Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the long awaited return of the YouGabSports Turkey Bowl, presented by IHateMillen. This year, we’ve assembled 32 of the biggest douchebags, assholes, jerks, and just all around jokes in the world of sports here at beautiful JerryWorld, home of the world’s biggest jumbo-tron and ego. As part of this agreement, Jerry Jones will not be a part of this year’s 32-man tournament, and we get to use the facilities for free! Best yet, all members of the major sports media, ESPiN, FOX, CBS, and NBC, have been banned from entry here.
Before we begin the night’s festivities, let us take a moment to honor America. Tonight’s flag bearers are the Gab’s very own proud veterans: ScottJax, B.O.B., and OlHarry, who is accompanied by his Marine daughter. Thank you all for your service to this country:
Tonight’s first bout is scheduled for one fall. As is the case with every Turkey Bowl fight, there are no rules, no regulations, and the fight goes until one fighter can no longer continue. Starting the evening off is a Turkey Bowl winner in Alex Rodriguez, as he faces baseball’s young upstart douchebag Yasiel Puig. Puig has done some pretty stupid things in his limited time in the Biggs… but he’s nowhere near dry humping himself in the mirror status just yet.
Well ladies and gentlemen this is what we’ve been waiting for. Puig is a young man with impressive power and all five tools. He faces a man once thought to be baseball’s next big thing in Alex Rodriguez, who has been dogged by rumors and just finally admitted to using performance enhancing drugs all this time. Of course, he waited until after the ink was dried on his contract extension to do so!
As the bell rings, Rodriguez makes the fight’s first move, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. Puig is a bit surprised by this move, waiting to see what his opponent will do next. Rodriguez pulls out a wad of cash, more American dollars than his opponent has ever seen, seeming to say there’s more where that came from. With all the well-documented legal battles Puig is involved in stemming from his Cuban defection, you wonder if he’ll lay down for A-Rod here. Sure enough, it looks like an agreement has been reached between the two, and Rodriguez will move on to the next round. This is just the kind of thing you hate to see… what a disgrace this guy is both to the game of baseball and the death match world. Rodriguez moves on, and Puig gets to settle a few legal issues. He saves his pretty face for the fists of his next opponent.
Up next, another former Turkey Bowl Champion takes the ring as LeBron James faces off with a man he has a sordid history with, former Pacer and current Hornet Lance Stephenson. LeBron’s douchebaggery is well documented world-wide… but what about Stephenson you ask? Well, before he was blowing in LeBron’s ear during the playoffs, Stephenson was raping classmates in high school (allegedly), and pushing women down stairs later on (allegedly). We’ll see if the young, hungry Stephenson really has what it takes to go toe to toe with Jesus Christ in a headband, LeBron James… the man who has “saved” Cleveland simply by coming home.
As this bout begins, Stephenson seems to be on top of his game and in the head of James, who looks like he wants no part in an actual fight. Stephenson lands a few rights, now a left, and, what’s this? That Cleveland Cavs fan that burned his LeBron James jersey after “the Decision” comes running down to the ring, wearing his newly purchased LeBron Cavs jersey… and he’s going after Stephenson. LeBron takes advantage of the distraction and grabs a steel chair, scrambling what little is there of Lance Stephenson’s brains and picking up a round one win.
Coming up next, we’ve got the highly anticipated matchup of the Sherriff Roger Goodell, who looks to cover his own ass as he takes on Ray Rice, the man he suspended indefinitely from the game he loves so very much. Roger is not the favorite of most people… but who will this crowd of feminists that has gathered at ringside side with… a man who had zero intention of pushing their agenda in Goodell, or a man who cold cocked one of their fellow ovary carriers on that Atlantic City elevator? All I know is, this is one ugly scene here at ringside… literally. All these broads, and not a looker in the bunch!
To kick the match off, Goodell begins scolding Rice on behavior “unbecoming of an NFL player”. Rice soon tires of this act, and begins beating Goodell as if he were his fiancée. But Goodell is no dummy, he brought the NFL’s PR team to ringside with him, and he plans on using them. A distraction from a pair of lawyers gets Roger back on top, and it looks like he’s going to cruise to a win here. But wait, what the hell is this? It’s DeMaurice Smith… he puts Goodell in his patented Lockout submission maneuver! Roger has no choice, he’s got to tap, and Ray Rice moves on to our next round.
Coming up next, two overhyped, overachievers take the ring as Johnny Manziel, backup NFL quarterback, takes on Jameis Winston, future backup NFL quarterback. Whose douchebaggery will reign supreme on this night? We’ll find out as tonight’s action continues:
These two young men are known for avoiding the big hit, but tonight, they look to land the big hit on one another as Johnny Football takes on Jameis Winston here at Turkey Bowl 2014. Johnny and Jameis start things off by exchanging immature gestures… Johnny throws up his little money sign, while Jameis stands on the top ropes and yells “Fuck her right in the pussy” so everybody can hear what a massive douche he is. Each young man owns a Heisman Trophy, so the next few moments break down into what is nothing more than a pose-off. Johnny takes a moment to go out and talk to his celebrity entourage, which includes Justin Bieber for some strange reason. This provides Jameis with the opening he needs, as he is able to lock in a single leg Boston Crab on Manziel… Manziel has no escape, and taps out, giving the big win to Jameis Winston. Looks like the curse of Bieber strikes again!
Next up, two of the biggest douchebags ever to meet in the first round of the Turkey Bowl extravaganza as Dick Sherman prepares to square off with Kobe Bryant. Dick made headlines many times with impressive feats of douchebaggery since the 2013 NFL playoffs… but he cuts one hell of a promo, doesn’t he? Kobe has run everyone off in LA, and is now going it alone with a virtual army of nobodies leading a terrible Lakers squad. Sherman definitely has the edge on trash talking, as he unleashes a barrage of barbs upon Kobe to begin the festivities. Kobe, never one to back down, returns fire, and the two get the fight underway. No flopping here folks, there are no NBA refs in this arena. Eventually, Dick Sherman’s youth wins out and Kobe is defeated. After the match, Sherman finds the most easily startled reporter at ringside and screams “I am the best fighter in the game, when you try me with a sorry fighter like Kobe that’s the result you gonna get”.
With Kobe gone now we move on to our next matchup, and it’s one with a lot of bad blood involved… Ryan Braun brings his performance enhanced brand of rage into the ring against the best chemist in the game, Anthony Bosch. Bosch sold Braun out after supplying him with the goods. Unless Bosch took some of his own “medicine”, there is only one realistic outcome to this fight. Sure enough, like a walk off blast, Braun makes short work of the sellout, and moves on to round number two.
Next up, a matchup that features a ton of swagger… Floyd Mayweather Jr. faces an opponent that will actually fight back… unlike his baby mama… Swaggy P, otherwise known as Nick Young. I’m honestly not sure why he calls himself this… or what in God’s name it means… but that is apparently the man’s chosen nickname. Much like what a drunk Nick Young claimed he’d do to Iggy’s ass on TMZ, Floyd does to Swaggy P here, using that million dollar punch to move on to the second round.
Coming up next, we’ve got another pair of abusive pieces of shit squaring off… one likes to abuse children, the other likes to damn near kill a porn star. Adrian Peterson hits the ring to face off with MMA fighter and current inmate War Machine, who was granted special privilege to come out here in hopes that someone would beat the living hell out of him! AD gets things started when he pulls a switch out and starts to whoopin’ War Machine. Evidently AD doesn’t know when to stop, because he stops too damn soon here, and the War Machine goes on the attack. It might not be as easy as working over Christy Mack, but War Machine does just enough damage to pick up the win over Adrian Peterson. This piece of garbage moves on to our next round.
We’re halfway through the first round of Turkey Bowl 2014, and we’ve seen some big names come and go. A-Rod, LeBron James, Ray Rice, Jameis Winston, Richard Sherman, Ryan Braun, Floyd Mayweather, and now War Machine represent the first eight to make the leap to round number two.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are receiving word of a developing situation out in the parking lot area… we now go to a live feed out there where it appears the members of the assembled sports media, including members of the ESPiN, FOX, and NBC Sports teams are now becoming involved in some sort of altercation out there. Tempers have boiled over, and now it seems they will all have a go at one another out there. Chris Berman gets his back, back, back, back broken in at least five places as this thing really starts to turn ugly. It is fairly clear that NBC and FOX have agreed to some sort of alliance in order to get the upper hand on the “Worldwide Leader”, as now Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayliss are now out of commission. Somehow, Stephen A. Smith seems to have been castrated here… it looks like Terry Bradshaw just kicked Skip Bayliss right on the bottom jaw, causing this unfortunate disaster!
