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Sore Balls and Sour Grapes
Category: Humor


  Gotta be honest with you… the title pretty much says it all! This was one hell of a rough weekend for yours truly. The Tigers were swept out of the playoffs by Nelson Cruz (and the rest of the Orioles), and the Lions yet again snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, thanks in large part to an 0-3 performance from their newest placekicker, and an 18-31 performance out of the “franchise quarterback”. Sure, there were some nice things this weekend… all the upsets in college football, the Royals winning their first playoff series since the World Series of 1985, and an 18 inning thriller between the Giants and Nationals on Saturday… but overall, for fans here in Detroit, this weekend was a massive, repeated kick in the balls!

  On the plus side for me, I’m not a fan of the University of Michigan as the majority of folks around here are. Those tools lost to Rutgers… fucking Rutgers… 26-24 on Saturday. Saturday was the one day of this weekend I could take some solace in… between Michigan, Alabama, U$C, and LSU going down, it was all just a thing of beauty.

  With both teams winning and remaining undefeated on Saturday, I’ll bet the white lightning was flowing in Mississippi this weekend! Good lord that must’ve been one helluva party!

  As for Friday… what the hell else can I say? The Tigers held a 6-3 lead going into the bottom of the 8th inning… and manager Brad Ausmus decided to go with the same Joba Chamberlain-Joakim Soria combination that gave up eight fucking runs in the 8th inning of game one. They showed some signs of improvement, as they only combined to give up four fucking runs in game two… but those four runs were enough to give the O’s a 7-6 win and take a 2-0 series lead!

  Sunday, there was still some optimism among Tiger fans with David Price taking the hill. Yours truly was not among them. Even if we win this game and Price goes 9 shutout innings, the fucking trainwreck of a bullpen is going to come into play again in this series, and we’re fucked. Price went eight solid innings, giving up just two runs thanks once again to NELSON FUCKING CRUZ, but unfortunately the Tigers bats were not up to the two run challenge, as they managed a single run against Bud Norriss, and the Orioles were able to complete the sweep.

  The big question for Tiger fans is this; where do you go from this point? Max Scherzer is a free agent, and likely out the door unless you want three 20+ million per year players on this roster. VMart will likely cash in on a career year elsewhere… once again, not about to have three 20+ million dollar guys on this team. Porcello is a free agent, and probably too pricy after a career year.  Price is under contract for another year, but after that his salary is going to shoot up, and we all know that. My question… do you just blow this team up? Honestly, I’m leaning towards yes. Verlander is a fucking train wreck… the guy was overused his first seven seasons, going 200+ innings every year and being ridden like a dime store pony by Jim Leyland in the playoffs.  His arm is shot. Unless he somehow makes a miraculous comeback next season, you’re looking at a six year-120+ million dollar albatross of a contract sitting there. Good luck moving that… you’re stuck with him. Miggy just re-signed to a similar gigantic contract… and hopefully he’s finally healthy again next year. As much as I hate to think about this, you might just have to trade Miggy, trade Price, and rebuild your farm system. Get some young players, develop them, and get back to winning that way instead of trying to buy your way out of trouble. Clearly it hasn’t worked with the bullpen… It might take a few years to get things right again, but it might just be the way to go for the future of this team. If not, you’re just hoping you can hold off the Royals year to year and that your bullpen doesn’t implode until AFTER you get to the playoffs.

   As for the Lions, they cut their second kicker in as many weeks today, sending Alex Henery back to the unemployment line after his 0-3 Sunday in a 17-14 loss to the Bills. The rumor mill has them going after former Broncos kicker Matt Prater first, and Michigan alum/last year’s Cardinals kicker Jay Feely second. Either way, if your offense is more effective, you don’t need to worry so much about a fucking kicker.

  The real issue, in my eyes, is the continued inconsistency and struggles of Matt Stafford. 18-31 for 221 yards and 1 TD/1 INT, also fumbling twice while being sacked six times. I know, Calvin Johnson was either a non-factor or out most of the game, but I’m tired of the security blanket this fucking guy has had his entire career. You also spent $31 million on a #2 WR in Golden Tate (who performed well yesterday, picking up a TD and 134 of Stafford’s 221 yards) and the 10th overall pick on a fucking phenom of a TE in Eric Ebron. Yeah, some fucking phenom… he’s got eight catches for 80 yards, and one TD so far this year. Once again, pick well spent, Lions. 

