Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the long awaited return of the YouGabSports Turkey Bowl, presented by IHateMillen. This year, we’ve assembled 32 of the biggest douchebags, assholes, jerks, and just all around jokes in the world of sports here at beautiful JerryWorld, home of the world’s biggest jumbo-tron and ego. As part of this agreement, Jerry Jones will not be a part of this year’s 32-man tournament, and we get to use the facilities for free! Best yet, all members of the major sports media, ESPiN, FOX, CBS, and NBC, have been banned from entry here.
Before we begin the night’s festivities, let us take a moment to honor America. Tonight’s flag bearers are the Gab’s very own proud veterans: ScottJax, B.O.B., and OlHarry, who is accompanied by his Marine daughter. Thank you all for your service to this country:
Tonight’s first bout is scheduled for one fall. As is the case with every Turkey Bowl fight, there are no rules, no regulations, and the fight goes until one fighter can no longer continue. Starting the evening off is a Turkey Bowl winner in Alex Rodriguez, as he faces baseball’s young upstart douchebag Yasiel Puig. Puig has done some pretty stupid things in his limited time in the Biggs… but he’s nowhere near dry humping himself in the mirror status just yet.
Well ladies and gentlemen this is what we’ve been waiting for. Puig is a young man with impressive power and all five tools. He faces a man once thought to be baseball’s next big thing in Alex Rodriguez, who has been dogged by rumors and just finally admitted to using performance enhancing drugs all this time. Of course, he waited until after the ink was dried on his contract extension to do so!
As the bell rings, Rodriguez makes the fight’s first move, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. Puig is a bit surprised by this move, waiting to see what his opponent will do next. Rodriguez pulls out a wad of cash, more American dollars than his opponent has ever seen, seeming to say there’s more where that came from. With all the well-documented legal battles Puig is involved in stemming from his Cuban defection, you wonder if he’ll lay down for A-Rod here. Sure enough, it looks like an agreement has been reached between the two, and Rodriguez will move on to the next round. This is just the kind of thing you hate to see… what a disgrace this guy is both to the game of baseball and the death match world. Rodriguez moves on, and Puig gets to settle a few legal issues. He saves his pretty face for the fists of his next opponent.
Up next, another former Turkey Bowl Champion takes the ring as LeBron James faces off with a man he has a sordid history with, former Pacer and current Hornet Lance Stephenson. LeBron’s douchebaggery is well documented world-wide… but what about Stephenson you ask? Well, before he was blowing in LeBron’s ear during the playoffs, Stephenson was raping classmates in high school (allegedly), and pushing women down stairs later on (allegedly). We’ll see if the young, hungry Stephenson really has what it takes to go toe to toe with Jesus Christ in a headband, LeBron James… the man who has “saved” Cleveland simply by coming home.
As this bout begins, Stephenson seems to be on top of his game and in the head of James, who looks like he wants no part in an actual fight. Stephenson lands a few rights, now a left, and, what’s this? That Cleveland Cavs fan that burned his LeBron James jersey after “the Decision” comes running down to the ring, wearing his newly purchased LeBron Cavs jersey… and he’s going after Stephenson. LeBron takes advantage of the distraction and grabs a steel chair, scrambling what little is there of Lance Stephenson’s brains and picking up a round one win.
Coming up next, we’ve got the highly anticipated matchup of the Sherriff Roger Goodell, who looks to cover his own ass as he takes on Ray Rice, the man he suspended indefinitely from the game he loves so very much. Roger is not the favorite of most people… but who will this crowd of feminists that has gathered at ringside side with… a man who had zero intention of pushing their agenda in Goodell, or a man who cold cocked one of their fellow ovary carriers on that Atlantic City elevator? All I know is, this is one ugly scene here at ringside… literally. All these broads, and not a looker in the bunch!
To kick the match off, Goodell begins scolding Rice on behavior “unbecoming of an NFL player”. Rice soon tires of this act, and begins beating Goodell as if he were his fiancée. But Goodell is no dummy, he brought the NFL’s PR team to ringside with him, and he plans on using them. A distraction from a pair of lawyers gets Roger back on top, and it looks like he’s going to cruise to a win here. But wait, what the hell is this? It’s DeMaurice Smith… he puts Goodell in his patented Lockout submission maneuver! Roger has no choice, he’s got to tap, and Ray Rice moves on to our next round.
Coming up next, two overhyped, overachievers take the ring as Johnny Manziel, backup NFL quarterback, takes on Jameis Winston, future backup NFL quarterback. Whose douchebaggery will reign supreme on this night? We’ll find out as tonight’s action continues:
These two young men are known for avoiding the big hit, but tonight, they look to land the big hit on one another as Johnny Football takes on Jameis Winston here at Turkey Bowl 2014. Johnny and Jameis start things off by exchanging immature gestures… Johnny throws up his little money sign, while Jameis stands on the top ropes and yells “Fuck her right in the pussy” so everybody can hear what a massive douche he is. Each young man owns a Heisman Trophy, so the next few moments break down into what is nothing more than a pose-off. Johnny takes a moment to go out and talk to his celebrity entourage, which includes Justin Bieber for some strange reason. This provides Jameis with the opening he needs, as he is able to lock in a single leg Boston Crab on Manziel… Manziel has no escape, and taps out, giving the big win to Jameis Winston. Looks like the curse of Bieber strikes again!
Next up, two of the biggest douchebags ever to meet in the first round of the Turkey Bowl extravaganza as Dick Sherman prepares to square off with Kobe Bryant. Dick made headlines many times with impressive feats of douchebaggery since the 2013 NFL playoffs… but he cuts one hell of a promo, doesn’t he? Kobe has run everyone off in LA, and is now going it alone with a virtual army of nobodies leading a terrible Lakers squad. Sherman definitely has the edge on trash talking, as he unleashes a barrage of barbs upon Kobe to begin the festivities. Kobe, never one to back down, returns fire, and the two get the fight underway. No flopping here folks, there are no NBA refs in this arena. Eventually, Dick Sherman’s youth wins out and Kobe is defeated. After the match, Sherman finds the most easily startled reporter at ringside and screams “I am the best fighter in the game, when you try me with a sorry fighter like Kobe that’s the result you gonna get”.
With Kobe gone now we move on to our next matchup, and it’s one with a lot of bad blood involved… Ryan Braun brings his performance enhanced brand of rage into the ring against the best chemist in the game, Anthony Bosch. Bosch sold Braun out after supplying him with the goods. Unless Bosch took some of his own “medicine”, there is only one realistic outcome to this fight. Sure enough, like a walk off blast, Braun makes short work of the sellout, and moves on to round number two.
