Happy Saturday Gabbers, and welcome to another Sexy Action News Saturday with your pal IHM. To start off, I’d like to thank BOB for filling in for me last week. Had some issues that unfortunately led to me not being able to post, but luckily it’s all done and over with, and we can move along with the program as usual.
To start off, I’d like to throw my take on the Petrino firing out there, albeit a week or so late! Some people weren’t fans of his firing, some were huge fans of it, myself included. The fact that a man has an extra-marital affair shouldn’t cost a man his job in most circumstances; but when you look at the position Bobby Petrino was in as a head football coach of a major college program, it really DOES mean he should have lost his job.
As a college football coach, especially at this level, you need to be able to pull in elite-level talent. You can be the greatest Xs and Os guy in the history of the game (and Petrino is FAR from that), but if you don’t have players to execute, you’re not going to win football games. In order to do that, you need to be able to convince a player and his family that YOU are going to be responsible enough to take care of him during his time at your university, let alone yourself. Your job as a head football coach at a university is to be the face of that program. You go into families’ living rooms and pitch yourself and your program, promising to return their young son a well-rounded man… this kind of public embarrassment just makes doing that job even more impossible for Petrino than it already was given his past, and that’s why his ass is gone. Good bye, good riddance… don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Honestly, between baseball heating up and these whacky NHL playoffs, I have all but forgot about next weekend’s NFL Draft. I’m used to the Lions falling somewhere in the top ten, this year, they don’t pick til #23. Really, so long as they don’t pick anybody at a skill position and stick with a DB, LB, or LT for the future, I’m happy with the pick. Hell, I might not even bother tuning into the draft til after nine… the first two picks are locked in already and all I really care about is the Lions’ late round pick.
As for the NFL, I’d like to encourage all of you fine folks here at the Gab to get out there and cast your vote for Mr.Cam Newton of the Carolina Panthers to be this year’s Madden “cover athlete”. He’s a much, much more deserving candidate than this other guy… Calvin Johnson of the Lions. I mean, if YOU were running for such a prestigious honor, he’d vote for you. Honestly, get out there and vote for Newton… this has NOTHING to do with any curse… really. I’m definitely NOT trying to convince anybody to vote Newton just so HE gets hurt (numerous guys), turns into a pussbag (Peyton Hillis), or becomes a jailbird (Michael Vick)… he just deserves it more! Honestly, I say just put the curse to bed, and start putting Madden himself on the cover. That way, he strains a jowell eating a turkey leg, gets run over by his bus… whatever the hell, and nobody’s team gets hurt. Whichever one of these guys gets the nod this year, do yourself a favor… don’t bother drafting them in any fantasy league.
As for these whacked out playoffs, there are two major stories in my eyes: shitty goaltending in the Flyers-Pens series, and all the cheap shots taking place, and essentially going unpunished. Good lord, Wednesday night they would have been better off taking the extra attacker and just jamming a broom into the crease. I pretty much tuned out when it got to 7-3, started watching the Tigers game. I hate both teams, so I couldn’t care less either way this one goes, although Philly does hold a 3-1 edge at this point. I hope they beat the hell out of each other and neither one gets past round two.
As for the cheap shots, there are two that stand out to me: Weber sending Zetterberg head-first into the boards in game one of the Wings-Preds series and of course Marian Hossa getting a head shot from Raffi Torres. Zetterberg was able to play again after Weber’s cheap shot in game one, Hossa is still out because of Torres’ blatant head shot in game three. The big difference, both teams on the receiving end are down 3-1 in their respective series.
I’m not making excuses for the Red Wings here… going into this series, I expected them to struggle against what is basically a bigger, stronger, better Predator team. The Wings are just getting old, to be blunt about it. It’s time for a major re-shuffling of this team… break it up before you fall into the same trap the Pistons did a few years back with the ’04 title team. Aside from Zetterberg and Datsyuk, you can stand to lose anybody on that roster and not be hurting a whole lot for it. They need to gain some size and strength on the defensive side, and a little more speed to play along with Datsyuk/Zetterberg up front. As for Jimmy Howard, he had a hell of a regular season, but the guy just has to prove himself in the playoffs. Down 3-1 in this series, I’ll be surprised if we see a game 6 with tonight’s game 5 in progress in Nashville.
