Tagged with "Johnny Monkey"
Deep Thoughts 4-2-14
Category: FEATURED
Tags: MLB begins Jeter to the Indians? Hu on first. Johnny Monkey's birtday



Hello and welcome to another Wednesday of deep thoughts. I am very transparent in my love for baseball. I am not sure exactly when the game became my favorite, but suddenly…it is not even close.  With the start of the MLB season on Monday, we embark of my favorite time of year. I enjoy high school and college baseball, but there is nothing like the major league game for me. I know many of you are still trying to shake this stubbornly cold winter. So you probably don’t want to hear about the 85 degree weather in Austin this week. It is great to be able to walk out in shorts and a tee shirt in the evening without freezing. April is a great time to be in Austin. We do have an occasional late cold front and of course those tornadoes can be a bit troubling…but I am ready for warm weather. In fact, I am even ready for hot, this year. For those still battling the cold, the warm up is on the way…hang in there.

The first couple of days of the MLB season have been interesting. Last year, I had a hunch that the Mariners might surprise some folks. It did not turn out that way, but it looks like that young talent is beginning to flourish. With the teams in their division, it will be a long hard road…but they really have played well through two games. It did not hurt my feelings to see my Astros hand the Yankees their first loss. I am not kidding myself, the Stros are a few years away from making noise, but they won’t suck as bad as they have of late. I must remind myself that it is April and that the cream will rise to the top over the course of the season. Hopefully, my fantasy teams will as well, the first few days of the season have not been so kind.






 I saw this video and had to share it. I am often not crazy about radio guys…but I have to agree with his assessment with this caller. Really dude?





                                       Abbott and Costello would be proud of this day. Finally, there is a Hu on first!



The UTPA Broncs had a week long road trip to visit TCU, then a three game series in Seattle. Without going into too much detail, I will say that the road trip did not go well. Despite rallying to take the lead in the top of the Friday night game against Seattle, the Broncs could not hold the lead. The second game ended the same way, with Seattle walking off in the 9th inning. It is tough to have two victories yanked away and it showed in game three. The team looked flat and lost in a game that was never close. My son told us he now understands what a red eye flight is…they got into Dallas about 3 am and their flight did not head south until 8 or so. A few hours sleeping in the airport are definitely for the young. They finally got home, just in time to go to class. Watching these kids grind through a season is impressive. Next on tap for the Broncs is a home series against Grand Canyon.





                           Do yourself a favor and check out this video...even if you don't like the cello, you will dig this video.




Best wishes to Jim Kelly as he battles a recurrence of cancer. Hang tough Jim…



Apparently, Tuesday was Johnny Monkey’s birthday. Wherever he is, I hope he had a great birthday. I would bet that he was eating veggies with pretty people. What a bad ass monkey…













That’s all I have today, but I will leave you with a bit of Jack Handey…



If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."



Thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave a few deep thoughts of your own…









Monkey Security
Category: Humor
Tags: Johnny Monkey foils a thief


Howdy to all in You Gab land. Johnny Monkey here to offer a security tip to all of my friends. Rather than try to explain, Johnny Monkey thinks a video is much easier:





Don't forget to eat your vegetables! Johnny Monkey must go now. Johnny Monkey has a job to do in England; something to do with a group of badminton players.

Kim Jong related to Johnny Monkey?
Category: Humor
Tags: Johnny Monkey


Hello Gabbers, Johnny Monkey here to wish you a Merry Christmas. Johnny Monkey has taken the rest of the year off to celebrate Christmas with his friends, but after reading an article about the passing of Kim Jong II, Johnny Monkey felt compelled to write something. You have probably heard about Kim Jong II, right? Jong was the leader of North Korea and was constantly being heard threatening to drop a bomb on one country or another. Johnny Monkey did not realize what an exquisite athlete that Kim Jong was and wondered if perhaps is there was some Johnny Monkey blood in Kim Jong. Of course you know that Johnny Monkey is well known as Johnny Monkey the Bad Ass Monkey, but when Johnny Monkey reads that Kim Jong II was known as:Glorious General Who Descended From Heaven and the Ever-Victorious Iron-Willed Commander, Johnny Monkey must acknowledge that Jong had a bad ass name. Johnny Monkey has always picked up things very easily...like playing Beethoven and Mozart flawlessly after listening to a tape about playing piano. But, Johnny Monkey has nothing on Kim Jong. Did you realize that Jong pieced together an exquisite round of 38 for 18 holes at Pyongyang’s 7,700-yard championship course. In the reading about Jong, Johnny Monkey discovered this:



The feat included five magnificent holes-in-one and it appears that Kim subsequently decided his 31-under-par achievement was enough to solidify his legacy and rarely played afterwards. Perhaps for the sake of our perception of golf’s legend, it is just as well. Jack Nicklaus’ career hole-in-one tally of 20 seems humble by comparison, and had Kim continued at his early pace, he would have surpassed the Golden Bear within a week.

Johnny Monkey bowled one time and rolled a very fair 278...Jong outdid Johnny Monkey:

Ten-pin bowling was another pursuit that Kim, believed to stand just over five feet but clearly a physical specimen of unmatched grace, turned to with equal aplomb. Again, it took just one attempt to solidify his reputation as a world class performer, with a perfect 300 game in the mid-1990s. Johnny Monkey is impressed! Jong bowled a perfect game in one try? That is truly an inspiration.

