Happy Thursday Gabbers!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am so glad that Tiger Woods is returning to golf at the Masters. Even if he's doing it for selfish reasons, it will be nice to hear his name on television followed by a conversation about the 18 holes he just played and it not be a euphemism. Of course, you all know just as much as I do that golf won't be the only topic of conversation surrounding Woods - we won't be able to escape being reminded of what he did, even though I am sure that 85% of the population could care less about it any more. In fact, the only people who should even be concerned about it anymore are his family members and the sponsors who are stupid enough to throw millions of dollars his way for wearing Nike logos on his clothing or drinking Gatorade after he finishes a round of golf. (Wait - I'm sorry, Gatorade stopped sponsoring him. I forgot.)

But seriously - the Masters should be exciting now that Tiger is making his return, because even though it is the biggest event in the sport - it's still golf (not exactly a nail biter if you ask me), and we all know that if Tiger even comes close to sniffing that trophy, the media coverage will be through the roof (as if it won't be already).

Meanwhile back at the hall of justice, Brett Favre will have to find a way to keep the focus on him as he contemplates for the five thousandth time whether or not he should come back for one more year for the third time. Brad Childress has already given him the authority to decide whenever he wants to decide if he's coming back for 2010 or not (which translates to: you don't have to come to training camp if you don't want to come to training camp). It shouldn't be that hard to figure out if he's coming back or not - just look at the last game he played in 2009: he threw the interception that led the Saints to the Super Bowl, and the Vikings' loss can be put squarely on his shoulders for throwing that pass - of course he's coming back. He doesn't want to go out feeling like he cost his team a chance at winning the Super Bowl, so he will show up a few weeks into training camp with his army of tv cameras following his every step just like he had last season when he did the exact same thing.

I'm looking forward to the months after the NFL Draft when there isn't much going on in the league so they can get Ed Werder and Rachel Nichols to camp out in his front yard again. That always adds spice to the drama, when Rachel Nichols is reporting live from Brett Favre's front yard and repeating the same shit that we've been hearing for the last 6 months: that Favre doesn't know if he's going to play again or not, and that he is still weighing his options.

Okay, now that my obligatory Brett Favre bashing is over, let's talk about something more important. March Madness is here! The absolute best event in all of sports is upon us, and the games get started later today when the first round begins. I hope we see some upsets, and I'm sure we will (note: watch out for Siena). I'm jumping on Kansas State's bandwagon for the tournament (almost assuring they will lose to North Texas in the first round), because I think they have one of the coolest coaches in college basketball. Frank Martin reminds me of Bobby Knight - he's a no nonsense coach who isn't afraid to get up in players' faces when they screw up - and that's the kind of guy I would want leading my team in this tournament. I doubt they will win it all, but I'm pulling for them this year because I want to see someone other than the usual suspects (Kansas, Michigan State, Kentucky) win it all.

On a side note: my official pick to win the tournament is Kansas. Just because I want K-State to win doesn't mean I picked them in my brackets - I went with the smart choice and picked Kansas to win it all because I think they have one of the best teams and they have a manageable region to go through on their way to the Final Four. Other than Michigan State, Georgetown, and Ohio State - I don't see any team that can beat them. (And Georgetown/Ohio State would play each other in the Sweet 16 so one of them would not be a threat to Kansas in the Elite 8, making their road to the finals that much easier.) Their Final Four matchup should be against either Syracuse (if they can survive Vermont - sorry Felber, I couldn't resist) or Kansas State. (Wouldn't that be a hell of a Final Four game - Kansas vs. Kansas State?)

That's all I have this week. Be sure to share your thoughts on the tournament or anything else that's going through your mind in the comments section below.

Until next Thursday...

           Top of the morning to ya, Gabbers, and welcome to the St.Pat’s Day edition of Whip It Out Wednesday. Honestly, outside of Thanksgiving, can’t think of another holiday I love more than St.Patty’s day… beer, beer and more beer, on top of other Irish treats make it tough to beat.