Overall, most of the series out West are more or less decided. Looks like Nashville, Phoenix, St.Louis and LA are moving on. In the East, we’re looking a little more interesting with three series currently tied at 2-2, and the aforementioned Flyers-Pens series currently 3-1 Philly. One of the best things about playoff hockey, it’s not as clear-cut as other leagues… anybody can win on any given day. Once the Wings are out, I’m just looking forward to some quality hockey the rest of the way.
As for the NBA… I don’t fucking care. The Heat showed their true colors the other night against the depleted Bulls, acting like a bunch of punks, throwing elbows and cheap shots out there against a Bulls team without Derek Rose. LeBron James is a douchebag… Dewayne Wade is a douchebag… Chris Bosh didn’t even play, and he’s still a douchebag… and no matter what happens in the playoffs this year for them, nobody can take that away from them.
Speaking of douches and the NBA… Dwight Howard is out for the rest of the year with a back injury. Now maybe we can go a full week without footage or quotes of him being a petulant child on the sidelines towards his head coach. What a complete pile of garbage that league is.
A couple of MLB milestones to celebrate… and one for me to rant about… but we’ll put the best foot forward today. Congrats to the Red Sox and to Fenway Park for their 100th anniversary this weekend. Amazing accomplishment for one of the best venues in all of sports. Just an iconic ballpark, and baseball wouldn’t be the same without it. As for the Cincinnati Reds, they recorded the 10,000th win in franchise history today with a 9-4 win over the Chicago Cubs, just the sixth team in MLB history to reach that milestone.
As for the less-than-celebrated milestone, there was A-Fraud’s passing of Ken Griffey Jr. for 5th place on the all-time home run list, a list that gets a little less respectable with each new member. Not a whole lot to say on this topic that I haven’t said before… FUCK I HATE THIS FUCKING GUY. I don’t often root for a guy to get hurt… but with A-Roids, I’ll make an exception. Jesus I hope he takes a fastball to the face really, really soon.
That’s all I’ve got in the tank this week folks. Thanks as always for reading, and for any comments you leave on the way out. Have a great rest of your weekend.
Where to begin? The impact of former Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino has pretty much reached Tsunami-like proportions. So much so, that Hogville is down. It is apparent that the reaction has gone nuclear with Hog fans. To add insult to injury, many beligerent anti-Hog fans are antagonizing the fan-base in Fayetteville and around the state. Such brazen individuals such as Auburn fans try to talk about Karma but are you kidding me? Really? Re-ally???? People from Kansas State, Missouri and of course, Auburn, create accounts just to mess with the faithful.l
Hogville staff is playing the politically correct card and they like other bashers and cannot read the cautionary tale correctly. And that is, those glasse houses are fragile and the slightest quake on a fault line spells disaster. So who are the victims here? Well first naturally is the wife and kids. That is profoundly private alhough Bobby brought that upon that on them and his self.
Then we get to the younger woman. Here in lies one of the biggest rubs. The Bible says if you sin with your eyes, it is the same as cheating. So Kate Upton does a shoot in a movie with revealing bathing suit. Now that is no problem but what kind of message does this sends to kids? And also, to all the middle-aged men like Bobby Petrino, who salivate, who are you?
Then come the fans who are not students and they suffer a deepening rift and fall into the chasm of marginalization and it is not like they don't have a problem with recruiting instate and out. Now the likes of Bleacher Report may hay and programs who are actually cheating the game, laugh and sign, a sigh of relief.
And then there are the students and alum. They didn't sleep with the girl but the honest ones wish it were them. But more than that, they take the hardest hit on the field. They and the players, who are students too. It is easy to be on Mt Olympus and deify yourself and make judgements when your own back yard is not mowed. Pinpup girls are a deft revenge for honey do lists and the obligatory dinner out. I get that. Who hasn't seen that?
In the final anaylsis this is all on Bobby and then the sharks the infest the reefs of our every day lives. Dufii like Skip Bayless and the Colin Cleansing can behave like John Henson.
Lastly after all this I just want to call out the judges and juries who move from Steroids to Sock puppets and Spongebob Square Pants.
Hello and welcome to another Wednesday of deep thoughts. I am not sure how the weather is where you live, but this is a great time to be in Austin. Low 80s during the day and just a comfortable breath of coolness at night. I know this probably sounds like summer to some of you, but here it is the spring treat we get before we roll into the humidity and heat of summer.
