Because it's 3am.. It's Friday...er... Saturday. I have beer and Internet access.

Come home from work after another crappy week in the box biz and I do what I usually do. Flip on the idiot-box and park my ass in my comfy reclining computer chair to unwind with a beer and to see what is going on in my little world. Try and decipher the hidden cryptic messages left by people of the earth-bound BlackHole that is FB... Turn on the tube...

Well, well, well... What do we have here. It's Fishing. Not the standard Roland Martin, stand in a boat and watch me drag in half-dead slobs that a guy in a scuba suit hooked to my line and tugged on till I realized that was in the script...

It was COLLEGE B.A.S.S. FISHING!!!

Good-ole-boy-JR's riding around in boats that cost as much as my house gettin' a line wet wearing decked out fishing shirts with college colors and logo's. The questions are flooding my head to max-capacity. I might not be able to sleep unless I get another 5 or 6 beers in me and forget what I was watching.

First off... How do I get signed up to be accepted to this curriculum? Do I have to be in Eastern Kentucky University? Whom, by the way is destroying the other schools. One kid in a fancy shirt, the other in camo-shorts, red T-shirt, and cap slightly askew. Both wearing their tattered flip-flops and you can see the black spot on their chins from where the producers told them to 'please, take out the dip'... These guys started talking smack about the LSU team and the announcers were just eating it up. Hell, the two from EKU didn't even have on the $500 custom polarized fishing goggles everyone else had. So what do they do... Go cruising around the other schools with their feet up and trolling slow. The only thing missing was the kicker-speaker playing thumping music and the fuzzy dice.  

What is the rest of their class schedule like?

M-W-F 900-1000 HO101. How to sleep in flea-bag hotels every weekend and not catch a skin disease.

T-Th 1000-1200 KN201 Blind-Folded Knot-Tying Advanced. Participants in this class need to bring their swimmies because it's held under water.

M-W-F EX110 Acceptable excuses for not catching fish.... Apparently the boys from Alabama just finished this class before heading out to the water because the one was rambling  about how the transducer on his depth-finder was messing up and and he couldn't do what he wanted while on the water... blah blah blah... go back to Bama' you slacker. Excuses are like assholes... Everyone has one and they usually stink. Geezus he is still crying about it. Grab a stick and mark some lines on it and push it in the water till it hits bottom.

My opinion... Good for them. Get an education while catching fish. Then get PAID to catch fish. Isn't that the dream of everyone South of the Mason-Dixon line???

.....WOAH.... Wait one cotton-picking minute... What... The... Fuck... Is... This??? Did someone change my cable provider to one from Oklahoma??? Get this... COLLEGE RODEO... Oh, wait. I am on ESPiN-U. All college, all the time. But Rodeo??? Ok, ok. I deserve it. I turned it to this channel because I was in need to see what the College BASS Fishing had in store.

All right... Screw this crap... It's 4:15, time for RobotChicken. Ba-bawk-bawk-bawk. Someone once told me that the theme music to RC makes them want to kick puppies. Break out the shit-kickers and kick some shit!!!

Oh, yeah... And I have a clambake and pig roast to go to Saturday... Something tells me this should be a very interesting day... My ticket:

S. 

The NBA is freaking because of all the big name free agents and the owners are messing their shorts over who is going where and what the contract numbers are going to look like...

Here is a thought... And a preface... I may write one or two NBA posts per year. This thought struck me as odd and felt the burning urge (not when I pee) to put this together and see what falls out because the parts don't fit together.

What if...

What if the free agents in this years pool formed their own team? No contracts. No coach. Use a local college gym for a home court while Nike builds Swoosh Court. Where? Everywhere. Nike could build one in NY, Miami, Dallas, LA... Hell make Vegas their home city.