Jalen Rose seems to have talked his way into a corner with Howie Long and Michael Strahan, as the two make quick work of his puny frame and poor grammar skills! ESPiN is in some serious trouble ladies and gents. Even the ladies are getting into the action… Erin Andrews thought it was an appropriate time to stop and talk about digestive health with her former colleague Hannah Storm… but Hannah has none of it as she uses a trident to get a firsthand look at the innards of Mrs.Andrews. After the dust settles, the ESPiN crew lays in a battered, broken pile. Stewart Scott is over in the corner holding a football he thinks is Chris Berman’s head, but otherwise the entire ESPiN noise machine has been silenced. The FOX and NBC sports teams are victorious, as they execute the before-fight promise to sacrifice that smarmy little windbag Bob Costas to their Gods (Murdoch and Burke)as tribute for victory. Now that’s what you call a win all the way around!
Over on the other side of the parking lot, there is a suspicious looking vehicle with the windows rolled up and what looks like four men sitting inside. Our cameras zoom in to find four guys who were scheduled to fight tonight… Josh Gordon, LeGarrette Blount, LeVeon Bell, and Justin Blackmon all sitting in there, apparently passing around a blunt! As smoke billows out of the car, the four men get out and just sort of wander off… well, it looks like a new record for this year’s Turkey Bowl… no NFL wide redivas make an appearance!
Next up, we’ve got Sidney Crosby taking on fellow NHL douchebag Brad Marchand. We’ll see how the face of the league fares against one of the dirtiest pieces of shit, on and off the ice, in the league today. Crosby starts thing off by surprising the entire audience by actually fighting and not ducking out of the way… incredible. Marchand is no stranger to the pugilistic arts, and returns fire. Once Marchand gains the upper hand, he beats Crosby like a casino security guard, gaining the victory and then stripping down to his birthday suit while yelling “I am above the law”!
In our next fight, we’ve got two of the biggest douchebags in all of college sports, as championship coaches square off when Nick Saban meets John Calipari. Will Calipari live up to his one-and-done reputation tonight? Saban is much better known for winning the big one, but he is also well known for being a crybaby and an asshole. Saban is on fire as we get things underway, and he looks like he’ll cruise to an easy win… but suddenly his cell phone rings. His face lights up and he quickly jots something down and runs from the ring… leading to a count out win for Calipari. Calipari picks up the note that Saban left behind and it reads “Got a better offer from Dana White, so I’m gone. You knew what this was.” Can’t say I’m surprised by the guy’s lack of morality or loyalty here… but I am surprised to see John Calipari make it to the next round!
In the ring now, Jay Cutler prepares for his bout with the Brewers eccentric OF Carlos Gomez… a guy who has ruffled more than a few feathers in Major League Baseball with his youthful exuberance and lack of respect for the unwritten rules of the game. This Midwest showdown comes your way, right now! Cutler starts off well, landing a few glancing blows on Gomez, who seems more interested in showing off than he is in winning this fight. But, sure enough, Cutler telegraphs his next few punches and is intercepted… and Gomez takes full advantage. He’s even got time to stand there and watch his own handiwork on the jumbo screen above as he polishes off the Bears QB… Carlos Gomez makes it to round two.
If you didn’t expect many NHL players to make this tournament, you were misled. Another all-NHL matchup comes your way now, with Patrick Kane facing off with career douchebag Matt Cooke. Cooke seems to have the edge here… his dirty tactics have drawn the ire of fans for years now. But don’t underestimate Patrick Kane… turn your back on him and he’ll drop you like a disgruntled cab driver! While Kane puts up one hell of a fight, it is Cooke who moves on to our next round after yet another douchy knee-to-knee hit to Kane, which puts him down for the count.
If you thought the Seahawks-49ers rivalry couldn’t get any bigger, you were wrong! Right now, Seahawks coach Pete Carroll steps into the ring to face off with a guy who just doesn’t seem to “get it”… 49ers OLB Aldon Smith. Smith has a huge size and athleticism advantage, and Carroll seems to be at a gigantic disadvantage… truly a David vs. Goliath style match here. Things start out predictably, as Smith has a clear early advantage over Carroll… he’s being tossed around like the quarterbacks Aldon Smith terrorized before being suspended for the entire first half plus of this NFL season. Suddenly, the department of homeland security arrives and ushers Aldon Smith off to a “private screening area”. Smith will most definitely be counted out here… seems like he still hasn’t learned a damn thing from last summer’s incidents… you just don’t call in fake bomb threats. Smith gets himself another body cavity search from the blue gloves, and Carroll finds a way to move on to our next round in a shocking upset!
Up next, a couple of racist tools take the ring as Percy Harvin faces off with embattled former Clippers owner Donald Sterling. Harvin has the obvious physical advantage here… just better hope he doesn’t come down with another migraine… or turf toe… or nobody breathes on him! Harvin looks like he’s ready to fight here, angry with Sterling over his alleged racism, when suddenly he sees Blake Griffin in the front row, and takes the time to hang over the top ropes and yell a few things at him about not being black enough. While this is going on, Sterling, clearly suffering from some sort of early-stage dementia, wanders off and gets counted out. Harvin celebrates his victory, but suddenly gets blasted from behind by Griffin. Harvin moves on, but his head will be ringing from that shot as the next round closes in. The crowd goes wild for Griffin, who announces he must leave to go shoot another terrible commercial for some random product nobody needs.
This has been quite a night so far, with just two first round matches left to go. We’ve seen a lot of crazy shit thus far… and we’re sure to see even more in our next battle with two massive men hitting the ring. Professional jerk ass Richie Incognito (he sure as hell isn’t playing football anymore) faces off with a different kind of bully… the woman beating douchebag Greg Hardy of the Panthers. Incognito starts things off by resorting to his old tricks, mocking Hardy and his legal woes. Hardy goes into a rage, battering the bully with lefts and rights, but Incognito quickly shows Hardy that this abuse victim actually fights back, unlike the woman Hardy beat half to death and threatened with a pile of guns in his apartment (allegedly). Incognito clearly has the upper hand here, until suddenly Jonathan Martin appears, hitting Incognito, the man who bullied him out of Miami, with a steel chair and giving the momentum back to the woman beater, Greg Hardy. Hardy takes full advantage, and he’s moving on to the next round!
In our last first round matchup, massive asshat Dwight Howard faces off with flop master Dwyane Wade in what should be a real test of wills… the wills of everyone watching that is. Howard immediately starts off by crying to the referee, who is confused since he’s really only there in spirit! Howard doesn’t really seem to understand this, and he continues jawing at the ref. While he complains, Wade comes up behind Howard, who flails his arms out in frustration. Wade is nearly elbowed in the face… and flops over. The referee begins the ten count, and Wade continues to roll around on the ground. After ten seconds of this, Wade is out, and Dwight Howard becomes the final member of our 16-man contingent to make the second round of Turkey Bowl 2014!
As we move on to the second round, here is a list of upcoming mathcups:
A-Rod vs. Ryan Braun
LeBron James vs. Dwight Howard
Matt Cooke vs. Brad Marchand
Jameis Winston vs. Carlos Gomez
Dick Sherman vs. Percy Harvin
John Calipari vs. Pete Carroll
Tag Team Match: Mayweather/War Machine vs. Hardy/Rice
To kick off the second round, we’re going to have a tag team matchup between NFL spousal abusers Ray Rice and Greg Hardy and two fighters who take their aggressions out of the ring and into the home in Floyd Mayweather Jr. and MMA fighter War Machine. The special celebrity guest referee for this match will be Dog the Bounty Hunter… the man who was finally able to bring War Machine to justice after his run from the law. “I want a clean fight brah… go with Christ”. Rice and Hardy begin to argue over who has to get into the ring first, while Mayweather and War Machine argue over who gets to start off the match. To kick things off, the smaller duo of Mayweather and Rice face off. Rice doesn’t seem to want anything to do with this matchup, but he can’t outrun Mayweather. Eventually, Mayweather corners him and proceeds to knock the hell out of him with that famous right hook. Meanwhile, War Machine has had enough waiting, as he goes after Hardy on the outside. War Machine completely decimates Hardy, putting him through the Spanish announce table, and Mayweather continues to make short work of Ray Rice. Really sucks when somebody beats the hell out of you, doesn’t it Ray? Eventually, Dog the Bounty Hunter calls for the bell and this massacre is over… Floyd and War Machine advance to the “Elite 8” of sports douchebaggery.