  In fact, let’s see the contributions of the 2014 draft class so far… you’ve got 80 yards, 1 TD out of Ebron, your first rounder. Your second round pick, Kyle Van Noy, has been MIA all year, injured. Your third round pick is a fucking backup center. 4th rounder Nevin Lawson was actually looking fairly good before being injured… so he’s DONE for the year now. Fellow 4th rounder Larry Webster hasn’t played an NFL down yet. Caurain Reid (5th rounder) has two tackles as a backup DT. 6th rounder TJ Jones didn’t make the roster. 7th round pick Nate Freese was cut two weeks ago to make way for the Lions latest cut, Alex Henery. Yup… 8 catches for 80 yards, and three total tackles out of your class of 2014 so far. Awesome job, Mayhew.

  As for Matt Stafford… the guy is just an absolute fucking joke to me. Franchise QB’s make players around them better… and I have not seen a single example of that out of Stafford in his now six year NFL career. This year should be his last chance… if he can’t deliver the kind of consistent performance the Lions need at quarterback, it’s time to move on, draft a new quarterback, and let this guy join the scrap heap of failed “stud” SEC quarterbacks. Throwing for a lot of yards is cute and all… but when you can’t put the ball in the end zone, you aren’t going to do a whole hell of a lot of winning in the NFL.

  Oh, and class move being carried off the field yesterday, Schwartz. (He actually asked his players to do it) Shows exactly the kind of toolbag you are. Too bad they didn’t drop you.

  That’s all the ranting I’ve got in me today… thanks for the read and any comments you leave on the way out.

Weekly Grumble with IHM 10/4
Category: FEATURED

  Hello folks, and welcome to this week’s Grumble. Gotta be honest with you all… I am sick and tired of a LOT of things, so we’re gonna go with a different format this week; I’m re-writing the rule book on anything and everything I see fit… and of course, you’re more than welcome to come up with a few more rules of your own in the comments below! So here we go…

  New Rule #1- No more fucking political ads until October 20th!

I don’t give a shit if you’re running for national or state office, or just to be the next circuit court judge… I don’t want to see the same damn commercial every ten to fifteen minutes for three months! Right now, in the state of Michigan, we have a “hotly contested” Congressional race between incumbent Gary Peters and incoming Terri Lynn Land. After watching eight different fucking commercials about how the billionaires backing both of these millionaire dirt bags are evil… essentially trying to convince us one way or another of “which ones were more evil”… I have come to a conclusion… I hate both of these shit bags! Nobody talks about issues, everybody just uses fucking scare tactics, and targets groups they consider to be the most weak-minded… Democrats seem to have targeted women, and Republicans seem to have targeted the elderly. Good God I can’t wait for November 5th… not because I have any hope in any candidate to “change” a damn thing about the absolute cluster fuck of a mess we have going on in D.C.; because it will mark the longest period of time possible between now and the next round of this pointless, senseless, mindless drivel comes around again.

  New Rule #2- Anybody doing the “Seven Nation Army” chant at a live sporting event should be punched in the throat, disabling their vocal cords!

   I believe this crap started in college football, then it spread to soccer, and it became an international phenomenon. Somehow, it is still happening, and it is like nails on a fucking chalkboard to me! Thursday night in Baltimore, the dipshits must have done it every ten minutes… I had to mute the fucking game… no joke! So knock it off assholes, especially you crab sucking, Ray Lewis loving freak shows in Baltimore!

 New Rule #3- NBA… fix the damn flopping problem; here’s how:

 Want to fix the flopping issue in the NBA? Simple… first time a player obviously flops, one game suspension. Second time, two games… and so on. Hell, Dwyane Wade would be missing entire seasons! It’s not “gamesmanship”, it’s not “trying to make something happen for your team”, it’s a fucking embarrassment to what used to be a great game to watch. Want to be an actor? Go join the freaks out in Hollyweird.

 New Rule #4- PC Police… shut the fuck up!

