Tagged with "Monkey"
Deep Thoughts 4-2-14
Category: FEATURED
Tags: MLB begins Jeter to the Indians? Hu on first. Johnny Monkey's birtday



Hello and welcome to another Wednesday of deep thoughts. I am very transparent in my love for baseball. I am not sure exactly when the game became my favorite, but suddenly…it is not even close.  With the start of the MLB season on Monday, we embark of my favorite time of year. I enjoy high school and college baseball, but there is nothing like the major league game for me. I know many of you are still trying to shake this stubbornly cold winter. So you probably don’t want to hear about the 85 degree weather in Austin this week. It is great to be able to walk out in shorts and a tee shirt in the evening without freezing. April is a great time to be in Austin. We do have an occasional late cold front and of course those tornadoes can be a bit troubling…but I am ready for warm weather. In fact, I am even ready for hot, this year. For those still battling the cold, the warm up is on the way…hang in there.

The first couple of days of the MLB season have been interesting. Last year, I had a hunch that the Mariners might surprise some folks. It did not turn out that way, but it looks like that young talent is beginning to flourish. With the teams in their division, it will be a long hard road…but they really have played well through two games. It did not hurt my feelings to see my Astros hand the Yankees their first loss. I am not kidding myself, the Stros are a few years away from making noise, but they won’t suck as bad as they have of late. I must remind myself that it is April and that the cream will rise to the top over the course of the season. Hopefully, my fantasy teams will as well, the first few days of the season have not been so kind.






 I saw this video and had to share it. I am often not crazy about radio guys…but I have to agree with his assessment with this caller. Really dude?





                                       Abbott and Costello would be proud of this day. Finally, there is a Hu on first!



The UTPA Broncs had a week long road trip to visit TCU, then a three game series in Seattle. Without going into too much detail, I will say that the road trip did not go well. Despite rallying to take the lead in the top of the Friday night game against Seattle, the Broncs could not hold the lead. The second game ended the same way, with Seattle walking off in the 9th inning. It is tough to have two victories yanked away and it showed in game three. The team looked flat and lost in a game that was never close. My son told us he now understands what a red eye flight is…they got into Dallas about 3 am and their flight did not head south until 8 or so. A few hours sleeping in the airport are definitely for the young. They finally got home, just in time to go to class. Watching these kids grind through a season is impressive. Next on tap for the Broncs is a home series against Grand Canyon.





                           Do yourself a favor and check out this video...even if you don't like the cello, you will dig this video.




Best wishes to Jim Kelly as he battles a recurrence of cancer. Hang tough Jim…



Apparently, Tuesday was Johnny Monkey’s birthday. Wherever he is, I hope he had a great birthday. I would bet that he was eating veggies with pretty people. What a bad ass monkey…













That’s all I have today, but I will leave you with a bit of Jack Handey…



If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."



Thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave a few deep thoughts of your own…









Monkey Security
Category: Humor
Tags: Johnny Monkey foils a thief


Howdy to all in You Gab land. Johnny Monkey here to offer a security tip to all of my friends. Rather than try to explain, Johnny Monkey thinks a video is much easier:





Don't forget to eat your vegetables! Johnny Monkey must go now. Johnny Monkey has a job to do in England; something to do with a group of badminton players.

NASCAR Monkey Business And Las Vegas Recap
Category: Racing
Tags: NASCAR Monkey Las Vegas


Welcome Gabbers and others to another fun filled race recap, race updates, story telling and trivial nonsense. Been digging around looking for interesting NASCAR stuff. Researching stories I already know of to get my facts straight in my retelling. So in this weeks story? Since we have a love of monkeys and general monkey business here at The Gab, I thought it only fitting to tell a tale of one such pint sized rhesus monkey named Jocko Flocko and his adoptive family the Flocks. His NASCAR career was a short one, only 8 races total in 1953 but one worth telling. He had his own uniform and there are some very nice but rare photos on TimFlock.com. 

The final race didn't go so well. So I'll let it be told in the words of his copilot Tim Flock...."Back then the cars had a trap door that we could pull open with a chain to check our tire wear. Well, during the Raliegh 300, Jocko got loose from his seat and stuck his head through the trap door and he went berzerk! Listen, it was hard enough to drive those heavy old cars back then under normal circumstances but with a crazed monkey clawing you at the same time, it became nearly impossible! I had to come into the pits to put him out and ended up 3rd. The pit stop cost me 2nd place and a $600 difference in my pay check. Jocko was retired immediately. I had to get that monkey off my back."