Next up, Pete Carroll steps into the ring to face off with John Calipari… two guys who made a ton of money off the backs of college kids now need to make their money on their own. Coach Cal hears a rumor that this fight could very well be in violation of NCAA rules, but of course that’s never stopped him before. Still, he feels a strange wave of conscience come over him and attempts to tell the referee that he forfeits; but it seems that Pete Carroll got the jump on him. Despite the fact that he’s no longer an NCAA coach, he heard about potential sanctions and jumped ship before Calipari even had the chance out of pure instinct! Coach Cal moves on to the Elite 8 for a change and Pete Carroll backs his way out of trouble yet again!
Next up, two former teammates square off as Dick Sherman faces off with Percy Harvin. Harvin’s head is still ringing from the post-match beating he took from Blake Griffin, and Sherman is well aware. After an extensive amount of trash talking worsens Harvin’s migraine headache, Sherman seals the win with his Pick Six move. Dick Sherman moves on, and it looks like Percy Harvin is going to be out of action for another year or so… sorry Jets fans!
Next up, rape and crab leg enthusiast Jameis Winston faces off with the passionate Carlos Gomez. Both are fine athletes in the primes of their careers, and Gomez takes an early advantage. After getting Winston down, he proceeds to take a little too much time taunting Brian McCann, who is sitting at ringside for the fight. McCann decides he’s seen enough, and gets up to confront Gomez. Just then, Winston hits a blatant low blow, then once again locks in that Boston Crab maneuver. Gomez has no choice but to tap out… and once again the Boston Crab proves to be an effective weapon for Jameis. After the match, Jimbo Fisher joins Winston in the ring, holding his hand up high and claiming to be the one who taught him that maneuver.
In the next match, two men who are hated by fans, opponents, and teammates alike, as Matt Cooke takes on fellow ice-douche Brad Marchand. Something seems off right away, as Marchand is slurring his speech and stumbling around a bit. I just received word from an anonymous source that Marchand was just thrown out of Mo’s Tavern a few minutes ago after having a few too many Fred Lite’s and getting fresh with OlHarry. Cooke takes quick advantage, and moves on to our next round.
Next, we have Dwight Howard, who breezed through his last matchup against his first opponents’ former teammate, LeBron James. These two massive egos square off to become the NBA’s sole representative in the Elite 8. Early on, Dwight takes advantage of his size and reach advantage, pummeling the chosen one with right hooks and elbows. But LeBron turns things around by tossing talcum powder right into the big man’s eyes. Howard is completely helpless, and James shows a little killer instinct for a change and is able to finish things off like an uncontested dunk. James moves on, and as usual Dwight Howard falls short of his goal.
In our final Elite 8 matchup, two of the biggest shames to the game of baseball square off as Alex Rodriguez takes on Ryan Braun. Both men are linked to the Biogenesis scandal, and both were wronged by Dr. Anthony Boesh. Braun got his revenge earlier, while Rodriguez was able to defeat his unenhanced first round opponent, Yasiel Puig. This will be a truly performance enhanced matchup, and power will be at a premium. We’ll find out which man had the better chemist as the fight begins. Braun and Rodriguez start things off by denying their use of PEDs to one another… then Rodriguez flip flops a bit and admits to using something back in 2001 when he was in Texas. Braun remains steadfast… but Rodriguez cracks and admits that yeah, he might have used them when he was in New York, too. Braun seems conflicted… should he admit it, or should he continue to deny? As he ponders this, Rodriguez commences to the corner of the ring and proceeds to dry hump himself in the mirror his handlers set up for him before the match.
Braun quickly takes note of it, and knocks Rodriguez clean through the mirror, cutting him badly. The blood is everywhere, as this is beginning to look like an easy win for Braun. Braun continues the beating, when suddenly a windowless van drives into the arena. It’s A-Rod’s cousin… A-Rod’s cousin is back again! In the confusion, he slips something to A-Rod… Rodriguez injects the substance, and is reinvigorated by the injection. Braun is powerless to stop him as Rodriguez’s superior “skill” and “ability” is on full display. Showing the kind of power that Yankees fans hope for this season after a full year away from the game, Rodriguez overcomes his early troubles and is able to defeat Braun, proving that even after a year out of action, he’s still the biggest douchebag there is the sport!
We’re down to our last eight competitors… after two grueling rounds; Alex Rodriguez, LeBron James, Matt Cooke, Jameis Winston, War Machine, Floyd Mayweather, and John Calipari are all that remain in the race to see who the biggest piece of shit in all of sports is for the year 2014! Who has what it takes? Who will reach down the deepest and become our new champion? We’ll find out, coming up next!
Now we’re back, and in our first Elite 8 matchup, Matt Cooke faces off with college football’s biggest bad boy, Jameis Winston. Cooke has a clear fighting advantage here, as Winston is just a quarterback here. Cooke has been through a couple of wars already, while Winston has used his love of crab to move on in both rounds. Cooke will have to avoid distraction in order to get out of this one… and he’ll have to avoid that half-Boston Crab Winston has used in both his fights thus far. Cooke gets off to an emphatic start, going knee to knee on the Heisman winner. But Winston saw it coming, and with Cooke laying on the ground in pain, pulls out his steel knee pad and throws it out of the ring. After an elementary application of his now famed half Boston Crab, Cooke turtles and taps, and Jameis Winston is the first of the four participants to qualify for the Fatal Fourway to determine the 2014 Turkey Bowl Champion!
Up next, Dick Sherman hits the ring for his matchup with punkass pugilist Floyd Mayweather Jr. Mayweather has breezed through Swaggy P and the team of NFL woman beaters, but Sherman should be a real challenge for him. Sherman ducks a barrage of punches by Mayweather, landing a few jabs of his own before unleashing a barrage of verbal abuse towards Floyd. Suddenly, Sherman’s LOB teammates jump over the safety railing, entering the ring and backing up their leader. Earl Thomas hits Mayweather with a spear, and Lane and Maxwell follow up with a double powerbomb. All Sherman has to do is gloat as Mayweather lies in a pile. Sherman lives up to his earlier boasting, and he’s in the finale!
In our next fight, LeBron James is a huge underdog as he goes up against trained MMA fighter War Machine, who was allowed out of prison for the night in hopes that he would take a real beating. But, despite an initial switch beating at the hands of Adrian Peterson, he’s gone relatively unscathed so far. Before the fight can even begin, there is a commotion at ringside. James awaits his opponent inside the ring, but it seems something is wrong backstage. It seems that unlike his failed prison suicide attempt, War Machine has finally succeeded at something in his life, hanging himself from an air duct in the back. Seems nobody here at the Turkey Bowl cared enough to cut that piece of trash down this time around. LeBron avoids a beating, and the world is a better place without that sack of shit around.
We’re now down to our last semifinal match, with Alex Rodriguez facing off with Kentucky Wildcats head coach John Calipari. Coach Cal begins things by trying to tell a funny story about Anthony Davis’ eyebrow… but A Rod is having none of it. He finally sees a chance to win something legitimately, as Calipari is an easy opponent for him. For the first time since high school (allegedly), Rodriguez does things the right way, and easily defeats Calipari to move on to our finale!