  It seems every single week now, we get a new, gigantic story shoved in our faces that we are supposed to be appalled and outraged by. Honestly, this seems like a new problem, but it’s been the same thing forever now… every week people get up in arms about something, and the poor son of a bitch they’re all outraged with either comes out and apologizes (and gets blasted for doing so) or has to hunker down and weather the storm until the next big thing to get your panties in a bunch over comes along. I’m still waiting for that one, heroic bastard to have this shit storm come his way and simply step up to a microphone and say “Hey, PC freaks… shut the fuck up!” It really seems like more and more people are tired of being outraged by a new, different thing on a weekly basis… but it also seems like the media isn’t going to give it a rest until the very last person stops following the carrot on a stick they throw out there for us to follow, while the whole time the folks in power stand behind the curtain and make decisions that fuck us all deeper and harder than ever before!

New Rule #5- Stop using the “news” to push your agendas and give us information we can use to formulate our own opinions!  

 Stop censoring our information; what happened earlier this week in Moore, Oklahoma sure as hell wasn’t “workplace violence”… it was radical Islam in the fucking heartland. If you want to get people riled up and angry about things, shouldn’t it be about the things we should be concerned and worried about… such as the threat of radical Islam in this country? Watch how fast this story disappears from the headlines… you have radical Islam (which goes against the agenda of “Islam is a religion of peace”), and a good guy with a gun who stepped in and stopped this animal from beheading a second woman (which goes against the gun grabbing agenda). Just an example of the underhanded shit that is being done under our noses, and how far reaching it really is. Once-trusted news sources (NBC, Fox, ABC, CBS, etc.) are now no more than puppets working for their party and corporate masters. We are fed garbage every day and it is packaged as news, so we accept it as fact and don’t bother to question it.

New Rule #6- Stop with all the race-baiting bullshit!

  Somehow we seem to have gone back in time over the past six or seven years here… Seemed like race relations were improving quite a bit, and like we were finally getting to a point where everybody was nearly at the same starting point and had an equal opportunity to make it in this crazy world of ours (at least here in America, that is). Now all of a sudden, it seems to be in fashion to blame every problem on racism instead of looking at the other issues involved, and it seems like the media can’t get enough of it. Let’s not forget about the good folks at the NAACP, or good ol’ Mr. Sharpton… they can’t WAIT to get down to a place like Ferguson, MO and exploit a volatile situation for their own financial gain. Is there still some legitimate racism in America? I’m sure there is… but the extent to which racism is reported seems to be through the roof compared to what is actually happening. And when there is no racism to be found… the media moves out, Sharpton hops a plane to the next money making venture, and the NAACP gets back to giving awards to people who aren’t racist, but focus all their energy on the advancement of colored people instead of all people… which is not racist in the least… For all the controversies that have come out and all the bullshit that has been said and done as a result of it all, what exactly has been gained? Nothing for regular folks, a HELL of a lot of money for Sharpton and the race baiters, and a whole lot of animosity placed towards one another that distracts us all, once again, from what is REALLY screwing us all over. God help the folks in Washington if people ever get that through their thick skulls and start to focus on the REAL enemy… not one another, but the oligarchy that has consumed what was once a Constitutional Republic.

 New Rule #7- ESPN… I STILL don’t give a fuck about soccer.

   The World Cup is long over with… yet ESPiN still wants to throw in soccer highlights and toss soccer plays into their “Top Plays” just to keep those who bought into “soccer fever” over the summer interested. Personally, I’m more disgusted and bored with the game than I was before the World Cup even began. Watch a soccer game? No thanks… I have some paint to go watch dry. I don’t get it, and I never will.

New Rule #8- If you have a team of armed security guards surrounding you pretty much 24/7, you don’t get to tell me what I should or shouldn’t have to protect my family with!

   Michael Bloomberg… all your money and you couldn’t buy a brain? Mind you this is the same “pro-choice” asshole that wanted to tell you how big a fucking soda you could have in his city. Now, surrounded by a team of armed security guards, he is funding a war on the second amendment. Of all the possible philanthropic things you could do with the millions of dollars this guy has at his disposal… and he wants to go after gun laws. So you and your family are worthy of protection… but mine isn’t? Kiss the fattest part of my ass, Bloomberg, and take your fascist ass somewhere where you are welcome… maybe Putin can find something for your dollars to do for his party.

