This video is from a few months back, but in under 5 minutes, Bill Burr sums up the change in Boston sports and sports fans...The bullshit Politicians spew...And Lars was right...





The Beeze

But this humor comes as no surprise to teams often unable to beat the Tide.  At this point-in-time,  it is more like ‘Groundhog’s Day’,  where the outcome will always be the same.  I could see Bill Murray driving with the ground hog as they go off the cliff,  only to repeat the day over and over and with the BCS title still being in the hands of the SEC.

The guy who wore #9 for the Irish was hugely overweight.  I quipped that it looked one of his numbers were missing and there should be a 7 or another 9 to make it look right.

The highlight of the evening came when Brent Musburger was fixated with a women, roughly one-third his own age.  And considering the score the only question was Cialis or Viagra?

The next controversy, following the game,  was a few days later when Johnny Football was partaking of some self-medicating.  Instead of Britney’s exposure or a random camel-toe, this story would do.

After such a mediocre season (kidding),  why would he be drinking champagne?   It isn’t like the media types don’t take chances!  See: Brent Musburger.  

I can imagine these vultures with their sharp leaded pencils making haste to ruin yet another life.  In a sonorous tone,  their mighty quills will strike paper like a Thor’s hammer.   They will beat this story so hard,  that they will reach their sexual highs and then tell you how much they care about the health and safety of young people.

My favorite whipping boy,  Bob Costas is finding a way of making it about him.  I can imagine steam rising up from his toupe and taking adrenaline just to keep up.   For doing what?  What all young people do and what he did when he was young.   And to allude to us as children,  just before he trips over his tricked-out walker.    I’ve heard to relax,  he watches Beavis and Butthead Across America with his favorite scene being the prospects of a full-cavity search.

Okay another rant here.  You all know the show called ‘Operation Repo’,  where the young girl,  allegedly is actually like 34 years old and they treat her like a kid. Ha!!!   Come on now and she is saying expressions like ‘Really’?   And then she alludes to Facebook.   Like a teenager out past curfew,   she sits and pouts.  How rich!  It must annoy her when Matt’s beautiful daughter  is younger and prettier!

I would love to see Matt get his butt beat by the Marine who does the property management stuff.   Still,  I find it funny when undermines the so-called young girl.  Lynda!

Well the weather is beginning to warm up again,  reminding me of Tampa, Florida for this time of year.  It is getting to the point where people will say,  “it hasn’t snowed here for 40 years”!  LOL. 

In college basketball things are not so settled.  With re-alignment the former Big Whatever has chosen another way to describe their conference and even more bizarre is the possibility of conferences going defunct like the old Southwest Conference.   I  bet Alec Trebec would have difficulty keeping up with all the changes.

What we need is a reality show.  We could feature the buffoons of the NCAA trying to keep up with all the drugs,  failing grades and now,  athletes drinking or getting a milkshake from a booster or assistant coach.   The possibilities are endless and probably as entertaining as those two guys in the Sonic commercials.

Speaking of reality shows,  how about ones Doctors actually telling people about the side effects of medications.   Like with those medications for sex,  where they have to talk to their doctors, to see if you healthy enough to have sex.  Okay they are pimping a drug to get you in the mood but the people are in two different tubs.  Here is an idea,  get one big tub!!   Or advice like don’t stand in the rain trying to be cute.   And don’t try so hard!! 

Well enough of sublime silliness.  I have Monte Python on speed dial and a miracle ear.   You can never start too soon.  

This

Bob Costas and Boarder Patrols.

       Our boarders are a serious concern to us all and no one takes it more seriously than Bob Costas.     He actually lies in bed at night and worries about these things whilst we concern ourselves with Pumpkin Pie, RGIII and Taylor Swift.

And the Boarder Patrols are no laughing matter because curfews are only effective,  if they are enforced.  The Boarder Agents can’t everywhere, right?    Left to their own devices people will push the limits of decency and when alcohol is involved,  all bets are off.

        It is up to us,   to do what we can,  so both the boarder agents and Mr. Costas can sleep.   And it is not just the Shuffleboarders but Skateboarders too.     How many times have you heard about skateboarders running over people on the sidewalks?   And what happens when a skater hits a shuffler outside the library?  A turf war I say and it is not pretty.

        On one hand you would have the Golfcart Street Bluehairs versus the Elm Street Emos.   Both groups are ruthless and the bluehairs are not afraid to drive their cars in the fast lane during rush hours.   They really know how to party.

