As you all know I live out in the country, a very small town with no stop lights, no fast food restaurants, and far more cowboy hats and wranglers than anybody would believe out here in Cali.  I have to listen to all these media douches continue to tell me how great places like that cesspool NYC is, and I (no, my friend Bocephus) has a freaking message for ya:

You see, I chose to get away from your crap and live the simple life, and you know what?  A country boy truly can (and always does) survive.  FUCK THE BIG CITY!!!  There will be more from Bocephus next week (and no, it won’t be “Are you ready for some Football”!!!).  On to the sports rants…

MLB.    Thank you to Casey Blake, Clayton Kershaw, and Joe Torre.  By being little douches, they have brought some good old fashioned hatred back to the Giants/Dodgers rivalry and I for one couldn’t be happier.  Going back to Blake, I guess you decided to show a pitcher up?  Kershaw plunking Rowand was a particularly pussified move on the Dodgers part after Lincecum hit their batter, Timmy boy’s first hit batter in 116 innings.  Let me add fuel to the fire:  DODGERS – YOU SUCK!  (No offense, DVT!).

Alberto Callaspo to the Angels?  Damn, that’s a good trade for Anaheim.  Strong hitting third baseman to go along with that lineup?   Yeah, most of them might be closer to the end of their careers but adding Callaspo’s bat can only help.   Now they add Danny Haren?  The AL West just might get a little bit more interesting.

Chone Figgans, I don’t need to recap your week, do I?  You’re starting to act like one of those NBA divas.  Speaking of which…

NBA .  The NBA should just CONTRACT!!!  Make it eight or ten teams in the largest markets and let the superstars play together, it’s what THEY and Stern want, so let’s stop pretending, just come right out and do it.  What do you do with the other teams, make them a minor league.

Well lookie here, it took what, two weeks for other players to start aligning.  First one ALLEGEDLY is Chris Paul.  Good for the Hornets to tell him (and his handlers) to piss off, and VERY SMART of Paul to play this off and make a public statement about staying in Nawlins!!! 

You all have heard me vent on this before, but after reading this article, I’m more convinced than ever that the Sacramento Kings will be the Las Vegas Kings sooner rather than later.  Proof? …

 http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2010/jul/14/nba-team-under-contract-if-las-vegas-builds-arena/

I have said for years that the Maloofs have been looking to get out of Sacramento and move to Vegas.  I suspect that this is the team that is ALLEGEDLY under contract to somebody in Vegas.  Hang on folks, the NBA’s dirty little secrets that everybody’s been screaming about are soon going to become undeniable. 

Australian Football League.   Now this week, ESPN2 didn’t have the footy!  I’m about to throw something at my damn TV.  Somebody tell me where I can catch some of this action – PLEASE!!!

CFL – Edmonton @ Winnipeg. 

http://www.cfl.ca/video/index/id/12757?autostart=true

Damn Edmonton, how’d that taste?  It’s been my experience that you don’t often talk about defense in the CFL, but Winnipeg laid the wood to Edmonton at least in the first half.  Steven Jyles, the QB for Winnipeg looked all world and should get a look from the NFL if this game is any indication of his talent.  #2 for the Eskimos must have had the catch of the year.  By the way Ricky Ray, I know you’re better than that – come correct dude.  Either that or Edmonton better get a far better O-Line. 

Speaking of Football, let me go off the board for this one.  Apparently there is a yearly all-star High School game between Saskatchewan and North Dakota and how it potentially helps the growth of Football in Canada.  Here’s the story:

http://www.cfl.ca/article/bates-the-importance-of-minor-football

NFL.  Joe Flacco, sometimes the best (and hardest) thing a purported leader of any team can do is shut their mouths and support the decision of the bosses above them.  Even though I like you I have to say this – STFU, it’s your team, not Bulger’s, he’s only there to help.  Get better or get out of the way!

Hey St. Louis Rams, are you crazy or just plain stupid?  Are you seriously considering bringing in “Me-O” to “work” with Sam Bradford?  He’ll “work” with him alright…

Leave it to the Dallas Cowgirlz to start training camp with WR DRAMA.   Miles Austin messin' with Kim Kardashian.  Dez Bryant won’t carry vets pads and seemingly won’t tolerate any hazing against him.  Good for him - If he stays all business he’s perfectly within his rights, and it’s damn sure what Dallas needs – somebody whose all business, a player whose there to do a job, not be an underachieving WR’s bitch for six or eight weeks.  Roy Williams should worry about catching passes and improving HIMSELF before you even consider “initiating” a guy whose sole focus is to take the job that you haven’t done.  Freaking diva-ass Drama Queens…

College Football.  I don’t like Nick Saban for many reasons, but I loved his take about the NFL keeping control of the agents – AND I AGREE!  Keep those slithering snakes away from campus and only allow them at the combine in February.  Hey Sheriff Goddell, don’t pass this off on the union, take steps to fix this.  Too many kids are getting caught up in somebody else trying to live off their achievements.

I’m far more concerned about the ridiculous behavior of the scumbag parents, agents, recruiters, and private schools at the 8^th-12^th grade level.  The behavior of all is despicable!!!

Lane Kiffin, you’re a damn fool.  By the way, what is it with you vs. the Great State of Tennessee?  Pissing off U$C alum Jeff Fisher (of all people) by taking one of his coaches without so much as a request to interview, then leaving a voice mail to Fisher saying you hired the dude?  Your dad Monte must be real proud.  I can’t wait until Pat Haden reigns you in – AND HE WILL!!!  By the way, screwing with the State of Tennessee is like screwing with someones food or emotions, it will bite you down the line.    