   Well, those are all the rules I have for this week ladies and gents. Thanks as always for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out. Have a great weekend, Gabbers!

Friday Blogtime Funhouse
Category: FEATURED


  Hello folks and welcome to the Friday Blogtime Funhouse with your old pal IHM. A ton of great playoff baseball on tap today, with the Tigers and Orioles getting the party started at noon! Right now, the Tigers are up 5-3 heading into the 8th and looking to avoid another monstrosity of a bottom of the 8th as they had last night. Yeah... eight runs in one inning, off of four pitchers. But, hopefully the pen gets the job done today and we get this series evened out!

  Also on tap, we've got game two between the Royals and Angels. Two rookies square off with Yolando Ventura towing the rubber for the Royals, and Shoemaker taking the hill for the Angels. If last night's game was any indication, this should be a classic! The Royals lead 1-0 thanks to Mitch Moustakas hitting a home run in the top of the 11th.

  The National League gets in on the action today as well, with Washington taking on the Wild Card winning Giants of San Francisco. Jake Peavy takes on Stephen Strasburg there.

  The nightcap for the senior circuit should be one helluva pitching matchup, as the Cardinals take on the Dodgers. Most years, Adam Wainwright would be a lock for the Cy Young award with 20 wins and an ERA under 2.50... but this year he has Clayton Kershaw to contend with, who won 21 games with a 1.77 ERA on the year. These two go head to head in a classic baseball lover's dream!

  So what are your picks for these series, Gabbers? I'll take the Tigers and Royals in the ALCS, and the Nats and Dodgers for the NLCS.

  Michigan's AD has announced there are no plans to fire Brady Hoke, and he has no intention on resigning in the wake of the controversy surrounding Hoke's blunder in putting QB Shane Morriss back into the ballgame after he suffered an obvious concussion. Hoke also says he won't wear a headset... what an absolute joke they have going on in Ann Arbor. It's about time for the university president to step in and take care of this shit if you ask me!

  The coach Michigan fired to bring in Hoke, Rich Rodriguez, led the Arizona Wildcats to an upset over the #2 ranked Oregon Ducks last night, 31-24. Arizona, somehow unranked, improves to 5-0 with the win.

  There are a whole lot of other college football games coming up this weekend... and I won't be watching any of them! Why... because the NCAA is an absolute joke. If you need a reminder, here's this:

  That's what I've got going for today folks... be sure to drop a line of your own in the comments section below. Have a great Friday Gabbers, and enjoy the all you can eat buffet of playoff baseball!

Weekly Grumble with IHM 9/27
Category: FEATURED


  Hello folks, and welcome to this week’s Grumble with IHM! I’ve got a lot to blast off on this week, so let’s get right to it…

   Not sure if anybody heard this rumor or not… but Derek Jeter is retiring. I know, I know… shocking, but it’s true. Jeter played his final game at Yankee Stadium Thursday night, and you’d think that Jesus himself showed up in cleats and pinstripes and played the position of short stop for the day. I get it, he’s had a good, twenty year career. While he was there, they won some championships… but the bottom line, he really isn’t as GREAT as everybody is making him out to be. Does he deserve a nice sendoff for a good MLB career? Yes, he does. Does he deserve a fucking international sendoff from every pathetic media outlet trying to sink their claws into a “hot story”? Hell no!

   Let’s put it this way… Derek Jeter is very good. Is he the greatest short stop ever to play the game of baseball? Not even close. Best fielder? Nope. Best hitter? Nope. Best anything? Nope. Sadly, the world today doesn’t have the attention span to realize just how insignificant this guy really is in the scope of baseball history. Guess how many MVP awards he owns… a big, fat ZERO. In fact, he finished second once. Batting titles… zero. Leading the league in hits… that’s a negative. Never, not one time, did he lead the league in a major production category. Even for those who prefer the newer stats… how about his career WAR? You want to know who it compares to? Larry Walker… Lou Whitaker… Jim Thome. Didn’t notice the big sendoff any of those three got when they retired, and we all know why that is. They didn’t play in New York.

