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Sexy Action Sports Saturday
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    Happy Saturday Gabbers, and welcome to Sexy Action Sports Saturday with IHM. Is it just me, or did that four-day work week feel like at least seven fucking days? The weirdest thing is, the weeks seem to drag ass, the weekends seem to fly by, and I have no idea how the hell it can possibly be June already.

    The big story today, of course, is the New York Mets FINALLY getting their first no-hitter in franchise history. Johan Santana, who has missed the past two seasons due to injuries, is looking like the dominant pitcher he was in Minnesota this year, as the Mets ace shut down the Cardinals for an 8-0 win, ending the franchise’s 50-year, 8,020 game drought. The Mets now leave the San Diego Padres standing alone as the only team in MLB without a no-hitter in their history… and looking at the rotation, I don’t see that happening any time soon!

   Have to say at this point in the season, the Tigers just seem like a team destined to shit the fucking bed, and become a 100+ million dollar sub-.500 waste of money. If they’re not fucking it up themselves, they’re getting screwed by an iffy call. Hell, that entire series in Fenway seemed to go the Red Sox way, especially last Monday. Hell, if I were Leyland that day, I’d say screw the fine, I’m going off on that umpiring crew. Not only was the strikeout that wasn’t a strikeout bullshit, the next inning Will Rhymes was tagged out without ever being tagged out on a potential double. As much as I’m bashing the umpires here, I found it interesting that after the game, the umpires seemed to indicate that they actually WANT more replay in baseball, mentioning that after watching the replays, they realize that they blew the call.

   I know the “traditionalists” want to keep replay out of baseball, but the way I look at it, with as much is at stake in just about every single game of the year in Major League Baseball, we flat-out NEED expanded instant replay. Don’t give me any of that shit about replay “extending games”, baseball games take 2-3 fucking hours already anyhow. Replays MIGHT add 10-15 minutes to that. As for the “human element”, if the human element keeps fucking things up, why continue to allow it to cost teams games? Take a look at last year, when the wild card spot came down to one game in BOTH leagues. Think about it, fans of the Braves/Red Sox… what if an overturned call thanks to replay would have saved your team another win at ANY POINT of last year? Then you at least get a play-in game for a shot at a playoff spot. A hell of a lot better than going home with your tail between your legs.

   The way I see it, baseball needs replay. Do it exactly the same way the NFL does it… issue managers 2-3 “challenges” per game, and in the 9th inning, make all replays on questionable calls automatic. Hell, even do it the way the NFL does it where all scoring plays are looked at upstairs late in games. I know there are some things that get annoying about replay in sports, but at the end of the day, isn’t it better knowing that the call was right, the game was won by one side fair and square, and there is no reason to send death threats to any umpire after the game?

   Just throwing this out there… how many of you watched the Hatfields & McCoys three-part mini-series/movie on History this week? I watched the whole damn thing, and really enjoyed it. From what I knew going in, it was historically accurate and they did a great job of making things fit the time frame. Probably the best work Kevin Costner has done in ten years. But the point of this tale is NOT to give the show a free plug… it’s to express my genuine concern about today’s youth… namely the kid I work with who had NEVER HEARD of the Hatfields and the McCoys. That’s not the worst thing, of course. I guess I can see how somebody hadn’t heard of the feud… it’s not as prevalent as it once was. The thing that got me the most was the fact that after I tried to explain it to him by saying “the Hatfields and McCoys were the families involved in the most well known family feud in American History”, he said, with a serious look on his face, “So, it’s some kind of game show or something?”. Yikes. After laughing for a minute or two straight at the sheer ignorance of the question, I realized he was actually serious… and it kind of made me sad. Not so much that I felt sorry for him, I felt saddened that this guy will someday breed, and unleash another generation of uneducated assholes upon this country.

   Anybody hear about the face-eating zombie down in Miami this week? Yeah, apparently a guy got all tweaked out on bath salts and started eating another crackhead’s fucking face under an overpass in Miami. Police had to unload a few clips into this guy, who at that point had spent at least fifteen minutes eating the face of another live human being. When the officers approached the guy, he turned around and charged them with chunks of the other guy’s face hanging out of his mouth. Amazingly, the guy whose face was eaten survived.

   This might not be the most popular opinion, but with people doing all the goofy shit they’re doing to get high these days, I say why not just legalize everything. Pot, crack, coke… legalize it all, tax the fuck out of it, and let natural selection run its’ course. If people can’t get ahold of this stuff, they’re just going to find something legal to get fucked up on anyhow. Why not get some revenue out of it?

   If I had millions of dollars, I’d re-make the “Crazy Train” car commercial in which the family butchers the Ozzie classic. In my commercial, as soon as the kids start singing, the dad just whips the car off a bridge, instantly killing everyone inside.

  Earlier this week, the music world lost a legend with the passing of Doc Watson, one of the greatest guitar players in ANY genre. He played a lot of country and bluegrass, but the most amazing thing about the man was that he was completely and totally blind, and still played circles around most folks. Haven't heard ANYTHING about his passing anywhere, so I just wanted to pay tribute to the man, here's one of his best: 

  That’s all I’ve got for the week, folks. Thanks as always for reading and for any comments you leave on the way out. Have a great weekend Gabbers.

 

  

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