Question of the Week – Obnoxious on TV.  We talked a week or two ago about reality TV, and there was a show I forgot to mention – Hell’s Kitchen.  I like to cook, but I would NEVER want to do that for a living.  Anyway, Gordon Ramsay has to be the most obnoxious and abusive, yet funny person on TV.  Thoughts?

Rant of the week –Jimmy Johnson.  Hey Jimmy, HOW ‘BOUT THAT EXTENZE?  Look dude, you live your life and that’s cool.  First your pimping Extenze, and now you’re gonna go on Survivor?  Dude, you’re a Football Coach AND you’re 67, not 45 and going through a mid-life crisis.   If anything, that should be Terry Bradshaw’s gig – ugly dude probably needs it!

Tour de France.  Alberto Contador, I still hate you but for this year you are the best cyclist – only because Andy Schleck had a 30 second problem with his bike chain while trying to make a run.  Consider yourself VERY lucky, you win the tour and you’re NOT French.  I’ll be dogging you next July douche bag!

Peace and ranting forever!!!

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That’s right boys and girls, Uncle Fan is back with another Tuesday of tantrums.   But first I have to pay Mo for that Duffs of Harry’s.  Now that’s out of the way, you all know what's coming...

MLB.    Did I read that right – Bengie Molina hit for the cycle?  He got his triple last and had to be helped off the field due to screwing up his quad?  Bengie, you’re a Giant which means you get props but damn dude, you ain’t getting younger – mix in a salad and stay healthy because the Rangers are gonna need you.

Thanks to Jeff for pretty much kicking the living shit out of me last week, or was it the week before in the Gabbers Fantasy league.  I’d also like to thank Dirt Dillos for making it so no smack can be ran because he’s so far ahead. 

Anybody catch that throw-down between Arizona and San Diego?  I thought it was pretty hilarious with the dude from San Diego running like a scalded dog while everybody else was taking up the fight for him.

Speaking of scrums, nice job Bob's Big Boy (Err, Prince Fielder).  So you hit a home run, act like you've done it before and stop showing up the pitchers.  This dude deserved to get plunked - TWICE.  Bobby Cox getting run for it though is kinda like the sky being Blue, wouldn't you say?  This dude's been 86'd from more games than (uh, you make the analogy)...

What the hell is up with the Yankee pitchers?  Pettite’s out and Burnett?   I could make some fun of Burnett, but we’ve all got pissed off and slammed our hands into something.

NBA Free Agency.  Al Jefferson to the Utah Jazz is a pretty sweet thing.  Utah is a team which will never win a title, but they can play a damn solid basketball game the way it was designed by Dr. Naismith.    Al can post down low and do the work needed.  And to those who say he doesn’t play defense – try that with Jerry Sloan – Sloan might be 70+, but he’s not afraid to throw down!  Come to think of it, Sloan would have been a hell of a hockey player…

Chicago Bulls just might be pretty good next year - addition by subtraction.  That very noted blunt burner Brad Miller signed with Houston, who won't like that because they're more into the Purple Drank. 

Leave it to “the Chuksta” to really hammer some points home.  He went out and said that “the decision” was stupid and the move was planned all along, Dan Gilbert and Jesse Jackson need to shut the hell up, and that LBJ will never be Michael Jordan.  He then wound up talking about his crappy golf game saying that it could be worse, he could be Mel Gibson.  AWESOME!!!

Hey Milwaukee Bucks, you got a steal today signing Jon Brockman away from the Sacramento Kings.  He doesn't complain and does all the dirty work.  That dude will seriously be missed both on the court and in the community here in Crack-town!

Australian Football League.   Dammit, I had to work and missed the game this week.  Anybody catch the game of the week?

Arena Football League.  I like the Arena Football League and think it could be a wonderful niche sport if ran properly especially between April and July.  NFL Network was a wonderful first step in that process, but you can’t just cover the Florida teams only.

CFL.  Edmonton @ Saskatchewan.  Burgundy and Black in the land of Green?  Nice job Edmonton, you just gave the game to SSK.  Pretty bland game, but those fans up there in SSK rival some of the more rabid fans in the USA!

http://www.cfl.ca/video/index/id/12585?autostart=true

NFL.  Shawn Rodgers got very, very lucky.  A 10 hour gun course and 40 hours community service for having a loaded weapon in his bag AT THE AIRPORT?  I can only imagine if that had been Joe Schmo.  I can’t decide whose Tool of the Week here, Rodgers or the courts in Cleveland for allowing this “sentence”…

Must be July, Brad Childress is slobbing knob (oops, I mean visiting) Brett Favre in Ole Miss.

I see where greedy ass Chris Johnson finally signed a contract to remain a Titan.  'Bout time!!!

College Football.  You all know I’m not a Big 10 guy, but Green Bay asked for info about potentially hosting a Big Ten Championship Game at Lambeau Field.  I like the idea!  We all know it’ll never happen due to money considerations, but damn I’d love to see a college game from there.

I had the opportunity to look at CFB schedules and by what I see, Miami (FL) seems to have what could be considered the toughest out of conference schedule I have seen so far, but Oregon State, Boise State, Florida State, and even Oklahoma have potentially challenging ones as well.

NHL.  That Kovalchuk dude signed with the Devils.  Would it be appropriate to use the “deal with the devil” cliché here?  17 years, $100,000,000?  Wow, hope a whole lot of that isn’t guaranteed.

