If Colts lose and Jags win vs Oakland then the Jags play the Colts on Dec 16th. But the good news is the Colts are playing the Tennessee "Tinys", who has quit and one has to wonder why Jeff Fisher still has a job)
 
Sunday
 
Browns-27 @ Bills-13 (Browns are much improved and are playing hard, IMHO Eric Mangini has earned another season, The Bills may have run out of gas but they do play hard)
 
Bengals-10 @ Steelers-23 (Bengals played hard last week but played some of the stupidest ball I ever saw in the end, Carson Palmer continues to regress and this may become a very ugly)
 
Packers-31 @ Lions-16 (Packers have just too much)
 
Giants-26 @ Vikings-10 (Something tells me that Favre will try to play but the Giants defense will make this a long day for whoever plays QB for them, This game sets up a huge matchup the following week vs Eagles)
 
Bucs-26 @ Redskins-13 (Redskins is another team in disarray, Bucs play well against mediocre teams, Bucs keep playoff hopes alive)
 
Falcons-34 @ Panthers-13 (Another matchup of one team on a roll and another team who seems to have quit)
 
Raiders-13 @ Jaguars-24 (The West Coast team playing a 1 pm Eastern time curse continues and Jags will continue to press and maybe move very close to clinching the Division)
 
Seahawks-23 @ 49rs-17 (Seahawks move to the division lead.)
 
Rams 16 @ Saints-27 (Saints keep up the heat on the Falcons and move closer to Playoff spot, Rams suffer big loss, but Playoff spot in the west should come down to the last week of the season with Rams vs S-Hawks matchup)
 
Broncos-16 @ Cardinals-13 (The 1st Bowl Game of the year "The Toilet Bowl")
 
Chiefs-10 @ Chargers-27 (Cassel being out cost Chiefs have no chance and this may end up costing the Chiefs a playoff slot)
 
Eagles-27 @ Cowboys-17 (Eagles and Michael Vick should be able to contain Cowboys and set up huge game at the Giants next week) (Sunday Night Game)
 
Dolphins-23 @ Paper Airplanes-16 (Jets were exposed by the patriots and also when you look at the other Jet wins they easily could have lost 4 of those games and could be 5 and 7, They may have lost their confidence and even though the Dolphins have been awful alot this year The SOJ (Same Old jets) lose games like this)
 
Patriots-23 @ Bears-17 (Tough game but the Patriots have shown they can eat anyone who is good)
 
 
Monday Night
 
Ravens-23 @ Texans-17 (Ravens need and will win to put the pressure on the Steelers.. If Jags and Colts lose this game becomes big for the Texans and they then may pull the upset)
 
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