       But Bob Costas knows that it would take only one skateboard on the wrong block to stir up trouble.   Knowing that trouble lurks inconspicuously,  Bob knows that skateboards and shuttleboard sticks can and often are lethal and chafes at the notion that humans kill and not the objects themselves.   And that we need tighter controls along with more laws.   Even going so far as a total ban on these items.  Oh and along with Japanese Anime,  Folk Ark and Origame.

Thank God we have bolo knives.   Let Bob come for those!!!!

In the days of androgyny and utter chaos comes the word ‘gay’ and through the years it went from being happy to Giddy for Gomer.  I wonder if ‘those people’ put another log on the fire when they hear ‘gay apparel’?  Or let it snow, let it snow,  let it snow?

A lot of fa la la las,  if you know what I mean.   There seems to be some things to you can kid about and others are politically incorrect.   For example,  you have the pain relieving ointment called ‘Ben Gay’.    Is that really a medical product or a sexual proclivity?

And how about Ben Ghazi?  Or the Straight of Hormuz? Or even ‘Ben Folds Five’?   Bad puns can turn into a nuclear winter with politically correct scribes taking umbrage with certain vernacular.

I guess it is good to always carry a dictionary,  thesaurus and now a book on colloquialisms and what not to say.   Kind of like what not to wear for words.

This piece is not about gay bashing but the absurd.   It is okay to interview children after a terrible shooting spree but not to mention certain words.   You can bash Jesus or God but not Mohammed.

You can  burn a Bible but not a Koran.   And you can erect a Mosque near Ground Zero.

You can run up 80 points or more in a football game in college but not against Professional Football teams because that is somehow,  over the top.

Young girls basketball team can win 100-0 but that is ok,  but a girl who rushes for nearly 2,000 yards and 39 TDs is not so newsworthy.    That is not considered hype,   while a male player doing a flip in a game is not hype?

Of course drama is not just a woman thing anymore.   Take all the reality shows from Hardcore Pawn to bored rich rednecks,  the shows run the gamut.   Some of these shows are exploitative like Toddlers and Tiaras and Honey BooBoo  and others kind of intriguing like Ice Road Truckers.

The drama even seeps into commercials where All-state is depicting Randy as unreliable.   Or the doctor coming on to pitch as a reliever,  late in the game.

 

But the idiot in the car with his friend,  talking about his epiphanies that blew his mind.   Sonic must be proud of that.  

A lot of these recreated shows like Operation Repo are as about as believable as the Real World.   Twenty something people living in mansions speak of reality to me.   Or the motions that singers are put through on American Idol or The X Factor.   The best part of these shows are the ones who are terrible. Oh,  and the last shows!!!

 

Now we have Bob Costas politicizing events on a weekly basis.  The smartest man in sports as coined by Jim ‘Don’t Call Me Chrissy’ Rome babbles with a sense of sincerity about topics that are not in the realm of sports,  trying to find some relevancy in personal tragedy.

In otherwords,   these reporters are more like the sports version of Biblical Heretics.    Parsing words and canning emotion,  to sell their own self-worth.  No less than charlatans than Benny Hinn or Elmer Gantry,  they imbibe of the same sins as the rest of us,  except they are self-appointed messiahs minus the 10 Commandments.

Always pretensiously pensive

If something is inherently good,  these imprimaturs will cull or create some new drama that involves something besides the Mormons.  Now we have the Amish Mafia breaking new ground.   Pretty soon the Discovery Channel doing a Gangland piece featuring Levi and driveby shootings in pimped out,  low-rider buggies.

You can have the gangstas from Intercourse,  PA having heat with the Hershey Heights Hooligans.  

 

Behind every gangsta boss is a gangsta ho!

Hey I know and understand the implications of a safer NFL.   Where severe ACL injuries and concussions could be totally eliminated or at least,  largely so. 

I can imagine a league where tacklers will have to be OSHA certified and a narrower definition of legal tackles will be implemented.   In the end,   it will be a league of flag football.  

All replays will be ruled upon by Judge Judy at half time and her decisions will be final pending congressional approval.

 

Your momma jokes will not be permitted at any time.  But an occasional guffaw or a random chortle may be allowed.  The only time kicks to the groin will be permitted is Thanksgiving and bounties will be frowned upon.

Christmas Trees and Mangers will be strictly forbidden and the Lambeaux leap allowed only below the Mason-Dixon Line.  

It has been noted with some optimism that holding penalties are not being called enough.   We know that fans want to see 75 yard touchdowns nullified and that the reason fans come to the game is to see the officials ensure fairness to all participants.

 

Illegal procedures will also constitute audibles where the whole offensive line decides to stand up and pretend to be doing something related to the next play.

We are seriously considering doing away with blocking and ultimately any contact with any other players whatsoever.  