So through three rounds of fighting we’ve whittled away 28 other contestants and we’ve got the four biggest douchebags in sports ready to battle it out to see who truly is #1! Former Turkey Bowl Champions LeBron James and Alex Rodriguez are odds on favorites, but Dick Sherman and Jameis Winston both have strong games when it comes to being a massive asshole. Will we crown a new champion, or will the wily veterans pick up yet another Turkey Bowl trophy? We find out right after this:
Ladies and gentlemen, we are back, and our main event is set to begin. Four men, one ring, one champion… a Fatal Fourway matchup to determine who is the biggest douchebag, piece of shit, fuckstick, ass-licking motherfucker in all of sports. As the bell rings our four competitors circle, each trying to get a feel for their opponents. LeBron makes the first move, taking Winston’s legs out, seemingly angry about the beating he gave his boy Johnny Manziel earlier in the night. Rodriguez and Sherman begin shoving and Sherman is trash talking as usual. Rodriguez hits him with a performance enhanced right hook, which knocks his jaw out of place! Finally someone has shut this guy the hell up! As Rodriguez continues pummeling Dick Sherman, Jameis has turned the tables on “King James”, and has him set up for the half Boston Crab again! LeBron goes for the talcum powder to the eye trick again, but Winston sees it coming and ducks out of the way. As James attempts to regain his composure, Winston climbs the ropes and hits him with a Crab Leg Drop. Rodriguez has eliminated Dick Sherman… and he turns his attentions to Winston, who is about to eliminate LeBron. Rodriguez makes the save, and the two former champions start to work together against the young upstart. With Sherman out, it’s up to Winston to ensure there is a new champion this time around.
Winston runs the ropes, and ducks under a double clothesline attempt by James and Rodriguez. Winston then lands a roundhouse to the back of A-Rod’s head, putting him down for the count. But LeBron takes advantage and puts Jameis up into what looks like a torture rack… a throwback to the days of Lex Luger! As James struts about the ring with Winston over his shoulders, Rodriguez is counted out. We’re now down to the final two folks! Winston is in a bad way as he begins to fade… it looks like LeBron James is going to become a two-time Turkey Bowl winner! All of a sudden on the big screen, a video plays of Tim Duncan and Greg Poppovich turning up the thermostat! James watches in horror, and works feverishly to try and get Winston to give up. Soon, the temperature rises, and suddenly James gets “them cramps” again.
Winston takes advantage and gets out of the hold, and James rolls around on the mat. Jameis, never one to pass up the opportunity to take advantage of someone or something, locks in the half Boston Crab once again… and James immediately starts tapping out! Jameis Winston has done it! Jameis Winston is the Turkey Bowl champion!
We now go live to ringside with Jameis Winston, who is joined by Coach Jimbo Fisher.
IHM: Jameis, how does it feel to know you are the single biggest piece of shit in the world of sports today? Of all the douchebags out there, you are #1!
Winston: “If I’m-a do it then, I’m-a do it big”
IHM: Right… so how does it feel knowing that despite “allegedly” being a rapist, thief, and dumber than a fucking rock that you’ve overcome all the odds and proven yourself here on this stage?
Jimbo: This interview is over.
So as Jimbo Fisher ushers Jameis out of the arena with his newest trophy in tow, we say goodnight to all of you. Thanks to everybody out there for doing stupid things and making this so very easy for me! As they say in my old neighborhood… play stupid games, win stupid prizes!
You'd smile too if you was getting the jack he was...
Greetings from the Hoodwood where the snow falls and my fantasy team is falling apart…
MLB: Stanton gets paid
I like Giancarlo Stanton. He is a talented outfielder for the Miami Marlins who is fast growing a rep for being one of the best young sluggers in the game, finished 2nd in the NL MVP behind Clayton Kershaw and might have won it had he not missed the last three weeks of the season with a frightening injury after getting hit in the face with a pitch. Stanton has routinely smashed long homers and is gaining the title of one of the best young sluggers in the game but with still two years to go before he would hit the free agent runway, many pundits felt that while Stanton would continue to see his paychecks increase he was still a couple years from the Yankees, Red Sox or hometown Dodgers swooping in with a monster contract and spiriting him out of perennially cash strapped Miami. The Marlins however did a total script flip and stunned the sports world by inking Stanton to a stunning 13 year $325 million dollar deal. That $25 million a year kids. The deal makes Stanton the richest player in team sports, period. The deal makes the Pujols, Fielder, Cabrera, Trout and Votto deals look like bargain basement raids. Stanton is a quality player and the Marlins were prescient in locking him up but 13 years? Stanton will be a Marlin unless they decide to fire sale and the only teams that will be able to afford him would be the big markets, so one wonders how wise this deal really is. If Stanton is getting $325 million how much will players like Clayton Kershaw and Andrew McCutchen get?
College Football: Is Bama back?
You had the feeling that Nick Saban and the Crimson Tide were playin possum, that they watched as first Ole Miss then Mississippi State took the early reigns as College footballs top dog, knowing sooner or later that they would have a hand in their downfall. Though the Tide had a couple games where they would be pushed to the brink, most notably the OT thriller in Death Valley against LSU, they continue to move stealthily if not steadily up the ranks and after dominating then #1 Mississippi State in a 25-20 win that was not as close as you would think, the Tide now seem poised to get back on the inside of the college football playoff picture. There are other contenders to be sure, Oregon, unbeaten Florida State and a growing list of 1-loss teams like Ohio State and TCU but Tide are there to many of the Tide haters’ chagrin.
NBA: Is Kobe getting his comeuppance?
I grew up loving the Lakers, I was a big Kareem and Magic fan. I wanted to play that roughneck defense like Michael Cooper and the team just seemed like the essence of cool. When the Lakers fell on hard times after Magic retired, I still was a fan at a distance since they had drafted a fellow Bearcat Nick Van Exel (I even had his poster) But when the Lakers pulled a draft day coup to acquire the precocious Kobe Bryant (most forget he was not drafted by the Lakers but by the Charlotte Hornets, the team that is now the New Orleans Pelicans not the current Hornets) I fell out of favor with the Lakers. Despite the fact that they had acquired Shaquille O’Neal. There was just something that always rubbed me the wrong way about Kobe. I always thought him too preppy and not a real urban baller. Did he have game, there was no denying that fact. I just thought he was just a suburban rich-nik who was the beneficiary of having a ball player father and was more snobby than baller. The more I tried to like Kobe the more he kept coming off a self-centered spoiled asshole. After he got caught up with rape accusations in 2004, he just seemed like he was trying to weasel his way out of the charges. The fact that he more or less first paid hush money to the alleged victim then tried to implicate Shaq on the sly made him seem more weasely to me. Throw in some selfish play like no shooting in a whole quarter during a critical stretch in an elimination game in the playoffs and the Kobe mystique to me was always tarnished. But the Lake Show was always in contention and when they fell on some harder times and missed the playoffs, I really didn’t feel sorry for him, I knew that the Lakers would bounce back and Kobe would be playing for a contender. He led the Lakers to titles in 2009 and 2010 and kept them in contention for years but the signs of wear were showing, the Lakers were crumbling and were not able to lure talent to LA, nor keep the talent they had. Players like Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol left at the first chance that they could get leaving Kobe all by himself. His Kobe against the world mantra is not playing very well and with the cross-locker room Clippers now the “it” franchise in LA the Lakers are not even the marquee team in their own building, heck some would say that they are third behind the LA Kings who have won two Stanley Cups in the past three seasons. The Lakers are just plain horrid, and they have limped out to a 1-9 start dead last in the West even behind the neophyte Timberwolves. Lake Show fans put on a brave face but the reality is Kobe is the centerpiece of a shell. A team that once was great and now scares no one, though Kobe thinks that he can will his team to wins like Jordan did. Kobe aint MJ and won’t get any more titles, unless he jumps to the Clippers and tries to gravy train to a title which aint guaranteed in the uber deep West. He opined late last week that he was “jealous” of the Spurs, a team that has aged quite gracefully and to Kobe’s chagrin has as many titles as he does. The reality is that Kobe is reaping what he has sown and like a punch drunk boxer who is hanging on too long, doesn’t quite get that his time has passed.
