Tool Of The Week
TOTW Nominees Volume 14 Tags: Tool of the Week

Sorry I'm late getting this posted folks, it's been a little crazy around here the last few days. It's time once again for you to nominate your candidate for TOTW! I have a feeling this week's nominee could be the first of it's kind - UNANIMOUS! But then again you've all surprised me before so what's to stop you from doing it again right?

I'll let the nominating go until 6 pm tomorrow and post the winner for TOTW some time in the even Saturday since I normally would have posted this two days in advance.

Have a great weekend everyone! Now I'll get back to watching the quarter size hail bounce off of my neighbor's cars....the idiots all have two car garages but instead they leave their BMW's and Escalade's in the driveway! Brilliant!!!!

Tool of the Week Volume 13 Tags: Michael Vick Goodell NFL Rae Carruth

 

It’s become almost customary to open up a newspaper and read a headline of an NFL player being arrested for some sort of mishap, usually brought on by poor judgment and their upbringing. We all know that you can take the kid out of the hood but you can’t take the hood out of the kid. Alan Iverson for one, he had his troubles in Hampton Virginia and did jail time after being found guilty of assault on a woman with a chair in a bowling alley. We’ve seen Ray Carruth sentenced to life in prison for the hit placed on his wife and unborn child because he didn’t want to pay alimony. I could go on and put up a 5,000 word essay just on arrest and convictions of NFL players but you get the picture.

Michael Vick is probably the most notorious of the current NFL class. His conviction on federal racketeering and dog fighting charges got him time in the federal pokey and when he emerged from behind bars told us all he was a changed man, that he had made many bad choices and he’s now seen the error of his ways and he told us he’d find a way to make amends by his actions so he could garner the trust of the fans. Well he’s been out of prison now about a year, and once again he has made his way into the headlines, and it’s apparent his initial statements are now under some scrutiny. Instead of having been away from the night club where his birthday party was going on prior to a shooting, it turns out from video that he may have lied, and done so while on probation. I don’t know the exact terms of this probation, but I do know that it generally includes no contact with police or known felons, and, it usually says that you are not to go into establishments where alcohol is served. Now, could you tell me that this night club was free of ex-cons or parolees and booze? Didn’t think so!

When he was released from prison I wrote that it wouldn’t be long before we heard Vick was involved in some off-field skirmish, and so I take great pride in being right…as if it was a stretch to get that prediction correct. What we’ll obvious see from the Commissioner Goodell, the king of multiple chances, the prince of forgiveness, the master of looking out for the owners and the bottom line is absolutely nothing. What’s the most Vick would get if he was to be found having lied to the police, a 3 game suspension and some counseling followed by another heartfelt press conference stating how he’s seen the light and the error of his ways, AGAIN? That’s been the trend hasn’t it? It makes it all better and why shouldn’t it? The fans never seem to tire of it, the NFL continuously gives passes to these scumbags and the stadiums where they play still fill-up and they are cheered when they run on the field. How quickly they forget.

Well I’m here to tell you that those who are members of the Gab are not a very forgiving bunch, we’re sick of the bullshit, we’re tired of over-paid crybabies who will do whatever they can to increase their bottom line while going through life thinking the rules don’t apply to them. Vick, who had plenty of time to pump iron and of course find his Lord and Savior, has again found himself in hot water, and maybe he likes it, it’s possible like many of his brethren he’s institutionalized, perhaps he found out Robert Braddy from Dimesports occupies the cell he used to have and wants to go back and talk about the old days when they gambled and bilked people out of their money.

 So until his probation officer files for a violation and returns him back to where he belongs in the first place I’ve got my job to do, and that’s to speak for those who nominated him in the first place…so without much further ado I present Michael Vick this week’s Gold Plunger by Binford as our Tool of the Week! No, don’t come up to the podium Michael, we’ll mail it to you, my dog is here and even though I can’t stand the little bastard I’m the only one who can hit the remote to zap him with his electric collar. So don’t even think about it, and good luck in prison!

                                                 

                                     We Won't Get Fooled Again, The Who from the Kids are Alright!

Tool of the Week Nominees - Volume 12 Tags: Tool of the Week

Okay Gabber's it's time to nominate who you think should be the YGS Tool of the Week! I would assume with all of the goings on the past week that you should all have numerous folks that warrant consideration. Will it be someone currently waiting to cash in on free agency in the NBA such as a douche bag agent representing these over-priced crybabies? Or a soccer player who was eliminated from competition in the World cup?

Whoever it is there's one guarantee, they'll walk away with the Gold Plunger from Binford, placed ever-so comfortably in an orifice of their body! So don't wait, be sure to get your nominees in or you'll miss the chance to be the one who has nominated the TOOL OF THE WEEK!!!

TOTW - I Already Hated the French

 

Okay, the French soccer team is a no-brainer, even though I have yet to see an entire match, in fact what I do know I’ve seen on ESPiN, I’m going to pass on to you a personal experience with one of our neighbors across the pond, you tell me if I understand just why the French soccer team is our Tool of the Week.  

I am not a fan of soccer, I know the basic rules, have watched it in small spurts only to click the channel and look for something else, the Weather Channel has proven to be a viable option. I know even less about the French, that’s by choice, but what I do know is that they have a reputation for being, how shall I say; snobby? I did try to overcome my dislike for the French when my wife and I took in a foreign exchange student who was going to find out when he landed that his host family bailed on him along with 5 other students on the trip. I had the contract for WRIC in Richmond, the ABC affiliate and the weekend producer was telling me the story, I felt bad for the kid so I called my wife and asked her what she thought and 24 hours later we had our very own, unadjusted, rude, arrogant French teenager!!! Oh boy, was this just a great idea or what?

