The most overhyped athlete in the history of overhyped athletes will soon be overhyped even more. ESPN has announced it will soon be on-air with “The LeBron Channel,” a 24-hour-per-day outlet featuring everything and anything about the Miami Heat’s most famous goon –er--player.
LeBron, whose last name is reportedly James, will have his ass kissed by a myriad of ass-kissing ESPN bozos, but the main ass-kissing bozo will no doubt be Stuart Scott, who has kissed the asses of NBA goons for as long as ESPN bozos have been kissing the asses of NBA goons.
LeBron, best known for a wearing a headband, sporting mega-tattoos, butchering the English language, alienating fans with moronic TV announcements, and losing games in the playoffs, was unavailable for comment (thank goodness for that).
ESPN’s broadcast will feature historic videos of LeBron missing important shots, pouting after losses, sounding like a buffoon during interviews, and of course, displaying his impressive display of headbands. In addition, ESPN plans to scroll vital LeBron info up and down on both sides of the TV screen, as well as from left to right on the top and bottom.
⇒ MWC Changes Name To Titanic Conference
The Mountain West Conference, which just a few short months ago looked like it was sprouting legs to become the next superpower athletic league, has announced that it will now be called the Titanic Conference.
With athletic stalwarts Brigham Young, Utah, and now Texas Christian leaving for greener pastures, the MWC has seen its luster corrode into little more than toilet rust en route to sinking somewhere in the Great Salt Lake.
“Well, we certainly suck now,” according to MWC commissioner Joe Stampley. “We’re left with deadbeats like Colorado State, Wyoming and New Mexico. Shit! The way we’re falling off the map is certainly a lot like the way the ol’ ship sank back in the day, ain’t it? We feel the name just fits.”
Other schools remaining are San Diego State, Nevada-Las Vegas, Air Force, and newcomer Boise State, which has to be feeling left out in the cold after thinking it was joining the next big thing.
“Yeah, we’re disappointed,” said Boise State athletic director Ralph Pocatello. “But what the hell. We’ll certainly be able to reel off years and years worth of unbeaten conference football games. And that counts for something.”
⇒Yanks Sign Every Free Agent On Planet
The free-wheeling, free-spending New York Yankees have announced the signing all the free agents available. That includes Cliff Lee, Felipe Lopez, Freddy Garcia, a bunch of other Latino guys, and even a player who has been dead for 13 years.
“We look forward to once again fielding the most high-profile, most expensive lineup in baseball in 2011,” said Yankee general manager Brian Crashman. “Hopefully, we’ll be able to win 80 or so games. Remember, we still have that bum AJ Burnett, so you know we’ll never win the AL pennant.”
So last night was the big night...LeBron James first game back in Cleveland...ESPN had been hyping it up for a week...And the rest of the sports media followed...And yes, even outlets such as CNN showed up for the big night...The world press was waiting for Cleveland to explode...Why? Because ESPN put it in everyones' heads, that every single fucking person in Cleveland, was showing up at this stupid fucking game, with a gun...Bricks...Batteries...Knives...And that "The Q" would be nothing but a pile of smoldering ash, when the city was done...
Well guess what fuck-tards..."The Q" is still standing...No one tried getting in with weapons...No one tried to Jump LeBron on the court...Nobody tried to kill him...They went to a basketball game, and guess what happened...A basketball game...You all make me want to puke in the soup! (today's soup at the Fish House was Manhattan Clam Chowder)
Yes, the fans yelled at the self proclaimed "King"...Yes they had organized chants and cheers...Yes there were signs and shirts, but nothing that went over the top...Nothing like what you'd really hear on any given day, walking down the street...The harshest sign may have been the "Like Father, Like Son" sign...
The Delonte chant was funny, if the stories of Delonte West banging LeBron's mom are true...But some one on twitter last night pointed something funny out about that...what the hell do you chant at Delonte West then...That sorry fucker was banging LeBron's drunk ass mom! She ain't no MILF!
Nonetheless, Cleveland fans showed up...They booed and cheered and did their thing the whole game...The Cavaliers on the other hand...Well, they just fucking sucked! Besides sucking ass...The were swinging on LeBron's nuts half the time...
'Yeah you my dog LeBron, go ahead and drop 38 points on us.'
Every fucker on that team should be embarrassed...Every coach should be pissed, and ashamed...That game looked like the Varsity playing the Freshman...And why the fuck didn't some one knock that douchebag on his ass?
The Cavaliers had sold out their first 10 home games this season...After that cunty performance, they won't sellout again...The Cavs lost some fans last night...
Oh, speaking of cunty...The media lost even more of my respect, trying to build up the city of Cleveland as a bunch of murderous fucking assholes...Then just blowing off the fact that none of the bad shit they wanted to happen, didn't happen...Die ESPN!
As for LeBron...He lit it up, and sat out the 4th quarter...And afterwards, he was his normal, humble self, speaking about his greatness, and still refusing to apologize...
Hey, I'm glad he's willing to stand by his decision...But you can still stand by your decision, and apologize for going about it the wrong way...And for so many of the angry Cleveland fans, that's all they really want is to hear an "I'm sorry"...I know, it sounds silly, but that's how many people are...Tell them you're sorry, and all is forgiven...
You know what really pisses me off...I actually wasted a December evening, watching a basketball game...That shit won't happen again!