PHAT DAP/HEAD SLAP
Goes to Wisconsin Running back Melvin Gordon III who rushed for a mindboggling 408 yards last Saturday. Now keep in mind a few things. Gordon did this on 25 carries, in 3 quarters and against…Nebraska. No not a directional FCS team. The famed blackshirt defense of Nebraska. How dope was the performance. Gordon outrushed a teams rushing output for the year in ¾ of a game. Gordon had 408 yards, Wake Forest has 341 yards for the entire season! Gordon broke the record set in 1999 set by LaDainian Tomlinson who gave Gordon mad props via Twitter for breaking his record. Hoodwood salutes Gordon on an unreal performance.
To Tony Williams the selfish Saints fan that got in the middle of what should have been a cool exchange. Bengals tight end Jermaine Gresham scored his 2nd receiving touchdown in the midst of the Bengals 27-10 rout of the Saints in the Superdome on Sunday. Gresham tried to toss the ball to Christa Barrett a Bengals fan formerly from Versailles, Kentucky now living in the Big Easy. Williams elbowed Barrett out of the way and snatched the ball Gresham was trying to toss Barrett’s way then sat tone deaf as Barrett pleaded for the ball. Williams claimed he didn’t intend to elbow Barrett and was getting the ball for his grandson but instead came off looking like a chauvinistic self-centered asshole. The story does have a happy ending as not only the Saints gave Barrett a ball which she would donate to the Cincinnati Children’s hospital but Gresham autographed another ball and gave it to Barrett.
I love the 24 hours of hoops going on today. You can guarantee that Hawai’i will be in the mix for that super late/super early game
Why is my fantasy team crumbling?
Bad week for the Mannings Eli looks like a boob in Gotham and Peyton has a horrid day in St. Louis
After much ado about the Bengals looking bad in primetime, they bounce back whip the Saints and are back in first
Will seven wins take the NFC South while there could be as many as four teams winning ten and sitting home?
I think the MVP voters got it right with Kershaw and Trout
The less you mention to me how horrible my picks were this week the better off you are...
Why do the pundits want Cincy to jettison Johnny Cueto so bad?
My beloved Bearcats tried to give it away but they bounced East Carolina and not only are bowl eligible for the 8th time in 9 years but still has an outside shot at taking conference.
My alma mater Mt. Healthy is shooting for its first ever regional title as they take on Cincinnati LaSalle at 12-0 the Fighting Owls are having their best season ever and I’ll be there to watch them hopefully take the next step to the State Semis!
While trying to get my Xmas shopping done early...
Don't forget to check me out on Twitter - @TheOneTrueJay
College hoops season got underway in a big way on Friday night. I'm following five teams this season (4 women's teams and 1 men's team) and they all tipped off on Friday.
Before I inundate you with a variety of stuff recapping those results, I wanted to share a few of other bits of news.
Lauren Hill, the Mount Saint Joseph's player I've been writing about for a few weeks now, has helped raise $176,000 dollars for The Cure Starts Now cancer foundation.
After the tragic deaths of a beloved assistant coach and the team's director of basketball operations, the Richmond women's basketball team had to find a way to move forward. This story link details the process as they prepared for their season debut on Friday, where they beat Providence College 75-59.
Former Purdue men's coach Gene Keady was famous for his really bad comb-over hair piece. Here's the article on why that decision could've killed him.
The USA Today had a good article this week on Tyler Summitt as he prepared for his first season as head coach of the Louisiana Tech Lady Techsters. You can check it out HERE . By the way, his team won their opening game 76-69 defeating Stephen F. Austin University. Summitt was happy about the win while displeased by his team's 22 turnovers in the game.
Now for the game action news...
Boston College Men - Before I tell you the results of the team's first game, you can get to know more about the team with the following interview links: Coach Jim Christian (pictured below 1st), forward Eddie Odio, guard Dimitri Batten and forward Garland Owens (pictured below 2nd).
The Eagles opened up at home in Conte Forum against New Hampshire and came away with a 58-50 victory. Aaron Brown (pictured below 1st) led the team with 21 points and Olivier Hanlan (pictured 2nd) finished with 17 points. BC led by 10 points at halftime and while UNH outscored them by 2 points in the second half, it wasn't enough to stop the Eagles from gaining their first win of the season. (photos from the BC Facebook gallery)
You can see video highlights of the game below.
Hartford Hawks - The women's team went on the road to open their season and despite trailing by as many as 7 points in each half, came back to defeat Cornell 48-46. Deanna Mayza (pictured below) led the team with 15 points and tied her career high of 7 assists. She was the only player to hit double figures for the Hawks. But that didn't spare her from the general unhappiness Coach Jennifer Rizzotti had with her team's lack of execution in the game.
"It's probably not a good sign when we win and I'm not happy," said head coach Jen Rizzotti. "I thought we played hard but we were unfocused and really struggled to execute over the course of the game. I think Deanna [Mayza] made some big plays for us, but I feel like some of her mistakes could have cost us the game. That's why we keep pushing her to improve. Overall, this game gives us a lot to look at and work on, that's why it's good to play these games early."
The Hawks missed 10 of their 17 free throw attempts and shot just 34% from the floor for the game. The offensive execution is going to determine just how far the team goes in the America East Conference this season so they are going to have to improve in that area and do it quickly. The team did hold a 47-38 edge in rebounds for the game.
Missouri State - The second season under coach Kellie Harper got off to a rough start with the Lady Bears giving up a 16-1 run late in the game as Memphis pulled away to win 79-63. The loss dampened the enthusiasm about the return of Kenzie Williams (pictured below) to the lineup. She was lost for a majority of last season with a knee injury. She had 21 points to lead the team along with 7 rebounds, 4 steals (2 turnovers) and 4 assists. Freshman Liza Fruendt scored 18 points in her first college game action. Missing from the box score was Tyonna Snow. There was no explanation given that I could find, but Snow is a major contributor to the team and her presence might've changed the face of the game.
Tennessee LADY VOLS - You might wonder why I chose to capitalize "Lady Vols". It seems the name came under attack again this week by their own school and their less than popular AD Dave Hart. It was announced this week that with the exception of the women's basketball team, the term "Lady Vols" is being tossed in the trash so that they can extend the brand of their "Power T" logo to the women's teams and have a uniform marketing look.
Dave Hart, who has systematically gone about dismantling the power of the women's programs at Tennessee since he got there, is aided and abetted in this crime by Nike. They want all the teams to be known as "Volunteers". As if somehow, the term "Lady Vols" is holding back the women's teams from advancing into modern day.
I don't understand why referring to the women's teams at Tennessee (or any school really) is seen as denigrating them. At Tennessee, the Lady Vols logo and designation has symbolized a tradition of excellence, and not just with the basketball team either. Meanwhile, the men's teams (with the exception of the basketball team when Bruce Pearl was the coach) have taken that "Power T" logo and made it a joke. They suck. The football team sucks, the men's basketball team sucks and while I can't speak truthfully to the other men's programs at Tennessee, I haven't seen their names mentioned as title contenders in any other sports.
Why would you want to associate the high expectation women's team with a loser logo like the "Power T" when the men's teams have done nothing but trash it?
I used to like reading sports writer Christine Brennan back in the day but lately she has become a thorough bore and a chore to read. If her constant haranguing of the NFL wasn't bad enough (they deserved the initial ration of crap everyone gave them, but she acted like the fact the NFL didn't just close up shop was a mortal sin), her comparison of the Lady Vols name to the Redskins name was farcical (Can you imagine? The idea of trying to tie "Lady" and "Redskins" as slurs?) and her continued writing that the term "Lady" demeans the team and women as a whole is ridiculous. I hold the Lady Vols in the highest esteem. You can't say that about the men's Volunteers teams. You can read Brennan's idiotic ramblings HERE. I was ticked off enough about the article that I tweeted my disagreement with her viewpoint to Brennan on Twitter.
An opposing opinion was written by The Washington Post's Sally Jenkins (full disclosure, she's friends with and has written books with Pat Summitt). However, her piece was far better constructed and comes off far more intelligent in its argument in favor of the "Lady Vols" name. Yes it is an opinion I agree with so I guess I would be a little biased in favor of this article. But since I'm not a total idiot, I can be objective about what I think of the two articles.
I particularly enjoyed this line from the Jenkins article: "If a Lady Vol is wearing a diamond on her finger, odds are she won it."