Now Tim is saying he went berzerk after looking in the trap door at the tires. I'm thinking he had a date he was late for and the race was running too long. Even monkeys know to never be late for a date because you know how us women get.

The Flock family were 8 children born to Lee and Maudie. This family probably would've been in the X Games or other extreme sporting events of today. Lee was a mechanic, taxi driver, bicycle racer and tight rope walker. Maudie worked at a hosery mill. Carl the oldest son was a speed boat racer. Reo, one of the girls was a wing walker and parachutist. Ethel raced in over 100 races. Bob, Tim and Fonty raced cars. Now of course they were bootleggers and ran that bootleg too. Uncle Peachtree Williams was supposedly the most high profile bootlegger in those parts at the time and the Flock boys got their racing practice running bootleg.

As legend has it the bootleggers would find a cow pasture and drive around in a circle till a track was worn in it and then they'd race drawing crowds of 200 to 300 people. This is the pre NASCAR days. Brian France Sr came along to start the Grand Nationals which later became NASCAR. The inaugural Grand National Championship race was in June of 1949 in Charlotte, NC. The Flock brothers raced in it. Bob came in 3rd, Fonty 5th and Tim 8th. 

In 1950 NASCAR had it's only time in history that 4 siblings raced in the same race. Ethel beat her brothers who all had car issues by coming in 11th in her Cadillac. 

Fonty loved racing in his Bermuda shorts and there's a pair of those shorts in the Darlington museum. 

Tim was the brother who made out the best. He had 2 championships. One in 1952. He raced the #91 Hudson Hornet to that championship earning a $3000 dollar pay day. In 1955 he got his second championship in his #300 Chrysler earning $5000. He had 18 wins and 19 pole positions that year.

Tim won the only NASCAR sports car race in 1955 driving a Mercedes Benz 300 SL Gullwing.

Tim had the first 2 way radio in his car so he could talk to the crew chief in 1954. 

Tim was the only driver to win in all 4 divisions on Daytona Beach. 1955 Grand National, 1956 Modified Division, 1956 Grand National and 1957 Convertible Division.

In 1961, Tim and his crew chief Curtis Turner were banned from NASCAR when they tried to bring in a union going so far as to contact Jimmy Hoffa. In 1965 it was repealed but Tim didn't return.

So it would seem that NASCAR does have some very colorful stories from the past. Even a monkey. The ONLY winning monkey in racing unless of course our own Johnny Monkey. I'm not sure about his checkered flag past. I don't claim to know all the NASCAR history.


Well the Las Vegas race plagued 2 more drivers with fuel injection system issues. Both Penske drivers had issues. A J Allmendinger  in the Pennzoil #22 had low fuel pressure starting around lap 149. It got slowly worse from there with each pit stop to change parts ultimately leading up to changing out the whole fuel injection system. He finished 37th and many laps down. His team mate Brad Keselowski in the Miller Lite #2 had it off and on. During one of the last restarts he was in first with Tony Stewart behind him but the car refused to respond and Stewart blew right by him. At first I thought he ran out of fuel but it was reported his fuel pressure dropped. He wound up 32nd and 8 laps down. 

Kurt Busch is trying to stay positive and be a leader for his team but I think the powers that be are testing him. He ran over some debris on the track and cut down a tire resulting in a race ending spin into the wall with 15 laps to go. With 8 laps to go his brother Kyle who came from the back of the field in a back up car also cuts down a tire and spins out. He stays on the lead lap though and comes in 23rd. 

For all you Dale Earnhardt Jr fans out there he lead like 70 laps in the beginning of the race but after a pit stop where he took 4 tires and others took 2, he ended up in mid pack. He later said that it was his fault for not getting enough information to Letarte to make the proper adjustments as the track changed during the race. 

Jimmie Johnson's crew chief Chad Knaus was at the track despite the Daytona penalty. He and Hendrick are appealing it on Tuesday. Jimmie wrecked in practice and had to go to the back up car. According to the rules your qualifying time is disallowed and you start in the back. He came up through the field to challenge Tony Stewart for the win but Stewart held him off with his stellar restart skills. 

Mia's man Regan Smith had an awesome day coming home in 15th. He's on a small under funded team but drives Hendrick equipment so 15th is awesome for him. Even in the best equipment half of it is the ability to set up the equipment and the other half is the driver. I'm expecting if the economy ever lightens up he'll be in a better ride.

