I hope all the moms out there had a great Mother's Day...We all know the MILF's did! Mother's Day...Shit, it should be called 'Dad get the kids out of here so Mom can be a lump all day!' I'm kidding, I'm kidding...I love all you moms out their....Especially my wife and my mom...Just remember ladies...Remember the lengths we go to on Mother's Day...Because it seems like when Father's Day rolls around, it gets blown off....Restaurants aren't booked solid for Father's Day...There isn't a big hoopla...A steak and a blow job should be the minimum requirement!

So, any big news stories this week....Oh yeah, THIS big story in the Cleve of course...I wrote that the night it broke...But after that I left the story alone...One of the reasons I left it alone was the Charles Ramsey angle...They guy was an instant media hit...Yes he did the right thing...But I was watching all his interviews, and then I heard his 9-1-1 call...I heard stuff that I expected, like him swearing...You could tell in some of the interviews he was fighting to keep certain words back...But the thing that bothered me was how his story changed in slight details, and how his 9-1-1 call didn't match with some stuff he said...Then there was the interview where he said, "I'm not a hero, I'm the definition of a man."

NOT SO FAST CHUCK...Yeah, you did the right thing...You along with another guy who got no love because he doesn't speak English...But Charles Ramsey has himself a hell of a record...Including 3 convictions for domestic violence and some unpaid child support...So while Charles Ramsey helped Amanda Berry break out of that door, and all of Cleveland is thrilled to have found these 3 young women alive, calling yourself "the definition of a man" is bullshit...Charles Ramsey may have changed his ways, but I don't think he can wear that label.

And right after the story broke people seemed quick to bash the police...Yeah, the 9-1-1 operator was an asshole...I think most people agree on that...And yes, police and the courts should have gone after this Castro bastard harder on stuff in his past...Like maybe when he beat the hell out of his ex-wife, busting up her shoulders, ribs, face, and causing a blood clot on her brain....Oh, and taking their kids and not returning them...Threatening to kill her...Yeah, people should have looked at this guy harder...But you can't blame every cop this...Especially when every time the city is in a budget crunch, they layoff Cops...The system is broken, not the police...

See, this is why I started light, with the MILF crap...because I knew this shit was gonna get heavier...

Well, may as well keep it heavy for a bit longer...Former Notre Dame Fullback, Asaph Schwapp died this past week after a long battle with cancer...He was 26 years old...Too damn young...

-So last week I brought up the NCAA Lacrosse Tourney...So here's what shook out this weekend...UNC beat Lehigh 16-7...Yale beat Penn State 10-7...Notre Dame beat Detroit Mercy 9-7...Denver beat Albany 19-14...Cornell beat Maryland 16-8...Ohio State beat Towson 16-6...Duke beat Loyal (md) 12-11 in double OT...and Syracuse beat Bryant 12-7...Action will pick back up Saturday...

-As for Hockey...The Rangers are killing me...There may not be enough beer in this house to get through Monday night's game 7 with the Capitals...Both teams have held their ground at home...So the Rangers have to break that Monday...Both Goalies have been amazing...5 of the the 6 games were won by won goal...Each goalie has a 1-0 victory...Braden Holtby is becoming an elite goalie right in front of our eyes...He's going toe-to-toe with Lunqvist...And the two superstar goal scores...ALexander Ovechkin, and Rick Nash have been shut down...It's the gritty, role players getting it done...

And Glen Sather looks like a genius for trading Marian Gaborik...Derrick Brassard has flourished with the Rangers, and has been one of their 3 best players in this series...John Moore, the young d-man has stepped right in, and shown he's an elite skater, with great hands, and loads of potential...And Derek Dorsett has played great in this series as well...One thing bothering me, is calling up Chris Krieder and giving him hardly any minutes...They refused to trade him in the Nash deal...He gave them great energy late last season...He has great speed...He's a play maker, and a goal scorer...Your team is struggling to score...He needs to be on the ice Torts!

Sunday night's game ended with some chippieness...Green and Ribero from the Capitals pulled a couple of cocksucker moves late in the game, and when the horn sounded at the end of the game...After the Ranger 1-0 win, the well composed unit let the Caps know they weren't forgetting about it...And the Caps were trying to get in their head for game 7...Monday night's game should be fun...But I'll be sure to have my blood pressure meds and a six-pack sitting next to me...