Next up, a matchup that features a ton of swagger… Floyd Mayweather Jr. faces an opponent that will actually fight back… unlike his baby mama… Swaggy P, otherwise known as Nick Young. I’m honestly not sure why he calls himself this… or what in God’s name it means… but that is apparently the man’s chosen nickname. Much like what a drunk Nick Young claimed he’d do to Iggy’s ass on TMZ, Floyd does to Swaggy P here, using that million dollar punch to move on to the second round.
Coming up next, we’ve got another pair of abusive pieces of shit squaring off… one likes to abuse children, the other likes to damn near kill a porn star. Adrian Peterson hits the ring to face off with MMA fighter and current inmate War Machine, who was granted special privilege to come out here in hopes that someone would beat the living hell out of him! AD gets things started when he pulls a switch out and starts to whoopin’ War Machine. Evidently AD doesn’t know when to stop, because he stops too damn soon here, and the War Machine goes on the attack. It might not be as easy as working over Christy Mack, but War Machine does just enough damage to pick up the win over Adrian Peterson. This piece of garbage moves on to our next round.
We’re halfway through the first round of Turkey Bowl 2014, and we’ve seen some big names come and go. A-Rod, LeBron James, Ray Rice, Jameis Winston, Richard Sherman, Ryan Braun, Floyd Mayweather, and now War Machine represent the first eight to make the leap to round number two.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are receiving word of a developing situation out in the parking lot area… we now go to a live feed out there where it appears the members of the assembled sports media, including members of the ESPiN, FOX, and NBC Sports teams are now becoming involved in some sort of altercation out there. Tempers have boiled over, and now it seems they will all have a go at one another out there. Chris Berman gets his back, back, back, back broken in at least five places as this thing really starts to turn ugly. It is fairly clear that NBC and FOX have agreed to some sort of alliance in order to get the upper hand on the “Worldwide Leader”, as now Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayliss are now out of commission. Somehow, Stephen A. Smith seems to have been castrated here… it looks like Terry Bradshaw just kicked Skip Bayliss right on the bottom jaw, causing this unfortunate disaster!
Jalen Rose seems to have talked his way into a corner with Howie Long and Michael Strahan, as the two make quick work of his puny frame and poor grammar skills! ESPiN is in some serious trouble ladies and gents. Even the ladies are getting into the action… Erin Andrews thought it was an appropriate time to stop and talk about digestive health with her former colleague Hannah Storm… but Hannah has none of it as she uses a trident to get a firsthand look at the innards of Mrs.Andrews. After the dust settles, the ESPiN crew lays in a battered, broken pile. Stewart Scott is over in the corner holding a football he thinks is Chris Berman’s head, but otherwise the entire ESPiN noise machine has been silenced. The FOX and NBC sports teams are victorious, as they execute the before-fight promise to sacrifice that smarmy little windbag Bob Costas to their Gods (Murdoch and Burke)as tribute for victory. Now that’s what you call a win all the way around!
Over on the other side of the parking lot, there is a suspicious looking vehicle with the windows rolled up and what looks like four men sitting inside. Our cameras zoom in to find four guys who were scheduled to fight tonight… Josh Gordon, LeGarrette Blount, LeVeon Bell, and Justin Blackmon all sitting in there, apparently passing around a blunt! As smoke billows out of the car, the four men get out and just sort of wander off… well, it looks like a new record for this year’s Turkey Bowl… no NFL wide redivas make an appearance!
Next up, we’ve got Sidney Crosby taking on fellow NHL douchebag Brad Marchand. We’ll see how the face of the league fares against one of the dirtiest pieces of shit, on and off the ice, in the league today. Crosby starts thing off by surprising the entire audience by actually fighting and not ducking out of the way… incredible. Marchand is no stranger to the pugilistic arts, and returns fire. Once Marchand gains the upper hand, he beats Crosby like a casino security guard, gaining the victory and then stripping down to his birthday suit while yelling “I am above the law”!
In our next fight, we’ve got two of the biggest douchebags in all of college sports, as championship coaches square off when Nick Saban meets John Calipari. Will Calipari live up to his one-and-done reputation tonight? Saban is much better known for winning the big one, but he is also well known for being a crybaby and an asshole. Saban is on fire as we get things underway, and he looks like he’ll cruise to an easy win… but suddenly his cell phone rings. His face lights up and he quickly jots something down and runs from the ring… leading to a count out win for Calipari. Calipari picks up the note that Saban left behind and it reads “Got a better offer from Dana White, so I’m gone. You knew what this was.” Can’t say I’m surprised by the guy’s lack of morality or loyalty here… but I am surprised to see John Calipari make it to the next round!
In the ring now, Jay Cutler prepares for his bout with the Brewers eccentric OF Carlos Gomez… a guy who has ruffled more than a few feathers in Major League Baseball with his youthful exuberance and lack of respect for the unwritten rules of the game. This Midwest showdown comes your way, right now! Cutler starts off well, landing a few glancing blows on Gomez, who seems more interested in showing off than he is in winning this fight. But, sure enough, Cutler telegraphs his next few punches and is intercepted… and Gomez takes full advantage. He’s even got time to stand there and watch his own handiwork on the jumbo screen above as he polishes off the Bears QB… Carlos Gomez makes it to round two.
If you didn’t expect many NHL players to make this tournament, you were misled. Another all-NHL matchup comes your way now, with Patrick Kane facing off with career douchebag Matt Cooke. Cooke seems to have the edge here… his dirty tactics have drawn the ire of fans for years now. But don’t underestimate Patrick Kane… turn your back on him and he’ll drop you like a disgruntled cab driver! While Kane puts up one hell of a fight, it is Cooke who moves on to our next round after yet another douchy knee-to-knee hit to Kane, which puts him down for the count.
If you thought the Seahawks-49ers rivalry couldn’t get any bigger, you were wrong! Right now, Seahawks coach Pete Carroll steps into the ring to face off with a guy who just doesn’t seem to “get it”… 49ers OLB Aldon Smith. Smith has a huge size and athleticism advantage, and Carroll seems to be at a gigantic disadvantage… truly a David vs. Goliath style match here. Things start out predictably, as Smith has a clear early advantage over Carroll… he’s being tossed around like the quarterbacks Aldon Smith terrorized before being suspended for the entire first half plus of this NFL season. Suddenly, the department of homeland security arrives and ushers Aldon Smith off to a “private screening area”. Smith will most definitely be counted out here… seems like he still hasn’t learned a damn thing from last summer’s incidents… you just don’t call in fake bomb threats. Smith gets himself another body cavity search from the blue gloves, and Carroll finds a way to move on to our next round in a shocking upset!