            Big news broke today as Tiger Woods announced he would return at the Masters… and despite this announcement, I still couldn’t care less about golf! Wasn't watching it before Woods made his announcement, and I sure as hell won't now. In fact, I'll probably spend the week before and after the Masters trying to change the channel as fast as possible whenever they start pasting his ugly mug up there for half of SportsCenter. As for Tiger Woods, I think the fact that he chose to come back at a major really shows you what he really is, a self-serving glory hound. Before all this shit, I rooted against Tiger Woods every time out; now, I’ll continue to do the same. Fuck you Woods, hopefully sometime between now and April if we’re lucky you’ll wrap your car around another tree… and hopefully this one will have a hell of a lot less give to it.

            And how the hell is this even anything close to a layoff for Woods? It’s not like the guy was out with an injury… he’s off on some BS quest to repair his image through the fallacy of sex-addiction therapy. Pair that with the fact that this all transpired during a time period where no serious golf events took place, and you’re looking at yet another attempt by Woods and the media to put him above the game of golf its self. Fucking pathetic if you ask me.

         In honor of St.Patrick's Day, here is my Tiger Woods limmerick:

        There once was a man called Tiger, who loved to nail some whores

         Wrecked his SUV, they say when it rains it pours

         Wife found out he was cheating, now she wants a divorce

         Thanks to sex rehab, he made it to YouGab, and now he's back for more

            Speaking of pathetic, what the fuck is with the play-in game for the NCAA tournament? If anything, shouldn’t this game take place between the “last two in” instead of teams that actually and rightfully earned their conference’s bid? Or should the NCAA just continue with it’s elitist ways and keep jobbing the little guy every chance they get? I mean, I’d much rather see Minnesota and Florida play for the right to get run by Duke than two teams nobody has ever heard of playing one game to reach a game they might as well not show up for. And how does Duke, probably the last #1 seed, get the winner of the play-in game and not Kansas, the overall #1 seed? Just more bullshit from an organization known to produce it’s fair share of it.

            But all the BS the NCAA can throw at us can’t dampen the spirit of what is the greatest tournament in all of sports, the NCAA tourney. Thursday and Friday are always two of the most exciting, action-packed days of the year in any sport, and even the fact that I hate the NCAA nearly as much as I hate Matt Millen himself can’t take away from that. Here’s hoping for some damn fine games to start this thing off, and a few buzzer beaters like this one along the way…

            Another big question of the week… how the fuck is it news every time Brett Favre says “I have no clue what I’m going to do next year?” LT signs with the Jets over the Vikings, and the text he got from Favre with that basic message makes headlines? As far as Brett Favre goes, wake me the fuck up when we’re three games into the regular season and he’s still down in Mississippi being lawn stalked by Rachel Nichols fuscha hair and pot belly.

            As for the best story of the week… how about that fuckin douche David Beckham blowing out his Achilles tendon this weekend. I’m not the type to wish injury on anyone that doesn’t deserve it, but this is definitely one jerkoff who deserves it. Lucky for you it happened overseas where someone at least watched and noticed it. Might’ve taken a week or so to hit the news if it happened in MLS play. Hope the boys out in LA are glad they gave this asshat that albatross of a contract.

            And as much as the whole steroids thing asses me out as far as baseball goes, I’m really glad to have spring training back underway. I like hockey and all, and the NBA is starting to grow on me again, but with no football and no baseball, I was starting to go a bit crazy. Now with the NFL draft on the horizon and spring training underway, things feel right again.

             That'll wrap things up for me this week folks. Thanks as always for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out. Have a safe and happy St. Patrick's Day.

It would be jacked up of me if this here Irishman didn’t start by saying ERIN GO BRAGH!  I’m fortunate because I’ll be working in the morning for a change, so I’m gonna make some Irish Soda bread for my boys at work, then make some Irish chicken and dumplings and maybe Irish Potato Casserole for the Fan family! 

Music Pick of the Week – The Eagles!   I’m gonna start this part out first because I always start off with a California rant, and this song is so apropos.  Take it away Eagles:

Yeah, that’s right, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.  In the immortal words of Bobby Bouchets momma – CALIFORNIA’S THE DEVIL!!!

Sports anybody?

1.  Mike Holmgren has proven himself in the past, so he gets the benefit of the doubt from me.  Call me crazy, but the AFC North is gonna get a hell of a lot tougher this upcoming season, especially if Holmgren gets loose on Draft Weekend.  Delhomme can’t possibly last long, and the Browns are gonna need a mobile QB, so Wallace will be playing far more by the end of the season.  Hey Browns fans, I don’t think you’re gonna have to wait too long for this to pay off.  Mangina better get with Holmgren real fast or he's gonna get run over.