I attended my son's high school game Tuesday night. All of the games are intense now, as we really have to win 6 of our last 7 to make the playoffs. We lost the game, but I was really pleased to see something new. The team we played (Georgetown) allowed any veteran into the game for free. Not only did they allow them into the game, but they took their name and brought them onto the field and introduced each of them to the crowd. I must salute the Georgetown ISD for having the vision to take ten minutes to say thank you to the veterans in attendance. In this day and age, it is nice to see a school district more concerned with honoring those that have sacrificed to keep our country safe, than get their $4. My hat is off and my head is bowed...
While I am here, I am compelled to pass along a story I heard today about a young Marine named Kyle. Kyle planned to make a career of being a Marine, but fate had other ideas. In October of 2006, a roadside bomb exploded under the humvee that Kyle was traveling in. Kyle was pulled from the smoking wreckage, but suffered severe injuries to his right hand. After rehabbing the hand for two years, Kyle decided the pain of keeping the hand was too much. An amputation was planned and in short order, Kyle was made ready to remove his hand. But Kyle had a plan, he wanted to make sure that the doctors took off the correct hand, so he borrowed a magic marker from his mom and created a dotted line around his right wrist with an instructive "cut here" for the doctors. Apparently nobody noticed Kyle's message until they were in the middle of the process. When doctors discovered the message, they had to stop the surgery because they were laughing so hard they could not continue. Kyle is looking for another career now that his dream to be a Marine is over. So, if you are in need of a good person in the Mt. Pleasant Michigan area, give Kyle a call.
There are few topics that fans and players agree on. But, I think I have found one person that is universally disliked by both groups...Skip Bayless. Let's face it, we all know Bayless is the douche bag of all douche bags. I was not a fan of Jalen Rose until today. During an conversation on Tuesday, Bayless and Rose got into a rather heated conversation about the Thunder's Russell Westbrook. Now, what is interesting is that back on March 31st. Bayless tweeted that, "the Thunder would be doomed if Westbook continued to play point guard instead of taking more of a scoring role." Bayless tried to fortify his statement by recalling his own playing days at Northwest Classen High School. He claimed to have started for his team that lost in the finals of the 1970 Oklahoma state championship. Bayless also compared himself to Pistol Pete Maravich. So, when Pistol Skip launched into his diatribe about Westbrook, Rose was ready with some ammo.
I would have never guessed watching Charles Barkley play, that he would become such profit in his later years:
Hang in there Skip, you are well on your way to being a tool in everyone's eyes.
Were you a fan of the three stooges? As a kid, I guess most of watched hours of the stooges antics. I suppose it was inevitable for a Three Stooges movie to hit the big screen. From the reviews that I have heard, the critics are not impressed. The "critics" especially hated Kate Upton in her habit bikini.
Of course, critics don't always accurately speak for everyone...
Sometimes I see something that just makes me scratch my head. I used to drive a Datsun F-10 wagon in college. No air, but it got great gas mileage. This car was voted in the top 10 ugly cars of all time. I had a mechanic tell me once that, "this car is the answer to a question that nobody asked." That sort of reminds me of Pizza Hut's new pizza. Thankfully, you will not be able to find one at your local Pizza Hut. This new hot dog stuffed pizza will only be available in the UK. All I can think is that the food must be really bad in the UK if Pizza Hut thinks this will sell.
Petrino is gone. Arkansas made a very difficult decision on Tuesday to cut ties with Coach Petrino. We all have different opinions regarding Petrino. But what is clear is that he was held to the same standard that other faculty or the students of the University of Arkansas. The words of AD Long are exactly what they should have been:
"Our expectations of character and integrity in our employees can be no less than what we expect of our students," Long said. "No single individual is bigger than the team, the Razorback football program of the University of Arkansas."
Football fans want their team to win, especially in the ultra competitive SEC. But as an institution of higher education, Arkansas officials had a duty to the school to make this decision. It is clear that Coach Petrino knew what the right path was, but was unable to ethically navigate his way. Hopefully, this will be an epiphany for him and he will work to become a better person. From his words, it is apparent that he gets this:
"As a result of my personal mistakes, we will not get to finish our goal of building a championship program," he said. "My sole focus at this point is trying to repair the damage I've done to my family. They did not ask for any of this and deserve better. I am committed to being a better husband, father and human being as a result of this and will work each and every day to prove that to my family, friends and others.
Best of luck Bobby, this is something that truly deserves a committed effort.
That's all I have today, but I will leave you with a bit of Jack Handey:
"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!"
"If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a subject."
Thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave a few deep thoughts of your own...
I hope everyone had a great Easter holiday...Of course it would have been better if I was spending it with Kate Upton...