Ties will be resolved during Dallas games with Rex Ryan mud wrestling with Tim Tebow as well as offensive lineman will be allowed to wear sports bras,  as long as they are not stuffed with medical marijuana or ectasy.

We want the league to be a gentler kinder place with players and fans doing hotlaps in the infield.  The NFL Network supports these changes and hopes these innovations will eliminate the need for commentators like Chris Collingsworth and Warren Sapp.  Or silly blogs such as mine.

This?  Really?  or this below...........

Have a happy New Year and a great time watching football the way it was meant to be.   I get safety and some plays are uncalled for.   But do we want this to be micromanaged????

 

 

 

What you are seeing is the demarcation line of a changing weather pattern.   Cold air will move in waves and ultimately change our viewing habits as pictures of snow and snow drifts will prevail for at least, a few weeks.

 

This is the time of the year that weather takes it’s most decided turn toward wintry-like conditions.  And for all the consternation towards Forecasters,  we actually do quite well.   A snow forecast or one that includes icy conditions is by far the hardest.  It is largely easier to forecast for Hurricanes than where it is going to snow and where it might be freezing rain or just rain.

KGSO   GFSX MOS GUIDANCE  12/19/2012  0000 UTC                       
 FHR  24| 36  48| 60  72| 84  96|108 120|132 144|156 168|180 192      
 WED  19| THU 20| FRI 21| SAT 22| SUN 23| MON 24| TUE 25| WED 26 CLIMO
 X/N  65| 41  54| 38  47| 28  49| 29  55| 33  54| 38  59| 43  57 30 49
 TMP  54| 43  51| 38  38| 30  42| 31  46| 36  46| 40  51| 45  49      
 DPT  34| 35  47| 30  19| 18  19| 18  21| 25  29| 33  39| 40  39      
 CLD  CL| CL  OV| OV  PC| CL  CL| CL  CL| PC  OV| OV  OV| OV  OV      
 WND   7|  4   9| 15  25| 16  19|  8   8|  5   8|  5   9|  6  11      
 P12   2| 10  69| 81  11|  3   0|  5   9| 12  20| 41  42| 41  41 22 23
 P24    |     77|     87|      3|      9|     25|     56|     63    33
 Q12   0|  0   2|  3   0|  0   0|  0   0|  0   0|  2    |             
 Q24    |      2|      2|      0|      0|      0|       |             
 T12   0|  0   6|  9   1|  0   0|  0   0|  0   1|  2   3|  4   3      
 T24    |  0    | 13    |  3    |  0    |  0    |  2    |  5          
 PZP   5|  7   6|  7   9| 10  13| 22  15| 12  10| 11  11| 11  12      
 PSN   3|  0   0|  7  44| 52  40|  7   1|  6   0|  0   0|  0   0      
 PRS   4|  1   0| 24  29| 24   2|  6   4|  5   3|  2   3|  3   4      
 TYP   R|  R   R|  R   S|  S   S|  Z   R|  R   R|  R   R|  R   R      
 SNW    |      0|      0|      0|      0|      0|       |         

For the initated this forecast is significant.  First of all,  the more long range,  the more suspect temperatures are and the hints of much colder air would indicate a downward trend overall, in our temperatures.   This computer model is for Greensboro,  North Carolina.

 

THIS TIME VERY COLD ARCTIC AIR WILL BE IN
PLAY... BUT THE EXTENT OF THE COLD AIR DOWN THE EASTERN SEABOAR IS
PROBLEMATIC. THE MAIN QUESTIONS FOR OUR REGION WILL BE THE EXTENT OF
CAD THAT CAN DEVELOP BEFORE THE PRECIPITATION ARRIVES... AND TO WHAT
EXTENT THIS CAD WILL HAVE ON THE EVOLUTION OF THE STORM. THE LATEST
MODEL SUITE CONTINUES TO INDICATE EVEN STRONGER AND "CUT OFF" MID
LEVEL CYCLONES... SUGGESTING A MILLER B TYPE WINTER STORM.

I want you to note this part of the forecast discussion.  This indicates that the actual temperatures are in question.  More cold air than expected could be the difference between snow and rain.   So if things get squirrely here,  then you will know why.

 

And the impact of even winter storms can hit in so many ways.   Emergency planning includes the availability of de-icing agents like salt for the roads and Urea for runways.  Delays caused by snowfall and aircraft icing can virtually shut down an airport.

With this in mind,  comes the refrain of Christmas Carols heralding long snowy days with snow drifts and the sounds of snow blowers.  It marks a time where football fields can be covered in snow and yard markings are revealed by snow shovels and the aforementioned snow clearing equipment.