Question of the Week - Hockey.  Hotch had a great writeup on Sunday, but the thing that really struck me as odd is the players choice of Don Fehr to be their voice/rep.  What do you all think will happen with this? 

Rant of the week –NECKCAR.  I don’t know what the deal is, but this Carl Edwards vs. Brad Keselowski is so freaking out of hand that it’s getting to the point where NECKCAR had better sit Edwards down with a stiff penalty that gets his attention because in my mind he is going to hurt this kid.  For whatever reason Edwards feels the need to be “Johnny Law” when it comes to Brad K..  He’s admitted “parking” him in the past and NECKCAR gave him probation.  Now it happens yet again.  It’s obvious to me that this has become personal for Carl Edwards and that he needs to be penalized however NECKCAR does it to the fullest extent possible.  Oh yeah, I really hope Dad gets back into racing, then Edwards will have a significant problem, because the only winning Dad wants is to run Edwards into a wall!  I’m sick, but I’d kinda like to see that…

Tour de France.  Hey Lance Armstrong, you’ve won this race seven freaking times.  If you were just going to cruise this year, why bother?  Dammit, I wanted you to punk Contador, now I have to be pissed off!  What’s worse is the dude who was leading and ready to take total control of the tour has his chain come off, and now Contador has the Yellow Jersey.  Granted, he’s not a Frenchy, but he is an arrogant Euro so it still sucks! 

British Open .  Suspending the game due to wind?  Did I see John Daly losing 100 pounds, and not drinking anymore?  Great, but those pants?  Nice job to the South African pretty much lapping the competition. 

But the best moment had to be when that golfer had to ricochet that ball off the wall to get back to the green.

Boxing .  Short and sweet because Boxing deserves nothing more than a gloss-over:  Floyd “Money” Mayweather, says he’s all about the money, well here it is!  Look Snatch (err… Money), fight Manny or retire because there ain’t no more money out there!  Puss (I couldn't resist...)

Peace and ranting forever!!!

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Alright fellas, time to get away from LBJ talk!  Can’t beat the combination of Bill Burr, Jason Whitlock, and Beeze so it’s time to move on!  There's so much douchebaggery out there, so let’s come up with some different shit, shall we???

World Cup.  Espana wins the World Cup, congratulations.  What does Holland have?   Joran Van der Sloot – Karma’s a bitch ain’t it Dutch Boys?  Hey Dutch Soccer player, way to look worse than whining NBA players. 

Speaking of fat, drunk, and stupid, we come to you…

ESPN.  Way to open up the floodgates Mothership, now the NHL’s version of LBJ (Kovalchuk) wants his one hour special.  What, did you think that was a one time shot?  For my part - no more!  ESPN, you're the TMZ/MTV of the sports world.  You don't bother with simple highlights and interviews anymore.  I know boycotts don't work and I'm not advocating one, but unless its NFL or Australian Rules Football,  ESPiN doesn't exist in my book – unless they give me some good material to rant on. 

MLB.    Don’t look now, but the Colorado Rockies are starting to heat up!  You know things have to be going that way when Dexter Fowler goes yard…

Gotta love the fact that Cliff Lee was traded to the Rangers, who snuck up and punked the Yankees.  Hey MLB, if you tire of the Yankees always winning, this is EXACTLY what you need to do - stop trading with them in July! 

NBA Free Agency.  So for all this free agency salary dumping, what do the New York Knicks have to show for their (and their surrogates in the media) hard work?  Amare Stoudamire, Raymond Felton, and three players from the Golden State Warriors.  Nice job, Donnie Walsh!

Dallas keeping Brendan Haywood was great.  Kyle Korver and Carlos Boozer to Chicago?  OK, I guess.  Jermaine O’Neal to Boston?  Does dude have anything left in the tank?  And what about “Crack Fu”?  Where does he go from here, Atlanta?  Nah, it wouldn’t shock me if he is calling Miami and saying “Do ya fancy another go?”… 

David Stern, I caught your smarmy little press conference today.  After that, I’m more convinced than ever that you had something to do with LBJ going to Miami – well before July 8^th I might add!

College Basketball.  If reports out of TSN are accurate, Former North Carolina legend Dean Smith is having some medical troubles.  The family has requested privacy, so I will honor it and hope for the best. 

Australian Football League.  Hey Zig, every once in awhile, you kinda make your way to my blog.  This is for you:

Got to watch the footy yet again Friday night.  Geelong Cats and Hawthorne Hawks.  Close and low scoring.  Came down to a last kick for Hawthorne that was short.  Seems like these two have a history, and on more than one occasion, I was expecting a throw down.  Geelong came out on top and it seemed to take the starch out of the Hawks.

CFL.  Calgary at Hamilton (Saturday Afternoon Football).   Seemed like some good action, especially at the end with two field goal attempts with less than :10 left in the game.   I’m sorry, I think it’s exciting and I really like the three down pinball type offense.  Hell, it still comes down to the last few plays.

NFL.  Gotta wonder how things are gonna go in South Florida during late autumn.  Football has always been king in Miami, but now with the new Heat roster, will the Dolphins lose the fans attention in November and December?

Terrell Owens to San Diego?  Don’t dismiss it so easily.  They’ve got WR issues, a smack running QB, lots of drama, and the Chargers are close to that cesspool known as Hollyweird, where TO has made no secret of wanting to be when his NFL career ends.  San Diego is “tailor-made” for TO!