Hey ladies, guess who's coming back to town...That's right, King Crybaby!
Yes, people it's not just the local media, it's all over the national media too...The great hype machine is working overtime...LeBron James is coming back to Cleveland ,and everyone expects the worst...Guess what, the fans worst isn't going to hurt LeBron...No matter how much the city of Cleveland embraced him, because he grew up 30 minutes away, and because he had so much talent...He never embraced the city...
Clevelanders got use to people like Bernie Kosar, who grew up in Youngstown...The city embraced him...It was close enough to call him one of us...And he returned the sentiment...But not everyone is Bernie Kosar, and I'm not talking about him being piss drunk most of the time! As a matter of fact, there are less and less athletes around who show that love back to a city...And I'm not just talking about during their playing days...Bernie is still around, and treats Clevelanders with nothing but respect, and gratitude...
So to any Cavaliers fans who may be going to the big game...Feel free to let LeBron know you think he's a douche, but don't get carried away...We're all still hearing about 10 cent beer night, and fuck, I wasn't even born yet!
In other sports news...Cam Newton, Auburn QB has been reinstated to play by the NCAA...Funny thing is, nobody knew he was suspended...Apparently on Monday, the NCAA found his father and some other shady bastard guilty of "wrong doings" so the University suspended Newton on Tuesday...The NCAA reinstated him today...Funny how they kept this off the radar...Any other NCAA investigation moves as slow as molasses in January...This shit doesn't smell right...
Would they have done this if he was playing on a 8-4 team? No! But since Auburn is undefeated, and heading into the big money making SEC Championship game Saturday, they want to make sure the money keeps flowing in...Who's going to watch South Carolina play Auburn, if the Tigers don't have their Heisman front runner, Quarterback? Not too many!
It's all about Money...Funny since the whole investigation was started because talk of Newton's father asking schools for money...And now after all this, if Newton does win the Heisman, I hope Reggie Bush shows up the next day and says, 'Give me back my trophy, you hypocritical cunts!'
What a bunch of horseshit!
Screw it...Onto the good stuff...Last week, Alana squeaked out another win, narrowly beating out Lucia...So this week, I'm doing a little tribute to Alana...She's getting hung up in the rafters...Next week, we'll be seeing 3 other ladies...But this week is just Alana Collins...enjoy!
Seventeen games in and it's starting already. The "Big Three" seem to be laying the foundation in the media that they're not happy with Erik Spoelstra. Even though Dwayne Wade has said no one is doing there job it's the selfishness of these elite players that will undoubtedly be the demise of their head coach. If Spoelstra were to get canned in the coming weeks he'd be the 3rd head coach victimized by a pro team dictating his destiny. As I wrote last week the precedent being set by highly paid athletes who will do whatever they can to call the shots right up to who will be on the sidelines is by far a dangerous one to set.
But what makes the Miami Heat's situation even more unique is they were hyped to deliver in a big way, and obviously in a short time being touted as the team to so many great things, including challenging for the all time best regular season record, and that's not going to happen, but why is that Spoelstra's fault? In watching about 7-8 games this season I've witnessed a lot of selfish play on James part, and I've seen Dwayne Wade's number's suffer because he plays second fiddle to this ball hog. Last week against Orlando Wade was able to quickly get hot and give the Heat the lead, but then once James went back on the court that faded quickly. The Heat actually outscore opponents by 20 points when he's not in the game and stats don't lie.
I've never understood why, in basketball most of all that coaches are the fall guys especially when it's so evident the record reflects the team's play. (See Mike Brown's axing in Cleveland at then end of the playoffs last season). So are the Heat being lead to fail by the prima donna? This is the same manipulative little douche bag who went to Miami and met with Wade and Bosh to seal this deal. Regardless of what the script said during the decision hosted by Jim Gray, Wade's comments last week in Maxim (or GQ) pointed out that it was all in the plans between the 3 players to put this team together and they got what they had long wanted, so any mention by James that he had come to his "decision" the morning of the broadcast is one more load of bunk out this tool's mouth.
My dream is Spoelstra gets fired and this team will have gotten what they wanted, but Pat Riley, who has dealt with some of the most elite players in this league as a head coach will not put up with prima donna bullshit, and James will have played his last card as far as saying it's the coach. It's time this guy either put up or shut the fuck up...period. His history is to blame everyone else for shortcomings because he's so convinced, or possibly brainwashed into believing his own hype and come Thursday night James just might have the biggest wakeup call of all during a nationally televised game in which the city of Cleveland will burn him in effigy. Stay tuned, this has not even started to get interesting yet.
Speaking of prima donna's, what happened to the best QB in the game yesterday, or even last week? I'll tell you, he played teams with a defense, so let's get off how good this guy is shall we? When it comes to performance can we wait just a little bit to see some consistency and not tout this guy as the best after one huge game. It's pretty obvious this isn't the one man wreckng crew everyone in the media was ramming down your throat two weeks ago after drubbing the lowly Washington Redskins.
Speaking of the Redskins, they sure gave the Vikings a game yesterday, and sure Minnesota won, but it was hardly some type of moral victory for a team that is coming off firing their head coach on Monday. Favre had anything but a stellar game and it proved to me that he's a big reason why they haven't succeeded and more than likely there won't be much more in the line of a turnaround in the land of 10,000 lakes. Out.