Up next, a couple of racist tools take the ring as Percy Harvin faces off with embattled former Clippers owner Donald Sterling. Harvin has the obvious physical advantage here… just better hope he doesn’t come down with another migraine… or turf toe… or nobody breathes on him! Harvin looks like he’s ready to fight here, angry with Sterling over his alleged racism, when suddenly he sees Blake Griffin in the front row, and takes the time to hang over the top ropes and yell a few things at him about not being black enough. While this is going on, Sterling, clearly suffering from some sort of early-stage dementia, wanders off and gets counted out. Harvin celebrates his victory, but suddenly gets blasted from behind by Griffin. Harvin moves on, but his head will be ringing from that shot as the next round closes in. The crowd goes wild for Griffin, who announces he must leave to go shoot another terrible commercial for some random product nobody needs.
This has been quite a night so far, with just two first round matches left to go. We’ve seen a lot of crazy shit thus far… and we’re sure to see even more in our next battle with two massive men hitting the ring. Professional jerk ass Richie Incognito (he sure as hell isn’t playing football anymore) faces off with a different kind of bully… the woman beating douchebag Greg Hardy of the Panthers. Incognito starts things off by resorting to his old tricks, mocking Hardy and his legal woes. Hardy goes into a rage, battering the bully with lefts and rights, but Incognito quickly shows Hardy that this abuse victim actually fights back, unlike the woman Hardy beat half to death and threatened with a pile of guns in his apartment (allegedly). Incognito clearly has the upper hand here, until suddenly Jonathan Martin appears, hitting Incognito, the man who bullied him out of Miami, with a steel chair and giving the momentum back to the woman beater, Greg Hardy. Hardy takes full advantage, and he’s moving on to the next round!
In our last first round matchup, massive asshat Dwight Howard faces off with flop master Dwyane Wade in what should be a real test of wills… the wills of everyone watching that is. Howard immediately starts off by crying to the referee, who is confused since he’s really only there in spirit! Howard doesn’t really seem to understand this, and he continues jawing at the ref. While he complains, Wade comes up behind Howard, who flails his arms out in frustration. Wade is nearly elbowed in the face… and flops over. The referee begins the ten count, and Wade continues to roll around on the ground. After ten seconds of this, Wade is out, and Dwight Howard becomes the final member of our 16-man contingent to make the second round of Turkey Bowl 2014!
As we move on to the second round, here is a list of upcoming mathcups:
A-Rod vs. Ryan Braun
LeBron James vs. Dwight Howard
Matt Cooke vs. Brad Marchand
Jameis Winston vs. Carlos Gomez
Dick Sherman vs. Percy Harvin
John Calipari vs. Pete Carroll
Tag Team Match: Mayweather/War Machine vs. Hardy/Rice
To kick off the second round, we’re going to have a tag team matchup between NFL spousal abusers Ray Rice and Greg Hardy and two fighters who take their aggressions out of the ring and into the home in Floyd Mayweather Jr. and MMA fighter War Machine. The special celebrity guest referee for this match will be Dog the Bounty Hunter… the man who was finally able to bring War Machine to justice after his run from the law. “I want a clean fight brah… go with Christ”. Rice and Hardy begin to argue over who has to get into the ring first, while Mayweather and War Machine argue over who gets to start off the match. To kick things off, the smaller duo of Mayweather and Rice face off. Rice doesn’t seem to want anything to do with this matchup, but he can’t outrun Mayweather. Eventually, Mayweather corners him and proceeds to knock the hell out of him with that famous right hook. Meanwhile, War Machine has had enough waiting, as he goes after Hardy on the outside. War Machine completely decimates Hardy, putting him through the Spanish announce table, and Mayweather continues to make short work of Ray Rice. Really sucks when somebody beats the hell out of you, doesn’t it Ray? Eventually, Dog the Bounty Hunter calls for the bell and this massacre is over… Floyd and War Machine advance to the “Elite 8” of sports douchebaggery.
Next up, Pete Carroll steps into the ring to face off with John Calipari… two guys who made a ton of money off the backs of college kids now need to make their money on their own. Coach Cal hears a rumor that this fight could very well be in violation of NCAA rules, but of course that’s never stopped him before. Still, he feels a strange wave of conscience come over him and attempts to tell the referee that he forfeits; but it seems that Pete Carroll got the jump on him. Despite the fact that he’s no longer an NCAA coach, he heard about potential sanctions and jumped ship before Calipari even had the chance out of pure instinct! Coach Cal moves on to the Elite 8 for a change and Pete Carroll backs his way out of trouble yet again!
Next up, two former teammates square off as Dick Sherman faces off with Percy Harvin. Harvin’s head is still ringing from the post-match beating he took from Blake Griffin, and Sherman is well aware. After an extensive amount of trash talking worsens Harvin’s migraine headache, Sherman seals the win with his Pick Six move. Dick Sherman moves on, and it looks like Percy Harvin is going to be out of action for another year or so… sorry Jets fans!
Next up, rape and crab leg enthusiast Jameis Winston faces off with the passionate Carlos Gomez. Both are fine athletes in the primes of their careers, and Gomez takes an early advantage. After getting Winston down, he proceeds to take a little too much time taunting Brian McCann, who is sitting at ringside for the fight. McCann decides he’s seen enough, and gets up to confront Gomez. Just then, Winston hits a blatant low blow, then once again locks in that Boston Crab maneuver. Gomez has no choice but to tap out… and once again the Boston Crab proves to be an effective weapon for Jameis. After the match, Jimbo Fisher joins Winston in the ring, holding his hand up high and claiming to be the one who taught him that maneuver.
In the next match, two men who are hated by fans, opponents, and teammates alike, as Matt Cooke takes on fellow ice-douche Brad Marchand. Something seems off right away, as Marchand is slurring his speech and stumbling around a bit. I just received word from an anonymous source that Marchand was just thrown out of Mo’s Tavern a few minutes ago after having a few too many Fred Lite’s and getting fresh with OlHarry. Cooke takes quick advantage, and moves on to our next round.
Next, we have Dwight Howard, who breezed through his last matchup against his first opponents’ former teammate, LeBron James. These two massive egos square off to become the NBA’s sole representative in the Elite 8. Early on, Dwight takes advantage of his size and reach advantage, pummeling the chosen one with right hooks and elbows. But LeBron turns things around by tossing talcum powder right into the big man’s eyes. Howard is completely helpless, and James shows a little killer instinct for a change and is able to finish things off like an uncontested dunk. James moves on, and as usual Dwight Howard falls short of his goal.