Sports Illustrated had a good piece on coach Holly Warlick (pictured below from Friday night's season opener) as she enters her third season in charge of the Lady Vols with a sense of comfort in role.
(ALL PHOTOS TAKEN FROM THE TENNESSEE GAME PHOTO GALLERY)
As for the team's first game, Tennessee faced off against Pennsylvania on Friday night and came away with a resounding 97-52 victory. The Lady Vols actually trailed 20-17 halfway through the first half of the game but a 30-5 run to close the half game Tennessee control of the game for good.
Nia Moore had a career high 24 points to lead the Lady Vols. She added 14 rebounds as well.
Bashaara Graves added 16 points and 10 boards while Isabelle Harrison (pictured below) came off the bench for 12 points and 10 boards.
Tennessee's freshman class made an immediate impact as well. Alexa Middleton (pictured below 1st) had 20 points, Kortney Dunbar (pictured 2nd, #13) scored 15 points and Jaime (pictured 3rd) added 10 points. It is only the second time in school history that 3 freshman have hit double figures in their first game.
Boston College Women - The recruiting classes have been announced for all of the teams for next season it seems. While I normally pay little attention to the recruiting wars because I don't care who might show up or who says they will show up, one recruit for Boston College is the 5'7" point guard Stephanie Jones. You can read more about her in this article link. A true point guard that can truly handle the pressure defense that BC will face constantly during the ACC portion of their schedule is a must. They've been lacking it for years now. Here's hoping Jones can be that point guard.
You can see an interview with coach Erik Johnson on what he's looking to see from the team this season below.
The BC women opened up their season on the road against Stanford. Last season, they hosted the Cardinal at Conte Forum and got spanked after taking a lead into the first TV time out. Coming out of that timeout, Stanford went on a 28-0 run that sealed the game.
The team had a morning shootaround before the game (see below) but it didn't end up helping to change the result much.
This time around, Stanford broke out to an early lead, but the Eagles tied it at 32 before trailing 49-40 at halftime. But in the second half players like Kat Cooper couldn't keep up with (see below) Stanford's Kailee Johnson, while Lauren Engeln had no answer (see below 2nd) for stopping Lili Thompson (career high 26 points)
In the end, Stanford blew out the Eagles 96-63. Emilee Daley (pictured below) tied her career high with 13 points to lead the Eagles.
Nicole Boudreau added 11 points (3-3 from 3 pt range). Freshman Ashley Kelsick (see below) scored 10 points in her first college game. Karima Gabriel had 6 points to go with a team high 7 rebounds.
BC's 17 turnovers (6 by Martina Mosetti, pictured below) got turned into 26 points by Stanford.
Stanford shot 64.9% from the for the game which is the fifth best single game shooting performance in the entire history of the game. So the Eagles losing this game was not a surprise to say the least. I don't think an upset was really being thought about but a competitive game should've been the goal. However, when your opponent hits nearly 65 percent of the shots they take, you have to figure it is going to be a LONG night.
The Eagles play St. Mary's at 4pm today so it will be interesting to see how they bounce back from the big loss.
By the way, while on this West Coast road trip, the team went to Fisherman's Wharf and took a trip to Alcatraz. You can see the team below before they headed off on the trip to the former prison.
Wisconsin - While the Badgers aren't a team I normally cover, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the record setting day that their running back Melvin Gordon had yesterday. In his team's 59-24 beatdown of Nebraska (Cornhusker coach Bo Pelini has a pathetic record vs. ranked opponents), Gordon ran for 4 touchdowns and new all-time NCAA rushing record 408 yards. He broke the record from 1999 that was held by TCU's (and former San Diego Charger) LaDanian Tomlinson. Even more amazing about Gordon's (see below #25) accomplishment was that he did it in just three quarters of action.
Mass Maritime - The Buccaneers faced off against Bridgewater State in the 36th Annual Cranberry Bowl yesterday. It was the final game of the season for Mass Maritime which means it is the final college game for my former player E.J. Heading into the game, he needed 6 catches to become the school leader in that category.
Mass Maritime had lost the last three times these two teams had played each other. But they rocketed out to a 17-0 first quarter lead, led 24-7 at halftime and then cruised their way to a 31-21 victory that closes their season with a 4-6 record. It is the first time in 30 years that Mass Maritime beat Bridgewater State on BSU's field.
My former player Richie picked up 6 carries for 13 yards, including a 1 yard TD run (his first college TD).
As for E.J., he went out in a blaze of glory. He caught 11 passes for 239 yards and 2 TDS. One of those TDs was a 93 yard pass play! He was named game MVP. He finished his career with 182 catches for 2,568 yards.
Way to go both of you and congratulations to Mass Maritime Academy, the 2013 Cranberry Bowl Champions.
Alabama - I know the haters are going to hate, but after Alabama's 25-20 upset of #1 Mississippi State, there is simply no way anyone can question the now 9-1 Crimson Tide belonging in the 4 team playoff system.
Despite Alabama's offense not fashioning a blowout victory, they scored when they needed to and relied on a defense that came up with one big play after another when they needed it. Despite Mississippi State gaining 427 total yards (to Alabama's 336), the Bama defense picked off Heisman Trophy candidate Dak Prescott (getting leveled in the photo below) three times (including once in the end zone) thus killing potential scoring chances.
Blake Sims threw for 211 yards and a TD (to Amari Cooper, who had 8 catches for 88 yards). Both Derrick Henry (pictured below 1st) and T.J. Yeldon (pictured 2nd) found the end zone on the ground and despite a late TD pass from Prescott to make the final score closer than the game seemed, the Tide rolled and knocked off the #1 team in the country.
Boston College - After last week's rather devasting loss, the Eagles were on a bye week this week. There's not a whole lot to talk about with them as they take time to regroup, re-assess and try to heal up from some of their injuries. In the meantime, you can check out this article on receiver Josh Bordner. He spent four years as a backup QB but came back this year and recast himself as a reliable pass catcher.
You can also check out a video interview with defensive back Justin Simmmons below.
While the Boston Red Sox were one of the teams expected to bid for Miami Marlins player Giancarlo Stanton, news this week about Stanton being close to signing a 325 million dollar 13 year deal broke. This likely means everyone else in baseball will have to look elsewhere for talent upgrades this offseason.
Of course it also means that Stanton and his agent are about to sacrifice any chance of him ever winning a ring.
Speaking of the Boston Red Sox, the more tangible news for them is the talk that the club is talking to pitcher Jon Lester about a return to the team after they traded him this past season to the Oakland A's. And it appears that owner John Henry is amenable to breaking his rule about giving long term deals to pitchers over the age of 30.
The talk I've heard and read about says the two sides are talking about a 6 year deal. Of course, Lester's return to the Red Sox would be welcomed by the fan base. And I think the team knows this. Otherwise, a 6 year deal wouldn't even be a talking point in negotiations. But it does raise the question about why the team didn't just make this kind of deal with Lester in the first place and keep him with the team all along. Yes, I know they got a decent bat in Yoenis Cespedes to help the offense. But a lot of good that did when your pitching staff couldn't get anyone out.
Clay Buchholz is a serviceable pitcher when he's healthy (which isn't often), but he's best as your #3 starter TOPS. He's not the ace of a pitching staff, mostly because he can't stay healthy, but he does have on field issues as well. Lester is a clearly defined #1 starter. And when he was dealt away this past season, it was the biggest example of how the team quit on the season.
Look I know the Red Sox weren't going to go anywhere last season. But you at least like to see the illusion that the team is trying to win. And Red Sox fans didn't get that last year at all. It was hard to do so when the front office traded away so many key players before the deadline.
If the two sides do strike a deal, it will be a welcome sign that the Red Sox are actually going to try and field a competitive/competent team for the 2015 season.
After being on their bye last week, the New England Patriots made a bit of news this week leading up to tonight's game on the road vs. the Indianapolis Colts. It seems they became the first NFL team to have one million followers on Twitter. I don't think it really matters in the scheme of things (despite being on Twitter myself for shameless self promotion purposes), but it is a noteworthy moment considering how much activity these days takes place on that social media site.
But thanks to the ever present danger of automation, the club found themselves in need of making a public apology when their automatic set up for reaching that one million follower mark saw them tweeting out a racial slur based on the Twitter handle of one of their followers. Here's the story.