2.  LaDanian Tomlinson to the Jets?  The Jets already have a younger and just as versatile player in Leon Washington and what appears to be a very talented Shawn Greene, so this absolutely makes no sense.  I would have thought that a better fit would have been Baltimore, San Francisco, or Miami!  

Speaking of the Jets, it appears that one of my newer best friends - Rex Ryan, is out getting some "Weight Loss Surgery".  Now I hate the Jets, but Ryan's pretty funny and he's making the Miami vs. New York Jets rivalry cool again.  Rex, good luck and get healthy! 

3.  Hey IHM, I haven't forgot you.  Picking up QB Shawn Hill from the 49ers is one hell of a good deal for you!  This dude is good insurance if Stafford goes down.  He ain't flashy, but when he starts, he just wins!

4.  NFL Draft.  What are the St. Louis Rams thinking?  If you believe all the hype, they are gonna pass on Suh and go with Sam Bradford.  Nothing against Bradford, but St. Louis should be working on their defense first, and how do you go against Suh?  #2 Detroit had better take some O-Line help, and that leaves Tampa Bay to swoop in on Suh.   Washington taking Clausen?  I hope Shanahan is smart enough to say HELL NO - that's way too high to take that risk!  Talk about a maturity issue!  Too many “if’s” surrounding him.  Quite honestly he should be a second rounder.

5.  NBA.  If King James leaves C-Town for New York, he is one of the dumbest businessman out there, he’s getting horrible advice, or both.  With that crazy millionaires tax those NYC douchebags have, why would anybody go there?  You can't maximize your earnings and we all know that's what athletes are about.  While I prefer to see LBJ stay in Cleveland, if he has to leave for whatever reason, I can easily see him joining D-Wade in Miami, where there’s no state income tax and the Heat are a far better team than those scrubs in the “Mecca” (I'm gonna rant on that "Mecca" term soon, but not today) of Basketball.  The Heat would not only be a cash cow for the NBA, but would be a dynamic shift of power from that team in LA whose ass Stern has had his nose up for years. 

I’m concerned about the underlying current of Gambling in the NBA.  Allen Iverson is the latest NBA star/superstar rumored to have “gambling issues”.  First Michael Jordan, followed by Charles Barkley, Referee Tim Donaghy, Antoine Walker, and now potentially AI?  The NBA’s internal security either isn’t doing their job, or Stern just doesn’t care.  Either way, NBA fans should be concerned because at some point, something is going to go very, very wrong.

5.  MLB.  I want MLB to come back, so how do we draw greater interest?   Speed up the game by putting a time count on pitchers between pitches, allowing for only one time off the rubber per inning, shorten the season by between 8 and 21 games, have a seeding-type playoff system, and make a rule where the World Series cannot end after October 20th!  Add speed back to the game by encouraging aggressive baserunning/stealing too.

The Phillies and Cardinals discussed a Ryan Howard for Albert Pujols trade?  Turns out that Buster Olney at ESPN reported Philly had internal talks about it.  The rest of the media jumped on it and now look!  LaRussa's pissed, but he's a douche anyway.  Some scrub reporter HAD to be bored to come up with garbage like that!  It's a sad day when the National Enquirer is more believeable than mainstream journalists!

6.  NHL.  Bettman had the Balls to suspend Ovechkin?  Interesting…  

San Jose Sharks.   Given this teams history for blowing the first round in the playoffs, I probably shouldn’t talk junk but uh, hey East Coast, ya’ll better stand up and take notice!  Dammit, karma kicked me square in the nuts because almost immediately after I wrote those comments these guys lose to Florida, then Anaheim. 

7.  College Football.  It seems blasphemous to bash the Irish on St. Paddy’s week, but they are the one school holding up meaningful progress in CFB.  If the arrogant alumni (moreso than staff) in Domerland did things not just for themselves but for the good of college football, you would see a very fast move by lots of conferences and schools to realign, with the BCS could potentially going away.