YES!!!!!! My Knight of the Mobile 1 took Las Vegas. On one of the last restarts Tony made another of his spectacular dive bombs to the apron to snag the lead. On old tires no less. My daddy called me just now to tell me of a contest to win $10,000 and a chance to be his boss for one race. So after I get done writing this it's off to QL.com to get in on that.

The race top 12 at the end of the race....1. Tony Stewart  2. Jimmie Johnson 3. Greg Biffle 4. Ryan Newman 5. Carl Edwards 6. Clint Bowyer 7. Paul Menard 8. Jamie McMurray 9. Trevor Bayne 10. Dale Jr 11. Kevin Harvick 12. Jeff Gordon


THE DANICA - Her only race was the Nationwide on Saturday. She came in 12th and all 200 laps. Congrats to Danica. This puts her in 15th in the NNW Points Standings.

FUEL INJECTION - It was reported that Stewart didn't have a parts failure last week. It was a breaker. A change out of the system and talks with the manufacturer are in the works. Stewart doesn't expect more issues.

This race saw A J and Brad having low fuel pressure issues. Expect they'll be tearing their systems apart and having talks with the manufacture too.

ELLIOT "DUH" SADLER - Drives for RCR full time in the NNW series in a CHEVY. He had talks with Micheal Waltrip about running 6 races in the Cup series driving a TOYOTA. Now when in NASCAR you don't mix car manufacturers. He never spoke with Childress about wanting to drive Mikies car. After a talk it was decided he shouldn't drive MWR's car. That's good news for Brian Vickers. He gets 6 races driving the #55. Both races at Bristol, Martinsville and New Hampshire.

DODGE NEWS - Dodge unveiled their new 2013 Cup car on Sturday. Apparently Robby Gordon will be the only Dodge next year unless they get others on board. Penske Racing announced they were going with Ford next year.

KNAUS DAYTONA PENALTY - At Daytona Knaus and his car chief Ron Malec got 6 race suspensions, Jimmie -25 points and Hendrick -25 owners points for the C-post violation. Hendrickk appealed and on Tuesday March 13th they get their day in NASCAR court. Hendrick's beggest complaint is that the car never made it to the inspection. The car was pulled out of line when the infraction was spotted and we were told to go fix it. We did. I think I'm siding with Hendrick on this one.

ROWDY NEWS - On March 15th ROWDY.COM will be no more. In the transition the guys made only 2 of them could move and one wasn't allowed to commute. The web site suffered because of this. Other factors being Bass got assignments in other sports that took him away from Rowdy and Buzz was left to do the podcast and take care of the site mostly by himself while traveling to races. The podcast has suffered too. It's just not as good as it once was. They promised the podcast would live on. I hope so. It's a big loss in my opinion. I wish Bass and Buzz the best. Maybe some where down the line Rowdy can be resurrected.

So that's about it folks. Thank you for stopping by and have an awesome week........






Kim Jong related to Johnny Monkey?
Category: Humor
Tags: Johnny Monkey


Hello Gabbers, Johnny Monkey here to wish you a Merry Christmas. Johnny Monkey has taken the rest of the year off to celebrate Christmas with his friends, but after reading an article about the passing of Kim Jong II, Johnny Monkey felt compelled to write something. You have probably heard about Kim Jong II, right? Jong was the leader of North Korea and was constantly being heard threatening to drop a bomb on one country or another. Johnny Monkey did not realize what an exquisite athlete that Kim Jong was and wondered if perhaps is there was some Johnny Monkey blood in Kim Jong. Of course you know that Johnny Monkey is well known as Johnny Monkey the Bad Ass Monkey, but when Johnny Monkey reads that Kim Jong II was known as:Glorious General Who Descended From Heaven and the Ever-Victorious Iron-Willed Commander, Johnny Monkey must acknowledge that Jong had a bad ass name. Johnny Monkey has always picked up things very easily...like playing Beethoven and Mozart flawlessly after listening to a tape about playing piano. But, Johnny Monkey has nothing on Kim Jong. Did you realize that Jong pieced together an exquisite round of 38 for 18 holes at Pyongyang’s 7,700-yard championship course. In the reading about Jong, Johnny Monkey discovered this:



The feat included five magnificent holes-in-one and it appears that Kim subsequently decided his 31-under-par achievement was enough to solidify his legacy and rarely played afterwards. Perhaps for the sake of our perception of golf’s legend, it is just as well. Jack Nicklaus’ career hole-in-one tally of 20 seems humble by comparison, and had Kim continued at his early pace, he would have surpassed the Golden Bear within a week.