In our final Elite 8 matchup, two of the biggest shames to the game of baseball square off as Alex Rodriguez takes on Ryan Braun. Both men are linked to the Biogenesis scandal, and both were wronged by Dr. Anthony Boesh. Braun got his revenge earlier, while Rodriguez was able to defeat his unenhanced first round opponent, Yasiel Puig. This will be a truly performance enhanced matchup, and power will be at a premium. We’ll find out which man had the better chemist as the fight begins. Braun and Rodriguez start things off by denying their use of PEDs to one another… then Rodriguez flip flops a bit and admits to using something back in 2001 when he was in Texas. Braun remains steadfast… but Rodriguez cracks and admits that yeah, he might have used them when he was in New York, too. Braun seems conflicted… should he admit it, or should he continue to deny? As he ponders this, Rodriguez commences to the corner of the ring and proceeds to dry hump himself in the mirror his handlers set up for him before the match.
Braun quickly takes note of it, and knocks Rodriguez clean through the mirror, cutting him badly. The blood is everywhere, as this is beginning to look like an easy win for Braun. Braun continues the beating, when suddenly a windowless van drives into the arena. It’s A-Rod’s cousin… A-Rod’s cousin is back again! In the confusion, he slips something to A-Rod… Rodriguez injects the substance, and is reinvigorated by the injection. Braun is powerless to stop him as Rodriguez’s superior “skill” and “ability” is on full display. Showing the kind of power that Yankees fans hope for this season after a full year away from the game, Rodriguez overcomes his early troubles and is able to defeat Braun, proving that even after a year out of action, he’s still the biggest douchebag there is the sport!
We’re down to our last eight competitors… after two grueling rounds; Alex Rodriguez, LeBron James, Matt Cooke, Jameis Winston, War Machine, Floyd Mayweather, and John Calipari are all that remain in the race to see who the biggest piece of shit in all of sports is for the year 2014! Who has what it takes? Who will reach down the deepest and become our new champion? We’ll find out, coming up next!
Now we’re back, and in our first Elite 8 matchup, Matt Cooke faces off with college football’s biggest bad boy, Jameis Winston. Cooke has a clear fighting advantage here, as Winston is just a quarterback here. Cooke has been through a couple of wars already, while Winston has used his love of crab to move on in both rounds. Cooke will have to avoid distraction in order to get out of this one… and he’ll have to avoid that half-Boston Crab Winston has used in both his fights thus far. Cooke gets off to an emphatic start, going knee to knee on the Heisman winner. But Winston saw it coming, and with Cooke laying on the ground in pain, pulls out his steel knee pad and throws it out of the ring. After an elementary application of his now famed half Boston Crab, Cooke turtles and taps, and Jameis Winston is the first of the four participants to qualify for the Fatal Fourway to determine the 2014 Turkey Bowl Champion!
Up next, Dick Sherman hits the ring for his matchup with punkass pugilist Floyd Mayweather Jr. Mayweather has breezed through Swaggy P and the team of NFL woman beaters, but Sherman should be a real challenge for him. Sherman ducks a barrage of punches by Mayweather, landing a few jabs of his own before unleashing a barrage of verbal abuse towards Floyd. Suddenly, Sherman’s LOB teammates jump over the safety railing, entering the ring and backing up their leader. Earl Thomas hits Mayweather with a spear, and Lane and Maxwell follow up with a double powerbomb. All Sherman has to do is gloat as Mayweather lies in a pile. Sherman lives up to his earlier boasting, and he’s in the finale!
In our next fight, LeBron James is a huge underdog as he goes up against trained MMA fighter War Machine, who was allowed out of prison for the night in hopes that he would take a real beating. But, despite an initial switch beating at the hands of Adrian Peterson, he’s gone relatively unscathed so far. Before the fight can even begin, there is a commotion at ringside. James awaits his opponent inside the ring, but it seems something is wrong backstage. It seems that unlike his failed prison suicide attempt, War Machine has finally succeeded at something in his life, hanging himself from an air duct in the back. Seems nobody here at the Turkey Bowl cared enough to cut that piece of trash down this time around. LeBron avoids a beating, and the world is a better place without that sack of shit around.
We’re now down to our last semifinal match, with Alex Rodriguez facing off with Kentucky Wildcats head coach John Calipari. Coach Cal begins things by trying to tell a funny story about Anthony Davis’ eyebrow… but A Rod is having none of it. He finally sees a chance to win something legitimately, as Calipari is an easy opponent for him. For the first time since high school (allegedly), Rodriguez does things the right way, and easily defeats Calipari to move on to our finale!
So through three rounds of fighting we’ve whittled away 28 other contestants and we’ve got the four biggest douchebags in sports ready to battle it out to see who truly is #1! Former Turkey Bowl Champions LeBron James and Alex Rodriguez are odds on favorites, but Dick Sherman and Jameis Winston both have strong games when it comes to being a massive asshole. Will we crown a new champion, or will the wily veterans pick up yet another Turkey Bowl trophy? We find out right after this:
Ladies and gentlemen, we are back, and our main event is set to begin. Four men, one ring, one champion… a Fatal Fourway matchup to determine who is the biggest douchebag, piece of shit, fuckstick, ass-licking motherfucker in all of sports. As the bell rings our four competitors circle, each trying to get a feel for their opponents. LeBron makes the first move, taking Winston’s legs out, seemingly angry about the beating he gave his boy Johnny Manziel earlier in the night. Rodriguez and Sherman begin shoving and Sherman is trash talking as usual. Rodriguez hits him with a performance enhanced right hook, which knocks his jaw out of place! Finally someone has shut this guy the hell up! As Rodriguez continues pummeling Dick Sherman, Jameis has turned the tables on “King James”, and has him set up for the half Boston Crab again! LeBron goes for the talcum powder to the eye trick again, but Winston sees it coming and ducks out of the way. As James attempts to regain his composure, Winston climbs the ropes and hits him with a Crab Leg Drop. Rodriguez has eliminated Dick Sherman… and he turns his attentions to Winston, who is about to eliminate LeBron. Rodriguez makes the save, and the two former champions start to work together against the young upstart. With Sherman out, it’s up to Winston to ensure there is a new champion this time around.