8.  March Madness.   If the selection committee didn’t want two Big East teams listed as #1 FINE, JUST ADMIT IT – then I’d have no problem with making Duke a #1 seed at the expense of West Virginia!  What bothers me is that making Duke #1 gives them an UNDESERVED free pass while West Virginia doesn’t exactly have an easy second game against either Clemson or Missouri, followed by a very possible rematch with Marquette in the third round, not to mention being paired with Kentucky in the regional final.  Talk about BOHICA (Bend Over, Here It Comes Again!), West Viriginia got that without the Lube!

Hey Gabbers, get over to the bracket challenge and put your picks in - No excuse not to participate.  Let's see who the CBB champ for the year is!  Not-so-little Fan used one of my brackets and he's already running his pie-hole more than normal.  Don't let that fool win I'm begging you - I'll never hear the end of it! 

Question of the Week.    What’s the over/under on some of us calling out sick on Thursday and Friday when the best part of March Madness hits?  I can’t, but you’d better believe I’m gonna find a way to get scores while I’m working…

Douche Bag of the Week.   Take your pick:

(1) TNA!  Stop with Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair already.  You two 60 year-olds smearing ketchup on your face and “having a feud” do not constitute “Total Nonstop Action”.   Enough already, pass the torch!   Focus on Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Abyss, and the X-Division.  TNA can be far better than WWE.   

(2) Gilbert Arenas saying he deserves to be punished!  Ya think Gilbert?  This is what you pay lawyers and PR firms to have you come out and say?  Dude, you’re getting robbed.

(3) Andre Agassi/Pete Sampras acting like little bitches by going “Yo Mamma” at a charity tennis event designed to raise funds for Haiti?

(4) Dickie V whining about why Seton Hall didn’t get into the Dance?  The Big East already had eight teams in, you wanna add more?  I respect him for his charity work, but he doesn’t get that there’s more to College Basketball than the ACC/Big East.  I’m rapidly becoming a Big 12 fan! 

What Gabbers, I didn’t set the table enough for y’all?  “I want to hear from a Gabber – REACT!!!”.  I’m gonna haul ass, but I’m gracious and will let the Eagles take you out the door after you leave a few comments:

Have a great week...

Later, The Beeze.

College Basketball

ESPN bracketologist Joe Lunardi has the Fighting Illini of Illinois out of the NCAA tournament (as one of the first four out). This disappoints me as they had a strong run through the Big 10 tournament coming up just short to Evan Turner and the Ohio State Buckeyes in 2OT. As for the other team I cheer for, the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame made a strong run in the Big East Tournament and have solidified a spot in the big dance. That team looks much better with Harangody back to lead them. In other tournament news Houston surprised many in beating UTEP and that win has bursted bubbles for a number of teams. As for the final number one spot in the tournament, there is a fight for it between Duke and West Virginia (I'm leaning towards WVU).

NFL Free Agency

I'll start out with my Green Bay Packers. They've disappointed me. They made one move, and thank god it was a good one in keeping Chad Clifton to solidify the offensive line. He and Mark Tauscher make me much more comfortable in trusting our offensive line. Why am I disappointed? Well, for starters we didn't make a move for Julius Peppers after losing Aaron Kampmann to Jacksonville. Provided, Kampmann didn't fit into a Dom Capers defense, but now we only have one pash rusher in Clay Matthews. Even worse is that Peppers went to the fucking Bears. I'm also disappointed that we didn't add another safety, namely Kerry Rhodes. Rhodes was traded from the Jets for next to nothing and he'd be a sure improvement over Atari Bigby. On to Cleveland. I really hope they allow Brady Quinn to develop, I believe he can become a productive NFL QB. I'm going to severely question them if they allow Jake Delhomme to start as he has been dreadful the last two years. LaDanian Tomlinson is still without a home but is reportedly talking to the Jets and Vikings. I can't stand either team, but I actually hope he goes to the Vikings just to see how that rivalry with Peterson works out.

NHL Trade Deadline

All together, the trade deadline was a failure. The biggest trade was between the Avalanche and the Coyotes and the trade was Wojtek Wolski for Peter Mueller. Once again, I'm disappointed in my team (the Chicago Blackhawks). I was thinking they could shave salary (because they're going to need to do that in the offseason anyway) by trading Cristobal Huet, Kris Versteeg and a bit more to get Tomas Vokoun away from Florida. Apparently Florida's asking price was too high as now I have to let expletives fly every time I see Huet play. Initially I wasn't too pissed, but the last two times Huet has played has changed that. March 7th against Detroit Huet gave up 4 goals in the 2nd period against the rival Detroit Red Wings and Saturday against the Philadelphia Flyers he lets in 2 goals in the final 2 minutes to lose the Hawks the game (the final goal was scored with about 2 seconds remaining).