I'll be honest, I had stuff I was going to write about...But then I fell asleep putting the baby to bed around 8:30 PM...I woke up around 1:00 AM and didn't feel like doing shit, but going back to sleep...And the stuff I was going to write about all slipped out of my head...But I'll take a crack at it...
The other night the kids were getting ready for bed and my oldest daughter was doing a check list at the end of some diary book...It was asking questions like "Do you have a crush?" "Have you told them?" 'Do you blah blah blah?" and she would say "Check" as she was marking it off, and after the third or fourth one the Little Beeze chimed in and said, "Are you a bitch? Check!"
It wasn't right, but the Mrs. and I were laughing our asses off...The kid had perfect comedic timing...
-In Sports, Boston College Took home the NCAA Hockey Championship, beating Ferris State in what was probably the most entertaining game that was on Saturday...
-Baseball season is now in full swing, and the Cleveland Indians have been a nightmare to watch so far...Thursday Justin Masterson pitched an eight inning gem only to have Chris Perez blow it in the ninth...Then the game went into the 17th inning before the Tribe lost 7-4...
Saturday Ubaldo Jimenez pitched well, considering he sucked all Spring...But the pen blew the lead...Then in the 12th inning, Toronto took another 7-4 win...
Sunday, Derek Lowe pitched well, and Carlos Santana got the offense going with 2 HR's...In the 9th, leading 4-3 the Indians brought in Perez...As always he put runners on base...After an error by Asdrubal Cabrera, and a walk, the bases were loaded, two outs, with Jose Bautista coming to the plate...And some how Perez got him to pop out...I guess he Jose didn't take his Brady Anderson juice Sunday!
-Both the Yankees and the Red Sox have started the season 0-3, which has to have a lot of people smiling...
-Some guy named Bubba Watson won the Masters...I didn't watch any of it, because well, it's golf...
-Bobby Petrino is in all kinds of trouble after getting into a motorcycle accident with his 25 year old girlfriend on board...At first the married, with 4 kids, Arkansas football coach denied he was banging this chick, but has since admitted to the affair, along with a previous affair...This guys track record of being a fucking douchebag just keeps getting better...
-Everyone knows I'm a loyal Notre Dame fan, but after reading THIS story...A story that has been pretty well kept quiet...Well, it makes me question my loyalty...We all know big-time football programs let shit slide with football players, but there has to be a line...Especially a school like Notre Dame, that always tries to stand on the moral high ground...Very disappointing...
That's it for now...I need to get back to sleep...I've wasted too much time trying to write this while watching "The Wire."
Happy Saturday Gabbers, and welcome to another edition of Sexy Action Sports Saturday with your old pal IHM. First things first, have to thank our old pal Zombie Jesus for getting me a paid holiday Friday… that’s right, I’m movin’ on up in the world. Day off, paid, and it’s just Good Friday. First paid holiday… EVER! Spent the day relaxing with the wife and son, eating at one of my old stomping grounds, and found a nice old whiskey jug for my collection while bumming around a resale/antique place. All-in-all, I’d call it a damn fine day off.
A LOT to get to this week, and we’ll start things out with one of my least favorite people in all of sports, Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino. Seems Mr.Petrino’s reputation has taken yet another hit, as he was busted with his side piece when he crashed the motorcycle the two were riding around town. Went into a ditch, got picked up by a passing motorist and driven to the hospital, and told the guy not to call the cops. Seems like he was trying awfully hard to keep that side piece a secret… and for good reason, she was an employee of the Arkansas athletic department. Yep, looks like Bobby Petrino can add another accomplishment to his resume of douchebaggery… dipping the pen in company ink, not to mention cheating on his fucking wife and all. Hopefully Arkansas does the right thing and tosses this piece of trash where he belongs, right in the shit heap.
This week wasn’t ALL bad for douchebag coaches… Monday night, Kentucky coach John Calipari finally got the job done on the big stage as the Wildcats beat Kansas to capture their first national title since 1996. And the way those jagoffs in Lexington reacted, you’d think they hadn’t won a fucking title in fifty years. Hell, my advice to the University of Kentucky… get that banner up as fast as you can. That way you can get some enjoyment out of it before 2-3 years down the road this asshole ends up busted AGAIN by the NCAA for some major infraction. By then, of course, he’ll be skipping down the road with a bag full of cash and a new job lined up… just like he’s done so many times before. I’d say I feel bad for the kids playing for him, but since this asshat makes his living on one-and-doners, there won’t be any kids he recruited LEFT to feel bad for.