I could tell in pretty short order I wasn’t going to like this kid, and I was right, but it wasn’t from a lack of trying to be tolerant. First I thought it was a good idea to introduce him to something American – Thursday night softball practice with my buddies seemed like a good place to start. It was about 95 degrees as the sun went down and after learning pretty quickly he couldn’t catch, swing a bat or throw a ball, he ran off to the car after grabbing the keys and put the AC on for the duration…pussy! Saw that one coming a mile away. Later would come the incessant whining, you name it he whined about it. He got homesick on day three, I guess all the excitement in the Sully household was too much for the little darling.

My wife had a brainstorm, “let’s take him to D.C. and let him check out the museums”! That’s what I want, to take this kid I can hardly understand in a car for a 2 hour trip and listen to how great fuckin’ Paris is on the way and their food, how exquisite it is, then have him end the day saying “those are you museums”? He wouldn’t want to even go there in our nation’s Capitol. I had trouble getting Francois to even eat a burger from Applebee’s, he couldn’t shut up when it came to French cuisine, but he did want to know where McDonald’s was…ah, the educated palate.

 We get to the White house for the tour, do you think that the presence of men in suits with earpieces everywhere makes him pause and not touch anything? Wrong…dipstick reaches over the velvet ropes to touch one of the no-no’s and is scolded quickly by a secret service agent. No, not embarrassing at all. Then we get to the air and Space museum and this idiot walks to the front the line as if the 200 people behind him weren’t even there. I walked up and smacked him in the back of the head and told him he was lucky no one threw him over the balcony! Moron. I guess in France they walk all over each other, because he was quite at ease being a douche bag.

So I did some research, not much, just enough to get familiar with the story, because until now I only heard snippets and as I’ve said, I’m not interested. From what I’ve learned, the French soccer team “Les Bleu’s” have turned the country upside down. They have returned home in disgrace, their captain met with the French Prime Minister to discuss the events that unfolded in South Africa. You know you’ve public relation issues when you go directly to the head of state and make your case for damage control. You’ve got even bigger problems when the French people themselves mark you with a Scarlet Letter, that’s REALLY saying something. At any rate, you nominated them, and I’ve lived through two weeks with my own French soccer team, and I had no problem giving him back when his two weeks were up!

To all those on the French soccer team, we here at YGS proudly place this TOTW Golden Plunger right where it deserves to be, now smile and say BRIE! Douche bags.

Tool of the Week - The Fenway Edition


 

Since I'm up here in Beantown and attended last  night's return of Manny Ramirez I felt it necessary to make a management decision and overrule the normal nomination process because last night I came across more than one TOOL at Fenway Park. The following is in order of appearance. When Stevie D and I were walking behind the home plate area we had just passed the Dodger dugout and heard booing, when we looked back over our shoulders we saw Manny Ramirez had just ran out onto the field to stretch...they were giving it to him pretty good...must have been all those Emerson College interns handing out WEEI posters saying "Who Needs Manny" on one side and "K" on the other that got them motivated. Ramirez batted 4th in the DH spot, this was obviously calculated by Joe Torre to keep Manny from being harassed in left field, which used to be home for him. When he first came to bat in the top of the second inning he really got it from the crowd,and I don't know what game Torre was at but he was far from accurate when it came to judging the percentage of who gave him a warm reception and those who gave him an up yours card! He didn't acknowledge anything and proceeded to fly out to JD Drew who then pulled a hamstring running in on the catch and was replaced in the game by Darnell McDonald. Manny is TOTW recipient number one just because the list is endless

Next up, the Obnoxious Laker fan; Oh no he didn't? Oh yes he did! About 4 rows behind us in the 5th inning we heard yelling and when we turned around a guy wearing a Celtics t-shirt and his opponent, a guy wearing a Kobe Bryant game jersey began to throw down, the Laker fan started it (as far sere concerned) and at first it looked like the Celtics fan got in a couple of good shots then the Laker fan got the shirt over his head and began to wail on the Boston fan. He had the advantage, he was sitting one row behind the C's fan but other fans got right in there to break it up. The Boston fan ended up standing next to me and we  tried to tell him to back off or he was going to get tossed but he wanted more of the guy, the Laker fan sat back in his seat bleeding from the nose and blowing kisses and holding up 5 fingers, indicating Bryant's rings and then the Boston fan really wanted a piece of him, so did a few others, who by now were all chanting BEAT LA, BEAT LA, he knew then he wasn't going to be comfy for too much longer and security came and bounced the Laker fan, of course everyone yelled he started it. He might not have started he argument right then, but he started it by wearing that frickin shirt less than 24 hours after the game. We all have seen this guy before, it won't be the first time and sure as shit won't be the last..

Tool number three was Rhianna..this gash ( my new word for women TOOLS) comes in with security blocking everything so she can get to her seat in the front row next to he Red Sox dugout while the inning was in progress and you could see it was disruptive. John Henry came in with the woman in black, a nice looking babe (yeah, like he'd go out with a mutt right), but at least he waited until it was the start of the 4th before he walked down to the box seat. We later found out she's dating Matt Kemp and has been for a while, well since she was last seen being smacked around by Chris Brown!

And the last TOOL at Fenway... Roger Clemens. What the fuck was Roger Clemens doing sitting on the Green Monster for a Dodger-Red Sox game? Too bad no one had the berries to go over and push the previous TOTW/TOTY award winner over the edge and down to the warning track...it wouldn't have broken my heart!

Well those are your Tool of the Week winner's...and if I don't get back to you in the next day or so I'll fill you all in on the summit between me, Lanz and Mo at Kowloon's on Monday!

I also want to wish all the dad's at YGS a Happy Father's Day...we rule, regardless of what the little woman might think, right?

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