STFU Saturday with IHM
Category: FEATURED



  Well folks, this week 3rd Stone from the Sun was unable to make his usual Saturday post... in his place, you're stuck with me again. But I promise to do my best to fill in admirably... and if you don't like what you read, I'll send you your money back!

  This week, there have been a lot of stupid people doing and saying stupid things... Pryor's "apology", Vancouver fans going apeshit because their team shit the bed, NFL players and owners making zero progress and, of course, Bron Bron and his big mouth and inability to perform when it counts. This week, I will rant and rave about each of the four, and in the end, it is up to you folks to decide who is this week's recipient of the STFU award. Call it "tool of the week" without the award plunger... more like some duct tape over the mouth and maybe a pimp smack or two for good measure!  

  The first batter is a Mr.Terrelle Pryor, former starting quarterback for the Ohio State Buckeyes. Seems Pryor feels bad enough about what he's done to make a half-assed, three minute apology to the university, its' fans, and of course, "Papa" Tressel. Of course, the entire thing was more of a self-promotion stunt dreamed up by "super agent" and all around bag of shit Drew Rosenhaus... who claims Pryor is a "first round pick", even in the supplemental draft.

  My first rant on Pryor... am I the only one who is just sick and tired of half-assed, fake apologies from all of these jackasses. Six months later, I don't really need to hear that you "never intended to harm anyone directly or indirectly. Wow... indirectly... the ten minutes you spent in class at OSU must really be paying off Tyrelle. Honestly, just one time, I want someone to come out and tell the truth. Tell the people what really happened... you wanted something, you obtained it illegally, and you didn't give a fuck THEN what you were doing and certainly don't give a fuck NOW. The only thing you regret is getting caught. Like a guy getting caught fucking around on his old lady... it's not your fault, it's hers for not putting out enough. In Pryor's case, it's the NCAA's fault for not compensating him enough to be able to afford fancy cars, tats, and whatever the hell else he took during the three years he spent as a Buckeye.

  As for apologizing to Tressel... you owe him nothing. He made plenty of money while you worked like a dog to drive his stock up a few more points. He made well over $2 million while you risked being injured and possibly never making one red cent for playing football in your life. Not to mention the fact that even before you came along in 2008 or 2009, Tressel had already amassed a laundry list of NCAA violations. Long story short... fuck you and your "father figure". You're both embarrasments to the university you represent and the organization you represent, the NCAA. But honestly, both were more or less polished terds before either one of you came along.

  As for Drew Rosenhaus thinking you are a first-rounder... don't bet on it. Hell, personally, I say you're damaged goods... you were never that great of a passer, and unless you suddenly develop Michael Vick's speed, NFL defenses are fast enough to catch up to you. I wouldn't touch you with a seventh round pick myself... but I'm sure somebody will take a flier on you... probably not til the 4th round at the earliest... but somebody'll draft you. Sure, you'll probably throw twice the number of picks as touchdowns for your career, and spend five to ten years as a third stringer before you quit... but you'll get into the league. Then you can get all the tats you want, and sell all the memoribillia you want. Just make sure you let the IRS know about that... they don't wear the same kind of kids' gloves that Ohio State or even the NCAA does.

  Now, on to fans of the Vancouver Canucks, who took to the streets after their teams' game 7 loss to the Boston Bruins, and proceeded to riot, killing at least one, and leading to a pointless news story while I was trying to watch TV about important things about some couple of dolts making out in the middle of the mayhem. Honestly folks, this is a good gauge to what things are going to start to become. Kids come up in an era where "everybody's a winner"... everybody gets a trophy, not the winning team... because everybody is so fucking special. When people are brought up and sheltered from any incarnation on failure, they react poorly once finally exposed to it. These are the kinds of douchebags you see rioting in the streets over a freaking hockey game. Get your priorities straight dipshits.