The Boston Bruins will also be in a game 7 Monday night...Some how they let the Maple Leafs back in, and all the sudden the Leafs are giving them fits....WOW! Who would of thunk it!

Playoff hockey people...Can't beat it!

Have a week...

The Beeze.

We have two game sevens in the NHL tonight...Rangers vs. Capitals...Bruins vs. Maple Leafs...Which will you be watching...

Or will you be watching some shitty "Reality TV?"

One bike ride.  Several abject lessons.  First lesson, I’m without question in the most squishy shape of my life.  Second lesson, and the real basis of this story, I’m without question raising Beeze’s progeny.

After spending an entire weekend plus suffering from one of the most miserable allergy attacks of my life, I decided it would be optimum timing to go biking through the woods.  In retrospect, I do see the folly in this thinking, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.  I piled my Mini-Mo into the Jeep with a couple of bikes and off to the rail trail we went.

I went off looking like the over-weight, middle-aged dude I am.  There I am in my plaid shorts that fail to coordinate with anything in my dresser, a sweatshirt that is farthest most away from coordinating with these shorts as anything in my closet, riding my wife’s 15-year old mountain bike that is meant for a person shorter than myself…and, you know, a female.  Thing is, you know you’re middle aged when you just don’t care how foolish you look doing this – but you toss a smile out to the female passers-by anyway…you know, just in case they don’t think you look as stupid as you’re sure you do.

We live in a little town that was a bustling industrial center in the late-1800’s.  Located at the intersections of three rivers, it provided sufficient water power to run the myriad mills that dotted the landscape here and provided jobs for the 3000 residents who lived in town at the time.  Railroads were built to support the outflow of commerce and the inflow of raw materials.  However, it turned out that the very reasons industry was able to thrive were the same reasons the state decided to place a reservoir here to support the growing population in Greater Boston.  So, being thoroughly rational, they ripped apart the industrial base and parts of several towns, and flooded the river basins to create the reservoir.  It took more than 50 years before the population of the place reached the pre-reservoir totals.

Left behind were a lot of railroad tracks and at some point someone decided to convert  them to walking/hiking/biking trails.  Very nice feature of the town.  It also happens to serve as a fire-fighter training area, so there’s all these weird things designed for training purposes – there’s this 100’ sand hill they  do something with.  Mini-Mo loves this and before we even started our bike ride, he wanted to go up the hill.

So there he goes, scampering up this hill.  He turns around, thrusts two devil-horns up in the air, looks at me, and proceeds to RUN back down.  Top speed.  He gets about ¾ of the way down and dives – like a Tim Raines dive into second kind of dive.   PLOP!  Face first. When he skids to a halt, He stands up, looks at me and says, “It was like I was on fire!”  I wasn’t quite sure I knew what he meant, until he said “I had a fart that had a taste,” at which point I was pretty sure he’s actually Beeze’s kid.  Apparently, he had just suffered a tasty-fart fueled dive downhill.   If I had a brain, I would have recorded what was sure to be a disaster, but somewhere in the back of my head I was thinking something less than “record for posterity” and more along the lines of “father of the year” and “potential evidence;” as such I failed to record it as a video...I did however grab a pic of it - so this story must be true.

We rode 2.5 miles up and down the trail – the goofy kid and fat old man in his crazy cat-lady wardrobe riding the small, rusty women’s bike and sweating his butt off then packed everything back up into the Jeep and head home for bedtime.  I get him home, he starts getting ready for bed, and I’m heading in to tuck him in when I realize he’s got a gargantuan hole in the crotch of his boxers.  I’m left to guess that he in fact really did fart himself down that hill – so much so it tore right through the fabric of his skivvies.   I tell him to change out of them, he asks why, and then immediately sticks his butt in my direction and threatens to “use it on” me.  He’s not quite 8 and he realizes the heavy machinery he’s packing, meanwhile I’m realizing that Beeze is probably my son’s real father. 

