Well well well... It's the first day of 'Summer' here at TheGab.

This bring on a few yearly 'milestones' to look forward to.

For example... No more school buses out and about screwing up your commute to and from work. Maximum construction on every square inch of roadway. Fat guys in Speedo's... SHUDDER... Old dudes in black socks and sandals...

And backyard barbeque's...

Hey look... Wimbeldon... Who cares...

CWS... PINNNG... Switch to wood already before someone else gets killed.

OhioSt... Like I said last time... There will always be evidence.

NFL lockout... Stop fucking around and just sign the papers.

NBA draft is this week... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Did I just watch SpOrTsCeNtEr and NOT see a single story about LeDouche??? You have got to be kidding me. Scratch that. Pat Riely had to open his mouth.

Hey Cubs... Thanks for rolling over against the Yanks this weekend in 'Inter-League' play. You win the Friday night game and then decide that letting them hit BP off your bullpen the next two game would be fun... The Sunday night game was the MOST baseball I have watched in one sitting this year. Looks like it will be the high point for the season. Thanks for ruining it again, Cubs.

Oh, fuck... That's right... Soccer is in it's pre-round-warm-up-round-robin-play-for-2-years-to-not-qualify-for-World-Cup-play

Fuck off soccer...

...And the WNBA
...And the BCS
...And...

Ah, crap... Looks like I have run out of sports to offend...

Wait for it... Wait for it... Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait for it...

Hey NASCAR... Mix in a right turn will ya! It's starting to get old again. No wonder your ratings are down and no one is in the seats at the track. However, when you DO go to a road-coarse, it is a snooze-fest. Who ever qualifies first or second is most likely going to win.

That's it for me... I got shit to do.

Enjoy your summer Gab!!!


S.

Hey all... Long time, no Gab... WTF Steve, where you been?

Let's just say my ADD-Tunnel-Vision has had me busy doing other things. Like clearing out a half-acre of woods from behind the house. I'm currently in what could be the longest home-re-fi EVER... By the time the weekend is over, it will have been 2 months since the first phone call was made. Oh, yeah... And it FINALLY STOPPED FUCKING RAINING!!! BRING ON SUMMER!!!

Enough of that garbage...

I can say for certain that we are all in the same boat on this... Fuck you LeDouche'. Even IF you win this NBA title... THAT'S ONLY ONE!!! I will be that guy that will argue that LeDouche' isn't even in the same conversation as Jordan when it comes to listing the Who's-Who in NBA history because Jordan has 6 Titles... LeDouche'... 1... Maybe... And now with Dirk messing up his finger, it just galvanizes my theory that the NBA is one big WWE on wood. Gawd-fobid the 'chosen-one' doesn't win to help sell jerseys... Give them all a ball so they will stop fighting over it.

Anyone notice a new team in fRag's Baseball League??? Yep... www.MYTEAMBLOWS.com is rocking the cellar like no one else can!!! I better be careful, they are on a hot streak right now and have won a matchup. My bats are cold, my arms are limp, and the manager is gonna get fired. However... One of my relievers in Jeff Thomas' league posted an ERA of 165.00 last night. Thanks Cubs... Fuck me... 6 hits and 5 earned runs in 0.1 innings pitched. AWESOME!!!

Congrats to UVA for winning the NCAA Lacrosse Title this past weekend. I was hoping for a new Syracuse Orange National Champions t-shirt... But an un-ranked Maryland pulled out the 'shocker' on Saturday and sent the Orange home with an overtime miracle. My family in Maryland was on my ass all weekend talking trash about the game and I told them that MD deserves to win it all because they earned it. The title game was a good one... However, I will support a shot-clock in lacrosse. Eliminate the 'Stall' and give them 45 seconds. Incorporate some of Basketballs rules and modify. 15 seconds to get it across mid-field, that leaves 30 seconds to shoot. A lifetime when it comes to the fastest game on two feet.

Hey... NFL... you're fucking killing me here...

Hey... OhioState... there is ALWAYS going to be evidence...

Hey... World of Cycling... Lance will NEVER get caught...

Hey... Atlanta... A little LATE on the support of the Thrashers...

Hey... NHL... GO BRUINS!!!

Hey... Gab... I'M BAAAAAAAACK!!!

S.

Because it's 3am.. It's Friday...er... Saturday. I have beer and Internet access.