If you missed my new Celtics Report blog piece that I posted yesterday, you can check it out HERE.
Sports Illustrated's Chris Ballard had a brilliant in-depth piece on New Orleans Pelicans star Ryan Anderson as he deals with and moves forward after the suicide death of his girlfriend last year. The piece was in this week's edition of the SI magazine, but the article link HERE is a longer version of the story.
HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS
The Wareham High football team got spanked again on Friday night. They faced off against Norton. The Norton team was on a two game win streak and unfortunately for Wareham, those two teams were the ones that the Vikings had lost two over their previous two games. And it was more of the same kind of beatdown for Wareham vs. Norton.
They were trailing 34-0 at halftime and the younger players got a lot more playing time in the second half on the way to losing 46-6. Josh had five carries for 20 yards in the game.
Now the 1-9 Vikings are off until their Thanksgiving Day game against arch rival Bourne.
Basketball - With just that Turkey Day football left for fall sports interest, my eyes turn towards the high school basketball season. I'll be covering four girls teams and possibly 2 boys teams (Wareham and Upper Cape) this year that have former players of mine.
The girls team's I'll be watching are Upper Cape (JV and varsity), Wareham (JV and varsity), Bristol-Plymouth (varsity) and Sturgis East (varsity). Of course, trying to figure out the various schedules is going to be a headache once I have all of them to coordinate which games I'll go to watch.
Yes, it is going to be a very busy winter of basketball viewing for me.
By now, this should come as no surprise. I had another 0-2 week. I'm 5-5 in one league and 1-9 in the other one. Yes indeed, I'm that putrid this season.
Books - I'm nearly finished with one book after taking a break from novels to catch up on past issues of Sports Illustrated. But while I haven't finished the novel, I did make time to pick up the new Janet Evanovich / Lee Goldberg paperback The Chase. It is the second book in their series about a female FBI agent and a charming rogue thief teaming up to solve cases. Yes, it sounds like a bit like the TV show White Collar but the first book was a decent and pleasant diversion, so I'm looking forward to reading the second book.
I also picked up a copy of the debut thriller from Terry Hayes that I reviewed back in March for inclusion into the Yankee Swap gift basket I'm doing up for the big family Xmas Eve gathering.
Also, be on the lookout for my second annual Top 10 Mystery and Thriller Books list. I'll be trying to get that article done in time for the first of the year.
Thanks to a bargain sale find at a local department store, I added the first two seasons of The Facts of Life to my TV on DVD collection this week.
Meanwhile, this year's Doctor Who Christmas Special is getting some advance hype. There was a teaser trailer released early this week and then during the annual Children in Need telethon they do in England, a scene from the special was aired. You can check out both videos below.
Music - AC/DC found themselves having to deal with the spotlight in an unexpected way this week as drummer Phil Rudd was arrested on a variety of charges in Australia, including a charge of attempting to procure a murder. Yes, trying to buy a hit! That charge was dropped but he is still facing other charges that could land him in prison for seven years. In between releasing statements about the legal status of their drummer, the band released the official video for the song "Play Ball."
Another Australian rock band that caught my attention is the band Massive. I finally heard their 2013 debut CD called Full Throttle. It was given away with an issue of Classic Rock magazine a while back but I've only now gotten to reading that particular issue. Anyway, the CD was fantastic. Pure driving hard rock at its finest. You can check out one of their songs called "Burn The Sun" below.
The final bit of music I have this week centers on former Whitesnake guitarist Bernie Marsden. He's got a new solo album out called Shine. I belong to a music board called Classic Rock Bottom and one of the features there is called New Music Corner. The poster Scott featured 5 tracks from the album this week and I took a listen. They were phenomenal and made it so I just had to put the disc on my want list. You can check out the title track (featuring a guest appearance from guitarist Joe Bonamassa) below.
The bye week is awful not as bad as Thursday Night Football. But awful, I realize it’s good for your team to heal up and get some well deserved rest. But I’m a fan damn it. It’s all about me not a bunch of millionaires. Sure there was Football on. There was a good game with the Bills and the Chiefs. The Chiefs knocking them off... Then it was the Giants and the Seahawks yawn The Seahawks winning 38-17 with leaves needing raking and early darkness dinner and a 5:40 Hockey game No Giants or Seahawks yawn. It’s time to settle in and watch the Bears and the Packers. I was there in my living room all nestled on my couch Ruby the wonder dog by my side Damn dog ten pounds of terror she must of scared those damn Bears away because they didn’t show up. To bad it was dark and cold the leaves needed to be raked again. Yeah , the bye weeks sucks, No Tom Brady, No Vince Wilfork, No Gronk damn. But Leaves got raked even though by days end it didn’t look like it. My damn neighbor has been away there are no leaves in his yard only mine. Damn leaves.
Kung Fu Panda coming to Fenway so the rumors have it. That lil Pork Chop of a First Baseman who is asking for way too much cash and will fill a need on Yawkey Way could be on his way. I’m not really liking the idea. I can see Buck Showalter bunting a lot down the Third Base line, Ditto for Joe Giradi. Sure the guy can hit and sure for a guy that size he is athletic and a champion for us fat guys everywhere. However, since this is the about me blog . I want a guy that can hit the Green Monster and get a double not a single. Let’s face it was outfielders today are pretty quick and most can play the wall. Sure occasionally a guy can mis read abounce or moves in to tight to the Wall and miss plays it. Most don’t.. Maybe the panda can rake my damn leaves and get in shape that way.
There also a lot of rumors that the Red Sox will oen the purse strings and break there so called player value and are willing to pay John Lester to return. I would love it absolutely love it but, I’m of the opinion that it is rumor and only a rumor what else do writers have to do at those GM meetings or owners meetings sit around and float rumors.
Give me a source other one unnamed source in the know.
The NHL are thinking Expansion(dumb asses). In los Vegas . This will be headed up by William Foley and the Maloof of Family of Sacremento Kings owners and another city in the Western US.. according to the NY Post
. This league is finally doing some good things and have a decent TV money and a deplitated talent pool. Although the article said there is no time table on expansion., now or the near future isn’t the time to expand. If you want to move a couple of teams that makes more sense move the Coyotes or the Panthers or both. There are some very weak fan bases throughout the league and there are too many team as it is. We know they won’t contract the number of teams but they shouldn’t expand. The league is enjoying a bunch of success now is not the team to expand. I will predict a franchise in Vegas will flop as much as an NFL team in London. I don’t like and it is totally not necessary.
LIL Warriors Report
Boys had a few tough games over the weekend battling both Saturday and Sunday in close games than the wheels fell off both games. The boys were down 4-1 Saturday battled back to 4-3 with about 6 minutes left and the wheels came off losing 8-3. Just freaky goals bad bounces crappy rebounds and what not and an empty netter.
Sunday Lil lanz poked home his 3rd goal of the season. Boys were in a 4-4 tie and ended up losing 7-4 in a nasty chippy game. That almost brought the coaches to blows. I’m happy to say calmer heads prevailed. Our head coach argues and off sides call that resulted in a goal and he was ejected. He was right the kid was 4 feet over the Blue line when he scored. That took the wind out of the sails.
On Tuesday the boys got a nice win in a good hockey game back in fourth yes it was Veterans Day game. Asked Lil Lanz check is bag , he said he did . he forgot his Hockey pants. The Mrs. Wasn’t too happy driving to the rink about 20 minutes away with a bunch of other stuff on her plate. She got them there in time. I was suppose to work too many things to do and too many leaves to rake. I took the day off.
As the season is coming to end. I had a rare Saturday Night Game this week as I worked Friday as well. Saturday I left for the game right after Lil Lanz’s Hockey game. It was a lousy game two 1-7 teams.
This Bear always showed up. he doen't have to rake the leaves.
One team couldn’t move the ball so they brought in their version of the Fridge. Kid had to be 6-3 and 3 Bills. His first run from scrimmage it took 8 kids to bring him down. I’m thinking there wasn’t a kid over 200 pounds on that defense. A few more runs a few first downs. They stopped him fourth and goal from the 2 all 11 kids stood him up at the goalline. It was like a barn raising. It was a bragging rights game as I was to find out both head coaches were roommates. They don’t normally play each other.