Is this the end of the line for the Detroit Red Wings and their 22-year playoff run, I think so. I am a loyal Red Wing fan, but with the change to the Eastern Conference scheduled to take place during the 2013-14 season, and their lack of team size in my opinion in just may happen unless they take a different direction and add some size to their lineup. I mean come on, how many times can this team be punished by teams with a huge size difference for which they will face on a nightly basis.

Let's be serious here for a moment, seeing teams like the Bruins 5 to 6 times a year will not be good for the smaller Wings unless they make changes and add size and even more toughness than Jordin Tootoo and Justin Abdelkader provide. But we will see what direction the Wings head after the playoffs are over, these changes are necessary in order for them to compete in the East, and has to happen during this offseason. 

Is this the answer to the Detroit Lions problems as a team, I highly doubt it. Honestly I believe Martin Mayhew missed the boat again when he drafted him number 5. I personally believed they should have drafted a tackle to replace Jeff Backus who retired during the offseason. But this is typical Lions draft strategy since the Matt Millen era, draft a project (Charles Rogers, Titus Young) and pray that they work out. When they don't they release them in order to save face. I am not knocking their entire draft, but there were a lot better players out there that were ready to play this year, not two years down the road. I guess its time for the Lions to find a real general manager, who will draft to the needs of the team, and break the draft day trend. Oh wait I forgot, that is why they are the only Detroit team that I have never seen win a championship during my near 49 years on this earth. Why is this, because they do not have a clue!

Well I have to admit that this weekends series against the Indians has been rather interesting, and not the walkover I thought it would be. Nice to see that Tito, Nick and all the other additions are starting to pay off for the Indians. If this trend continues like it should, because those I mentioned will not let the others quit, then the Central Division might stay interesting this year. 

Thanks for stopping by, and I will see you the next time.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING!!!!! Happy Mothers Day. Welcome Gabbers and others to my NASCAR updates and other fast stuff. Moms like stuff from Lowes and Home Depot just like dads. So that picture would be your reminder to run off after breakfast if you forgot about Mothers Day.

GIBBS PENALTIES UPDATE

As you all might remember Kenseth got penalized for one of his connecting rods being 2 tads too light. JGR didn't like the fines and penalties so they appealed.

The stock car panel reduced the penalties.

----> Car owner Joe Gibbs had his points loss reduced to 12 instead of 50. He will be getting his ability to get points for the owners points race as well.

----> Crew chief Jason Ratcliff will still pay his $200,000 fine but his suspension was lowered to 1 race and probation for the next 3 points races.

----> Driver Matt Kenseth had his points loss lowered from 50 to 12.

----> Toyota's manufacturers points race loss went from 5 to 7 points.

So I guess the appeals panel felt Toyota was at fault for Matts engine issue. Toyota also recalled engine from Bowyer at MWR just to check them out. They promise going forward that attention to detail and quality control will be an even bigger priority.

KURT BUSCH BUCKET LIST GETS A CHECK

This week our fiery tempered stock car driver Kurt got to put a check mark on his bucket list beside the Indy Car rookie test line. Driving a lap of 218 mph and keeping his car under control at Indianapolis Speedway gave him the honor of the being the first driver to pass his rookie test at that track. Now of course it fueled rumors that he's be driving the double on May 26th. That would be driving the Indianapolis 500 and then hopping a plane to Charlotte for the Coca Cola 600. 

Kurt says he's not physically ready for that challenge this year. He wants to log in more laps in the Indy Car first. Tony Stewart says he has not doubt that Kurt could qualify and race in Indy Car. He said he plans to call Kurt and offer to help if he can. 

Kurt loves motor sports in general and has done some quarter mile runs too. So his bucket list is a long one.

JAMES FINCH IS QUITTING AGAIN

The owner of Phoenix Racing is calling it quits again. Sponsorship is just not showing up and he can't keep running the race team out of his pocket. He says he still has a few cars that aren't torn up so they can race for a while yet but he's not building any more. 

His plan is to not enter any more races after the Brickyard 400 in July. He will try to help his employees find jobs in NASCAR as he raps up operations by the end of August. 

