Ahhh, as American as warm apple pie! Yes, it's time for the Hump Day hits again...We took last week off, and we're posting early this week, or else it won't get posted at all...
What's first this week...Well the NFL labor talks haven't been going very well so far, and even the talking heads who had been positive that a deal would get done, are changing their tune now...Owners ripping players during talks...Yes, Carolina's Jerry Richardson ripped Peyton Manning...Hey asshole, that's my job! He also dissed Drew Brees...Reports say Richardson was sarcastic when Manning was talking about players' safety...Richardson said, "What do you know about player safety?"
What a dick! Some one should have asked him what he knows about running a football team, seeing as how his sucks balls!
Me personally, I hope there is no NFL next year...Let these rich guys on both sides of the table show their true colors...They've got the hottest ticket around...This country is Football crazy, and loves the NFL...They all make a fortune off of us fans, and these millionaires are all gonna bitch about money...Fuck'em! I'll watch college and high school football...I'm from Cleveland, I'm use to not having NFL Football!
The St. Louis Cardinals have offered Albert Pulos $200 million over 8 years...They are fucking nuts...The guys numbers have been slipping for the last few years...His strikeouts are up...Doubles are down...Average is down...He's become just a power hitter...And I hate to agree with Colin Cowherd, but power hitters are in the top 3 most overpaid professional athletes...And 8 years...Dude doesn't have 8 great years left in him...Maybe 5 good years...This is why baseball continues to struggle...The award contracts based on what you use to do, and not what you can do..."Baseball is always looking in the rear-view mirror"...
Next, I have to hit on the Grammy's briefly...I watched a lot of the show, and I have to say, most of it sucked...Most of the music nominated, sucked...Most of the music performed sucked...And most of the show as a whole sucked...And please, nobody tell me again how great Arcade Fire is...All they did was blind everyone with their non-stop strobing lights, so they couldn't see the band play very average music, and scream into their mics...And why do so many bands now sound like they're just ripping crap from the '80s?
Next thing about the Grammy's and all award shows really...Can stupid gay guys stop telling us what is a fashion disaster...Yes, some gay guy said that Rihanna's dress was a "fashion disaster"...
Dude, this is fashion gold....That's the type of dress we need to see more of...Excuse me while I look just a bit more...
Now for the most important part of Hump Day...This week we're going to look at the new Adam Sandler movie that the media has been trying to force down our throats...On this fine Hump day, Which of Sandler's lovely co-stars would you most like to Hump?
Okay, I'm posting this early in case this big Ice Storm, followed by Snow Storm knocks my power out...
Normally the Hits has a bunch of sports crap in it, but this week I don't have much in the sports world...But I have a bit in the Hockey world...Sidney Crosby has been whining about blindside-head shots ever since David Steckel laid him out in the "Winter Classic"...
Of course there are the Crosby defenders who are on his side...And then there are people like me who can't stand this whining ass-hat...Listen, I agree blindside-head shots are a bad thing, and the penalty needs to be harsh...BUT...Crosby didn't have anything to say about blindside-head shots when his teammate Matt Cooke ended Marc Savard's season with one...
BUT...there's another reason I think Crosby is being a bitch, and I'm glad he got laid out...There's something they ignored in the broadcast of the "Winter Classic"...Okay, the mentioned it when it happened, and just passed right by it...Then moments later Steckel got payback for his team...Just before he put Sid the skid on the ice, Crosby slashed a Capitals player across the wrist...The cameras didn't bother to show that player riving in pain of the bench...Hockey has always policed itself, and Steckel handed down the punishment...
Now a head shot and wrist slash may not be an equal swap, but what if the Capitals player's wrist was broken? He'd be out just as long as Crosby and his concussed head...So fuck'em...Especially after watching that show on HBO that showed off how much he bitched and whined at refs...I'd love to play one shift against Crosby...Afterwards I'd be escorted to the locker room, and he'd be laying in a puddle of his own piss, shit, and blood!
Now onto a totally different topic...Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, you know that asshole from that retarded show, "Jersey Shore"...This fuck-tard made $5 million last year...$5 million to workout, tan, party, and come as close as possible to sexually assaulting women as he could without having charges pressed...Seriously!?! Remember when MusicTeleVision showed music videos...Now it's shit like this, and "Teen Mom"...What the hell happened? $5 million to be a stereotypical ginzo douche! If this is what "The American Dream" has become, then fucking 2012 can't come soon enough!
I saw this a few days ago thanks to Twitter, and it's everywhere now...Just a little more proof that so many of the talking heads on TV have no clue about what they are saying...Just reading the prompter...
Now for the most important part of the show...This week we're going to choose from some lovely Hockey wives...
So on this fine Winter Storm Warning Hump Day, which Hockey Wife would you most like to drop the gloves with?
Yeah, it's been all about the blow job lately...One of the smartest things I've done in my life, was striking a deal with my wife...If she drops and gobbles, I'll get up with the baby that night...It's worked out very well so far...I've always been able to run on little sleep...She's happy because she gets a good night of sleep, and I just got blown! I've gotten more blow jobs in the last month than I got all of last year! There's a life lesson folks...Marriage is all about give and take...I'm giving loads and she's taking them!
Next up, a quick birthday shout-out to Wayne Gretzky...Wayne Gretzky is 50 years old today...That just seems crazy to me...
Many have argued whether Gretzky is the greatest hockey player of all-time...Many say Gordie Howe, because he had the physical game, to go with so many of the records Gretzky broke...Many say Bobby Orr, because he changed the way the game was played, and how defensemen played...I wasn't lucky enough to see either of those guys live and in living color...But I saw plenty of Gretzky...He had a feel for the game that was unmatched...In my eyes he's the greatest, and I don't see these young stars knocking him off that pedestal...