First off, let's take a look at the possible roster for the Las Vegas Lightning. (That is my pick for a team name). The 'Top 25 Free Agents are:

LeBron James SF
Dwyane Wade  SG
Dirk Nowitzki PF
Chris Bosh PF
Joe Johnson SG
Amar'e Stoudemire PF
Carlos Boozer PF
Yao Ming C
Rudy Gay SF
David Lee PF
Paul Pierce SF
Josh Childress SF
Luis Scola PF
Tyrus Thomas PF
Ray Allen SG
Shaquille O'Neal C
Josh Salmons SG
Brandan Haywood C
Udonis Haslem PF
J.J. Redick SG
Ronnie Brewer SG
Raymond Felton PG
Josh Howard SF
Matt Barnes SF
Richard Jefferson SF

Now it would be impossible for all of them to be on one team. But to build a roster and a starting 5 is VERY possible and might look something like this.

G: Dwyane Wade
G: Joe Johnson
F: LeBron James
F: Amar'e Stoudemire
C: Brandon Haywood

I put Haywood in Center because Shaq is on his way out via retirement in my opinion. Yao Ming has yet to play a full season, effectively. One could pick and choose others for the starting 5 but this is my post dammit and I say give them all a ball and get them to stop fighting over it. I know... There are other free-agents that might be better than some of these guys, but I took this published list and built from there. If you don't like it... tough. Write your own blog then.

A full roster might look something like this.
Starters:
G: Dwyane Wade
G: Joe Johnson
F: LeBron James
F: Amar'e Stoudemire
C: Brandon Haywood
Bench:
Chris Bosh PF
Rudy Gay SF
Paul Pierce SF
Ray Allen SG
J.J. Redick SG
Shaquille O'Neal C

Being a non-fan of the NBA and only getting the bits and bites from ESPiN on SC and the ENews, I see these guys continuously fighting with their coaches and wanting to do what they want. One would think that this group could get together in the off season, write up some plays, practice... We're talking about practice... get a bench rotation together. But my guess is that everyone would want to be a starter. Sorry guys, only 5 on the floor at once. Obviously a training staff and medical crew for the team would be necessary. However... I would think that with this group, there would be enough money to pull the Zen-Master from LA and make him the man behind the clipboard. Phil Jackson might be the ONLY person who would be able to mix these ego's and make it work.

How would they get paid. Shoe deals and Gatorade. Nike and Remmington Arms logo's everywhere. Welcome to the Remmington Pregame Shoot-Around, we are here in Vegas at Swoosh Court getting ready to tip off the inaugural season for the Las Vegas Lightning. These guys get paid enough from their other contracts and sponsors that they wouldn't affect the NBA's salary cap because their salaries wouldn't come from the league. The unfortunate part would be that the ticket prices would be through the roof because Nike Stadium would in turn have to pay them their salary. What was that about a salary cap issue?

Where would the team be positioned in the league. Why the West, of course. Either dissolve the Clippers or just change the locks on the doors so when they show up for practice they can't get in. Put a sign on the door. "Sorry, you've been evicted from the league because you suck."

Now I am sure I may have missed a few "important" issues concerning free-agency and what "rules" the league may have in place. But I don't give a shit... This is what I think might get a casual fan such as myself to either get more involved or shut me out altogether. I might lean toward being shut out. Why would I want to watch two teams with no talent on it because the top 10 or 11 players are all on one team? Half of their games would be like the Globetrotters vs. Generals. Who would want to watch that garbage... Not me, that's for sure.

Oh, well...

S.

http://www.9wsyr.com/news/local/story/Sheriff-driver-in-River-Road-crash-same-as-Pier/fvyQ95PqNUGjx4WoPnO-cQ.cspx

Click the link... Go ahead... Help me make sense of this...

A local drunk serving his first day with a suspended license decided he wanted to do 65 up a city street while half in the bag and bonked out of his gourd on the hippie lettuce. He crosses the center line, drifts back, rear-ends  a car that pushes it into another then he flips his SUV into a restaurant. A laundry list of charges are slapped on him. So, you think to yourself... SELF... This dolt-muffin is gonna be sitting in the tank for a few days maybe even weeks while the judge decides what he wants for lunch.