MENARD PLANS TO STAY WITH RCR

Crew chief Slugger Labbe has already reupped with RCR and Menard says he too is close to getting his deal signed. The past 3 seasons with RCR have seen major improvements in Menards career stats. He's in the top 10 since the beginning of the season. That is a vast improvement from when he first showed up on the NASCAR scene. 

TALLADEGA RECAP

The Cinco De Mayo race was almost washed away before it got started. Drivers were complaining of rain drops before the drop of the green flag. But wave it they did. Ewards had the pole but Truex took the first lap. By lap 6 Kenseth took the lead. Hamlin dropped to the back for safety reasons. On lap 23 Blayne's motor went poof and out came the first caution where Hamlin went into the pits to switch with Brian Vickers. 

Off we go again with Kenseth still leading and Kyle taps Kahnes rear and it's caution #2 on lap 43. There were 16 cars in that one. Biffle finished 36th & minus 51, Kyle 37th & minus 54, Kahne 42nd, Harvick 40th and Vickers limped to a 34th & minus 44 laps because of that wreck. Because of NASCAR pushing the start & park teams to finish the teams had REALLY bad days. No cushion.

Hamlin thanked Stewart for riding in the back with him. Stewart said no problem. I ride back here every Sunday. He has been horrid lately but summer is coming. 

So Kenseth keeps the lead for the most part till with about 64 laps to go and big black clouds rolling in Stenhouse Jr takes the lead. Then with 66 to go Edwards gets his nose just ahead of Stenhouse Jr at the scoring loop right as the caution comes out for rain. And then the red flag. All cars to pit road as it begins to pour. 

It was a short one but as track drying was taking place a 2nd storm rolled through with hail. It was a long red flag.

But things got back up and after pit stops Bobby Labonte who did not pit led them to the green flag. Was nice to see Bobby lead a few laps.

Gordon is still struggling along from the lap 43 wreck. He even goes down a lap at one point. But he fights back. With 15 to go he's in the free pass (lucky dog) spot when McDowell scrapes the wall and brings out a caution. Gordon will restart 25th and on the lead lap.

With 9 to go Johnson is on point with Kenseth in 2nd. They're off. Regan Smith finds himself in first a lap later. Johnson and Kenseth make a sandwich out of him. Stenhouse Jr comes up beside the wall making it 4 wide and it just didn't stick. He bumps Yeley who comes down on Kurt Busch who rolls on top of Newman. This one ended Danica's day. She was in and around the top 10. 

So now it's getting dark. NASCAR says 1 green/white checker only. Kenseth who sits in 1st says it's way too dark. Green flag. Edwards in 2nd gets a push from Almirola. Gilliland pushes Ragan. It's a drag race to the finish. David Ragan wins. David Gilliland is 2nd. A 1,2 finish for Front Row Motorsports. An under funded team takes 1st and 2nd at Dega. 2 Davids beat Galiath. See I told you ANYONE can win the crap shoot at Dega and that these 2 Davids are usually there to take advantage after the big wrecks. 

Brad Keselowski got on Twitter and blasted David for getting an advantage on the restart by lining up incorrectly. The Twitter folks all told him to grow up and act like a champion. The next day he issued an apology and his congrats to David and FRM for their win. He had found out NASCAR told David to line up there and he had missed the message in all the commotion. 

Top 15 finishers - David Ragan - Gilliland - Edwards - Waltrip - Johnson - Smith - Truex - Kenseth - Speed - Almirola - Gordon - Stremme - Stenhouse Jr - Ambrose - Keselowski

DARLINGTON

Tonight was Darlington. A very tough track and I'll tell you next week what crazy stuff happened. Next week is our All Star race. Lots of pageantry and $1 million, a trophy and a ring to the winner. No points are involved so the guys will just go for it. Not sure if I'll watch it. It's a cool race though. Fans vote drivers in and they have a show down race to get other drivers to the main event. 

So any who, it's Sunday. I worked lots of OT this week and I still was able to stay up for the race. I'm beat right now though. Hope the weather is breaking for every one. Happy Mothers day to all the mothers out there in Gabland and beyond our fair cyber world. Hug your mom and make her a sandwich. Enjoy your day and take care. And...

I'm outta here.....