Come home from work after another crappy week in the box biz and I do what I usually do. Flip on the idiot-box and park my ass in my comfy reclining computer chair to unwind with a beer and to see what is going on in my little world. Try and decipher the hidden cryptic messages left by people of the earth-bound BlackHole that is FB... Turn on the tube...

Well, well, well... What do we have here. It's Fishing. Not the standard Roland Martin, stand in a boat and watch me drag in half-dead slobs that a guy in a scuba suit hooked to my line and tugged on till I realized that was in the script...

It was COLLEGE B.A.S.S. FISHING!!!

Good-ole-boy-JR's riding around in boats that cost as much as my house gettin' a line wet wearing decked out fishing shirts with college colors and logo's. The questions are flooding my head to max-capacity. I might not be able to sleep unless I get another 5 or 6 beers in me and forget what I was watching.

First off... How do I get signed up to be accepted to this curriculum? Do I have to be in Eastern Kentucky University? Whom, by the way is destroying the other schools. One kid in a fancy shirt, the other in camo-shorts, red T-shirt, and cap slightly askew. Both wearing their tattered flip-flops and you can see the black spot on their chins from where the producers told them to 'please, take out the dip'... These guys started talking smack about the LSU team and the announcers were just eating it up. Hell, the two from EKU didn't even have on the $500 custom polarized fishing goggles everyone else had. So what do they do... Go cruising around the other schools with their feet up and trolling slow. The only thing missing was the kicker-speaker playing thumping music and the fuzzy dice.  

What is the rest of their class schedule like?

M-W-F 900-1000 HO101. How to sleep in flea-bag hotels every weekend and not catch a skin disease.

T-Th 1000-1200 KN201 Blind-Folded Knot-Tying Advanced. Participants in this class need to bring their swimmies because it's held under water.

M-W-F EX110 Acceptable excuses for not catching fish.... Apparently the boys from Alabama just finished this class before heading out to the water because the one was rambling  about how the transducer on his depth-finder was messing up and and he couldn't do what he wanted while on the water... blah blah blah... go back to Bama' you slacker. Excuses are like assholes... Everyone has one and they usually stink. Geezus he is still crying about it. Grab a stick and mark some lines on it and push it in the water till it hits bottom.

My opinion... Good for them. Get an education while catching fish. Then get PAID to catch fish. Isn't that the dream of everyone South of the Mason-Dixon line???

.....WOAH.... Wait one cotton-picking minute... What... The... Fuck... Is... This??? Did someone change my cable provider to one from Oklahoma??? Get this... COLLEGE RODEO... Oh, wait. I am on ESPiN-U. All college, all the time. But Rodeo??? Ok, ok. I deserve it. I turned it to this channel because I was in need to see what the College BASS Fishing had in store.

All right... Screw this crap... It's 4:15, time for RobotChicken. Ba-bawk-bawk-bawk. Someone once told me that the theme music to RC makes them want to kick puppies. Break out the shit-kickers and kick some shit!!!

Oh, yeah... And I have a clambake and pig roast to go to Saturday... Something tells me this should be a very interesting day... My ticket:

S. 

The NBA is freaking because of all the big name free agents and the owners are messing their shorts over who is going where and what the contract numbers are going to look like...

Here is a thought... And a preface... I may write one or two NBA posts per year. This thought struck me as odd and felt the burning urge (not when I pee) to put this together and see what falls out because the parts don't fit together.

What if...

What if the free agents in this years pool formed their own team? No contracts. No coach. Use a local college gym for a home court while Nike builds Swoosh Court. Where? Everywhere. Nike could build one in NY, Miami, Dallas, LA... Hell make Vegas their home city.

First off, let's take a look at the possible roster for the Las Vegas Lightning. (That is my pick for a team name). The 'Top 25 Free Agents are:

LeBron James SF
Dwyane Wade  SG
Dirk Nowitzki PF
Chris Bosh PF
Joe Johnson SG
Amar'e Stoudemire PF
Carlos Boozer PF
Yao Ming C
Rudy Gay SF
David Lee PF
Paul Pierce SF
Josh Childress SF
Luis Scola PF
Tyrus Thomas PF
Ray Allen SG
Shaquille O'Neal C
Josh Salmons SG
Brandan Haywood C
Udonis Haslem PF
J.J. Redick SG
Ronnie Brewer SG
Raymond Felton PG
Josh Howard SF
Matt Barnes SF
Richard Jefferson SF

Now it would be impossible for all of them to be on one team. But to build a roster and a starting 5 is VERY possible and might look something like this.