NBA

I still really don't give two shits about the NBA, but I'm going to address the race for the final four spots in the Eastern Conference. Why is it that once I start cheering for the Bulls that every thing goes wrong? They continue to lose and now see themselves on the outside looking in behind Miami, Charlotte, Milwaukee, and Toronto. The problem is Joakim Noah is still hurt, Luol Deng was hurt this past week, and Derrick Rose is on a game-to-game basis with a hurt wrist. I have little confidence in the Bulls because even with Rose and Luol they still look like they need Noah out there. One more thing of note in the NBA is that the lowly Knicks have ended the surging Mavericks, the streak is over at 13.

MLB

Nothing has really peaked my interest yet as the season is on the way but is still not here. The Cubs and the Sox have had some good Spring Training games, but other than that I haven't really paid attention to much. The only thing I did find interesting enough to write about is how experts already seem to be counting the White Sox out. Although I did just find something interesting on ESPN on how J.J. Putz is supposedly pushing Bobby Jenks for the closer role. Good, Jenks needs all the competition he can get after how bad he looked last year. The last bit of baseball I have is this... By no means am I a Red Sox fan, but let's all wish Boston prospect Ryan Westmoreland the best as he prepares for brain surgery. Good luck, Ryan.

MMA/Boxing

The UFC has recently signed 41 year old boxer James "Lights Out" Toney. Initial reaction was that Toney would probably fight famed backyard brawler turned MMA fighter Kimbo Slice. To be honest, that would have been the first time I cheered for Kimbo and I think he would have beat Toney as long as he was smart and didn't try to get into a standup game with Toney. Toney is going to fail in MMA because he thinks he can punch his way to victory when MMA fighters are clearly smarter than that and would quickly take advantage of his lack of takedown defense. Point being, nobody in the UFC should trade blows with Toney, instead they can easily take it to the ground and show Toney's ass out of MMA because he doesn't belong there if he isn't even going to attempt to form a ground game. And if you're wondering, Toney will not fight Kimbo as Kimbo's match against Matt Mitrione is still on for May 7th at UFC 113. Now Toney has come out and said he wants to face anyone, he doesn't want Dana White to feed him "scrubs," and he would even be willing to take on Brock Lesnar. News flash, Kimbo is almost the lowest of the low in the heavyweight division and he would beat you. Brock Lesnar would KILL you. Speaking of boxing, Manny Pacquiao apprently just had a solid fight in Dallas against Joshua Clottley. PacMan won by unanimous decision (no surprise). Can you please fight Mayweather now?

NASCAR

I figure since that NASCAR has the week off this week, I'll take my time out to address what happened last Sunday at Atlanta between Brad Keselowski and Carl Edwards. I'll say it right now, I hate both drivers. I have hated Keselowski since he started taking out Joe Gibbs Racing drivers, namely Denny Hamlin last year and so many people stood up for him because he's "Jr.'s protege." In this instance, I'm actually going to stick up for Keselowski. Now, last year at Talladega Carl Edwards had that horrible wreck where his car shot up into the catch fence battling for the win with Keselowski. Sunday at Atlanta the two made contact and Edwards went up into Joey Logano effectively ending both of their days while Keselowski ran well all day. Coming to the white flag Carl Edwards flat out turned Keselowski after saying things were good earlier, Keselowski was running 6th at the time. Edwards was parked and since has been giving only a 3 race probation. The bad part was that Keselowski's car flipped over. Here's where I stand. Carl says Keselowski gives him no room when they race but Edwards has wrecked just as many people as Keselowski. Edwards has had run-ins with Dale Earnhardt Jr., Matt Kenseth, and Kevin Harvick to name a few. In both instances Edwards has been hit by Keselowski in the Cup Series both have been Edwards fault. He practically turned himself across Keselowski's nose both times (at Atlanta and Talladega). So, screw you, Carl Edwards.

Well, that's all I have for this week. I'll see you all again in 2 weeks as Hotch takes back over next Sunday.