Question of the Week - Comedy/Charity Roast of Coach Bob Knight.  Mark September 18^th on your calendar boys and girls because this ought to be great!  It’s being done for charity but can you imagine the F-bombs going off that night?  In the immortal words of Dickie V “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”.  I wanna see tape of this!  The General is gonna go Sprewell within 30 minutes!

Rant of the week – Lindsay Lohan .  Thanks Judge for putting this skank where she belongs – in fact judge, send her there for 90 more days for contempt of court for calling you a fucking bitch!  Finally, a celebrity that’s held accountable.  Of course, she’ll do less than three weeks, but maybe it’ll scare her straight.  At least after Paris Hilton’s stay we didn’t have to hear any more from that “Woman”.

Lame Rant of the week – Jesse Jackson .  Jesse Jackson is basically nothing more than a pathetic and tragic carciature of a figure who could have done so much more to unite America, rather than work in concert with others to divide it while making money by taking advantage of said divisions.  Why couldn’t he have stuck to (and taken seriously) the teachings of Dr. King?  Do I really need to say more?  Yeah - hey Jesse, humanity is ever changing and evolving - people like you and all race baiters will be relegated to little more than an embarrassing footnote in human history!

Tour de France.  Fisticuffs at a bike race?  Way to go Euros you certified bicycle hooligans, first Soccer now Bike riding.  What else are ya gonna poison?

British Open.   The Grand old game is back where it belongs – St. Andrews!  Let’s get it on…

Guilty Pleasure.  I’ll admit it, I really enjoy watching Deadliest Catch (and Man vs. Food).  For all my bitching about reality shows, this one seems to be truly real – true men doing what they need to get by in life.  I really get into the characters, the practical jokes, and the raw emotion – I enjoyed the premise of the show.  It was with great sadness that I heard of Captain Phil’s death earlier this year, and it took guts for Discovery Channel to replay as much of it as they have, especially the hospital scenes.  I’ll watch the final episode with the Captain tonight.  Rest in Peace, my man! 

Peace and ranting forever!!!

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Good to see this wasn't Cleveland last night. Kevin Bacon can rest now - all is now well. Thankfully, our long national nightmare is over - LeBron James is one of THREE members of the Miami Heat. But before we all move our thoughts toward Baseball (where it should be), a few thoughts about this disgraceful farce known as NBA free agency:

1. Conspiracy/Collusion. I understand this take causes a lot of anger here at TSN, but this is just too damn convenient. Sorry folks, but the NBA is opening itself up for a charge of conspiracy or collusion. All three of the big free agents go to South Beach? Nobody's gonna convince me that this decision wasn't made a long time ago - and that my friends is COLLUSION any way you want to look at it. Hell, the union alone had to be convinced to allow this because there was just too damn much money left on the table.

2. Competition. Look, I get it - Boston's group is long in the tooth, Cleveland couldn't get the pieces it needed, Orlando and Chicago just doesn't have the maturity, New York can't attract flies, and New Jersey is in disarray for the next few years, so the NBA needed a marquee team in a marquee city to "step up". Guess Stern and/or the big three (James, Wade, Bosh) decided it was Miami. I'm sorry, but I believe that this was decided a while ago, not yesterday morning.

3. Union. I'm wondering if the union will allow two of its three biggest stars to take a pay cut in order to accomodate this. Remember, the Red Sox tried this with Alex Rodriguez and the union said "hell no", then one day later he went to the Yankees. This will be interesting. If the Union doesn't make a peep, then I have to wonder where their loyalties are.

4. Bandwagon fans. I wonder how long it will take for these losers to be donning their Heat gear? Hey Bandwagons, stick with one team and support them through and through. You are the problem with sports!

5. Media. You "Insiders" look stupid as hell. Oh wait, you are! You got manipulated and punked by three players for two and a half years. You guys are seriously gullible and all of you should be fired. Oh, and Stephen A. Smith, you might have got it right ten days ago, but your still a joke! However you do get credit for admitting that you've been acting like an a$$ for years and it took moms to lecture you and work on straightening out.

This will be sickening beyond belief - now we have to see which celebrities are sitting in the seats at Heat games. Can we just watch Basketball? If I can't afford tickets to the game, I sure as hell don't care whose sitting in the seats. Hey ESPiN, keep the cameras on the floor you jacka$$es!

Oh yeah ESPN, nice freaking job taking 27 minutes to get LeBron to say where he was going. Hey Jim Gray, nice hard hitting questions (Lebron, do you still bite your fingernails?). Dude if you're coming to Sacramento for five to ten games to work with the Kings, don't bother - YOU SUCK!

Oh yeah, to those of you media hacks in New York who did everything you could to get Lebron to the Knicks, well I have something for you:

6. Since its obvious that next June Lakers/Heat will be the finals, how do you see it panning out? I heard take last night that made sense, the Lakers could keep the Heat shut down (Gasol handles Bosh, Artest handles LeBron, and Kobe takes Wade).

7. Dan Gilbert, you've got a brass set! While I think that you're entitled to your opinion (I kinda of agree) and what you said was very funny, you could have taken the high road and wished James well. LeBron James made you a helluva lot of money, thank him and move on. James could have been a little more complimentary of Cleveland on his way out the door by the way...

8. Hey ESPN, I'm not done with you yet. In case you haven't noticed there's this other game with a ball and a bat, and they have some pretty good action going on, you might want to catch it - it's called BASEBALL! Pay attention to it because its got a lot of good things going on there. Way to sacrifice part of a great season in order to spend two months speculating on something that was decided long ago you clowns!