Winston runs the ropes, and ducks under a double clothesline attempt by James and Rodriguez. Winston then lands a roundhouse to the back of A-Rod’s head, putting him down for the count. But LeBron takes advantage and puts Jameis up into what looks like a torture rack… a throwback to the days of Lex Luger! As James struts about the ring with Winston over his shoulders, Rodriguez is counted out. We’re now down to the final two folks! Winston is in a bad way as he begins to fade… it looks like LeBron James is going to become a two-time Turkey Bowl winner! All of a sudden on the big screen, a video plays of Tim Duncan and Greg Poppovich turning up the thermostat! James watches in horror, and works feverishly to try and get Winston to give up. Soon, the temperature rises, and suddenly James gets “them cramps” again.
Winston takes advantage and gets out of the hold, and James rolls around on the mat. Jameis, never one to pass up the opportunity to take advantage of someone or something, locks in the half Boston Crab once again… and James immediately starts tapping out! Jameis Winston has done it! Jameis Winston is the Turkey Bowl champion!
We now go live to ringside with Jameis Winston, who is joined by Coach Jimbo Fisher.
IHM: Jameis, how does it feel to know you are the single biggest piece of shit in the world of sports today? Of all the douchebags out there, you are #1!
Winston: “If I’m-a do it then, I’m-a do it big”
IHM: Right… so how does it feel knowing that despite “allegedly” being a rapist, thief, and dumber than a fucking rock that you’ve overcome all the odds and proven yourself here on this stage?
Jimbo: This interview is over.
So as Jimbo Fisher ushers Jameis out of the arena with his newest trophy in tow, we say goodnight to all of you. Thanks to everybody out there for doing stupid things and making this so very easy for me! As they say in my old neighborhood… play stupid games, win stupid prizes!
Last Week Chiefs defeated Seahawks 24-20; Raiders lost to Chargers 13-6
Fast Fact The Raiders losing streak is currently the fourth longest in NFL history, behind the 2006-07 Dolphins (17 games), the 2008-09 Lions (19 games) and the 1976-77 Buccaneers (26 games).
This matchup looks like a gross mismatch, the Chiefs are nicely balanced between the rugged running of Jamaal Charles and the conservative throws of Alex Smith. They pounded the Seahawks and won a taut victory while the Raiders played gamely but are still stuck on winless island. Where there is the temptation to call the massive upset, say the Chiefs will look past the Raiders to their Thanksgiving weekend showdown with the Broncos. Im not that brave or crazy
Hello Gabbers, our good buddy Mo reminded us on Monday that this is the sixth birthday of our home away from home… so a hearty and heartfelt happy birthday to the Gab.
Way back about probably a dozen years ago I ran across the SN blog site. I wasn’t adept at the internet and certainly never thought of myself as any kind of writer. I met some good people over at the defunct site. DVT, Sully, Bdub, lastof 12 and Mo were probably the first to interact with my feeble attempts at blogging. Mo hosted the Round Table on Friday’s at his cyber Tavern and featured Duffs beer. I would look forward to reading his blog and then interacting with the folks at the table. We would go on for days and nights talking sports and the like. Once here at the Gab we introduced Mo to Fred Lites...and stealthfully replaced the Duffs with the official beer of the Gab, Fred lites. Duffs by the way, are still available for you nostalgic types.
After the fall from grace of SN
Sully, who was great about keeping in touch, invited some of us to join the promising but forgettable douchsports which I guess had its sole purpose in getting Sully, Felber and Frag to start this remarkable venture we call home
You Gab Sports. We thank you for that Cuz.
And lets face it…what more appropriate name could there be?
We all have our own favorite sports, favorite teams and favorite players. We all present a perspective of these sports from our personal stage in life and our geographic location.
BOB commenting on Mo’s Monday blog said "this is like Cheers where everyone knows your name and we’re always glad you came…"
He hit the mark with that.
We may complain about the weather
We complain about the overpaid and underachieving
We complain about politicians from both sides of the asile
We complain about the abusers and the losers
We are never forced to keep it to sports here, you all have read my political ranting and my pride for my four sons and my Marine Veteran Daughter. You were with me when she signed up to join, you were with me when she graduated from basic training and throughout her four years of active duty. You shared in my ups and downs during that service and you were with me to share my relief and joy when she decided not to re up and was discharged.
We support each others problems
We enjoy the stories of each others successes
We love the stories of each others families
We ride along with each story of a road trip
We always have time for advice and consolation
We don’t always agree
We don’t feel compelled to soft sell our opinions
And we all love to laugh
You’ve heard about my son’s adventures in hunting, high school and college sports.
You’ve had to endure my ramblings and bragging about my beautiful wife
(I did marry way up)
I’ve bored you with pictures of my vegetable gardens, grilling and cooking and you’ve remained my friends when I go off bragging about my local sports teams. I almost never fail to fill my post with a multitude of stats and pictures that help tell the story of where I’m at this week.
Sometimes I throw in a blond or Irish joke, Jeff likes to add Jack Handey humor to his posts, Beeze, our social czar, never forgets to put scenery at the top of his page and Lanz gives us insight into his zebra tales and to the progress of his kids. Q takes us to the track, I’m not personally a fan of Nascar but I do know enough now to hold a conversation with those who are. Radatz has the capability to wax poetic on anything sports, classic cars or ancient history. Norman brings a face value to being a sports lover, a husband and a dad.
IHM brings his love/hate relationship with the Detroit Lions as well as his ability to expound on any sports/ political subject a moments notice. BOB is an avid bowler, husband of a nurse (as Hal and I both are) and lives in California. BOB road trip stories and pictures make you think you were there. Sully’s love of Boston and the home teams is something more than a few of us share. Sully cuts no slack to the slackers and will call out dishonesty if it raises it’s ugly head. Tage is a college basketball guru…I found that out in March madness earlier this year. AFD gives his unique personal perspective and it’s more than a skim read. Bandit puts more research into his blog than anyone I know.
Weekly he calls out the best and the worst of the sports society.
Scott gives you that biggest city (in area) in America view and is an avid and unapologetic Jags fan. There are a bunch of others, please don’t be offended that you weren’t named right here. I’ll still respect you in the morning.
Each passing year the fact that we have this community means more, think about it…20 years ago this place couldn’t have existed. Our totally different backgrounds would have kept our paths from ever crossing. We can’t take lightly that we are the Gab.
