Besides having one of the most unfortunate names in the history of baseball, Gaylord Perry was a tremendously accomplished pitcher. A veteran of 22 seasons with 8 different teams, Perry won 314 games against 265 losses, posted a career ERA of 3.11, and struck out 3534 batters during his career. In the process, Perry was the 1978 Cy Young award winner and was selected to five All-Star teams.  In 1991, Perry was selected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

Gaylord Perry was also a cheater.

Over the course of his 22-year career, Perry was known for his use of the spitball, the “puffball”, and also scuffing and cutting baseballs. His former manager, Gene Mauch, was even vocal to the point where he thought Perry’s plaque in the Hall of Fame should have a tube of KY Jelly adhered to it.

So why is Perry relevant today?

Well, the color-commentary announcers for the Toronto Blue Jays, Jack Morris and Dirk Hayhurst, have accused Boston Red Sox pitchers Clay Buchholz and Junichi Tazawa of “loading up” the baseball in a similar fashion. In their accusations, they have noted that Boston pitchers are reaching their forearms and rubbing what appears to be a foreign substance from their arms on the baseball. The accusations arose after Buchholz moved to 6-0, shutting down the Blue Jays offense on Wednesday night.

Here is the accusation from Hayhurst on Twitter:

Forget the hair, I just saw video of Buchholz loading the ball with some Eddie Harris worthy slick'em painted up his left forearm. Wow.

— Dirk Hayhurst (@TheGarfoose) May 2, 2013

Is it a real issue? That’s hard to pick out, as only Buchholz, Tazawa, and any umpire that checks them going forward will know.

However, the practice of rubbing rosen and sweat from the forearm is hardly proprietary to the Red Sox alone, as pitchers all around the game do it in order to improve their grip on the baseball. In fact, Red Sox catcher, Jarrod Saltalamacchia was quick to note that Toronto pitcher J.A. Happ was going to his right forearm throughout the game as well.

"I saw [J.A.] Happ all night going to his forearm. Is he doing something?" Boston catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia said about Toronto's starter. "For them to point out one guy or two guys, I don't think that's right."

What it actually stinks of is the desperation of one team trying to drum up something that will fire a fan base back up.

Aside from the obvious success that the Red Sox have enjoyed in 2013, there is also the John Farrell component. The Toronto media, front office, and fan base are all still equally bitter about the way Farrell left his role as Toronto’s manager in order to take on the same role in Boston.  Add in the fact that he has been able to turn them back into a winner, something he was unable to do in Toronto, and all of a sudden everyone is Sherlock Holmes and there is a mystery afoot.

In the end, what this does is create an unfair stigma around Buchholz and the rest of the Red Sox pitching staff and is going to prompt other managers to stall the game during strong outings and ask for an inspection on suspicion alone.

The fact that is comes from a radio play-by-play guy on a hunch after watching tape is simply ridiculous. Jack, you’re better than this.

Oh, and as a closing note, Sportsnet.ca and Fan 590 are owned and operated by Rogers Communications. Anyone want to take a guess who owns the Toronto Blue Jays?

The tavern doors have swung open wide, what with Shorty being back in town, and the Bandit tossing darts in the corner waiting on some of that left over movie theater popcorn we get every week.  

I spent Saturday desperately trying to start my “guaranteed to start” lawnmower, listening to a David Sedaris audio-book.  I’m sore from swinging a maul at some unwanted bushes and tired from 4 hours of wandering around my home compound, looking at all the stuff I need to do.  Life in the United States is largely a good thing – hard to beat complaining that I couldn’t mow my lawn while drinking a Yuengling I’d acquired earlier this week on a business trip.  For what its worth, if Fred Lite wasn’t the beer of choice at the Tavern, Yuengling certainly would be – except for the fact it’s unavailable here in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.  This is an abomination of the greatest order.