9. Lebron James. You made your deal with the devil - now live with it. I don't want to hear how you look disappointed by fans reactions. You played this for almost three years. By the way Lebron Modell, you look like you put on a few pounds. Time to get to the gym!

10. New York Knicks. Did you really send Isiah Thomas to make a last minute pitch to Lebron for you? You folks are pathetic!

11. Last thing and this is to my non-obnoxious friends in Cleveland - you are better off. LeBron James played with your emotions for three years. Its time to move on. Count me in as a guy who will root for you good fans every chance I get, so long as you don't ask me to root for Ohio State.

Get ready for two, maybe three years of Laker/Heat finals, Christmas games, and every Sunday afternoon game from January through April because that's the way this is being set up.

Gotta go now - at least this Free Agency farce is over - kinda like a wave of nausea. Peace and ranting forever...
 

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Hey Cleveland fan, this is what LBJ thinks of you!!!  You don't matter...

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Time for the gloves to come off and bash some mamby-pambies, so let’s get this ranting started…

ESPN.  Isn’t this July and one week before the MLB All-Star Game?  If so, then why are we sitting here listening to this garbage about NBA free agents?   On Monday, I was off and I happened to notice that ESPiN devoted probably 90% of the time I watched on the NBA.  If I was MLB, I’d be pretty upset (gotta make sure I don’t use the bad word here).  Speaking of Baseball…

MLB All-Star Game.  Hey National League, are you stupid?  You are rapidly becoming MLB’s version of the NBA’s Eastern Conference.  As I listen to the talking heads yesterday go over the All-Star rosters, I heard that Joey Votto got left off the roster (.312 BA, 19 HR, 57 RBI).    No Matt Cain?  Yeah, he’s struggled of late, but his body of work makes him deserving of a roster spot.  Worst of all in my opinion, how does Mat Latos of San Diego get snubbed?  This guy is 9-4 with a 2.62 ERA and well over 8 K’s per nine innings.  Hard to leave this guy out…

MLB fans, stop stuffing the all-star ballot box.  MLB need to take the voting out of the fans hands, but DON’T give it to the media.  The members of the Hall of Fame should be the ones to vote players in!!!

MLB.   What the hell is going on in the National League?  Talk about a crap shoot – did anybody out there have Atlanta, Cincy, and San Dawg as their division leaders coming up to the all-star break?   If you said you did, you’re lying.  Don’t get me wrong – I LIKE IT and believe that MLB needs much more of it!!!

Vlad Guerrero, comeback player of the year – I like the sound of it. 

NBA Free Agency.  The more things change, the more that they stay the same.  For the better part of two, almost three years, we have been spoon-fed this bullshit that the Summer of 2010 will be a changing of the NBA landscape.  Funny, I’m not seeing it.  When all is said and done, you will still have the Lakers and Celtics on top with the 28 ugly stepsisters. 

That being said, we now have gotten beyond Brett Favre with regard to LBJ when Betty White and the cast of that Cleveland show beg him to stay, then Ms. White suggests that she would make it worth his while.  Hey Betty, whatever do you mean?...

To the losers who did what the Heat told them and waited to greet D-Wade at the Miami airport only to find out he was on a different flight?  Are you kidding me – as if what you do makes any difference to a player who makes 25 times more money in his short career than you will in your entire life.

You know who won the Stoudamire sweepstakes?  Phoenix!!!  100 Million Dollars for a player with great offense and little to no defense?  Only the Knicks would bid against themselves and go big doing it! 

Anybody notice that now with LeBron not having the Knicks as his front-runner, the idiotic NYC media is now pushing Carmelo Anthony to the Knicks next year?

NFL Network.  Thanks fellas for putting the CFL on and giving me something to watch.  For those who might have an interest, here is the schedule for CFL games on the NFL Network:

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d818ea178/article/nfl-network-will-air-canadian-football-league-games-in-2010

NFL.  San Francisco vs. Denver in London on Halloween?  That’s bad enough, but my 49ers have to lose a home game for this?  I suppose it’s better than Candlestick Park, that dumpster of a stadium that resembles and old haunted house.  Can’t wait til the new stadium opens in what, 2014?

Did anybody catch Mark Schlerith absolutely verbally abusing Albert Haynesworth?  He called Fat Albert every name in the book that he could legally call him including “crybaby” - AWESOME!

Folks, I’m not here to be the morality police – I’ll leave that to others, but I’m getting really tired of the sheer stupidity of athletes and DUI!  Is it me, or am I seeing an average of two or three arrests per week for DUI?  I certainly don’t expect athletes to be perfect, but what I do ask is that these idiots don’t go out and get behind the wheel drunk, turning their car into a lethal weapon – I have a big time problem with that.  I think it might be time for the Sheriff to step in and hold these clowns accountable.

Question of the Week – Michael Vick.  Rather than go on a rant, let’s do something different here.  What do you all think will ultimately happen with M. Vick?  If he were playing anywhere else, he’d have been run out of town on a rail, but Philly fan puts up with a lot, so I suspect the Eagles will keep him.     

Rant of the week – Hollis Thomas.  Jumping to the UFL in Omaha because you get an eight game suspension from the Sheriff?  Way to go Einstein, you play less games for less money rather than taking your punishment like a man.  Look Hollis, I know you’re 36 and closer to the end, but any chance you might have had to have one last run just went up in a puff of smoke.  By the way Gabbers, have you seen a pic of this guy?  Not the poster boy for PED’s, I’d say.  More like a contestant at a fill-in-the blank eating contest…

Hey UFL, any chance you might have had to work WITH the NFL may have just gone away.  The Sheriff is gonna want a big piece of you now – Douches!