Sports Quote of the week:
Tom Brady when asked on WEEI if he was looking forward to practicing this week in the cold outdoor temperatures in Foxboro ( forecast is for highs in the low 30’s all week)
Tom replied: “ Yeah, that’s how it is from this point on in the season, no more of these dome games or any of that warm shit, just real football”
Playoff leaders and remaining schedules:
That’s no cake walk
1. New England 8-2
Next up Lions, Packers, Chargers, Dolphins, Jets, Bills
2. Denver 7-3
Next up Dolphins, Chiefs, Bills, Chargers, Bengals, Raiders
3. Cincinnati 6-3-1
Next up Texans, Bucs, Steelers, Browns, Broncos, Steelers
4. Indianapolis 6-4
Next up Jags, Redskins, Browns, Texans, Cowboys, Titans
5. Kansas City 7-3
Next up Raiders, Broncos, Cardinals, Raiders, Steelers, Chargers
6. Steelers 7-4
Next up bye, Saints, Bengals, Falcons, Chiefs, Bengals
Next up Seahawks, Falcons, Chiefs, Rams, S, 49ers
Next up Patriots, Bears, Bucs, Vikings, Bears, Packers
3. Cowboys 7-3
Next up Giants, Eagles, Bears, Eagles, Colts, Redskins
4. Atlanta 4-6
Next up Browns, Cardinals, Packers, Steelers, Saints, Panthers
5. Green Bay 7-3
Next up Vikings, Patriots, Falcons, Bills, Bucs, Lions
6. Eagles 7-3
Next up Titans, Cowboys, Seahawks, Cowboys, Redskins, Giants
The Ditkah's continued to dominate and maintained a 7 point lead on second place and 14 on third
You'd smile too if you was getting the jack he was...
Greetings from the Hoodwood where the snow falls and my fantasy team is falling apart…
MLB: Stanton gets paid
I like Giancarlo Stanton. He is a talented outfielder for the Miami Marlins who is fast growing a rep for being one of the best young sluggers in the game, finished 2nd in the NL MVP behind Clayton Kershaw and might have won it had he not missed the last three weeks of the season with a frightening injury after getting hit in the face with a pitch. Stanton has routinely smashed long homers and is gaining the title of one of the best young sluggers in the game but with still two years to go before he would hit the free agent runway, many pundits felt that while Stanton would continue to see his paychecks increase he was still a couple years from the Yankees, Red Sox or hometown Dodgers swooping in with a monster contract and spiriting him out of perennially cash strapped Miami. The Marlins however did a total script flip and stunned the sports world by inking Stanton to a stunning 13 year $325 million dollar deal. That $25 million a year kids. The deal makes Stanton the richest player in team sports, period. The deal makes the Pujols, Fielder, Cabrera, Trout and Votto deals look like bargain basement raids. Stanton is a quality player and the Marlins were prescient in locking him up but 13 years? Stanton will be a Marlin unless they decide to fire sale and the only teams that will be able to afford him would be the big markets, so one wonders how wise this deal really is. If Stanton is getting $325 million how much will players like Clayton Kershaw and Andrew McCutchen get?
College Football: Is Bama back?
You had the feeling that Nick Saban and the Crimson Tide were playin possum, that they watched as first Ole Miss then Mississippi State took the early reigns as College footballs top dog, knowing sooner or later that they would have a hand in their downfall. Though the Tide had a couple games where they would be pushed to the brink, most notably the OT thriller in Death Valley against LSU, they continue to move stealthily if not steadily up the ranks and after dominating then #1 Mississippi State in a 25-20 win that was not as close as you would think, the Tide now seem poised to get back on the inside of the college football playoff picture. There are other contenders to be sure, Oregon, unbeaten Florida State and a growing list of 1-loss teams like Ohio State and TCU but Tide are there to many of the Tide haters’ chagrin.
NBA: Is Kobe getting his comeuppance?
I grew up loving the Lakers, I was a big Kareem and Magic fan. I wanted to play that roughneck defense like Michael Cooper and the team just seemed like the essence of cool. When the Lakers fell on hard times after Magic retired, I still was a fan at a distance since they had drafted a fellow Bearcat Nick Van Exel (I even had his poster) But when the Lakers pulled a draft day coup to acquire the precocious Kobe Bryant (most forget he was not drafted by the Lakers but by the Charlotte Hornets, the team that is now the New Orleans Pelicans not the current Hornets) I fell out of favor with the Lakers. Despite the fact that they had acquired Shaquille O’Neal. There was just something that always rubbed me the wrong way about Kobe. I always thought him too preppy and not a real urban baller. Did he have game, there was no denying that fact. I just thought he was just a suburban rich-nik who was the beneficiary of having a ball player father and was more snobby than baller. The more I tried to like Kobe the more he kept coming off a self-centered spoiled asshole. After he got caught up with rape accusations in 2004, he just seemed like he was trying to weasel his way out of the charges. The fact that he more or less first paid hush money to the alleged victim then tried to implicate Shaq on the sly made him seem more weasely to me. Throw in some selfish play like no shooting in a whole quarter during a critical stretch in an elimination game in the playoffs and the Kobe mystique to me was always tarnished. But the Lake Show was always in contention and when they fell on some harder times and missed the playoffs, I really didn’t feel sorry for him, I knew that the Lakers would bounce back and Kobe would be playing for a contender. He led the Lakers to titles in 2009 and 2010 and kept them in contention for years but the signs of wear were showing, the Lakers were crumbling and were not able to lure talent to LA, nor keep the talent they had. Players like Dwight Howard and Pau Gasol left at the first chance that they could get leaving Kobe all by himself. His Kobe against the world mantra is not playing very well and with the cross-locker room Clippers now the “it” franchise in LA the Lakers are not even the marquee team in their own building, heck some would say that they are third behind the LA Kings who have won two Stanley Cups in the past three seasons. The Lakers are just plain horrid, and they have limped out to a 1-9 start dead last in the West even behind the neophyte Timberwolves. Lake Show fans put on a brave face but the reality is Kobe is the centerpiece of a shell. A team that once was great and now scares no one, though Kobe thinks that he can will his team to wins like Jordan did. Kobe aint MJ and won’t get any more titles, unless he jumps to the Clippers and tries to gravy train to a title which aint guaranteed in the uber deep West. He opined late last week that he was “jealous” of the Spurs, a team that has aged quite gracefully and to Kobe’s chagrin has as many titles as he does. The reality is that Kobe is reaping what he has sown and like a punch drunk boxer who is hanging on too long, doesn’t quite get that his time has passed.