   The fact of the matter is, that if Derek Jeter weren’t a Yankee, nobody would give a rat’s ass that he was retiring. He’d probably have half the career All-Star appearances he’s currently got. He’d have less than half the rings, and he likely would have been taken off the SS position three or four years ago. Is he a very good player… yes. 3,400 hits, 1,900 runs, 300 steals and a .309 average, and 5 Gold Gloves makes for a solid career. Legendary? Hardly.

   I don’t blame any of this on Jeter… he’s said all along he wants to go out quietly… but the folks at ESPN, other media outlets, and even that tool Spike Lee weren’t going to let THAT happen… so we get all this fucking noise. I respect Jeter, he accomplished a lot in his career. He had the longevity, success, and ability it takes to be a sure fire Hall of Fame ballplayer. Did he deserve a season long farewell parade? No. Did he want one? Hell no. But nobody listens to any of that kind of nonsense anymore, certainly no the all-knowing and all-powerful media!

   With all the garbage going on in the world of sports, it’s nice to see someone willing to do things the right way. That person would be Phillip Hughes of the Minnesota Twins. On Wednesday, a rain delay cost him the final third of an inning needed to trigger a $500,000 incentive bonus on his contract for reaching 210 innings on the season. One out would have earned him half a million dollars. Twins manager Ron Garndenhire has offered Hughes the opportunity to pitch this weekend during the Twins final series vs. the Tigers, but Hughes has declined, saying he owes too much to the organization over the next two years to risk getting hurt chasing cash. He said if they were in a playoff chase, he’d be “100% available, but given the circumstances, it just isn’t right.” Class move from Hughes, and that is rare to see in this day in sports, where it seems to be me first all the time, and the only attention seems to go to those who do wrong.

    How often do you see a pitcher with 20 wins, a 2.38 ERA and a WHIP of 1.03 not really even in serious consideration for his league’s Cy Young award? When you have another pitcher with 21 wins, six fewer losses, a 1.77 ERA and 60 more strikeouts (not to mention a WHIP of just 0.86), that’s when. Adam Wainwright happens to be in the wrong league in the wrong year, because Clayton Kershaw has the NL Cy Young award in the bag, and likely the NL MVP as well. If I were voting, he’d get a sweep of the NL’s major awards, with Jacob DeGroom winning the NL ROY, and Bruce Bochy taking home the NL’s MOY award.

   Over on the AL side, it looks like Mike Trout is finally going to claim his MVP award. Jose Abreu, Victor Martinez, and Jose Altuve all deserve some votes, but Trout has been the face of the game over the past two years, and deserves to bring the trophy home this year. As for the AL Cy Young award, I’m going to surprise some of you by going with Corey Kluber of the Cleveland Indians, who is 17-9 with a 2.53 ERA, 258 K’s and a 1.10 WHIP. Felix Hernandez and Chris Sale would be my 2nd and 3rd place finishers there, but Kluber gets the nod from me. The AL ROY will, in all likelihood, be Jose Abreu of the White Sox, and he has had a monster MLB debut season. Personally, I don’t consider him a rookie since he played pro ball in Cuba, much like Tanka of the Yankees who played professionally in Japan. For my money, the best true rookie in the AL was Matt Shoemaker of the Angels, who stepped up when the team needed it the most to overcome the loss of Garret Richards, and wound up with a 16-4 record, a 3.04 ERA and 124 K’s. The AL MOY would have to be Buck Showalter, who overcame numerous injuries to lead the O’s to the second-best record in baseball.

Note* Kluber won his 18th game Friday night, throwing eight scoreless innings and striking out 11 against the Rays.

  Still some great baseball left to be played this weekend, as both Central divisions have yet to be decided and Wild Card positioning is still at stake. The red hot Pirates are trailing the Cardinals by a game in the NL Central, and the Tigers are two up on the Royals for the AL Central crown.