Jong's health began to suffer, so he turned to coaching his supreme athletes. Here are examples of Jong's excellent coaching:

By then his appetite for sports was largely restricted to coaching and his ailing physical condition could not prevent that razor-sharp mind from being put to good use in the service of his nation. During the soccer World Cup in 2010, Kim, by then so rarely seen in public that false reports of his death -- presumably leaked by those rascals in the West -- combined technology with tactical savvy to deliver messages to North Korea head coach Kim Jong-Hun. The advice was sent via invisible telephone, which the Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love (another delightful official moniker) had himself had invented, with the coach telling ESPN: "I get regular information ... using mobile phones not visible to the naked eye." Notice that they used the word moniker? Johnny Monkey likes the word moniker...a true hint of Jong's monkey thinking! But Johnny Monkey digresses...

North Korea’s misfortune (or a dastardly Western plot) at being placed in the infamous Group of Death alongside Brazil, Portugal and the Ivory Coast meant there was little that could be done to prevent them from conceding 12 lucky goals and losing all three games, much to the disappointment of the thousand-plus Chinese fans who were rented to cheer them on in South Africa.

Undeterred, Kim again used his soccer knowledge to the benefit of North Korea during the Women’s World Cup earlier this year. More sound hints were sent to the coaching staff, only for the side to be eliminated from group play after struggling to recover from being struck by lightning, which may have also resulted in five players testing positive for steroids.

Even in the months before his death, Kim was said to have retained a keen interest in watching sports. A huge basketball fan -- he was presented with a signed Michael Jordan ball by then Secretary of State Madeleine Albright more than a decade ago -- he must have been disappointed by the recent NBA lockout.

The Jordan memento was said to occupy pride of place in one of Kim’s 17 luxurious palaces and was a fitting tribute from one sports legend to another.

Johnny Monkey wishes that he could have spent time with this great sportsman. But, then again...Jong's eagerness to prove to be the best might have brought out the bad ass in Johnny  Monkey.

Johnny Monkey things that if Kim Jong had eaten his vegetables that he might have lived a more robust life. Don't be like Kim Jong eat your vegetables!

Before Johnny Monkey goes, there was recently a thought that Johnny Monkey was riding around on a dog during a football game. This was Johnny Monkey's cousin Billy Monkey. The youngster can ride anything, but of course this should not surprise you, right? Johnny Monkey is too big to ride a dog, but has ridden other things:






Johnny Monkey wishes all of his Gab friends a very Merry Christmas and to please travel safely during the holidays.

Monkey Time
Category: Humor
Tags: Johnny Monkey


Hello Gabbers. Johnny Monkey here to say a quick hello. I hope everyone is eating their vegetables and kicking life's ass. Johnny Monkey heard a cute story today and wanted to pass it along:


A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cubs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Cubs fans too. Not really knowing what a Cubs fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. One girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Cubs fan.”

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

“Why I’m proud to be a St. Louis Cardinals fan,” boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she is a Cardinals fan.

“Well, My Dad and Mom are Cardinals fans, and I’m a Cardinals fan too.”

The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says the girl, “I’d be a Cubs fan...”...


Johnny Monkey likes the Cubs just fine, but thought this too funny not to pass along.


Johnny Monkey has been working on a magazine, hopefully some of you find this interesting.





Johnny Monkey is not sure what a School For Scondrels is all about.





Spreading the Monkey Love
Category: Humor
Tags: Johnny Monkey


Johnny Monkey here again to catch up with my Gab friends. It has been a busy week for Johnny Monkey. I had to fly to Arlington to hang with Nolan Ryan and the boys, then make a quick trip to Mexico to discuss security with a few friends.  Johnny Monkey is always on the go, but that is the life of a bad ass monkey. Johnny Monkey wishes to remind everyone to eat vegetables. This helps keep the mind and body sharp. Johnny Monkey is 49, and all of you know what good shape Johnny Monkey is in. Now, don't ask who took this picture.

Here are a few specific vegetables that you should focus on:



Red Potatoes


Carbs have gotten a bad name, but Johnny Monkey loves red potatoes. Johnny Monkey also knows that a recent study found that eating red potatoes helped lower the diastolic blood pressure 4.3% and the systolic pressure fell 3.5%.






This sweet white fruit is popular in Asia, but with its big health benefits, it should make its way into your cart, too! Johnny Monkey loves this cool fruit. You should not use your fingers to truly enjoy lychee. You don't have to take Johnny Monkey's word for the benefits of lychee, listen to this: According to a 2006 study in the Journal of Nutrition, lychee has the second-highest level of heart-healthy polyphenols of 24 fruits tested. They were beat only by strawberries, and the study found they had nearly 15% more disease-preventing polyphenols than grapes. Lychee's powerful antioxidants may also help to prevent the formation of breast cancer cells, according to a recent test-tube and animal study from Sichuan University in China. Johnny Monkey thinks that Beezer will like this fruit.






Johnny Monkey has learned to look back to learn. The Chinese have found that this cabbage has 10 times the recommended daily amount of Vitamin A. Bokchoy is packed with antioxidants and Johnny Monkey likes that it helps to prevent prostrate cancer. Johnny Monkey likes his prostrate very much and does not want to ever lose his prostrate.




Don't go through life mad. Eat your vegetables and be happy. Johnny Monkey can tell you that there are many advantages to being healthy. You can be a bad ass monkey and love to live large.






When you are a bad ass monkey, folks dress like you for Halloween. Johnny Monkey loves Halloween. Remember to be generous to the kids.





When you are Johnny Monkey, you only need one testicle...

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