At the same time the NFL draft kicked off – something I often pay little attention to as I don’t often watch or follow college ball, but I love that it means the football season is only a few months away and the strategy behind moving picks – the landing gear from one of the airplanes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11 was found.  Its amazing to me that in a city resided in by millions, visited by millions, some 12-years later, landing gear could have been found in an alley.  Makes you wonder what other treasures or pieces of evidence of crimes remain all around us, unnoticed.    To keep myself sane, I keep my thoughts strictly to the strategy behind moving the 29^th pick in the draft. 

My thoughts turn to the young baseball season.  I began the season generally dispirited by the prospects of my beloved Red Sox.  The question I started the season with was who would collapse faster/sooner: the be-diapered Red Sox or the elderly Yankees.  To this point, though, the Sox are tied for the best record in baseball with the Rangers.  And, really, for years – culminating with last seasons’ discontent – I’ve railed against the Sox “pulling a Yankees” by buying up players and maxing out the payroll, so in reality this season is refreshing even if it doesn’t end in a duck boat parade.

Where last years’ team was the personification of Catholic guilt – hating the players, but loving the team – this years team is actually likeable.  I’m not sure I know what to do with myself.  I’m a Bostonian damnit.  I’m not supposed to feel like this.  There has to be SOME downside – young, and untalented; old, overpaid, and under-achieving.  This is not the Pittsburgh Pirates.  This is the Sox team I’ve been begging for, it’s time to just enjoy the season….and hope the Yankees collapse – which would make my summer absolutely complete. 

 On the very day Radatz questioned what David Ortiz can bring to the table this season for the Sox, Papi energized the city with some profanity and some good old fashioned home town parochialism, and has since been performing to a pretty high level.  He’s set the bar pretty high and thusfar has kept up as role model to the rebuilt Sox.  I’d be lying to you if I told you I saw that coming, but then again sometimes veteran leadership in the clubhouse can energize a city AND a team.  I’m totally on board with the idea that Ortiz might be ridiculously overpaid, but so far he’s demonstrating the leadership of a man who wants to be on the team. 

Quick Hits: Supreme Court Stephen Breyer underwent surgery on his shoulder after a bicycling accident.  I have to say I love the idea that a 74-year old man is riding a bicycle.  I can barely handle walking around my yard and complaining about how crappy it looks, and this cat is off riding a bike. 

The dude the Feds have fingered as the person responsible for mailing ricin laced letters to the President is a martial arts instructor.  Seriously?  This is 2013, and you think you can just mail the President a poison letter and he’s going to just open it up…AND you’re not going to get caught?  Anyone who ever paid this dolt for martial arts lessons ought to get their money back, because the man is clearly not very bright.

We were in a department store and I put my hands on a Hartford Whalers lid.  I thought it was pretty cool, and tried it on, considering buying it.  I asked my boy what he thought, and the 7-year old said, “if you wore that years ago, you wouldn’t have had any girlfriends OR a wife.”  Deciding, then, it meant that the most opportune moment to have acquired this hat had long since passed, I put it down.

I leave you with this passing thought from the draft:

Shorty’s first owner, Dinsdale Piranha, was an abusive man...cruel but fair

put a lot of pressure on ole shorty as you can see

Old Dinsey is demanding custody. 

I called Atty Jackie Chiles. I’m not worried,

I’m not just some innocent bystander!

After the first week or so of MLB, the surprise teams are The Boston Red Sox , Kansas City Royals and Oakland Athletics in the AL and the Atlanta Braves, Arizona Diamondbacks

And Colorado Rockies in the senior circuit.

It’s amazing how a few wins by Thee Olde Towne Team can change your perspective of the new season. Weather it lasts or it doesn’t, doesn’t matter. You ride the wave and hope for the best. I went into the season with a ho hum outlook on this season, often joking on who would finish last, the Yankees or the Red Sox. After one week I’m saying, this team has some good young players and the potential for the veterans, Ellsbury and Pedroia to carry the load of a long season is there.

Can the starting pitchers, especially Lester and Buchholz ( Sully wouldn’t mind) keep going like they started the season? Both of these guys have shown flashes in their careers as top of the rotation hurlers, both pitched no hitters a couple years back.