So, who watched the big State of the Union speech? I watched porn! Why should the DC douchebags be the only ones sitting around stroking their egos! I actually did catch the speech...It was a well done, well thought out, rah, rah speech...'We should do this, and we should do that...I want to do this, I want to do that...America Yay!' But there wasn't much in the way of how we are going to do this and that...The President talked about making advances technology that could be this generations "Apollo" moment...Well isn't that funny...Invoking Science, Technology, and NASA after basically shutting NASA down...I wonder if people realize how much of what we use in our every day lives is because of research that had been done by NASA?
The speech was filled with ass kissing aimed at both the left and the right, but mostly down the middle...And at first I liked it...The man has a way with giving speeches...But then I went over it and realized the lack of substance, and that this was more of a motivational speech...Sadly we've seen little motivation from most people in DC, so why would they start now?
President Obama made a great speech in Arizona after the shootings a couple weeks ago...And after last night's speech I realized what had happened...The Speech in Arizona was the first of his re-election campaign...Last night was number two...Politics is politics...
I know this is either boring some one or bothering some one, so let's get Bill Burr in the mix talking about Brett Favre's Masseuse trouble...
As a man who has bee to massage parlors, I say damn right Bill!
There has been almost non-stop talk about Jay Cutler being a pussy...Players, former players, talking heads, all blasted him on Twitter, and TV, and Radio...I think it was kinda shitty how he got blasted without people even knowing the extent of the injury...But what's worse, are the people who who back-pedalled after the reports came out on his jacked-up knee...Like Maurice Jones-Drew, who after wards tried to play the, "I was only joking" card...No you weren't! Fuck you! You're a punk ass bitch that sat out the last couple games of the season cause your knee was hurt...Fucking cunts!
Now to the good stuff...This week, it's the battle of Olivia...So on this Hump Day, which of these lovely ladies named Olivia would you most lie to unload in, or on...
Here we are again...Hump Day! Let's get right to it...In Monday's post I briefly talked about my wife and daughter watching the Golden Globes...Well this Hump Day is all about Celebri-tards! So Ricky Gervais hosted the Awards, and as a comedian he ripped on these people and he did it well...And afterwards a bunch of these dochebags were unhappy about it...
That was just the opening, but I guess he kept ripping all night...Listen, all these people do is kiss each other's asses, and lick each other's balls, and they can't take a little humor...Fuck them!
In sports, one of the top celebri-tards, Brett Favre has more women coming out of the woodwork, talking about Favre sexually harassing them...Massage therapists upset because he wanted a handy...Doesn't every guy want a happy ending!?! Now I'm not one to defend Brett Favre, but seriously ladies, report when it happens, or you just look like a lying cunt!
Speaking of cunts...Been wanting to use that segue forever! Anyways, the worst type of celebri-tards are the completely talent fucks out there...Like these "Jersey Shore" fuck-stains...These assholes are famous for being the very worst part of the sterotypical twenty-something, Italian, douchebags...MTV, which stood for Music television, but has nothing to do with music now, puts these ginzo assholes up in a house, and films them partying, tanning, fighting, and that one asshole, "The Situation" coming as close to the line of rape as you can...These fuckers shouldn't be famous and on TV...They should be shot!
They aren't the only celebri-tards who have no talent...What about these Kardashian bitches...Why are they famous? Their father was a well know shyster...Their plastic mother got re-married to Bruce Jenner...He's a fucking plastic mess too...Some how, these rich bitches just got famous...Now, I'll give Kim most of the credit...She at least did a homemade porn and released it...At least she's talented at one thing...Being a cum-dumpster!...But damn it, she did something...The other two just road her cum-bucket coattails to celebri-tard land...
I don't get it...What the hell is this world coming to?
Let's get to the good part...But we're going to stick with the theme...Rosie Jones has dominated recently...
We're going to put her in the Hump Day Hall of Fame with Alana...So to stick with the celebri-tard theme...
On this Hump Day, which of those idiot Kardashians would you most like to Hump?
So, Stanford kept their QB, but lost their coach...Just as long as they don't lose this gal!
As for the National Championship Game...I thought it was pretty good...It was hyped to be a shootout between to high-powered offenses, but Auburn's defense was outstanding...And Oregon's defense played a lot better then I expected...Cam Newton was good...But the Auburn front 7 were the real stars of the game...
And now, maybe we all should except that the SEC is the best conference in College Football, considering they just took the last 6 titles...
Trevor Hoffman has decided to retire...He ends his career with 601 saves...Is that enough for this closer to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame? Who knows with how those ass-hats vote!
Michigan has hired Brady Hoke to be their new Head Football Coach...Honestly, I don't know anything about him, and I'm not willing to research the guy...the only thing I care about Michigan football, is watching them lose!
This week in the NFL playoffs, I'm gonna give you my predictions...Patriots roll the Jets and Rex Ryan, and his stupid big mouth! The Ravens will beat the Steelers in a close battle...The Falcons will take-out the Packers...And the Seahawks will shock people again...Upsetting the Bears...But if not, take the Seahawks with the points anyways...they'll keep it close!...
The shooting in Arizona is still a hot topic all over the TV and well, it should be...But too many people are trying to spin it to make others look bad, or to try and push their agenda...I tuned into the Daily Show, and once again, I was happy to see Jon Stewart, once again, being the voice of reason...Although, isn't hat kinda sad, that the Daily show puts the "news" networks to shame...