Oh...SELF... That is where justice fails... we are talking MEGA F.A.I.L.

This fuck GETS OUT OF JAIL THIS MORNING... Gets home, gets into his other vehicle, then bombs it up another road and goes head-on into another vehicle!!!

I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!!!

Not 24 hours after being cut out of one vehicle... He is being cut out of a 2nd. Unfortunately, the car he went head long into had 2 occupants that were air-lifted with life threatening injuries.

So WHO is at fault here??? Is the judge at fault for giving this guy bail in the first place? Should the family be in question for not letting this guy get his shit together for a day or two in county? At what point do they NOT put a sherrif outside his house to make sure nothing stupid happens?

WHAT

THE

FUCK!?!?!?

S.

Hey ... Did anyone see what happened during halftime of the Cetics game??? Apparently ref  Joe DeRosa was walking toward the scorers table when a fan was gesturing and shouting at him. DeRosa 'flipped' the game ball to the fan, who tossed it back to him. Security was then called by DeRosa to escort this guy out of the arena. Still waiting to see a replay of it or hear what the NBA front office has to say about it.

Ok... just saw the replay. No arm flailing...apparently. Maybe Mr.Spray-Tan and too many wrist-bands may have told DeRosa to take a flying leap, but DeRosa needs to understand the point of 'Don't throw shit at the fans'. It's just like Philly, man. DON'T RUN ON THE FUKCING FIELD!!! Hey...tough guy... Stay in your seat. Just because you buy a ticket and find a way to get to courtside by the half, does NOT give you the right to yell at the ref and critisize the refs.
 

I am no baseball genious, so someone explain this to me. The Crankees are crying about the way the Sox changed pitchers during the MARATHON 4hour, 9minute game (that didn't include the hour rain-delay). The way I read it, the pitching coach came out and saw that Beckett was hurt and signaled to bring someone in. The rest of the Boston coaching staff saw this and quickly went to the mound. NY is claiming that there was no indication of an injury and that Manny Delcarmen should not have been able to take as many warmup pitches as he did. Waaaaaaaaaah. I guess their outfielders should learn to catch with too hands also. Squeeze that!

What the hell is going on in the NL West??? The Cubs, who are 3rd in the NL Central would be in dead last in the West. That noise? That was the Nats bubble bursting.

Amare Staudemire has no comeback when someone yells: Your mom's a drunk!!! She actually was kind of sneaky smart with this one. She was cruising at 60, while using both lanes, and with out an ignition interlock device. Guess which one she got in trouble for the most... That's right Gab... No interlock device. Well, that, and refusing to take a field sobriety test with 'Glassy and watery eyes.' But officer, she was on her way to an alcohol class. Apparently when the nice judge tells you that it's mandatory to have one, you can't drive unless you have one. RENTALS included. That's where she gets my vote of approval for getting all McGuyver on the situation.

And now for a random clip...
 

Thank you 'Attack Of The Show'...

Once again. 4am, internet, and alcohol don't always mix.

Isn't this setting you up for more dissapointment when you actually DO score that chick at the bar? Get her back to your mom's basement, get the wine-coolers out of your dads office fridge, make her say directly to the hidden camera "Yes, I am over 18". Convince her that the blue pill fizzing in her drink is just a tic-tac. Off come the pants and cue the 'losing' music from 'The Price Is Right' Wah-Wah-Wahhhhh. That's no booty. That BOOTY-POP!!! No, my pretty... That's a 'souvenier' the police will collect as evidence.

S.

http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/the%20BEEZE/238798

Or friend Mr.B re-posted his blog over at the 'other' place this week. Seems he may have burned a few bridges on his way out the door and some folks think he should just get bent.

You're such a jerk Beeze. Grow up... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... douche clamp!

Any-who... I may have started a rumor that SN might be laying off some support staff at the end of the year and then shutting down the blog community... oops. You're welcome.

S.