Can Dempster win 10-12 games, can Felix Dubront repeat his 12 win season of last year as the number four and can John Lackey be an adequate fifth starter. Lackey hurt his right bicep in the fifth inning against Toronto the other day and will spend time on the DL.

Sox Manager, John Farrell believes that Psycho Alfredo Aseves will fill Lackeys spot in the rotation 

Will David Ortiz ever finish his rehab…on April 1^st he was said to have run wind sprints in the outfield…wind sprints…on April 1^st…

Yikes, hope springs eternal…    but wait...

Joel Hanrahan pulled his best Mitchell Boggs impersonation last night giving up 5 runs to the Baltimore O's in the 9th to tighten up the AL East.

My fantasy team oldmansgame took it on the chin in the first week to Miggy’s

Shorty told me not to draft aging pitchers that relied on velocity to win,

I should have listened.

I do have one or two bright spots, Justin Upton, Lance Berkman

so I lift a glass of Fred Light (now on tap at Moz) to these guys.

gold fish and a Fred Lite

These would make a good bar snack at the Tavern

NEW FEATURE

FUTURE SHOCK 1.1 This section is where shorty takes a look into the crystal ball he took from Bill Parcells. As you remember Tuna used to say,” I don’t have a crystal ball”

That’s because shorty has it.

-NFL news May 2015

    Rumor has it that Sir Roger has appointed an NFL “expansion czar” whose assignment was to identified 3 places out side of the contiguous forty eight to target for expansion…the list of three hasn’t been released yet but there is a rumor floating about places like the Tavern that names the following sites: Hamilton Bermuda, Alajuela Costa Rica and Toronto Canada and one inside the lower forty eight and that would be Los Angeles….shorty says his sources are reliable.

The 2 year is to plan is to add eight teams in total, one to each division. Four in 2015 and four more in 2017. The AFC and NFC East and the AFC and NFC West will get the first four.

The NFL expansion czar hasn’t been identified yet but again, shorty has his sources…reliable sources.

The most frequently named possibility is….

A guy by the name of Billy Shakespeare. Billy hails from jolly Olde London Towne and has been seen having tea recently with Patriots owner Robert Kraft and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones..

Shakespeare is not a stranger to the game and actually has NFL experience. Billy was a Cleveland Browns 4^th  rounder in the 1993 draft out of…you guessed it, William and Mary, a Classics and Literature major, he was a four year starter at W&M, he played defensive back at 5’11” -195.

He was ceremonially cut by the head coach William S. Belichick during training camp allegedly for attempting to re write the play book into proper English.

The coach was heard ranting around the locker room, Just do your job Billy just do your

#%&*#@*& job. 

After that unfortunate turn of events, he worked out with both the Philadelphia Eagles and the St Louis Cardinals before traveling to Barcelona where he was a special teams standout for two seasons. A wrist injury, diagnosed as carpel tunnel syndrome or chronic writers cramp ended an otherwise promising career.

He’s been involved in the attempt to get a team to London but it’s said he would settle for Bermuda for an expansion

The nick name of the Bermuda team would be the

And would be added to the AFC East

Stay tuned for the next segment of Future Shock and learn the latest from ole shorty himself

And now its time for:

Grilling corner:

Venison Burgers Sweet red bell peppers

Summer squash and Roasted potatoes

Serve with a fine Chianti.

What? you want actual sports?  

NCAA. Basketball, congratulations to new Basketball Hall of Fame selectee Ricky Petino and the hard working Louisville kids.

NCAA Hockey,The Frozen four square off tonite 4/11

U Mass-Lowell vs Yale and

Quinnipiac vs St. Cloud State

The championship game is 4/13

 I bought a “Mo Hate Me” game jersey for shorty,

he handed me $20 for a $2.50 shirt and said…Harry keep the change.