G: Dwyane Wade
G: Joe Johnson
F: LeBron James
F: Amar'e Stoudemire
C: Brandon Haywood

I put Haywood in Center because Shaq is on his way out via retirement in my opinion. Yao Ming has yet to play a full season, effectively. One could pick and choose others for the starting 5 but this is my post dammit and I say give them all a ball and get them to stop fighting over it. I know... There are other free-agents that might be better than some of these guys, but I took this published list and built from there. If you don't like it... tough. Write your own blog then.

A full roster might look something like this.
Starters:
G: Dwyane Wade
G: Joe Johnson
F: LeBron James
F: Amar'e Stoudemire
C: Brandon Haywood
Bench:
Chris Bosh PF
Rudy Gay SF
Paul Pierce SF
Ray Allen SG
J.J. Redick SG
Shaquille O'Neal C

Being a non-fan of the NBA and only getting the bits and bites from ESPiN on SC and the ENews, I see these guys continuously fighting with their coaches and wanting to do what they want. One would think that this group could get together in the off season, write up some plays, practice... We're talking about practice... get a bench rotation together. But my guess is that everyone would want to be a starter. Sorry guys, only 5 on the floor at once. Obviously a training staff and medical crew for the team would be necessary. However... I would think that with this group, there would be enough money to pull the Zen-Master from LA and make him the man behind the clipboard. Phil Jackson might be the ONLY person who would be able to mix these ego's and make it work.

How would they get paid. Shoe deals and Gatorade. Nike and Remmington Arms logo's everywhere. Welcome to the Remmington Pregame Shoot-Around, we are here in Vegas at Swoosh Court getting ready to tip off the inaugural season for the Las Vegas Lightning. These guys get paid enough from their other contracts and sponsors that they wouldn't affect the NBA's salary cap because their salaries wouldn't come from the league. The unfortunate part would be that the ticket prices would be through the roof because Nike Stadium would in turn have to pay them their salary. What was that about a salary cap issue?

Where would the team be positioned in the league. Why the West, of course. Either dissolve the Clippers or just change the locks on the doors so when they show up for practice they can't get in. Put a sign on the door. "Sorry, you've been evicted from the league because you suck."

Now I am sure I may have missed a few "important" issues concerning free-agency and what "rules" the league may have in place. But I don't give a shit... This is what I think might get a casual fan such as myself to either get more involved or shut me out altogether. I might lean toward being shut out. Why would I want to watch two teams with no talent on it because the top 10 or 11 players are all on one team? Half of their games would be like the Globetrotters vs. Generals. Who would want to watch that garbage... Not me, that's for sure.

Oh, well...

S.

http://www.9wsyr.com/news/local/story/Sheriff-driver-in-River-Road-crash-same-as-Pier/fvyQ95PqNUGjx4WoPnO-cQ.cspx

Click the link... Go ahead... Help me make sense of this...

A local drunk serving his first day with a suspended license decided he wanted to do 65 up a city street while half in the bag and bonked out of his gourd on the hippie lettuce. He crosses the center line, drifts back, rear-ends  a car that pushes it into another then he flips his SUV into a restaurant. A laundry list of charges are slapped on him. So, you think to yourself... SELF... This dolt-muffin is gonna be sitting in the tank for a few days maybe even weeks while the judge decides what he wants for lunch.

Oh...SELF... That is where justice fails... we are talking MEGA F.A.I.L.

This fuck GETS OUT OF JAIL THIS MORNING... Gets home, gets into his other vehicle, then bombs it up another road and goes head-on into another vehicle!!!

I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!!!

Not 24 hours after being cut out of one vehicle... He is being cut out of a 2nd. Unfortunately, the car he went head long into had 2 occupants that were air-lifted with life threatening injuries.

So WHO is at fault here??? Is the judge at fault for giving this guy bail in the first place? Should the family be in question for not letting this guy get his shit together for a day or two in county? At what point do they NOT put a sherrif outside his house to make sure nothing stupid happens?

WHAT

THE

FUCK!?!?!?

S.