For the kids it brings the potential snow days.   Kids will secretly pray for a big snow and the resultant school cancellations.   Green Bay and Minnesota Vikings fans will go to games and take their shirts off, just baiting Jack Frost and Mother Nature with potential hypothermia.  The usual talk of frozen tundra and the surreal site of snow falling like in a snow globe.

A bit of wintry fare for everyone.   By late morning and early afternoon parents are getting on edge,  as their children trudge ice and snow into the house and where Frosty was a pristine white,  he becomes sullied by dogs and slush.

So where is all this going and certainly,  how does it pertain to sports?

Well,  there is a shifting from Spring-like weather to the caustic and unrelenting cooler air that marks this time of year.   And that change is nigh at hand.   We will see a major change by the end of this week and after.   And while temps may rebound upwards for awhile,  even parts of the Southeastern USA,  will see some potential wintry like conditions and maybe even,  significant snowfall.

And should I be wrong about that,  wind chill factors will give you a winter wonderland sans snow and a dark gray overcast and cold biting days.   

So,  if we are fortunate,  we will see those Thomas Kincaid pictures reproduced in our own backyards and city blocks.   We will experience the ice skating and the sounds of happy children packing snow balls and seeing if the stories of Frosty’s coming to life.

As I mentioned the change is now imminent and the snows will no longer be relegated to Mt Olympus but the valleys around us as well.

 

Johnny Monkey here with a quick word to my Gab friends. If you thought dog fighting was bad, please do not watch the following video. It is so heinous, that Johnny Monkey hesitates to even show it...

 

 

 

 

 

Remember to eat your veggies! Johnny Monkey out...

 

 

 

http://imgur.com/a/9H0Hv

 

http://espn.go.com/blog/playbook/fandom/post/_/id/11772/waiting-for-goodell

 

Howdy to all in You Gab land. Johnny Monkey here to offer a security tip to all of my friends. Rather than try to explain, Johnny Monkey thinks a video is much easier:

 

 

 

 

Don't forget to eat your vegetables! Johnny Monkey must go now. Johnny Monkey has a job to do in England; something to do with a group of badminton players.

I will try to get caught up on my comments to all your posts, as I have missed the last four days here at YouGabSports.  On the way out, I would like again to say fuck Cox Communications for their shoddy service and also for making me miss our fantasy baseball draft.

 

  Due to the pending lawsuit, Clayton has been placed on leave. When reached for comment, Clayton was quoted as saying "Getting placed on leave is bad, m'kay?"

​The future will look very different from today indeed.   In the future, say some 20-30 years from now,  are some of my predictions.    The NBA will canonize Jeremy Lin into the NBA's Hall-of-Fame.   He will be noted as the first player of the 2000s,  not to leave a harem of unwed mothers with his progeny.

​In the year 2035,  Colin Cowherd will replace Ismus as the ugliest talk show host to not wear cowboy boots and a ten-gallon hat.    By then,  female listeners will have forgotten about Rush's slut-gate as unemployment falls to 86%.

​In 2036,  will be the first year that NASCAR goes all-electric.  It will also be the last year of racing for Jeff Gordon.   He and Kyle Busch will both be quoted as saying their car,  is 'a piece of junk',   and Todd Bodine finally gets a full-time sponsor in the walker division of NASCAR.

​Lady Gaga,  Janet Jackson and Kirsty Alley will star in the new version of the Golden Girls with Betty White, now 114 years old as the grandmother.    Bea Arthur was not present for the opening,  but Justin Bieber was selected to replace Ashton Kutcher who quit before the first show to reconcile with on-again, off-again heart beat... Demi Moore.

​In the World of Golf,  Tiger Woods finally won his first match in over 25 years.   But his romantic life never really suffered as he approached nearly Gene Simmons like numbers in the swingers hall of fame.   Who said swinging was just in baseball and golf, any way?  Oh and Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley got Ace Freehley and Peter Criss to reunite for another world tour.  Viagra sales are way up,  as Woodstock 2050 nears.    On a more somber note,  the elderly Johnny Monkey was never quite the same after Davy Jones passed away but Johnny Monkey Jr had nothing but good things to say about Papa Chimp and that soon,   he and the elder simian will make an auto-biography sans Clint Eastwood.

​Well that is the news of the future,  and I hope you tune in next week,  when the story of the day is 'When will this climate change stop?"