  Over in the NFL, the Lions got an ugly 19-7 win over the Packers last week, and look to do the same (if not better) against the Jets this week. The good news, they are now 2-1 and tied with the Bears for the NFC North division lead, with the Bears facing Green Bay this weekend. The bad news, they still haven’t played the Bears this year, so it’s hard telling how they’ll fare there. The Bears, on the other hand, have a lot of injuries in the secondary, and have relied on some solid play from Jay Cutler to get to 2-1 after a disappointing week one loss to the Buffalo Bills. The Packers sit at 1-2, as do the Vikings, and both look like absolute messes. If the Lions take care of business as they should against the Jets, and continue to handle the teams they should handle, we could see a big game on Thanksgiving Day when the Bears come to town.

   Speaking of the Bears, their first round pick, corner Kyle Fuller, has as many interceptions (3) as the Lions’ first round pick, TE Eric Ebron, does catches so far. Yeah…

  That’s all I’ve got for this week folks. Thanks, as always, for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out. Have a great weekend, Gabbers!

Weekly Grumble with IHM 9/20
Category: FEATURED

  Given the issues and scrutiny the league is currently under, the NFL has hired yours truly, IHM, to create a new, comprehensive plan to deter any further black eyes and ugliness for the league due to player conduct. As members here at, you all get an exclusive first look at the new plan in its entirety…

   First rule… Roger Goodell will personally chaperone all player dates/ social outings. This should help ease the concerns of Mrs. Terry O’Neil, president of NOW (National Organization of Women), who wondered aloud last week what Roger Goodell was doing to protect these women. Since apparently the abuse suffered by these women is exclusively the fault of the NFL commissioner, and certainly not the idiot players who decided to lay their hands on women, I felt it best that he be personally involved in any and all contact between a female and an NFL player. Even married players, if they want a date night with the wife, had better set it up in advance with the Commish as a third wheel… he’ll be there. Should things head to the bedroom, he’ll be sitting bedside, and even be ready and willing to tag in if necessary.

   Second rule… the NFL is to attach a tracking device to each of its nearly 1,700 players and provide everyone with a free app allowing people to know, at all times, their proximity to the ever-dangerous NFL player.

  Third rule… If you see a woman or child… DON’T FUCKING HIT IT! How fucking hard is it?

  Unless, of course, that bitch spilled your coffee...

  Well, there it is! Not very complex at all, but it solves all the NFL’s problems.

  But in all seriousness, what is the fucking problem here? If you ask me, there IS NO PROBLEM! Am I saying domestic abuse is not an issue? Of course not… but if you compare the number of NFL players currently under investigation for some form of domestic violence, whether it be against a woman or a child, it is actually LOW compared to males aged 20-30 out there in the real world. You know why you generally don’t hear about any regular people that age getting into trouble for that sort of thing… because it is so commonplace, it is a non-story. Yet, just like Greg Hardy of the NFL, millions of men across the country get away with domestic abuse on a daily basis. Sure, they are caught, arrested, prosecuted, and then given the same kind of bullshit punishment Hardy received.

  When we talk about Greg Hardy, we’re talking about a six-foot-four, 278 pound man who threw a woman around like a rag doll, punched and choked her, and threatened to kill her repeatedly. Yet, he got a sixty day suspended sentence and community service. Is this really the NFL’s problem we are talking about here… or should we be focused on the real issue, the absolute fucking JOKE that is our legal system. Everybody wants to take down the fucking juggernaut that is the NFL these days… everybody wants to say they played a part in getting Roger Goodell fired… that’s great. In the meantime, what exactly are you accomplishing for the cause you claim to care so deeply about? Huh, NOW… how about the 16 female senators who stepped forward and demanded Goodell resign? What is it you are getting done here? Not a fucking thing. Nobody wants to accomplish anything here, they simply want to start a fucking hashtag, get their filthy whore name in the news, and move on to the next thing that the entire country should be infuriated about and try to get in on that gravy train.

  In the end, we’re going to see several men lose their jobs… but we’re going to see no real, actual change. Women are not going to be any safer. There will be a few more dames walking the halls of the NFL’s league offices, simply as an attempt to appease the unwashed, angry masses. They will have no real pull; they will just be window dressing. People will continue to get a slap on the wrist for domestic violence, and nobody will gain a damn thing. So to anybody who is actually enjoying this horse shit, make sure you get your fill on being a women’s rights advocate… because there will be a bright, shiny new cause for you to fight for next week. But don’t worry, just like this week, you won’t be required to actually do anything.

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