  As for the NFL players association, DeMaurcie Smith, and the NFL's owners... just meet somewhere in the middle and don't fuck up the gravy train you have going on like baseball did back in 1994. You are hands down the most popular sport in America right now... just as baseball was back then. Sure, most fans will come filing back into the stadiums well before the ink dries on the new CBA... but there are fans out there that will hold a grudge. Just ask baseball owners... ask them how hard it was to win back fans after their strike. It took a drug induced assault on the record books to even get people's attention again... and now THAT is an even bigger black eye on the sport than the strike and missing World Series was. Figure it the fuck out, sing cum-by-ya together, and get back to work.

  As for LeBron James... I've said my piece on most of it. Do yourself a favor BronBron... spend some of the "billion dollars" you plan on becoming the first professional athlete to accumulate and invest in a decent PR guy. Somebody to tell you when what you're planning to say is about the farthest thing from what fans want to hear you say... which is pretty much every time you open your mouth. Quit with the tweets, quit with the holier than thou attitude, and quit disappearing every time you are in a big game that actually matters.

  Well folks, there's your candidates... and voting opens NOW! Chime in in the comments section below, and, as always, thanks for reading. Have a great weekend, and an early happy father's day to all the Gab dads out there. And just to choke everybody up a little... ladies and gentlemen... Mr.Harry Chapin.



Five Minute Frags - A Realized Retraction
Category: FEATURED
Tags: MLB Toronto Blue Jays Jose Bautista Pittsburgh Pirates New York Yankees

It is no secret that man is fallible. The gift of free will and opinion opens man up to discovery, but it also makes him prone to mistakes.


Such is the case with a writer, especially one like me who opts to write editorial style pieces that are smothered in personal opinion and conjecture. That said, I think you’d find it rare when such a writer opts to review something that they’ve written in the past, and even rarer when that same writer chooses to reevaluate his writing and recant his opinion.


I’m all about bucking the trend.


In this case, I’m referring to a piece I wrote last year about the performance of Jose Bautista of the Toronto Blue Jays. In that article, I compared Bautista’s improbable 2010 performance to that of Baltimore’s Brady Anderson and Arizona’s Luis Gonzalez, among others. I may even have alluded to possible steroid usage, even though I danced around the subject.


I owe Bautista an apology.


In the article, I wrote the following:


“That said Bautista has a chance to step it up next year, after some team rewards him with a large multi-year contract, to prove that he is clean. Obviously, he has the benefit of the doubt right now, as Major League Baseball has a testing policy in place and they are working toward testing for HGH in another season or two.”


Well, I highly doubt that Jose Bautista read said article, but he certainly has responded to my challenge.  As of this writing, he is tied for the Major League lead with 21 home runs, is 10th in the American League in RBI with 45, and is second to only Adrian Gonzalez in the AL with a .332 batting average.


In the same article, I compared Bautista’s achievement to that of Cecil Fielder, in that they were both late bloomers that overcame running around the league and in Fielder’s case the world, to put up power numbers that they hadn’t previously exhibited. Well, that may have been unfair to Bautista, at least as far as this year’s numbers are stating. Fielder was prone to the strike-out, as were many of his teammates on those Tiger’s teams of the early 1990’s. Bautista, while striking out 116 times in 2010, has seemingly corrected that flaw in 2011, whiffing just 38 times in 214 at-bats. He’s also on pace to walk close to 120 times, a product of the protection he no longer enjoys this season.


Long story short, Bautista is showing that he was deserving of the long-term deal the Jays gave him over the winter and that his 2010 season was no fluke. If anything, it is proof that a hitter can grow late in his career.


All he needs is a chance and someone to believe in him, including fans and writers.


Other Fragments:


  • Last week I mentioned how the Pittsburgh Pirates were on the cusp on a winning record and they promptly responded by dropping two games. Well, it finally happened this week when the Bucs put together a four-game win streak and now sit at 35-33 on the season. More incredibly, they are just 3 games out of first place. Awkwardly enough, they are doing it on the back of a young pitching staff that ranks 8th in baseball in ERA. Here’s to hoping they keep it up.