Thanks for the visit, now back to the present and some real sports talk >>

Well, I've gotten the flat screens installed on the walls, but something is missing.  Perhaps paying the electric bill would help.  The Tavern has been back in business for a week now and the first goon looking for "protection money" just left the room, courtesy of one of our favorite locals...seems ADF thought the dude was macking on his lady friend.  Congrats AverageDetFan, the best of everything to you. And here, have a coupon for 25% off your next Duffs after you purchase 5 at the regular price. On another, but related note,  As of yesterday, I celebrated by 12th anniversary.  Our man BOB celebrated 25 years last week, so we're really running the gamut here.  

I was pretty sure the opening of the baseball season would be a referendum of the entirety of the season.  I mean, when was the last time the Red Sox and Yankees were slated to compete for LAST in the division?  So, the beginning of the season turned out okay for the good guys, and by good guys I mean the guys wearing the Red Sox uniform.  Because, let’s face it, for me it’s all about the local laundry.

I was at a client this week and their office overlooks the Charles River in Boston.  Site of the Head of the Charles Regatta…in the near distance was the MIT dome.  To the left was the Citgo sign that lights up Kenmore Square in all of those Sox replays on ESPN.  Simply amazing…and they were embarrassed the terrace wasn’t open yet.  How many of us should have such working conditions as to have to bear not being able to people watch for during lunch hour from the terrace?  I work with a similarly situated company in Atlanta – they actually get a discount on their lease because their view is “obstructed.” How?  There’s a railing that obstructs their view of the skyline.  I wonder if I should call Bank of America and complain they should reduce my mortgage interest rate because if I sit on my deck, the neighbors pass judgment on my pajamas.

My least junior Mo has been entertaining college acceptances.  Truly, it’s been a hard time for me – accepting that my oldest was a high school student has taken me 4-years, now I have to accept that she’s going to college come the fall.  There’s always a lot to consider when choosing schools.  Like, say, who leads the school basketball program – especially when the school you’re choosing really only has a basketball team.  I’m sure there are fathers all over this great land weighing the same issues this one is – where to go, majors, financial aid…and well, how the AD is going to handle a student bullying issue.

So we find ourselves at Rutgers this week, where Mike Rice was shown the door after a video surfaced of him berating  players (oh, by the way, when I say player I do mean “student”) with homophobic slurs and kicking them.   Oh, and by the way, this behavior had been investigated earlier where Rice was fined and suspended.  I’m all for second chances – truly – but when we’re talking about kids, and certainly when we’re talking about people  in whom we entrust leadership positions to our kids, there has to be a high standard.  Bob Knight coached at Indiana for close to 30 years – I suspect largely because 1) he was a winner and 2) cell phone cameras were still in the future.  Rice had no such advantage…on either count. 

Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE football.  Really.  But, as I made clear a few weeks back, I think the NFL has a credibility problem.  Specifically, they’re mitigating liability through deliberately slow research and holding back what the public and scientific community knows and understands about head injury.  They make adjustments to the game on the basis of sponsorships and rule changes.  The latest announcement from the No Fun League is that they’ll start allowing cameras in the locker room.  The XFL remains only in our memories (“HE HATE ME”), but at least one vestage remains: in locker room cameras.  They nibble around the edges instead of dealing with the issues of import to the game.  That’s what cheeses me off.  Seriously?  Let’s have an authentic game, and we won’t have to worry about the crap in the locker rooms.

A parting shot:  The Bruins acquired Jaromir Jagr this week…only about 20 years too late.  I was going to grad school in Pittsburgh in the early 90’s when the Pens were hot and Jagr was winning Stanley Cups.  To acquire a guy that’s officially protected under the Age Discrimination in Employment Act as being over 40 to fill a need is a scary proposition.  God bless the man that he’s playing professional hockey after the age of 40 (good god, I can barely climb a flight of stairs), but this isn’t exactly a move that’ll put the B’s over the top.  Of course, in his first game, he scored the games lone goal to give the B's 3-points, so I could be wrong, but...it's risky putting your hopes on old guys.