As proprietor of the wildly popular Mo’s Tavern, I have recently come into some money – seems those old “Duffs At Mo’s 2008” t-shirts I had in the basement have become something of a collectors item. Being the wise businessman I am, I’ve reinvested the windfall back into the business. Opening this week is the beer delivery via drone. Now, with this massive reinvestment in commercializing military technology, it does mean there will be a slight price increase – what with the sequester of military funding and all – but I’m sure $53 Fred Lites won’t dramatically affect business. And hell, it turns out beer is a health food, so there's no reason not to enjoy!
Now, let me just put to rest the rumor that due to all my financial success that I was the target of Crystal, the seductress, who pilfered $96-lerge from a guy after seducing and drugging him. I will admit that some chick borrowed $30 from me once and never gave it back...I guess she would be Crystal Light. [click here] (an homage to Larry Nutball)
The Atlanta Falcons have proposed a $1-Billion stadium complete with seats that resonate with hits on the field. The Falcons. Say that to yourself again – The Falcons…$1-Billion stadium. Sunk in yet? The Falcons. The idea is to “lure back NFL fans who prefer to watch the game on television. ” You know what would lure fans to the stadium WITHOUT spending $1-Billion? Fielding a good team. That’s really all that’s required. Make the pricing affordable, the concessions reasonable, and the on-field product good. The one time Atlanta has been at the center of a world class event – the 1996 Olympics – we remember the bombing, not the sports. I mean, Turner Field remains, but the artifacts of the games are barely recognizable. This is a city that sees itself as world class, but no way to draw people in – this is a means to do that. Let’s face it, “The World of Coca Cola” isn’t really enough to bring in the crowds.
Seems to me, though, this idea comes at a pretty steep price. You’re not getting a World Cup. You MAY get a Super Bowl, but let’s ask Jacksonville how well the Super Bowl thing worked out. I guess I’m just having a hard time seeing how building this thing helps the NFL – I can see it now, give it a few years and it’ll be the home of the Georgia Bulldogs, and be as high tech as the Game Cube.
I complain about stuff like this all the time – no less than 50% of the time I’m demonstrably wrong. I thought the “Winter Classic” was a stunt and a stupid idea. I was wrong. I thought the Royals signing Zach Grinke was a bad idea. The Red Sox were going to suck in 2013. I was wrong. I’m pretty sure I’m not wrong about this. Here’s what’s really happening. Fulton County is ponying up some $200-Million in hotel taxes to fund the place – the architects are presenting their most lavish plan, let everyone use that $1-Billion as their psychological anchor point, and then they’ll come down to a less-unreasonable vision that people will feel like they got a bargain for. It’s a giant game, especially considering the Georgia Dome is really still viable – it’s just not world class.
Since I’ve touched on the Olympics – if only in passing – I’m here to begin petitioning for a coffee spilling event. I would be the reigning world champion – quite possibly there wouldn’t be another country able to field a team that could compete with me. I’m the best at what I do, baby. Olympic gold for spilling coffee. It would seem that if the FDA has it's way, however, those of us who exist solely to ingest caffeine are seeing the resurrection of an attack on our favorite chemical - meaning of course, there will be no Olympic competition, and this makes me sad.
We move from the debacle of coffee spills and outlandish stadium designs to a far more happy controversy. I say it’s happy because, frankly, it’s a time honored controversy. We’re not talking steroids, we’re not talking ownership debasing the game. We’re talking whether Clay Bucholtz is illegally doctoring the baseball: is he throwing spitballs? In the time honored tradition of Gaylord Perry, it seems Mr Bucholtz has been called out. The real issue here is this little nugget buried in the linked article: “in the year after he posted a 4.56 ERA without a stain on his sleeve he has an MLB-best 1.01 ERA and is throwing the baseball better than anybody in the major leagues.” Now there could be more than one reason for that – not the least of which is his previous pitching coach is now the manager, but let’s face facts: there’s something fishy going on and it’s not a coincidence it was in Toronto where he was called out. Underperforming AL East Opponents? Yeah, it’s the spitballs that are causing that 10-20 start.
I'm off to go tend to my beer drones. Belly up to the drone! Beer is healthy!