Monday , I had a JV game scheduled at 4pm it gets dark at 5.(no lights at this field). It a nice turf practice field that they play their sub varsity games on. .Before the turf was installed a few years ago the tree line use to jet out at one end of th field made for some weird plays. According to the home team the coach is a pretty good guy. The AD changed the game to 3:30 of course he forgot to tell us and the visiting team as the bus pulled in at 3:45. Only two Officials in that game . (Damn you run a lot in those). We got both coaches to agree that it would be 9 minutes running time per quarter and two minutes regular time at th end of each half.
The last three plays I could not see who had the ball we let those playskill themselves.Nobody got hurt and we got it in everybody worked together to get done Coaches , officials, and players. Chalk that one up to experience.. It’s time to rake the leaves again!
Greetings from the Hoodwood, where the proud men and women who served our country are always honored and revered. We salute our veterans today and everyday!
Leading off: Another wild weekend in football
I love this time of the year in sports, except for the shortening days, the football is what I crave and enjoy. High school is getting into the big time playoff atmosphere, colleges are grinding through the conference schedules with the stakes getting higher and higher every week. And the NFL is its usual wild and wacky self. Preps and Pros have a way of shaking themselves out as November progresses. Before this year I used to rail against the notion that the regular season was the playoff to shake the pretenders out, but what I like is that you have the conferences that play and the conference title games to follow. Then the plain jane named college football playoff its an exciting buildup and now you have the high powered games that really do act as a knockout stage. Examples:
Arizona State proves ND is fake again
Notre Dame Seems to always be the one team the pundits want so badly to be the great national power, but it seems that as of late the Irish seems to fold on the national stage. This time in Tempe in Sun Devil Stadium where Arizona State raced out to a huge 34-3 lead then weathered a hard charge rally by the Irish that had their faithful believing that they were going to rally for another predestined win. But a funny thing happened in the desert, the Sun Devils buckled but didnt break, cashing in on a pick six, they parried the Irish charge and rolled to a 55-31 win. I think we've seen the last of the Irish this year...good riddance. Ive long railed against the fake Irish and their supposed superiority, but playing all these cupcakes and soft teams in the friendly confines of South Bend and other Irish friendly venues like Yankee Stadium comes back to bite them hard when they play in a venue that isnt kowtowing to them and the audience is truly hostile. Both times the Irish played as a true visitor they have lost and Ill bet that they will lose when they play at USC too...
Ohio State: Comeback Bucks?
I saw the Buckeyes get taken to the woodshed by Va. Tech to begin the season. As someone who loathes the Bucks and their noisy arrogant fans, I saw it as a delicious comeuppance. I saw a flustered JT Barrett and thought that my beloved Bearcats had a real chance to pull an upset. Well of course we know how that went. The Bucks rolled the Bearcats on the last Saturday and September and have rolled to a number of wins. But after struggling with a so-so Penn State, went to East Lansing to face the 8th ranked Spartans. Falling behind 21-14 in the 2nd after Sparty lumbered downfield on a methodical drive the Bucks looked like they were actually in peril. But the Bucks began ripping off points. Barrett looked more and more poised as the game went on and shredded the vaunted Spartan defense. When it was all said and done the Bucks had a 49-38 win suddenly they look more and more like a formidable threat and nearing the head of the 1-loss teams that have a realistic shot at being selected for the College Football playoff. I still loath the Bucks make no mistake but as the wise philosopher Sheedy Wallace taught us here in Hoodwood “Ball don’t lie.” The Bucks are ballin’ and are in position to make noise.
Bama still lurking
Speaking of lurking, that team from Tuscaloosa is hanging around…again. The Crimson Tide are like Freddy or Jason. You think that you’ve killed them off and are just starting to relax and look for something to drink when they pop up again and start slashing. Most people wrote Bama off after they took a stunning loss to Ole Miss and struggled mightily with Arkansas but the Tide just keeps rolling. Now after thrashing Texas A&M and Tennessee then getting a crucial win in Death Valley over LSU don’t look now but the Tide are right in the thick of things themselves. SEC honks think that they are deserving of two berth and Bama keeps making a case for one of them. But with a supershowdown on the docket against Mississippi State, this might serve as an elimination game. With their hated rival Auburn out of the way with a loss to Texas A&M the path clears more for the Tide
Oregon plays it smart and wins
The Ducks were on the ropes to be sure. Utah had burned them on long pass play to Kaelin Clay and were about to go up 14-0 in front of a rowdy home crowd in Salt Lake City. When things turned bizarre, as Clay crossed the goal line dropped the ball. But he hadn’t crossed the goal line with the ball and the ball was on the ground on the 1 yard line. The refs stood there eyeing the ball suspiciously but not going near it, a couple of Oregon players and a Utah player trailing the play briefly tussled over the ball before Oregon linebacker Joe Walker emerged from the scrum and went trundeling back down the field toward the opposite goal. Now keep in mind that a third of the Utah players were in the end zone celebrating what they thought was a score and the other 2/3 was headed the sideline on the far side of the field. Meanwhile Walker was rumbling down the sideline with a virtual secret service convoy detail around him. Taking out the one Utah player that was still on the field, the Ducks scored on an improbable play and instead of the Utes being up 14-0 they were now tied and the air took out of a potential upset bid. The Ducks cruised to a 51-27 win behind the sharp play of Marcus Mariota, the player no one east of the Rockies really has seen much of but should be a shoo-in for the Heisman. Oregon is ranked #4 and is likely headed for a showdown with the aforementioned Arizona State for the Pac-12 title and a likely playoff berth. And what was it we were saying about every week a playoff?
In the Pros its just as nutty and fun
Detroit the quiet 7-2
Contrary to what many think it’s the Lions not the Pack that are leading the NFC North and like their quiet coach Jim Caldwell, the Lions have adapted a more low key tone and are playing tough. They won a slugfest with the Dolphins on a last minute toss from Matthew Stafford to Theo Riddick gave the Lions a 20-16 win. The Lions now face the equally hot Cards in what could determine home field for the playoffs. You read that right the Cards and Lions, long sad sacks of the NFC are this years kingpins. Why couldn’t the NFL flex this game to primetime. Don’t they say in their own fact and record book that flexing games gives a chance for surprise teams to play their way on to primetime? I know that the Pats and Colts are division leaders in their own right, but it would be nice to see other teams get the primetime spotlight every now and then
Rodgers shreds Da Bears
I mean really, this is getting almost criminal. The Bears got throttled by Tom Brady and the Pats two weeks ago, then went on their bye. When they resurfaced after the bye they were in the Jaws like sight of Aaron Rodgers and the Pack…at Lambeau…on a primetime stage. It was almost sickening to watch Rodgers abuse the Bear secondary again and again. 6 touchdowns in one half??? Are you kidding. What was sadder was watching Jay Cutler just flounder against a less than formidable Packers secondary. The Pack rang up a 55-14 thrashing and the Bears become the first team in the modern era to give up 50 or more points in back to back games. The only other team to do that was the legendary Rochester Jeffersons, I think they beat the Raiders a couple weeks ago…
Its rare when I give dap to a White Sox, since I still despise the team but you have to give it to Jose Abreu who was named the AL Rookie of Year unanimously. When you lead AL rookies in home runs (36), RBIs (107), hits (176), doubles (35), runs scored (80), OBP (.383), slugging percentage (.581) and OPS (.964). You are a lock to win the honors, hats off to a breakout star.
To the Arizona Cardinals. Not for their 8-1 start but locking up Carson Palmer on a 3 year $50 million contract with $20.5 million guaranteed then Palmer goes out the very next Sunday and shreds his knee the same one that he hurt in 2006 in the playoff against the Steelers.
Could the Sixers tank as bad again?
Kansas State Fails another primetime test
I don’t know how who is more on a downward spiral, Jay Cutler or Andy Dalton. I would say the former more than the latter,
Is Charlie Strong really in trouble?
Why are my Wings so damn frustrating?
Dont look now but my Bearcats are still in a postion to shot call in the American (I know its not a power conference, but winning is winning)
A million apologies for the delay in posting, Routers and passwords and other things dont like IT guys like me...