 

 

Johnny Monkey here to fervently deny any suggestion that Johnny Monkey has been filling athletes pee cups for them.  It is a damn lie and Johnny Monkey is angry and upset that someone might suggest that he is "non-human". Johnny Monkey was tending to his garden when he was alerted to this most heinous discussion of non human pee. The NFL is wrong. Johnny Monkey plans to visit John Clayton and convince him of this erroneous reporting. Johnny Monkey also plans to remind John Clayton that he looks like a turtle. You can read this drivel in the article below...

 

 

NEW YORK -- The NFL suspended linebacker D.J. Williams, defensive tackle Ryan McBean and tight end Virgil Green of the Denver Broncos for violating the league's policy on performance-enhancing substances.

The league announced the suspensions on Friday.

Williams and McBean were found to allegedly have "non-human" urine in their system, a source told ESPN senior NFL writer John Clayton.

The situation is similar to what Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers went through this past winter. The person who administered the test was relieved of his duties as a collector for allegedly violating protocol required for testing, a source told Clayton.

Williams and McBean are considering a lawsuit against the NFL and are challenging some of the procedures in the hearing, a source told Clayton.

Williams issued a written statement calling his suspension unjust and vowing legal action. Green tweeted that he has now been approved for the medication for which he has been suspended.

Williams said in his written statement that the NFL contends the urine sample he provided to an NFL specimen collector for testing wasn't from a human.

"We proved -- conclusively -- at the NFL hearing on this matter that the NFL and its specimen collector wholly failed in their duties to safeguard and process my specimen properly," Williams said. "In fact, the specimen collector was fired by the NFL after compromising my specimen as well as others'. The hearing officer, an NFL executive, ignored the NFL's own policy, engaged in inappropriate communications with top NFL officials about this matter without my knowledge or approval, corrupted the system, ignored that my specimen had been compromised, and now has subjected me to humiliation as well as suspension."

Williams' lawyer Peter R. Ginsberg said the specimen collector, whose name he wouldn't disclose, has said he watched Williams void directly into the specimen bottle, so it would've been impossible for the specimen to be non-human.

"This can only be explained by delving into the activities of the specimen collector. The NFL ignored that aspect," Ginsberg said in a telephone interview.

When asked whether Williams is denying tampering with his urine sample, Ginsberg said: "Our lawsuit will speak for itself, but D.J. is outright denying there is any justification for the suspensions. He's never tested positive for anything. He's been in the NFL for eight years. The NFL has chosen to do something that compromises his reputation based on clear violations of procedures and safeguards that are supposed to protect against this very thing. D.J. has never used steroids and there is simply no validity to the NFL's testing procedures."

Added Williams in his written statement: "I am proud of my record and proud of the way in which I conduct myself as a professional athlete and citizen."

Green tweeted: "I was suspended for taking ADHD medication prior to approval from NFL. I have now been approved to take the medication to treat my ADHD."

"I apologize to my teammates, the Bronco Organization and my family and friends. Thank you guys for all your support," Green added.

"We are aware of this matter, but due to the confidentiality of the program, we are unable to provide additional comment on the situation," the Broncos said in a statement.

 

Although many are convinced of the guilt of my friend Ryan Braun, Johnny Monkey thinks that this Denmark cheese does smell especially foul. Johnny Monkey has read so many that choose to ignore this statement by Ryan:

 

The initial test result in question was on October 1st. It was a playoff game. I was made aware of the positive test result on October 19th, at which point I had a conversation with the Players' Association. I expressed to them that I had not done anything that could have possibly led to this test result. I told them, "I promise you, on everything that's ever meant anything to me in my life -- the morals, the values, the virtues by which I've lived for my 28 years on this planet -- I did not do this." I told them that I would be an open book. I opened up my life to them. I told them I would be more than happy and willing to take every test to prove that I did not do this.

At the point that I told the Players' Association about the positive test, they told me that the test result was three times higher than any number in the history of drug testing.

 

Perhaps this is a strange coincidence, but Johnny Monkey cautions each of you to beware of your pee. Do not trust anyone with your pee...human or otherwise.

 

 

 

Johnny Monkey did not hurt Mr. Owl, only taught him a lesson...

 

Johnny Monkey here to bring you sad news...

The last madam of the infamous Texas brothel that inspired the movie and Broadway show “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” has died in Phoenix. She was 84.

 

 

 

  Mr. Floyd "Money" Mayweather, by a resounding 6-3 tally. Here to present the award, one of my heroes in life... Mr. Walter Sobchak. Here's a look in on Walter's opening remarks:

 

  Well said sir, well said. As for you, Floyd, here is your award:

  Thanks for attending our first Shut the Fuck up Awards extravaganza! Be sure to come back next week and find out who our contenders are. Til' then, have a great week Gabbers.