Johnny Monkey bowled one time and rolled a very fair 278...Jong outdid Johnny Monkey:

Ten-pin bowling was another pursuit that Kim, believed to stand just over five feet but clearly a physical specimen of unmatched grace, turned to with equal aplomb. Again, it took just one attempt to solidify his reputation as a world class performer, with a perfect 300 game in the mid-1990s. Johnny Monkey is impressed! Jong bowled a perfect game in one try? That is truly an inspiration.

Jong's health began to suffer, so he turned to coaching his supreme athletes. Here are examples of Jong's excellent coaching:

By then his appetite for sports was largely restricted to coaching and his ailing physical condition could not prevent that razor-sharp mind from being put to good use in the service of his nation. During the soccer World Cup in 2010, Kim, by then so rarely seen in public that false reports of his death -- presumably leaked by those rascals in the West -- combined technology with tactical savvy to deliver messages to North Korea head coach Kim Jong-Hun. The advice was sent via invisible telephone, which the Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love (another delightful official moniker) had himself had invented, with the coach telling ESPN: "I get regular information ... using mobile phones not visible to the naked eye." Notice that they used the word moniker? Johnny Monkey likes the word moniker...a true hint of Jong's monkey thinking! But Johnny Monkey digresses...

North Korea’s misfortune (or a dastardly Western plot) at being placed in the infamous Group of Death alongside Brazil, Portugal and the Ivory Coast meant there was little that could be done to prevent them from conceding 12 lucky goals and losing all three games, much to the disappointment of the thousand-plus Chinese fans who were rented to cheer them on in South Africa.

Undeterred, Kim again used his soccer knowledge to the benefit of North Korea during the Women’s World Cup earlier this year. More sound hints were sent to the coaching staff, only for the side to be eliminated from group play after struggling to recover from being struck by lightning, which may have also resulted in five players testing positive for steroids.

Even in the months before his death, Kim was said to have retained a keen interest in watching sports. A huge basketball fan -- he was presented with a signed Michael Jordan ball by then Secretary of State Madeleine Albright more than a decade ago -- he must have been disappointed by the recent NBA lockout.

The Jordan memento was said to occupy pride of place in one of Kim’s 17 luxurious palaces and was a fitting tribute from one sports legend to another.

Johnny Monkey wishes that he could have spent time with this great sportsman. But, then again...Jong's eagerness to prove to be the best might have brought out the bad ass in Johnny  Monkey.

Johnny Monkey things that if Kim Jong had eaten his vegetables that he might have lived a more robust life. Don't be like Kim Jong eat your vegetables!

Before Johnny Monkey goes, there was recently a thought that Johnny Monkey was riding around on a dog during a football game. This was Johnny Monkey's cousin Billy Monkey. The youngster can ride anything, but of course this should not surprise you, right? Johnny Monkey is too big to ride a dog, but has ridden other things:






Johnny Monkey wishes all of his Gab friends a very Merry Christmas and to please travel safely during the holidays.

The Most Bad Ass Monkey in the World
Category: Humor
Tags: The most interesting monkey in the world.


Hello my Gab friends. It has been awhile since I stopped by and I thought it was time to treat you to a few of my thoughts. Johnny Monkey has been compared to another and Johnny Monkey felt that it was time to "differentiate" an interesting man and a bad ass monkey. Here are a few items that you may find, "interesting"...



When Johnny Monkey eats at a restaurant, the waiters tip him.

Traffic lights turn green whenever he approaches the light.

Mimes can’t shut up around Johnny Monkey.

When there is a real emergency, 911 calls Johnny Monkey.

Wherever Johnny Monkey lives, the locals learn to speak his language.

When Johnny Monkey goes fishing, he does not need bait…the fish simply jump in his boat.

Johnny Monkey once made a bad man kick his own ass.

Life gives Johnny Monkey lemonade, never lemons.

Wilt Chamberlain read Johnny Monkey’s book about women.

 After the most interesting man in the world left The Virgin Islands, it was just called The Islands. After Johnny Monkey left, they were called The Satisfied Islands.

At birth, Johnny Monkey slapped the doctor.

Pilots allow Johnny Monkey to talk on his cell phone.

Johnny Monkey is friends with Big Foot and the Loch Ness monster.

Johnny Monkey can french in any language.

Rubik’s cube was a gift to Rubik from Johnny Monkey.

When Johnny Monkey met an alien, the alien asked Johnny Monkey to probe him…




Don't forget to keep eating your vegetables...

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