  • The Yankees are playing some creative baseball with their pitching staff, starting career minor-leaguer, and converted outfielder, Brian Gordon in yesterday’s game. This while also having utilized reclamation projects in Freddie Garcia and Bartolo Colon to decent results. But can a team built like that continue to defy logic and find a way to win on that backs of that staff?


  • The Oakland Athletics fired manager Bob Geren last week as the team went into a deep slide. However, maybe what really should be questioned is whether or not Billy Beane is still the right man to steer the ship. Certainly, Beane earned his stripes with daring moves and brilliant trades in the past, but baseball is all about what have you done for me lately, and Beane hasn’t shown any such magic in the last few seasons. At this stage, he may be hard-pressed to hold his job long enough to see the Moneyball movie hit theaters. 
Rants and Raves
Category: FEATURED
Tags: LeBron James MLB Lenny Dykstra Mikhail Prokhorov Dallas Mavericks


Advice for King James, Lenny Dykstra strikes, Mavericks, Bruins and more in this edition of Rants and Raves.


If I am LaBron James, I am taking the low road this off-season. You know the old saying, “out of site, out of mind.” Go on vacation, don’t do commercials or interviews. Do charitable work, and practice at your craft.


The concept of realignment seems odd. More teams have a chance to fight for a playoff spot now, why would MLB even considered it. It is like going back to 1968, the last year before divisions were placed.

Two leagues of 15 teams with the top 5 teams making the playoff. All it does is add one more playoff team. Major League Baseball can do that now just by adding another playoff spot in each league.


Now batting, Lenny Dykstra.

First pitch, strike one, high and tight, financial and legal problems

Second pitch, strike two, takes looking, cocaine, ecstasy and human growth hormone

Strike three, swinging, 25 misdemeanor and felony counts of grand theft auto, attempted grand theft auto, identity theft and other stupid stuff.

When will it end?? How about prison time.


New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov is now a “loyal opposition” to Russia’s top leaders. He was handpicked by President Dmitry Medvedev as a safe man to lead an opposition party that will lightly criticize the Kremlin but avoid any real dissent. The Party is called the “Right Cause” as is favored by Russia’s business elite, and best and brightest people.


Congratulations to the Dallas Mavericks for winning the NBA Championship. You weren’t even suppose to make it pass the first round, yet you easily beat the Lakers, you took care of the Thunder and you made “King” James look more like a “Princess” in the finals.

It goes to show that collusion doesn’t always work.


Anything inside Terrelle Pryor’s brain. Hello, Hello, McFly, anyone in their??

"I say sorry to all the Buckeye nation and all the Buckeye fans across the country," Pryor said. "I never meant to hurt anybody directly or indirectly with my conduct off the field and I am truly sorry."

"In terms of coach Jim Tressel, a special shoutout," Pryor said. "I'm sorry for what all went down and I apologize with all my heart. I love you just like a father. You taught me a lot and I apologize for putting you in a situation and taking you out of a job and place that you loved to be. I regret the fact that you're not there any more and I regret the fact that I'm not there any more."

It is a little too late for the damage control drill, you moron.


Derek Jeter is on the 15-day disable list for a grade-1 strain of the calf. Let me see he is six hits shy of 3,000, with a 6 game road trip coming up. Are they Yankees waiting for Jeter to come home to get his 3,000 hit???


For those that are interested, there are only 79 days left before the Big East football starts.


Congratulations go out to the Boston Bruins for winning their first Stanley Cup since 1972. It was a great NHL Finals.