PHAT DAP/HEAD SLAP
Goes to Wisconsin Running back Melvin Gordon III who rushed for a mindboggling 408 yards last Saturday. Now keep in mind a few things. Gordon did this on 25 carries, in 3 quarters and against…Nebraska. No not a directional FCS team. The famed blackshirt defense of Nebraska. How dope was the performance. Gordon outrushed a teams rushing output for the year in ¾ of a game. Gordon had 408 yards, Wake Forest has 341 yards for the entire season! Gordon broke the record set in 1999 set by LaDainian Tomlinson who gave Gordon mad props via Twitter for breaking his record. Hoodwood salutes Gordon on an unreal performance.
To Tony Williams the selfish Saints fan that got in the middle of what should have been a cool exchange. Bengals tight end Jermaine Gresham scored his 2nd receiving touchdown in the midst of the Bengals 27-10 rout of the Saints in the Superdome on Sunday. Gresham tried to toss the ball to Christa Barrett a Bengals fan formerly from Versailles, Kentucky now living in the Big Easy. Williams elbowed Barrett out of the way and snatched the ball Gresham was trying to toss Barrett’s way then sat tone deaf as Barrett pleaded for the ball. Williams claimed he didn’t intend to elbow Barrett and was getting the ball for his grandson but instead came off looking like a chauvinistic self-centered asshole. The story does have a happy ending as not only the Saints gave Barrett a ball which she would donate to the Cincinnati Children’s hospital but Gresham autographed another ball and gave it to Barrett.
I love the 24 hours of hoops going on today. You can guarantee that Hawai’i will be in the mix for that super late/super early game
Why is my fantasy team crumbling?
Bad week for the Mannings Eli looks like a boob in Gotham and Peyton has a horrid day in St. Louis
After much ado about the Bengals looking bad in primetime, they bounce back whip the Saints and are back in first
Will seven wins take the NFC South while there could be as many as four teams winning ten and sitting home?
I think the MVP voters got it right with Kershaw and Trout
The less you mention to me how horrible my picks were this week the better off you are...
Why do the pundits want Cincy to jettison Johnny Cueto so bad?
My beloved Bearcats tried to give it away but they bounced East Carolina and not only are bowl eligible for the 8th time in 9 years but still has an outside shot at taking conference.
My alma mater Mt. Healthy is shooting for its first ever regional title as they take on Cincinnati LaSalle at 12-0 the Fighting Owls are having their best season ever and I’ll be there to watch them hopefully take the next step to the State Semis!
Last Week Bills lost to Chiefs 17-13, Dolphins lost to Lions 20-16
Fast Fact The Bills allowed 405 rushing yards in their first six games but 460 in their last three.
Both teams are coming in the short week off of tough close losses, Ryan Tannehill should be a go for the Fins who need their running game to play light years better than the puny 50 yard output against the Lions if they hope to keep the withering Bills pass rush totally honest. Kyle Orton is playing respectably for the Bills and having a hale Sammy Watkins will help his numbers immensely. As tight as the AFC playoff picture is this may very well be a virtual elimination game. I’m going with the home team here but I’m not the most confident about it
Sunday November 16
Falcons (3-6) @ Panthers (3-6-1)
Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte 1:00 (FOX)
Favorite Falcons by 1
Last Week Falcons defeated Buccaneers 27-17; Panthers lost to Eagles 45-21
Fast Fact Panthers QB Cam Newton has taken 561 hits (tackles, sacks, pressures) since coming in the league in 2011. The next closest QB has barely half that total in the time frame
What most would say would be a throwaway game is actually a game to stay in the divisional race. Both teams are a mess, though the Falcons are coming off a decently played win over the hapless Bucs while the Panthers are bedeviled by a nonexistent pass rush and a porous offensive line. This game is a tossup but for some reason I trust the Panthers less than I do the equally weak Falcons
Vikings (4-5) @ Bears (3-6)
Soldier Field, Chicago 1:00 (CBS)
Favorite Bears by 3
Last Week Vikings were on their bye; Bears lost to Packers 55-14
Fast Fact The Bears are the first team since the 1923 Rochester Jeffersons (yes that was an NFL team) to give up 50 or more points in back to back games
The Bears are imploding badly, their nationally television destructions at the hands of the Pats and Packers are telling a grim story. The well-rested Vikes are no juggernaut but have been slowly improving and while not likely to have the service of Adrian Peterson will have a decent running attack at their disposal and a withering rush to bother an increasingly erratic Jay Cutler. The Vikes are dicey on the road and the Bears are winless at home. But I think the Bears are quitting on themselves and the Vikes are more than happy to help turn the out the lights further.
Texans (4-5) @ Browns (6-3)
FirstEnergy Stadium, Cleveland 1:00 (CBS)
Favorite Browns by 3
Last Week Texans were on their bye; Browns defeated Bengals 24-3
Fast Fact Browns run defense has allowed an average of 91.7 yards rushing a game in their 3 game win streak
Fresh off a bye the Texans head to the frosty climes of Northern Ohio to face the Browns who are flying high after a Thursday beatdown of their despised downstate rivals. The Browns stout run defense will face a stern test against the redoubtable running of the Texans Arian Foster. While Brian Hoyer isn’t flashy, he pilots the Browns offense like a grizzled vet and his poised play has kept the Browns steady and win playing well. In a super tough AFC North, that could keep them in the hunt as stakes on these games get higher. This will be a grimy gritty game, I keep waiting for the Browns to take their expected pratfall but with Texans still unsettled at QB, it bodes well for the home team here
Seahawks (6-3) @ Chiefs (6-3)
Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City 1:00 (CBS)
Favorite Chiefs by 2½
Last Week Seahawks defeated Giants 38-17; Chiefs defeated Bills 17-13
Fast Fact This is matchup of teams that play in the loudest NFL stadiums as Arrowhead and CenturyLink in Seattle have traded the title at least six times over the last three years with Arrowhead holding the current record with an eardrum splitting 142.9 dB…yikes!
This ultra-noisy matchup features two team trying to stay in contention in their respective conferences. The Seahawks are trying to hold on to their champs mantle as long as they can but Russell Wilson is looking quite mortal and while Marshawn Lynch continues to run rugged, the defense is a shadow of its once formidable self. The Chiefs are staying strong with a super tight running game, and Alex Smith playing mostly mistake free ball, The Seahawks are a tough team still but going in to KC is a nightmare even for a noise tested squad like the Hawks. I just think that the Chiefs are a team to reckon with and catching them at their crib is not good
Bengals (5-3-1) @ Saints (4-5)
Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans 1:00 (CBS)
Favorite Saints by 7½
Last Week Bengals lost to Browns 24-3, Saints lost to 49ers 27-24 in OT
Looking at the records you would think that the Bengals are the first place team and the Saints are the 3rd place team scuffling along, when it’s the exact reverse. The Bengals are scrambling after a humiliating home loss to their upstate rivals and the Saints while leading the woefully weak NFC South are scrambling themselves after a heartbreaking OT loss to the Niners. Both team are wildly inconsistent, but I’m just not real sold on the Bengals as of late especially on the road. Had the Saints won last week I would say the Bengals could use this as a real bounce back. But I’m not betting on the Saints to lose back to back at home. And given the Bengals Andy Dalton skittish play as of late, I just can’t call an upset here and despite the records a Bengals win here would be an upset, but it’s not happening here.