Tour de France.  Year after year I wonder why I pay attention to this event, but I guess I just don’t know the answer.  I finally have Versus Channel (which I’m thankful for), so at least I can watch some of this.  Ordinarily I wouldn’t bother you all with this drivel, but as I caught the reviews of the stage, I couldn’t help but be attracted to all the wrecks at the end.  I felt like James Spader in the movie Crash.  But the funny part was that everybody got credit for the same time at the finish line.  Sounds stupid to me. 

Dead Zone.  Being the pimp of all things Aussie, I’d like to give you all a piece of advice on how to spend your sports time during the dead zone - Friday Night Australian Rules Football on one of the ESPN channels.  While I still don’t totally get the rules, there is non-stop action and some good hitting going on out there.  Catching something from Australia never sucks!  So take a tip from Uncle Fan and put it on the telly at the Tavern, Mo!!!

In case you want to follow the league, here’s the web site:

http://www.afl.com.au/

Peace and ranting forever!!!

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No douchebaggery here boys and girls, I’m just celebrating the birthday of the greatest nation God ever created.  Oh yeah, there just might be a few sports related takes in the middle!  But first the important stuff:

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world…

*** WWW.Archives.gov

Now here’s a great American:

Hey Boston, in honor of you, let me drop a little Boston Pops on ya…

And how ‘bout this from last year’s performance with the Pops:

There ain’t too many original sports takes, but let me take a stab at a few:

Carlos Zambrano, are you stupid or just plain crazy?  Calling out your teammates for their lack of hustle and then trying to start shit in the dugout?  It probably would have been better for Derek Lee to beat the shit out of you, it might have straightened you out!  But leave it to Ozzie Guillen to be the funny man – “If Don King sees that – that’s two big boys.” – that’s classic!   Hey, I have an idea, send Zambrano to the White Sox to play for Ozzie, and let A.J. Pierczynski to catch for him.  Now that’s a pair to draw to…

Wimbledon – Andy Roddick got punked again?  I will say that watching Wimbledon isn’t always a bad thing, and with the final scheduled for the 4^th of July, it would be a nice way to start the holiday.

Hockey needs to be desperate for a Canadian team to hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup in the near future.   San Jose might be my NHL team, but I’m adopting a Canadian team.  That’s right boys, I’m a Canadian Hockey mercenary looking for a team to pimp – so long as it ain’t Montreal!  My first thought was Vancouver, but I kinda like Calgary and Edmonton. 

Speaking of Canada, can we go away from ridiculous Basketball, and let’s start with some Football?

Let’s get this six month pigskin party started.  Nothin’ wrong with a little CFL action to wet the appetite, eh?  As I’ve said before, I’m a BC Lions guy, but hell, I’ll take anybody outside of Montreal!  Hotch, drop a little CFL knowledge on us for a blog, will ya?   Cleo Lemon is the starting QB for the Toronto Argos? 

Back to the America and specifically the 4^th of July…

Question of the Week -  Who wins the Coney Island Hot Dog eating contest?

Hey look, it’s another America tribute – Charlie freaking Daniels:

Alright boys and girls, have a great time celebrating the 4^th of July.  Slam the BBQ, Watermelon, and Fred Lites, and enjoy the fireworks, but above all stay safe!  Let me leave you with the only freaking thing I even remotely like about New York City:

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What a perfect Father’s Day.  The kids gave me a BBQ grill with the new infared technology which by the way cooks food so much better.  Thank you kids, you (and your Mother) are the best things that came into my life.  I’m a very lucky man indeed!  On top of that, Father’s Day provided some pretty good  sports action in Northern California.  The PGA at Pebble Beach, the Cardinals were in town, and even NECKCAR made an appearance at Infineon Raceway at Sonoma. 

Golf – U. S. Open.  Is there a better looking course than Pebble Beach?   Let me tell you all something, if you ever get the opportunity to visit California and you like scenery, come to Monterey, the place is absolutely AWESOME!  If I ever get money, I’ll pay to play that course.

In a day where nobody seemed to want to win, I’d like to thank all the leaders for not handing the Championship to the Frenchy.  Nice job to the Graeme McDowell, but did I see Tiger and Lefty struggle with their putting Sunday or what?  And what of that kid who was damn near in a “boat race” after Saturday and gave six shots back after the first three or four holes and ended up with an 82? 

Tiger telling off a reporter at his presser with “That’s none of your business”?  I applaud Tiger for that.  Reporters are douches and he deserved that.  The “heckler”?  Nah, here’s a heckler:

To the a-holes screaming “it’s in the hole” immediately after every shot off the tee, do you think you’re original (Hint, Bill Murray, Caddyshack 30 years ago)?  A piece of life advice for you losers:  Get out of your mom’s basement and find a different hole for the first time in your life.  Douches.

Ernie Els yelling “F#$%ing Ball” for the TV to catch was outstandingly funny!

I said this last year, but Tom Watson is a freaking Man!!!  60 years old and playing like he did at a major?  Props to him and I hope when I grow up I can be a fraction of the man he is!

World Cup 2010.  I know most of you could give a rats ass about the World Cup and believe me I understand, but how can you not get with New Zealand?  Or how ‘bout the euros having a poor showing (that’s an understatement) – although I will take Portugal’s 7-0 win over North Korea.   Looks like its South America’s Cup to lose and I for one couldn’t be happier.