The real opening day for Major League Baseball happened just yesterday, with pitchers making the biggest impact. Many low scoring, old school games over the first several season debuts. The Tigers’ opener was no different. Jon Lester and Justin Verlander dueled for seven-plus innings until the Tigers finally broke through against Lester. Verlander wound up going eight innings, giving up zero runs and two hits. Then, Jose Valverde and his 51-game save streak stepped in to close things out. Sure enough, Valverde gave up two runs on three hits, and the Red Sox had tied things up. In the bottom of the ninth, however, Austin Jackson was able to bail Valverde out with his third hit of the ballgame, an RBI single, which plated the winning run. All-in-all, good to get the W on opening day. But the scary thing is Valverde really hasn’t been the same since late last season when he started going more with his fastball and less to his splitter. If he doesn’t find that splitter again, it could be a shaky year for the Tigers bullpen. Hopefully this was just an aberration, and he’ll start a new streak today in game #2 of this three game set with the Red Sox.
At least Valverde wasn’t alone in blowing an opening-day save… Yankees’ closer Mariano Rivera, the all-time saves leader, gave up a 2-spot to the Rays in the bottom of the ninth to blow a Yankees win. All I can say to Mariano Rivera is keep up the good work!
And before I get out of baseball here, just have to agree with Frag… that new Marlins ballpark is a fucking monstrosity. I mean, every part of it is ridiculous. The home run sculpture is quite possibly the worst part. I really hope somebody had to pay THEM to put that thing in.
The thing that REALLY has me pissed off this week is over in the NFL. The Detroit Lions… more specifically, the Detroit Lions 2011 draft class. Their first pick, Auburn DT Nick Fairley, who played sparingly due to an injured foot throughout the season, was BUSTED Wednesday for possession of marijuana. The dumb bastard was driving around a Mobile, Alabama sub division speeding and “bumping” his music… sure enough, somebody calls the cops, and there’s dope in the car. Back on March 12th, second round pick Mikel Leshoure, who played in ZERO games last year for the Lions after an injury in the first pre-season practice, was popped for possession of the reefer for the second fucking time this month. That’s right, he was ALSO busted on March 1st for possession, a charge he never showed up in court for. How did he get busted, you ask… his dipshit friend was driving the car the two were traveling in, failed to signal for a lane change, and happened to be driving on a suspended license. Why was he driving on a suspended, you ask… because apparently Leshoure’s license is ALSO suspended. Apparently the 500 grand he made last year for doing NOTHING wasn’t enough for his stupid ass to get down to the fucking DMV and get his license renewed/reinstated.
The real question here is what the fuck is wrong with these guys? You’re making millions of dollars to play a sport professionally… can’t you just pass on the blunt for 10-15 years, make your money, and if you really, really want to be a fucking dopehead that bad, retire and get back to your little “nature walks”? Look, I used to be a fucking pothead… about ten years or so ago, I’d smoke weed on just about a daily fucking basis. My brother AFD can testify to that… though he never sunk to my level, luckily for him. The difference here… I got a fucking job, and I needed to keep that fucking job, so I quit smoking the dope and grew the fuck up. These guys aren’t looking at some $400 a week, bullshit job. This is an opportunity to work ten years and never have to work another day in your fucking life. Really… is there ANYBODY out there that can explain this to me? (Aside from the obvious explaination of these two being fucking idiots) Oh, and also former Lions’ draftee Charles Rogers was booked on five charges Friday, including marijuana possession… just a nice little touch to cap off a shitty week for the Lions.
Of course, these two aren’t the BIGGEST idiots of NFL potheads. Aside from the obvious Ricky Williams reference here, what about former Bengals WR Jerome Simpson, who the feds popped for having two fucking pounds of mary jane delivered to his home in Kentucky. Somehow, though, this fool got a plea deal where he’ll only serve 15 days in jail and 3 years probation. How the fuck does THAT work out? Kids get popped with a fucking dime bag in their pocket and end up with longer sentences than that… a hell of a lot longer. This asshole has two fucking pounds delivered to his house… if THAT doesn’t scream intent to distribute, I don’t know what does. Hell, maybe the Lions will sign him next week… he’s still looking for a new NFL team, and if he’d fit into any locker room right now, it’d be the fucking dopehead Lions’.
That’s what I’ve got for the week, folks. Thanks for reading, and as always, for any comments you leave on your way out. Enjoy your weekends, and Happy Easter Gabbers.