Meanwhile, fans of the Vancouver Canucks suck. Drunken fans set cars and garbage cans ablaze, smashing windows, showering giant TV screens with beer bottles and dancing atop overturned vehicles. Later, looters smashed windows and ran inside department stores. An hour after the game ended, troublemakers started hurling garbage and bottles at police officers, who deflected the debris with riot shields. Protesters who rushed the police line were quickly subdued with blows from a truncheon. Protesters held what looked like pipes or hockey sticks over their heads as they jeered at officers. Newspaper boxes were wrenched off the sidewalk and hurled through store windows. Portable toilets were tipped as the stifling black smoke spread through the city's core. Some seemed to revel in the rampage, recording the vandalism on cell phones and video cameras. A few congratulated those who tried to attack police, and others erupted with cheers every time something was damaged. Fans set fire to a stuffed bear decorated to symbolize the Bruins, while others sang a drunken tune as they danced on an overturned vehicle.


Pictures by: Lebron James - themajors.net, MLB Logo - 3.bp.blogspot.com, James/Bosh/Wade - thestartingfive.net, Lenny Dykstra - sportsradiointerviews.com, Mikhail Prokhorov - media.silive.com, Dallas Mavericks - 1.bp.blogspot.com 

Deep Thoughts
Category: FEATURED
Tags: NBA; Dirk and LeBron Action Baseball


Hello Gabbers and welcome to another Wednesday of deep thoughts...






Of course one of the hot topics this week is the conclusion of the NBA drama known as Miami Loses the Ring. Stern and his boys may have been disappointed to have Dallas in the finals; but it worked out just fine. Fans tuned in to cheer against LeBron James and the Heat with surprising interest. It was amazing to see just how much James offended the average person with The Decision. This has all been covered ad nauseam, but it is such a good story that we have a difficult time letting it go. The Mav's are not my team, but like many...this series was different. This was about good triumphing over evil. The Mav's have been here before and lost...they have paid their dues while the Heat tried to microwave a championship.

Last year we witnessed LeBron quit during the playoffs. As I watched the last 5 minutes of the final game, I was stunned to see how quickly LeBron looked to pass. It is clear that as gifted as Lebron James is...he does not currently have the heart of a champion. Mario Chalmers is an okay player, but is this the guy you want with the ball down the stretch? Juwan Howard? Really?? I was stunned to see how passive the Heat played when it mattered most.

James can look into the cameras and slough off the wave of animosity directed at him, but it is clear that this is in his head. Yes LeBron, you have more money than us and we have problems that did not go away with the Mav's victory...but your way did not work. James must take a deep look inside and realize that hard work and perseverance are what wins championships.



Mark Cuban has taken much criticism over the years. He rubs many the wrong way because he says what he thinks and has the check book to take care of any toes he happens to step on. But what I have always admired in Cuban is that he is honest in his efforts. He has worked tirelessly to bring a championship to Dallas. Sure he can be obnoxious, but in his hour of glory...he chose to let Don Carter accept the championship trophy. There are those that have money and refuse to spend it...Mark Cuban is not that guy. He does things in a first class manner and I think that we finally got a true glimpse at the real Mark Cuban. At the after game party, Cuban bought a bottle of champagne... a rather large bottle at that. The cost of the champagne was $90,000 and Cuban left a $20,000 tip. But when you finally win a championship...it is time to party!




It has been said that it is not over until it is over and these players learned this lesson the hard way:




With the winning run on second, the hit seemed sure to have won the game. But in his eagerness to celebrate the championship, the runner missed home. What a damn shame to lose the championship on such a simple task. I promise you these guys will never forget this error...





My son is playing on a summer team called the Action. This past weekend they were in the championship game being played at Southwestern University in Georgetown. Since my dad went to school at Southwestern, it was cool that he was able to come down to watch the final game. As I mentioned to Harvey earlier this week, this past weekend saw some strange umpiring. With the score 6 to 4 and two outs...the opposing pitcher walked two Action players. It was obvious that he was beginning to tire, but apparently the Houston area team was out of pitching. The coach decided to leave him in to face my son Blake. it turned out to be a very bad decision. The score going into the bottom of the 6th inning was 7 to 6, but suddenly something was wrong. The umpires gathered and the Action coach was immediately seen agitatedly gesturing while grabbing his phone. The opposing coach said that he thought that this was a drop dead tournament and that the top half of the inning started after 2 hours. The game was called and the top half of the inning did not happen...Action lost 6 to 4.