USA getting screwed by a ref is about as surprising as Brett Favre being unable to make a decision.  You know it’s coming, don’t give the refs a chance to do you.  What were you doing down 2-0 anyway? 

The Frenchies are in utter drama mode (fact of life for them perhaps?) by refusing to practice due to an argument between Captain and Coach at halftime?   What were they fighting about, who surrenders first?  We talk about the Cubs and their penchant for losing, but what about the Frenchies, who haven't won since what, Napoleon? 

Now in what looks to be their final game in the World Cup, these guys have to face the home team who has nothing to lose while the hygienically challenged wine and cheese goofballs from France are turning on each other.   Come on South Africa, make the fall complete and give Ireland even more satisfaction.  As was said elsewhere, karma got the Frenchies. 

Albert Haynesworth.  Hey Fat Albert, you’re damn lucky you’re not still sitting in jail for that assault on that Dallas Cowboy back in the day.  Not only did you get away with that garbage, the Foreskins paid you One Hundred Million dollars?  Screw you you whiny big biotch!  Hey Mikey the Rat, don’t trade this guy, sit him, that way he can’t earn his “incentives”, which apparently he doesn’t care about anyway. 

Lakers Win, Lakers Win.  In the immortal words of DWB – “YAWN”.  We use the term classic and historic far too much, and in my mind this series was neither and anybody that tries to hype it as such should be ashamed of themselves!  In fact, it wasn't particularly entertaining either.  Now, no sooner does Game 7 end and we have to hear the word DYNASTY.  STFU and let the Laker fans have their win please. 

However, I do find it amazing that with all the complaining by Laker fans of free throw disparities throughout the playoffs, LA gets a 20 FT advantage in a low scoring game which just happens to be Game 7. 

What was the only good thing about the Lakers winning?  Ron Artest’s act, funny and genuine. 

Now that I’m done hatin’ on the Fakers, props to where it really belongs and that’s to the old farts in Beantown for having that one last run in 'em.  They went through Wade, James, Howard, and damn near got by Kobe.  If anything should be celebrated, it should be that.

NHL and head hits.  The NHL may give discretion to give major penalities, game misconducts, and supplemental discipline after the fact to those who go head hunting.  What I find amusing is that the Owner of the Philly Flyers is involved in this as a member of the “competition committee” – that’s like putting the fox in the hen house. 

Well, it seems that different areas of interest continue to try to block this.  What, are you kidding me?  Guys getting intentional shots to the head and nobody wants to do anything until now?  Oh, I see Don Fehr is an “unpaid advisor” to the NHLPA.  ‘nuff said.    

Sporting News Football pick.  Mike Florio has an article out that says the New Orleans Saints WILL NOT return to the playoffs – no good reason, only that the Saints “partied until April”.  Hey Mike, I don’t know if you know this, but Super Bowls aren’t won in April. 

Question of the Week - $UC.     Hey Reggie Bush, so you plan to help $UC fight the sanctions that you caused?   Good Lord, where can we go with this?  

Rant of the week – Lady Gaga.  Now, last week I ranted on this hag for her antics at the Mets game where she flipped off the fans.  This time the skank decided to slither into the Yankees clubhouse, drank whiskey while wearing a bikini bottom and a pinstriped jersey that was unbuttoned to reveal her bra. Several Yankees, including Robinson Cano and Alex Rodriguez visited with her.  Well, at least if she was around A-Fraud we know she was safe – perhaps he was getting make up tips from her.

Peace and ranting forever!!!

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Hello boys and girls.  Oh yeah its that time again, so grab a stool, pop the top off a Fred Lite, and let Uncle Fan gets this freaking venom out of his system.  This won’t be pretty, so if you object, ah, never mind…Lots of rants so let’s get to it!

Golden Tate.   This dude gets a “trespassing warning” for busting into a “gourmet” donut shop at 3 AM because the Maple Bars are “irresistible”?  Never mind the trespassing, I want to know what constitutes a “Gourmet” Donut shop?   Can any cop out there tell me?  Not the law suckas, the donuts!!!

World Cup 2010.  Call me greedy but dammit USA, ties suck - Why didn’t you beat England?  Oh, and since I bash whiny athletes, hey England – you spent more time whining to the refs and flopping than the Celtics and Lakers combined, and that’s saying something.   BITCHES!!!

On to other matters, any time a Euro team loses to a team from somewhere else in the world, I celebrate.  Nice job South Korea, beating the Greeks was alright with me!   

Australia, you know I’ve got nothing but love for you certified lunatics, and watching you get smoked by Germany like that broke my freaking heart!  Come correct next game boys!

Oh, and while I’m ranting on Soccer, I realize that these Kazoos are a form of music to South Africans and while I’m definitely all about respecting culture, PLEASE TAKE THOSE KAZOOS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR COLLECTIVE ASSES!

Aaron Rodgers.  Aaron Rodgers regretting public comments he made about Tony Kornheiser and Ron Jaworski?  Hey Aaron, not only would I not regret them, I’d damn sure demand anybody to prove me wrong!  Is there anybody out there who truly believes that Kornholio knows anything about sports?  As for bashing Jaworski, dude may have an amazing knowledge of football mechanics, but at times he can be annoying.  Perhaps the Polish Rifle should get a life, he spends far too much time in the tape room. 

MLB Hall of Fame voting.  Some of us were talking this weekend about improving Baseball, and I think it was Jeff who mentioned revising who can vote for entry into the HOF.  Baseball writers have an agenda and I for one don’t want them voting people in.  I personally believe it should be members of the Hall of Fame themselves who get a vote, with perhaps integrating some form of internet voting from fans, but only worth at most 25%, lest there be ballot stuffing. 