Broncos (7-2) @ Rams (3-6)
Edward Jones Dome, St. Louis 1:00 (CBS)
Favorite Broncos by 9
Last Week Broncos defeated Raiders 41-17, Rams lost Cardinals 31-14
Fast Fact The Broncos have never won in St. Louis (tied the then St. Louis Cardinals in 1973 and are 0-2 against the Rams)
The Broncos bounced back strong to whip the Raiders while the Rams struggled in the desert. Peyton Manning regained his touch and that really bad news for the Rams who have been up and down as of late, their pattern has been win-loss and are due for a win, but the Broncos look to be in no mood to play niceties here. I think Manning will abuse the Rams suspect secondary while the Rams are turning back to Shaun Hill for the ineffective Austin Davis. It won’t matter much as the Broncos should roll to the win
Pick-Denver (Lock of the week)
49ers (5-4) @ New York Giants (3-6)
MetLife Stadium; East Rutherford, NJ 1:00 (FOX)
Favorite 49ers by 3½
Last Week 49ers defeated Saints 27-24 in OT; Giants lost to the Seahawks 38-17
Fast Fact the Niners haven’t won in NYC against the Giants since 2002 (lost last two visits)
The Niners stole a controversial win in the Big Easy and stay on the fringes of the NFC playoff picture while the G-Men are crumbling badly as evidence by the whomping that they got in Seattle last week. I’ve long maintained that west coast teams going east for a 1p kickoff are often in trouble and I would think that the Niners would be in some kind of trouble but I’m thinking that the G-Men’s butter booty soft defense is in no shape to slow down the Niners rugged running game and Colin Kaepernick’s dynamic passing. I think the Niners grind out a tight win
Last Week Buccaneers lost to Falcons 27-17; Washington was on a bye
Fast Fact The Buccaneers are giving up 30.2 points a game only Lovie Smith’s former team in Chicago (30.8) gives up more.
The Bucs are wandering through this long season, while Washington is trying to wake up from this nightmare season after their bye. This is a real who cares game, the Bucs defense is pretty porous and while Washington welcomes back RG3 they lack a real direction and identity. I’m thinking that the Bucs won’t be able to garner anymore road wins this season.
Raiders (0-9) @ Chargers (5-4)
Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego 4:05 (CBS)
Favorite Chargers by 10½
Last Week Raiders lost to Broncos 41-17, Chargers were on their bye
Fast Fact The Chargers were shutout in week 9 for the first time since 1999
The Chargers were flying high when they went to the East Bay to face the scuffling Raiders but haven’t won since they pulled out a 31-28 win four weeks ago. The Raiders are trying their best but find a way to come apart at critical junctures. The Broncos toyed with them a while before tearing them up last week while the Chargers have had a week to brood over their 37-0 implosion against the Dolphins before their bye. I want the Raiders to pick up a win since they are seriously looking like a reverse table run. But I can’t find a win here. The Chargers need a bounce back in the worst way and they will get one here.
Lions (7-2) @ Cardinals (8-1)
University of Phoenix; Glendale, AZ 4:25 (FOX)
Favorite Cardinals by 1
Last Week Lions defeated Dolphins 20-13; Cardinals defeated Rams 31-14
Fast Fact The Lions haven’t won in Arizona since 1993
The late NFC games are top notch, the Lions are playing like a tough team but have a steep challenge facing the Cards in their desert stronghold. The Lions are looking to follow up their gritty comeback win while the Cards are hoping that Drew Stanton will be able to fill in capably for the injured Carson Palmer. I think that the Lions rugged defense will be too tall a task for the young Stanton
Pick-Detroit (Upset of the Week)
Eagles (7-2) @ Packers (6-3)
Lambeau Field, Green Bay 4:25 (FOX)
Favorite Packers by 5½
Last Week Eagles defeated Panthers 45-21, Packers defeated Bears 55--14
Fast Fact Packers have won its games at Lambeau by an average of 25.3 points this season
Both teams are coming off primetime beatdown wins, Mark Sanchez looked especially crisp in his return to starting duties, but the curve gets really steep facing the Packers in Lambeau who are coming off a thrashing of the Bears last Sunday night. Now while I like the Eagles high powered offense and think that Sanchez looks good running, better than he ever did with the Jets the Packers defense isn’t soft like the Panthers and you can believe the likes of Clay Matthews, Julius Peppers and AJ Hawk will put more pressure on him. While Aaron Rodgers won’t come close to the 6 TD first half performance he had last week he should be able to get a solid performance enough to get the win.
Patriots (0-0) @ Colts (0-0)
Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis 8:30 (NBC)
Favorite Colts by 3
Last Week Both teams were on their respective byes
Fast Fact The Pats have averaged 40.2 points during their 5 game win streak.
The Primetime matchup is a doozy both teams rested up for a high scoring shootout, The Pats have been scoring in obscene bunches during their 5 game win streak but aside from a quick run to Buffalo, they haven’t went far on the road during their win streak Tom Brady has been putting rumors of his slide to rest while Andrew Luck is representing the young guns very well with his sharp play. Both teams are strikingly similar but I’m real curious which defense will come out looking better. It’s a tossup to be sure. I’m going to bet on the home team and likely be wrong.
Monday November 16
Steelers (6-3) @ Titans (2-7)
LP Field, Nashville 8:30 (ESPN)
Favorite Steelers by 6½
Last Week Steelers lost to Jets 20-13, Titans lost to Ravens 21-7
Fast Fact Steelers have allowed 36 points on opponents’ first possession this season, league worst
The Steelers are coming in off an embarrassing loss to the lowly Jets and now have to face a Titans team that stood bravely against the Ravens before losing a tight game. The Steelers should be able to get their offense in gear against the Titans soft defensive front and Zach Mettenberger might have a more difficult time against the Steelers defensive rush. The Titans are not the best of teams but the Steelers for some puzzling reason struggle against weaker teams that they should drill. As tempted as I am to call another stunning upset of the Steelers here. I can’t do it.