Typically, tournament championship games go 7 innings and we found later that this was the format for this tournament as well. Action was named co-champs for the tourney, but in the aftermath...our coach quit. It is a damn shame, as the guy knew baseball and was really good with tthe players.

Here is the video...if you listen carefully, you will hear Carl Spackler predicting that Blake was going to hit a rocket over the right center field fence. He got the location wrong, but it was indeed a rocket. The screaming lady is my wife...






That's all I have for this week, but here is a bit of Jack Handey to ponder:


Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you'd be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.  


Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet.  


Thanks for stopping by and feel free to leave a few deep thoughts of your own...


Tuesday's Tantrum - 6/14/11
Category: FEATURED


Welcome to the Gab, where we don’t put crank-shots onto the social media sites, we don't bang our co-bloggers Mom's and Baby Mamas, and we don't need to go to "rehab" because we don't know how to act. 

First to be serious for a second, I wanna wish those in Arizona and New Mexico well with that crazy fire going on – I hope that the damage will be as minimal as possible.  We never give firefighters enough love and respect.

Next, while today isn't exactly a holiday, it is Flag Day!!!  We might have a jacked up, corrupt government, but that doesn't mean we can't honor the flag and what it means!

On to the tantrums…

NHL.  Can you believe that hockey season is going to last longer than the NBA season?

Is it me, or does Lucic look like he wants to kick the living shit out of everybody he sees?

Game Five damn near gave me a heart attack, and Game Six was FUGLY!!!  What am I supposed to say, Luongo absolutely sucked.

NBA. A funny thing happened on the way to the coronation of the Miami Heat... 

Oops!!!  I'm not a Mavs fan, in fact I don't like 'em.  But hey, they deserve a lot more coverage and respect than they're getting.  It's amazing to me that they beat Portland, the Lakers, OKC, and Miami, and each time they've sent an opponent packing, the discussion always seems to be about the team they beaten.  Hmmm. 

I've bashed Cuban (deservedly so) and never really gave a thought to Nowitzki.  But let me say this - Cuban kept it classy, and Nowitzki's run this playoff season SHOULD be hyped as one of the best ever, outside of the two MJ's (Jordan and Magic).   But because they're the DALLAS MAVERICKS and not LA/Boston/Chicago, Dirk's performance will be buried in the history of the NBA.

"When the Washington Sentinels left the stadium that date, there was no tickertape parade, no endorsement deals for sneakers or soda pop, or breakfast cereal. Just a locker to be cleaned out, and a ride home to catch. But what they didn't know, was that their lives had been changed forever because they had been part of something great. And greatness, no matter how brief, stays with a man. Every athlete dreams of a second chance, these men lived it.  – The Replacements, 2000.

As crazy as this sounds, that sentiment should sum up the attention given to the Dallas Mavericks.  Will the marketers come and look for Dirk, Jet, or J-Kidd?  Yeah, right - K. Durant gets more pub than these guys.  There were a lot of Dallas players whose legacies were cemented Sunday Night.  This will be the quietest bunch of Champions the NBA has seen since 1979!!!

Before I get away from the Dallas Mavericks, there's a guy who gets precious little respect, Rick Carlisle.  Yeah, Coach Carlisle, the same cat who was a Head Coach for some very talented (and deep) Detroit Piston teams?  Yet, he seems to be ignored in all the rush to talk all things Miami.  My guess is he likes it that way...

Hey Miami, perhaps The Rock said it best.  “We love pie!  Some love apple pie, some like pecan pie.  Hell, we ALL love POON-TANG pie (Right Beeze?).  But you know what kind of pie that the Miami Heat and their jacked up bandwagon fans are enjoying?  HUMBLE PIE!!!