Nate Davis.  Now here’s a guy worth cheering for (yes, I’m being positive for once!).  The 49ers third string QB has dyslexia and dude is spending every waking hour working to try and overcome this and get himself to the level of 2^nd string.  A QB with dyslexia and he makes it all the way to the NFL?  Props to him.  I’ve seen dude in August, and he has a boatload of natural talent.  The 49ers are really hoping that he comes strong next month when training camp opens, they’ve said they’re rooting for him and are hoping that he speeds his process along.    Personally, I’d love to see this kid make it!  It would be a wonderful story of perseverance for kids who are diagnosed with this and might need a little encouragement.

Vince Young.  OK, so we had the good with NFL QB’s now let’s hit the bad note.  Hey VY, getting yourself involved in an “assault” at a strip club in Dallas?  What, was Adam Jones not available for a personal appearance?  Ben R. still stuck on the farm?  Come on VY, you say you’re trying to fix yourself, but rolling in a strip club on a Saturday night?  Dude, you’re just beggin’ for trouble.

U$C.  OK, so USC gets some form of penalty, but a piece of advice for the NCAA, don’t strain your tendons patting yourselves on the back – it took you what, five years to nail the Trojans for one violation in Football, and three or four years to nail the Basketball program, when everybody with an ounce of common sense knew what was going on all along. 

Those who need to be punished are no longer there, but karma is in the process of kicking three of the main players of this bad situation in the nuts!  Pete Carroll saw the gravy train dying and he bailed for the NFL – which reminds me - that statement he made about U$C fighting on and knowing nothing is BULLSHIT.  Seattle is a rebuilding project at best and Carroll will be fired in two years.  As for OJ Mayo, well he’s playing for Memphis (‘nuff said).  Reggie Bush?  Pretty rough NFL career, plus having to get checked regularly because he’s been  messin’ with that Kardashian chick.  By the way Reggie, how the hell do you rate running smack after the Super Bowl when you did a whole lot of nothing?!?

New Jersey Nets.  I’ve advocated for years now that Avery Johnson should be coaching again in the NBA.  The New Jersey Nets got smart and hired him.  This is close to instant credibility.  Of course, we have to get through the NBA Draft and July’s Free Agent signings, but the Nets just might be a pretty decent destination now. 

Daunte Culpepper.  Culpepper at the height of his career was quite possibly one of the most talented QB’s out there, but even he has to know that when the only gig he can get is to play starting QB for the Sacramento Mountain Lions of the UFL, it just might be time to move on to the next phase of his life.    

College Football Realignment.   OK y’all, party’s over and nothing to see here – Texas fucked it up for everybody!  So now we know FOR SURE that realignment was nothing more than a quick cash grab and wasn’t for some form of “betterment”.  Hey Texas, may the fleas of 1000 camels infest your jock-straps, you greedy bastards!!!  You know whose blowing a hard sigh of relief right about now?  Yeah, you got it, U$C because Texas would’ve run roughshod over the Trojans.  You know who screwed themselves?  Colorado and Nebraska. 

Question of the Week.     Could there be a better spokesperson for a product than Sir Charles Barkley pimping Taco Bell?  This is almost better than the Chiuhaua – “You Quiero Taco Bell”. 

Rant of the week – Lady Gaga.  Can somebody please tell me what this “entertainer” has ever done other than going out in public looking like Ziggy Stardust’s long lost cousin?  Look Lady ho, I have no use for NYC, but how stupid do you have to be to flip off Met fans – it’s NYC for Christ’s Sake, they’ll spit on you just because.  Most baseball fans more than likely have no idea about your stupid “music” anyway, and you’re lucky you didn’t come out of there in pieces.  Try that shit at a Yankee or Philly game and I might have been eternally grateful to Yankee fan (puke) because they would’ve done damage.  Oh, and nice touch running up to Jerry Seinfeld’s Box.  Hey Seinfeld, what the hell are you thinking, you dirty boy, you.  Hey Lady hag, I have a “Poker Face” for ya…

Bonus Rant – Boating around the world.  There are some parents who are despicable!  A  16 year old little girl missed what two months of school in order sail around the world, and for what?  I guess the answer is that dear old Dad either is or was trying to sell this for reality TV?  Hey Dad, you send your 16 year old daughter on a perilous and UNSUPERVISED trek around the world, leaving her to the mercy of the sea in order to cash in?  Are you fucking kidding me?  I was in the Navy on many warships that went through that part of the world and fought seas like that and it was difficult for us – yet you put your daughter in harm’s way to make a quick buck?  Happy Father’s Day you stupid Jackass!  I don’t know you and although I shouldn’t say this - I FREAKING HATE YOU!!! 

Oh and to the Reality TV suits out there who consider putting this on TV, may you rot in HELL!

Peace and ranting forever!!!

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Back on May 14^th, I tried this and while I’ve proven to be no Kreskin, I’m gonna give this a second shot and see what shakes out.  I have five BCS leagues here.

1.  Pac 10.  Of course, they’ll believe that they’re too good for Hawaii, but why not try to lift a school up to your “educational level”, Pac-10?  Sacrifice a little and help ‘em out.

3.  Big Ten.

5.  SEC.  Do the rich get richer? 

Does anybody truly doubt that none of this would have happened if the Mountain West wouldn’t have rose up like they have?  So thank you Mountain West, we might just get some meaningful change in CFB!!!

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