Moving from "Pie" to "Pie-holes", Mark Jackson started running his about how  he’s gonna improve the Golden State Warriors by turning them into “New York City West”?  Uh Mark, I don’t know if you know this, but New York City (1) is a stinking cesspool, and (2) the Knicks have sucked since 1998!  Hey Mark, California is bad enough as is – don’t bring that NYC type shit around NORCAL…


Kris Humphries, I say this because I care – RUN, do not walk away from that train wreck known as the Kardashians.  Dude seems like a nice guy who deserves a lot better than a woman whose nothing more than a side show, the punch line to many jokes, and doing the nasty with others (ALLEGEDLY).

Gilbert Arenas = one not smart dude.  Negatively tweeting about your blind date DURING your blind date?  Kinda funny – actually real funny, until said woman heard about the tweeting from her wing-girl.  Hey Gilbert, who are you to be making fun of anybody considering your intelligence quotient?  And yapping about getting "play" from that same chick – that’ll score you points with the fairer sex later on down the line…

MLB.     The A’s dropping the hammer on Bob Geren isn’t entirely unexpected.  They say that he pissed a lot of players off in the clubhouse.  Hey Oakland, while that might have been true, please feel free to put the wooden bat on that little white ball that comes across the plate!  Perhaps Bob Melvin won't be such an a-hole!

How much more can one team take in the injury department?  The SF Giants now lose Freddy Sanchez (one of their FEW hitting threats) to a dislocated shoulder?  At least the Panda (Pablo Sandoval) is coming back soon!

You had to know I couldn’t go too long without bashing the Cranks.  The Yankees pissing and moaning about being thrown at is pretty funny to me considering Joba Chamberlain is a head hunter.  Hey Cranks, it was real brave to come after Cleveland when your whooping their ass Friday Night, but you didn’t have the ball sac to stand up to Boston during that series when they beat your ass on the diamond!

Canadian Football League.  So, T. Pryor turned down an offer from Saskatchewan?  Hey young man, I have a question for you – would you rather be fighting for a first string QB job and actually playing in July, or would you rather be sitting on the sidelines waiting for the league to start up that only wants to turn you into a WR whenever they get around to playing again?  Not smart young man!

NFL .   Hey B-Dub, you’ve got to be shitting me – the Carolina Panthers (of all teams) will be the subject of this year’s Hard Knocks?  A team with a shortened training schedule and a first year coach?  That's just what that overhyped egomaniac icon-wannabe Cam Newton needs – to star in a reality TV show before he even plays a down in the NFL. Good Lord…

Hey New York Giant players, why are you slobbin' Plaxico's knob?

We have now gotten to the point where teams will be affected by this lockout no matter when the 2011 season starts, so basically we’re going to be treated to the exact same season as last year where Green Bay, Pittsburgh, and the New York Jets will be the elite and the rest will be cannon fodder. That’s a damn shame because there could have been good stories out there like Detroit, and as crazy as it sounds - THE RAYYYYYDAS. I would have been really intrigued about Kansas City too.


Wrestling.  I must be twisted, but I'm enjoying the fact that Warrior is bashing Hogan.  Warrior is a bit off his rocker, but he's been up front about mistakes he's made.  He's the one individual who can call Hogan out, and let's face it - what is he saying that's wrong?  I'm a little shocked at the viciousness of it, and if you saw that seven minute preview on YouTube, you know what I'm talking about.  But now, Warrior says that he's gonna drop an hour long rant on Friday, 6/17, which will include an announcement on Warrior's return to TV. 

It's time for Hogan to retire and take Bischoff with him.  There's no reason they can't pursue other ventures and make money.  Bischoff destroyed WCW, but Hogan certainly helped and they're doing the same to TNA.

OK boys and girls, I left a lot on the table - hopefully a little different to talk about.  Let's get to it...


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